As I distractedly rubbed the heel of my hand over my sternum and raised my eyes to meet Jordan’s, the intensity of his gaze held me still. I felt like a gazelle faced with a lion. An instant later I dismissed my foolishness as juvenile and misplaced.
Most afternoons, my parents took Katie for a couple of hours so I could walk the grounds. The Hyde brothers were, naturally, my constant companions. Some days I visited the stables and brushed down Sarafina who obviously missed me. Others, I strolled the gardens.
Always, I was lost in thought. I felt poised for the other shoe to drop.
On one such afternoon, I chose to sit in the gardens. The book I brought to read sat open and untouched on my lap. Something was off. I couldn’t place what it was.
I thought I might crawl out of my own skin from the sudden and inexplicable stress.
“Ellie. What is it?” Jordan asked quietly.
I shook my head because I didn’t know, I couldn’t place what it was that had me starting to shake. I looked around, I listened, and then I took a deep breath.
The answer hit me hard and I wanted out of the gardens and as far away as I could get. I jumped up, my book falling to the paved walkway, and started to run for the house.
“Ellie!” The Hyde brothers tugged me carefully to a stop, surrounded me, held me still, and I couldn’t look at them. “What? Tell us, Ellie.”
“M…mulch and…and dirt. I…”
I turned away, dropped to my knees, and vomited in the bushes. Gentle hands stroked my hair, rubbed my back, whispered soothingly to me. I was mortified as I lost everything in my stomach and couldn’t stop the dry heaves.
“It’s alright. You’re safe, Ellie. You’re safe.” The feel of their hands on me, so strong and warm but still incredibly gentle, began to calm me. After what felt like forever, the roiling in my stomach eased and I knelt there, unsure what to say or do.
A tissue was placed in my hand and I wiped my mouth before a bottle of water replaced it. Rinsing and spitting several times, I finally sipped it, allowing it to cool the burn the bile had left behind.
“No one will ever hurt you again, Ellie.”
I managed to get the words, “I’m sorry” out but I knew if I didn’t get out of the garden – and the various beds being freshly prepared as they were every spring – I was going to throw up again. I pressed my hand against my stomach and was bodily lifted to my feet.
“No more apologies, Ellie. You’ve done nothing you need to apologize for.” They guided me through the house to my suite and waited in my bathroom doorway as I brushed my teeth and washed my face.
Jonas asked, “Do you want to lie down?”
I shook my head. “I’d like to sit in the solarium if that’s alright.” Within moments I was settled between the two men on one of the couches at one end of the space. Si appeared with iced green tea laced with honey intended to soothe my throat.
I had never been so close to both of them at the same time.
I leaned my head back against the cushions and closed my eyes. When they took my hands, I squeezed theirs but said nothing. I couldn’t. Other than my parents and some of their friends, I didn’t experience much physical contact that wasn’t for a purpose.
Something so simple, so kind as holding my hands in comfort, had me close to tears and I could not let them know how much their touch affected me. I was afraid they would take it away.
We sat there for a long time in silence and I dosed off. When I opened my eyes, surprised at how warm I was, I discovered my head on…Jordan’s…shoulder and Jonas had moved closer. Their sides were sealed to mine and I’d never felt so safe in my life. Jonas had my hand in both of his and his thumb was smoothing along the inside of my wrist.
I flicked my gaze to his and he smiled. “You need to eat, Ellie.”
“Everyone tries to feed me an awful lot around here,” I told him.
“Hmm, because you forget to feed yourself. Come.” They stood in sync and never let go of my hands, pulling me up to stand between them.
Jordan ran his hand over my hair. “Better?” I nodded. “Good.” Then he pulled me into a quick hug before I was turned and hugged by Jonas. Without another word, they led me downstairs where my parents waited with Katie.
The world suddenly seemed to be a much brighter place.
As soon as Theresa released me for full regular activity, she let me know she was heading back to Boston to start her new clinic.
