I made small talk with Theresa and Adam, her assistant. I wasn’t ignoring my team; I just wasn’t ready to face them. Adam was cute enough but my jaded mind considered him much younger than me though I was sure he had to be older given the education he would have undertaken. He flirted like a man who didn’t get out much and I tried to have mercy on him.
I listened to him blathering with half my brain, a polite but distant smile on my face.
All of my true thoughts were focused on Hyde.
I felt like an idiot. Like I was just too stupid to figure out that the person living in my house, protecting me day and night – the person I had fallen in love with – was not one person but two.
I wasn’t angry with them. I guess I was disappointed. All this time I’d thought of Hyde as my friend. I had allowed myself to think maybe I was more than a job. Not being trusted with something so elemental proved me wrong. I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit how much that hurt.
So I played cheerful; pulling out the persona I’d always shown the world around me and shined it brightly on everyone in the room. I laughed and pretended, gave a brittle smile when Adam flirted, went over work I had to do with Padme, and asked my parents about visitors and upcoming events.
“We have a few events coming up, Ellie. We could go shopping. Spend all day going from store to store and spend astronomical amounts of money on clothes, shoes, accessories.”
“That would be great, Mom. Sure, whenever you want.”
My bodyguards exchanged glances with my mother and I realized I’d gone too far. It was a well known fact that I hated shopping. Loathed it, in fact. I used the Internet, ordering off-the-rack jeans, underwear, shoes, and all the books I could want; refusing to shop unless my life depended on it.
Mom had a woman on retainer who came to take my measurements and created my formal gowns then arrived at the house to fit me for them. Hastily I added, “I can learn to like shopping, Mom. Maybe I didn’t give it a fair shot.”
Unconvinced, my bodyguards frowned at me.
My mom frowned at me.
My doctor frowned at me.
Adam was smiling like a half-wit. I sighed and wondered why I couldn’t find the young man attractive. On an analytical level I recognized he was physically attractive but even considering him sitting to watch a movie annoyed me. I pictured him taller and buffer with a gun in his hand. Slightly better but he didn’t look comfortable holding it.
I am disgustingly pathetic.
When the soft casts were in place, they lifted me to a sitting position and I sighed. “Better. Not so rigid and I can actually scratch when an itch gets too bad.”
I allowed Adam to help me off the table and into my new chair. He seemed to give me a little squeeze before letting me go and I almost hit him in the face.
The bodyguards sensed it and tensed. Instead, I gave him a grim smile that caused Padme to hiss at him. He didn’t notice; he thought it was a bonafide I think you’re awesome smile. God save me from men. A couple of test runs and I had the hang of the new chair.
When Mom opened the door, I went through it like a shot and headed for the elevator. I beat my mom and stunned staff there. Only because I’d taken them by surprise. “Ha! I like this chair. I don’t feel like a weak loser. Food, I need food.” They followed me in and Hyde took up positions on either side of me.
Padme and my mother had their heads bent together in the hall and I felt powerless again. My freedom, my choices, were all an illusion. I rubbed my temple with a sigh.
“It’s going to be alright, Ellie.” It was one of the Hydes who spoke but I didn’t know which one.
I shook my head and plastered the fake smile back on my face for my mother’s benefit. When I made it downstairs, my mom’s friend Zoe was in the study with a beautiful mastiff puppy that sat perfectly still until I held out my hand.
When she approached my chair and laid her big head on my lap, I couldn’t help the happy tears. “Hey there, pretty girl.” I ran my palm over her silky head and she gave a pleased huff.
Zoe knelt in front of me and I struggled for something fake and cheerful to say something to the woman I’d always considered my aunt.
She said to my mother, “Monica, give Ellie and I a few minutes, alright?”
To my shock, the entire team and my mom withdrew to the hall. The older redhead never took her bright blue eyes off my face. The moment I heard the door close, my smile fell and I buried my face in my hands.