“I will miss you, Ellie. Though this has been a trying year for you, it’s made me remember what family is supposed to be. I need to reconnect with mine. I hope you’ll come visit me often and bring the baby.”
We sat talking for a long time and a week later the medical rooms were empty and my friend was gone after an emotional parting. I was hugged too tightly by Adam and he asked me to stay in touch. I patted his shoulder and barely managed not to snap his neck until he let me go. When he stepped back, he glared at Jonas and Jordan who stood no more than six inches from my back.
I was glad when his effusive goodbyes were done and he left the estate.
I walked across the grounds to take a look at the condition of my own home. Most people would think it was an extravagant guest house when in fact it had been built specifically for me when I was seventeen, my senior year of high school. I’d designed and decorated it myself and moved back here after college.
I hadn’t been inside my home since I’d been released from the hospital.
The front entry was wide and brightly lit. The first floor held a kitchen with a smaller dining room, a library, two living areas, two bedrooms with bathrooms, a full gym and sauna, and a large semi-covered patio with a swimming pool and hot tub. The main rooms were all done in earth tones.
Each member of the team had worked with me to decorate their rooms for the most comfort. Si and Fiaaz had always slept on the first floor, closest to the kitchen and garage. The true reason was because they covered the front and back of the house.
Si’s room featured low profile furniture I’d asked him to help me select, with a black and white color scheme, giving the room a decided dojo quality. Since he meditated every morning, the area beneath one window held plants and thick floor cushions.
Fiaaz preferred heavy furniture with a royal blue palate. Heavy mats allowed him to practice body isolations privately instead of using the main gym. His balance and gymnastic ability were incredible.
The second floor held five bedrooms, each with their own bathrooms. Since I hadn’t known there were two Hyde brothers, I’d decorated their room in green to match their eyes. It was right next to mine. The other room beside me was a guest room.
Padme’s room was filled with vibrant colors and hand-carved furniture. One wall featured a hidden staircase to her security room behind the kitchen. A nook had been converted to private workspace and was filled with all the technology she used regularly.
Bianca’s room was done in cool blues and iridescent creams, resembling an ice palace but strangely comfortable and welcoming. Much like the woman herself.
My room, sitting room, bathroom, and office were done in varying shades of browns and greens. From caramel to espresso, sage to emerald. I used ivory as an accent color and loved the peace I always felt here.
I was transforming the uppermost floor into the nanny’s quarters, nursery, and massive playroom. The stairs were right outside my bedroom.
I spent an hour walking through the house and re-familiarizing myself with the spaces. I made notes on my iPad for Padme to help me coordinate and grinned at the puppy who followed me into each room and promptly fall asleep.
The first change would be to give each brother their own room. I would give one of them the guest room across the hall; there were plenty of guest rooms in the main house.
“You look like you’ve missed the place.” Jonas was beside me, silently approaching as usual.
“I have. I’m ready to move back into my own home. I don’t want to get stuck under my parent’s
roof. I know I’m still on the property but…it’s different. I feel like I took the coward’s way out by staying with them so long.”
Jonas turned to me and said carefully, “You needed the break, Ellie. You shouldn’t beat yourself up for needing your family around you. I’m glad you’re feeling strong enough to come back here though.” I watched him swallow hard but he said nothing more.
A few weeks later, the contractors and cleaning crew declared the house ready, and we moved back in. I still had the penthouse in LA where I’d lived in college.
Everyone giddily dispersed to settle back in and I headed up to my room. I watched the Hyde brothers disappear into their old room and I walked up to knock on the door. Jordan opened it and smiled at Katie in my arms.
I cleared my throat and steadied my voice. “I…you each have your…your own rooms. One of you can take the other one across the hall. I had it redone. If you want, that is. I figured…well, anyway. See you guys at dinner.”
I carried Katie into my room and lay down on the bed with her. She was starting to smile all the time and I loved that. “You are such a very good girl. So happy and lovely. No one anywhere could ask for a better baby. I think you’ll like your room, Katie. I wanted you to have the run of a huge floor. When you’re big enough, I’m going to have Dad…Grandpa find my old wooden horse for you. Don’t get me started on your first real horse, little love. I will pick the sweetest darling for you and you’ll ride with Mommy all over the estate.”
Katie laughed and it filled me with pure happiness. “Don’t you have the prettiest little tinkling laugh? Oh Katie, I am so grateful for you. No little girl will ever be loved like you…well, except for me with my own parents but you’re going to give them fits. I think they argue over which of them loves you more, can you imagine?” I smoothed her blonde curls. “May I also say you are an excellent listener, Katie?”
A sound at the door made me look up. The Hyde brothers stood just inside the room, looking gorgeous and huge in a room that wasn’t small. I realized I was sprawled on my stomach talking to a four-month-old and I blushed. “We were having a little chat. Everything alright?”
“Ellie…”
“You’ll have to come closer or tell me which is which. I can’t see scars from here,” I said cheekily. Katie laughed and I had to give her a proud smile. “Yes, you probably have them all figured out already. So much smarter than Mommy aren’t you, baby?”
When I looked up again, both men were crouched at the side of the bed, a bare foot from me. “You move so silently. I don’t jump anymore, I bet that was annoying.”
“Ellie, thank you for giving us each our own rooms. You didn’t have to do that.”
“Of course I did. Either you were trying to share a bed or one of you got the floor. Either way, it’s not necessary since there was an empty room. Does everyone have what they need?”
Jordan smiled, “You added flat-screens to all the bedrooms. Yeah, they’re happy, Ellie. Thank you but now you have no guest rooms.”
I snorted, “There are plenty up at the main house and besides, who comes to visit? I don’t need guest rooms. I would have done that originally…you know…if I’d known. There was no need for you to be cramped with no privacy. I understand why you had to do it in the field, life and death…I mean…nevermind. It’s all fixed.”
The brothers were staring at me and I had that gazelle feeling again. A knock across the room broke the spell and Padme jumped up on the bed beside me. “You are our queen. I love the shoe racks!”
Glancing at the brothers, I winked, “You say flat-screens, Padme says shoe racks.” They laughed and I was struck dumb. I’d never understood that expression before. I was blinking too much and my mouth was dry.
“I…I haven’t seen the nursery yet. We should go up and check it out. Katie told me her space better be perfect or she’s going back to Grandma’s.” With that, I backed off the bed and grabbed up my daughter.
Bianca was coming down the hall. “Robyn’s here.” Robyn was the nanny I’d hired from a pool my parents had presented. I was pretty sure she was a ninja Mary Poppins and I was just fine with that.
“Perfect timing. We’re going up to check out the nursery. Come on up.” I headed upstairs with the big silly puppy beside me.
Nothing I’d designed, nothing the contractor had suggested, prepared me for the reality of a full attic space conformed into a child’s fantasy.
Fully repainted with pastels, a mural on one wall depicting a fairy wood, and colorful lighting globes suspended from the crossbeams gave the space warmth I could feel. The carpet was pale green and lush. There were huge over-stuffed couches and chairs scattered around. Diva sniffed everything then went back and sniffed it all again.
Enormous windows were filled with glass that could stop a .50 caliber bullet and featured one-sided tint. You could see out but no one could see in, no matter how bright the space was lit up. A built in cabinet with bulletproof glass doors and recessed lighting held many of my keepsakes from my childhood.
On the top shelf in the spotlight was Katie’s hope chest, my daughter’s name glowing. There were two large actual bedrooms at the far end, one for Robyn and one for Katie. A big bathroom was between them.
“Miss Fields, shall I take the little one?”
“Robyn, please call me Ellie. You’ll find we’re very informal here. I imagine you’ll be with us a good many years. I believe Mom said you can also take over Katie’s lessons before she begins school as well as her comportment? This is Texas. She’ll be forced to make her debutante debut. I hated it, she will too. Nonetheless, eighteen years of ‘Miss Fields’ or ‘Ellie’…what do you think?”