“Ellie, sweet Ellie. Get it all out before you choke on it, honey.” She gathered me in her arms and said nothing as I cried for everything I would never have and my inability to change it at all.
When I had nothing left, she pulled back and wiped my face with tissues from the side table. Pulling a chair closer, she held my hand in both of hers. The puppy returned her head to my lap, staring up at me with no expectations, just unconditional puppy love.
“Thank you for bringing her, Zoe. I think she’ll help me. What should I name her?”
“Her official name with the AKC is Lady Godiva of Elysian Fields. I’ve been calling her Diva.”
“You knew?”
She stroked her palm over my face as she had when I was little. “Animals are excellent for healing, Ellie. They expect nothing and give so much in return. I thought, when she was born, that her gentle nature would match yours perfectly.” Zoe reached down to scratch Diva behind the ear.
“She’s taken to her training wonderfully and isn’t rough.” Glancing up and meeting my eyes, she added quietly, “She won’t give you any trouble with a little one in the house.”
I stared at her, wanting to explain but should have known it wasn’t necessary.
“Ellie, I have loved you like my own since you were born and my best friend in all the world broke down in happiness. You know my children were almost fully grown then and you filled the empty nest syndrome for me. Over the years, I’ve watched Monica’s fear for you grow. Your attack strikes at the heart of everything your parents love most in the world. They would give up money, possessions, or position to keep you safe and happy. I know that love and fear can suffocate sometimes, honey. I know.”
I shook my head and whispered, “I’m ungrateful.”
“You are human, Ellie. You are also a young woman who has lived much like Rapunzel – sheltered from the world even as you long to see it…to experience it.” She took my chin in her hand and lifted my face. “You will be an excellent mother, Ellie.”
Tears filled her eyes and overflowed. “I am so sorry for everything you went through but so proud of how you are handling it. Anything else, everything else, will fall into place. Don’t stop believing in your own happy ending, alright?”
The first genuine smile crossed my face and I nodded as she kissed my cheeks. “Now, let’s get some food then I’ll take you through Diva’s training.” She stood with a sharp whistle and the doors opened, my mother and my team watching me carefully.
With one hand stroking her back, I told them, “This is Diva. The newest member of my fam…my team. Each of you will have to get to know her but I’ll make sure she doesn’t bother anyone.”
The Hyde men approached and knelt on either side of the large puppy. As one, they reached out to pet and scratch her until she was practically melting.
I am jealous of a dog.
“Strong yet gentle. She’ll fit right in with her owner.” Again, I couldn’t tell which of the men had spoken but the words affected me deeply. I stared at my lap as one of them stepped behind my chair to push me manually, bending to say close to my ear, “Freedom can always be arranged, Ellie. You can’t take off without us again. Alright?” I nodded.
He stood and pushed me to the dining room, the other Hyde walking at one side of my chair and Diva on the other with an occasional exuberant puppy bounce.
As we settled for lunch, the Hydes sat on either side of me, something they’d never done before. My face felt warm but I ignored it. I felt Diva rest her hea
d on the top of my foot under the table. For a little while, my extremely unusual life felt almost normal.
If I stared at the sparkle of my water glass and allowed my eyes to unfocus, I could see them both in my peripheral vision. Part of me – the young and foolish part – imagined they were mine.
I shook off the daydream and ate as much as I could of the baby greens and salmon placed in front of me. I drank the cup of herbal tea Si brought me. I dealt with the pain and pretended it didn’t cause sweat to break out over my body.
When it became too bad to hide from my mother, I announced that I was exhausted, and let my team take me back to my suite. I laid down, too tired to fight sleep anymore, and coaxed Diva up to lay beside me. She was warm and soft so I stroked her coat and concentrated on the sound of her deep breathing until my eyes finally closed and I found temporary relief.
I dreamed of the first time my thoughts about Hyde changed from a girl’s crush to a full-fledged woman’s obsession.