Robyn gave a small laugh, “Most families do not keep a nanny such as me for eighteen years.”
“My parents would not have had me interview you unless you were weapons trained and certified as a lethal weapon yourself. That means, dear Robyn, that when Katie no longer needs diaper changes or an after school snack, you will become her personal bodyguard. Everywhere she goes, you will go. I will pay you more than you will ever, ever make anywhere else.”
I tilted my head and said seriously, “If anyone makes you an offer, I promise I can and will beat it.” Katie laughed and I grinned down at her. I hated that talk of self-defense was necessary. She was just a baby. “She’ll begin her own training with my team but I hope you’ll incorporate tactics in play as well.”
Robyn nodded, “I like the way you think.”
“When she wants to go to college, I will hire an entire team or she won’t be going. You will hopefully head that team, Robyn. You look about my age so I’m assuming diplomatic parents or perhaps military brat with a parent based overseas. Work for me for the next twenty or thirty years, and never worry one day about your retirement. I won’t let you regret it.”
Her accent was a blend of various cultures and I loved it. “Originally from England, my father was based at the embassy in Jordan. I was a target. I had to learn to protect myself. It seemed natural to go into protection as an adult.” She was pixie cute with red hair and green eyes. Based on her bio, her adorable looks were completely deceiving.
“I know what that’s like. Get settled in and we’ll hammer out details over the next couple of days. Thank you, Robyn.” I handed her my daughter and told Katie, “Princess, get settled in and Mommy will see you in just a bit. Don’t play with everything at once, you’ll be exhausted, love.” I kissed her forehead and headed for the stairs.
On the first floor, I grabbed my apron from the hook and bumped hips with Si. “What are we cooking?” He gave me a huge smile and I felt like I was slowly falling back into my own skin.
Chapter Nine
Settling back into our home, finding the rhythm again, was both pleasant and exciting. Things were the same and yet different. I had Katie now and there were two Hyde men. Robyn expanded our family yet again. I made an announcement over the intercom an hour later that dinner was served.
Si
tting at a long farmer table in the formal dining room, I made a toast, “To starting fresh.” I took a long sip of my wine and sighed in pleasure. “And a well-stocked wine cellar.”
After that, the conversations flew between the team. I watched them happily, content to listen and comment now and again. With the exception of Padme, they’d all known one another for years. In the inter-connected world of government agencies and private protection, they had worked together many times before coming to work for me.
They trusted one another and I trusted them.
Robyn was the first to turn in, taking the baby up in the compact elevator at the back of the laundry room. Fiaaz planned to go for a drive and Bianca said she’d tag along.
Si and Padme were involved in a quiet discussion at the other end of the table. I watched their expressions and her eyes seemed to sparkle with heat. Undoubtedly beautiful and brilliant, it was strange that I’d never wondered more about Padme’s sex life.
Was that sparkle inspired by Si? How had I never noticed that my cook was a virile male in his own right? Their black hair glinted almost blue in the light as they sat with their heads a few inches apart.
I watched them while I sipped my wine. Ten minutes of silence had delivered me into a sort of euphoric buzz. I hadn’t consumed anything alcoholic since before my attack. One glass seemed to have slapped me smartly. Diva was casually licking the top of my foot with her big tongue.
Pulling my gaze away, I focused on the two vibrant men on either side of me. “I zoned out. Sorry.”
Jordan and Jonas were both angled in my direction, sprawled back in their chairs with their legs stretched out in front of them. Jeans and t-shirts never looked so good. They each had a weapon strapped to their side and I was sure there were others I didn’t see. I could tell they’d showered before dinner. Their shaggy dark blonde hair was still damp on the ends.
I’d thrown on a sundress and leather flip flops before coming down to eat but the shoes had long since been discarded. It was rare that I wore shoes indoors. I didn’t even remember where I’d kicked them off.
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