The first time my team moved into my space, the penthouse in LA after my first attack, it was a culture shock. Especially when it came to my personal bodyguard.
Having a man like Hyde sleep near me was…distracting. I was so young and completely stupid when it came to the opposite sex. My body wanted him, my mind had no idea how to make that happen.
One night, I heard the bathroom shower in the main hall as I was getting milk. When I passed it on the way back to my room, I realized the door was open slightly.
In the mirror over the sink, I saw Hyde’s back beneath the water. My hand tightened on the glass I held and I stopped. I watched the muscles move while he washed his hair.
I knew I should look away. I knew it was wrong of me to watch him when he wasn’t aware. I tensed to take a step and froze as he leaned against the shower wall on his forearm and stroked his hand down his abs to fist his cock. Every cell in my body sparked to life and I realized only an outside force could have moved me.
I was incapable on my own.
I had never seen anything so sensual, so raw, and I was spellbound. For almost a minute, I watched him stroke the shaft with long pulls and saw when he neared orgasm. I watched his body tense, his legs lock, his motions speed up as semen spattered to the floor of the shower and down the drain. His head dropped back on his shoulders and his rough exhale echoed through the small room. I was breathing so fast, I worried I would hyperventilate and my heart felt like it was going to slam through my sternum.
As he straightened, I slid along the wall to my bedroom. Beneath the covers again, I touched myself everywhere…remembering.
Coming awake years later in my parents’ home after all that had happened, the dream dissipated and left me aching for touch. I rolled to my side and gently petted my dog until I drifted back to sleep. I didn’t bother wiping away the tears.
Chapter Six
August - September
We settled back into a routine of sorts and I behaved every day as if nothing had changed, as if nothing of importance had happened.
It was eating me alive on the inside.
I had morning tests with Theresa. She checked my mobility while Padme and Bianca stayed at my side and monitored my pregnancy closely.
I had breakfast downstairs with my parents and whoever else happened to be visiting. I brought my entire staff with me and I forced them to sit and eat.
In the end, I might be just an assignment to them but to me, they were the only friends I had, and I wanted to take care of them…whether they wanted me to or not.
I then endured four hours with the physical therapist until I wanted to kill myself from the pain. Fiaaz and Si were there in case I had to be carried back to my rooms because there were times I couldn’t even sit up in my chair. I was supposed to be doing two hours a day but I’d insisted on four to push my recovery.
A shower and long nap were usually unavoidable after the physical strain to my body. Bianca took over my massages since the guy my parents hired was caught trying to take a photo of my ass during my session.
The Hyde brothers had to be physically restrained from ripping him limb from limb. It took Fiaaz and Si, as well as four guards from the outside team to keep them on the ground while the guy was bodily thrown off the property.
I usually ate a late lunch with my parents – Hyde standing just inside the door – so they could go over business with me.
One or two afternoons a week, I played with Cameron – Sarah and Thadias’s son. We had video game marathons and tried to one-up each other on the funniest YouTube videos we could find. We watched movies and Cook loaded us up on ice cream.
I had him stand on the back of my chair and I’d race him around the hallways. We talked horses and he showed me sketches he’d been doing of the stables. Cameron had no expectations because he was a child. He wanted nothing from me but a companion to play with.
I’d been an only child and we both knew what it was like to come from the kind of money that didn’t even seem real. He could make me laugh until I cried. I’d make him laugh until he spewed soda out of his nose.
It was great. It was a break from my life. My charmed and painfully lonely life.
My nightmares were escalating but I wouldn’t take sleeping medication no matter how mild Theresa assured me it was. It was usually Bianca and Padme who woke me. Si didn’t complain once about the black eye I’d given him the night Padme called for more help.
I often saw Hyde standing just inside my door. That I still considered two men with one name was likely a sign of my mental deterioration. They were careful not to touch me but they were always in the room as the others woke me from the horror I faced when I closed my eyes in the dark.
When the soft casts came off, the physical therapy became a demon I had to defeat. I pushed the PT until one of my team went to Theresa about the safety of the baby. She cut back my exercises and the amount of time I was allowed to work out.
She preferred I use the indoor pool and swim laps which wouldn’t impact my body as harshly. So I swam. Lap after lap after lap, until I could barely lift my arms. At least one of the Hyde brothers swam every single lap with me. The other usually had to assist me from the pool.
The days passed and I insulated myself as much as I could despite being surrounded by people twenty-four hours a day. The fact that I was pregnant was not acknowledged openly but it was obvious that everyone on the estate knew by the way they watched out for me.
I didn’t talk about it. I made purchases and piled the boxes up in the connected room I planned to use as a nursery when the baby came. At the beginning of September, I went to pull on my jeans and couldn’t snap them. Overnight, I had a belly. I was four months along.
I dropped the jeans and turned to the side facing the full length mirror. Now I could see it. A rounding I didn’t think had been there yesterday. My breasts were heavier. I called my mom and she slammed into my room ten minutes later. I was wearing yoga pants and a bulky t-shirt.
“Stuff isn’t fitting. Now what?” My mom hugged me and said she’d take care of everything. Then she spent a few minutes staring at my reflection with tears in her eyes.
Three days later I was sitting in the back garden reading in the shade. Hyde was stationed behind me somewhere. Padme was sitting beside me working on her iPad.
I felt the strangest crawling feeling and I jumped up off the chair, totally freaked out.
Book on the ground, arms patting myself frantically, and my staff trying to help without invading the distance I’d enforced. It happened again and I was speechless. I realized what it was the second time and I went utterly still.
Padme’s eyes went from my face to my belly and back again. “You just felt the baby for the first time.”
I couldn’t answer, couldn’t think. It suddenly hit me that there was a baby in there; a small person that was depending on me to love and protect it. Padme sent a quick text to my mom who came running with my father and the Safoyas.
Hyde stood behind me a
nd I couldn’t bring myself to look at their faces. I wasn’t sure what I’d see there.
Now my pregnancy was going to be open. People would talk about it. I wasn’t ashamed of the baby, I was ashamed of the method by which I’d become pregnant.
Though Hyde didn’t know how I felt, I found it difficult to face the man – men – I was in love with carrying the resulting child of my gang-rape. Strangely, I felt as if I’d done something wrong, betrayed them somehow. Stupid and irrational but I couldn’t seem to help it.
Standing in our garden, Mom approached me slowly and said, “It’s going to happen all the time now, Ellie.” As if on cue, it did and I fidgeted a little.
Mrs. Safoya was grinning from ear to ear. “Sign of a strong babe, Ellie. All your strength in that child. Nothing to be afraid of, honey.”
My mother and father came to stand on either side of me and put their hands gently on my stomach which made me flinch accidentally. “No one here will ever hurt you, Ellie. No one.” Dad kissed my hair. A moment later, “There it was. Did you feel that, Monica?”
He sounded so excited, so happy. My mother nodded, her beaming smile went a long way to lifting some of the weight from my heart.
“Say something, Ellie,” Padme whispered.
“I…I don’t know anything.” Then to my utter humiliation, I hyperventilated and passed out.
I woke up being carried down the hallway to my apartment. Hyde’s face was above me and my body was shaking. He looked down at me. “I won’t hurt you, Ellie.”
“I know, Hyde.”
“Jonas. I’m Jonas, Ellie.” I didn’t know what to say so I stayed silent. Hyde…Jordan, opened the door and Jonas carried me inside. Bianca jumped up from the sofa and opened my bedroom door. I was laid on my bed gently and Bianca started to fuss.
Ten minutes later, Hyde standing on either side of my door inside the room, Theresa followed my parents in pushing a portable ultrasound machine. “I hear you’re feeling the little one moving around. Let’s see if we can determine if there’s a boy or girl in your little incubator.”
Obsession (Endurance) Page 5