I swallowed deeply and slid side to side, marveling at how hard the muscles were beneath the skin. I moved my head back to his shoulder and moved further up beneath the shirt. I felt the puckered scars from the bullets he’d taken for me. Lean muscle over ribs and firm pecs.
I slid the flat of my hand over one nipple and heard a sharp intake of air. I paused then went back and did it again, this time getting a rough exhale. My fingers traced along the lines of his collarbone, heavier bones than my own, until one finger outlined the hollow at the base of his throat. “Jordan.” He smiled at me and I smiled back shyly, pulling my lower lip between my teeth.
After a long moment, I lifted myself on my elbows and kissed him lightly. A small moan escaped his throat when I raked my hands through his hair and cupped the back of his head. I noticed he didn’t try to grab me or control the kiss.
I took my time kissing him, learning masculine lips that were firm yet sensual. Stubble beneath my fingertips. When I pulled back from the kiss, his eyes met mine, and I knew that one Hyde brother or two, I would never love another man the same way I loved them.
Going up on my knees, disentangling my feet from Jonas, I turned to meet his eyes. I raked my fingers through his identically cut silky hair. The moonlight gilded the lighter strands shot through the slightly darker length. I took my time following the lines of his face, learning them both by feel. I gave him the same kisses, filled with affection and trust, I’d given Jordan.
Identical with exception to the wounds they’d sustained, it should have been dizzying having two men in my bed. I knew if there had only been one Hyde, I wouldn’t have been afraid. I’d fallen for both of them all along, I just hadn’t known the full scope of what that meant.
It seemed strange that there was no fear, no hesitation to touch both of them.
I lay down on my back between them and they rolled to their sides facing me. I could feel their breath on my cheeks. “Will you tell me about your lives? Who were you before the world believed you to be the same man?”
They crossed their arms over my stomach and I soaked up the warmth of the contact as they began to talk. As with many twins, they shared their story, filling in gaps and speaking back and forth between them. It was soothing, like a lullaby, their identical voices flowing from one side then the other until I was mesmerized by the inflection of every word.
“We were born in Sydney. Our mother was on vacation, away from her wealthy family in England, and ended up pregnant with a rancher who knew an easy mark when he saw one. She hid the pregnancy from her parents, afraid they wouldn’t allow her to keep us.” They were stroking me with calloused fingertips and I didn’t think I’d ever been so relaxed.
“She found refuge with an elderly couple. They saw her through the pregnancy and labor. A tiny fragile woman, she didn’t survive our birth. Major Rothendam and his wife kept us and raised us after being informed by her parents they wouldn’t abide bastards in their prestigious line.”
I gasped in outrage and they smiled. “He sent us to military academy. He’d been a soldier himself. When we were fifteen, he and his wife passed away within six weeks of one another. They left us everything because they’d never had children of their own.”
Jordan lifted his hand and smoothed my hair away from my face. “We remained at the military academy year-round. That was when we started trading places. With twins, if you don’t see both, many people forget there is another sibling.” I snorted at that.
“We were good soldiers and once we came into our inheritance at eighteen, we moved it into a high-growth investment company and joined the military. It just seemed the natural next step.” I wondered what they’d been like at eighteen.
“We’d gotten accustomed to answering to Jay Hyde so we kept it up. After five years of serving throughout Europe, the CIA tapped us for service. That was when we became one person in the eyes of the world. Over the years, we met and assembled the team you have now. Disillusioned after a particularly dirty assignment, we went off-grid and formed our own network. The team followed.”
Jonas kissed the tip of my ear and I shivered. “Three years later, we interviewed your parents at the Salt Flats and they gave us a dossier on you. At first, we weren’t going to tell them there were two of us. Your mother inspired our trust. We explained and they agreed to keep our secret. They waxed poetic about you but we all expected the worst.”
One of them tweaked my nose. “We figured you’d be a spoiled brat or a sniveling drama queen. None of us were prepared for the intelligent, kind young woman who could hold her own while sparring. It was strange, Ellie, how all of us forgot you were our employer. You were just Ellie. Not Miss Elliana Monica Fields, heiress to the Kensington-Fields fortunes estimated in the billions.”
I gave them a self-mocking smile, “I almost died the first time I met you. I think my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth. I doubt I could have handled seeing you side by side from day one.”
Both of them laughed, their fingers stroking lightly over my hips through the thin cotton of my shorts. “We loved you from the first, Ellie. You were too young for us, still are honestly, but it didn’t matter. We fought constantly about telling you we were twins. We were afraid to scare you, to lose your trust. Understandably, you don’t trust easily. So we waited…until the worst day of our life happened followed by months of guilt and regret. We prayed you’d come through the trauma without hating us. We wondered if we could start over, honestly this time, and where that might lead.”
My fingertips had been absently tracing their fingers, hands, and wrists. “Which of you was with me that day the original seven attacked me on campus?”
“Jonas.”
“Who rode the rollercoaster with me at the fair?”
“Jordan.”
I carefully cleared my throat and gathered my courage. “I could ask a million questions but the primary issue I’m having is separating you in my mind and in my heart. I’m not…sure what I’m supposed to do. I can’t…there’s no way for me to…to choose between you. Not now after so much has happened. It’s why I put distance between us. And…and also Katie…all of that, really.”
Jonas went up on his elbow to better see my face. He was frowning down at me as he asked, “Wait, what do you mean by all of that about Katie?”
“All of what, Ellie?” Jordan asked from the same position.
I didn’t want to say it out loud. How could I? I’d been degraded and used until I doubted I’d ever be truly clean again. While I struggled with my thoughts, both men watched me carefully.
I barely heard Jonas when he said, “Ellie. Oh, god. You thought we wouldn’t want you after what you’d been through.”
The lump in my throat threatened to choke me, “It’s one thing to know someone has…has gone through something like that. It’s different to see it. I think that has always been the worst part for me. Knowing you have those images in your mind of what happened. I…I’m embarrassed. And I had to keep her. I couldn’t let it all be disgusting and painful. I don’t ever want her to know.”
Jordan stroked my cheek, “You took an unspeakable act of violence and turned it into a precious little girl who will never know a day in her life without unconditional love. We love Katie, Ellie.”
My hand was in Jonas’s, pressed hard to his chest and his eyes were closed. When he opened them, he whispered, “I’ve never felt such hatred, such rage, as I felt for those animals. You were barely conscious; I thought you’d stopped breathing. They hurt you so badly and you were throwing up, bleeding, unable to focus or keep your eyes open.”
His breath hitched and he rested his forehead against mine. “They sliced open your back trying to hold you down. You were slick with blood, a knife slipped. When you’d start to come to, you’d fight. Gouging their eyes, ripping them open with your nails and teeth. That’s how your arm and leg were broken; they had to use so much force to hold your body down. They had no humanity but you never quit.
“The
y punished you because you wouldn’t break, Ellie. The last thing you said before you lost consciousness was, “Hyde is going to gut you. You’re going to die screaming while your organs hit the floor and my name will be the last thing you hear.” That is exactly what I did. I broke them, I tortured them, I gutted them, and I watched their faces. Before the life left them, I said, For Ellie…may you rot in hell.”
He put his huge hands on either side of my face. “But never, not once since the beginning of that nightmare to this moment, have I considered you less than perfect, Ellie. You survived the worst that can be done to a woman and it only made me love you more.”
I cried hard and they held me through it. I felt like I was lancing an infection of shame and degradation. Even when I fell asleep, they continued to hold me.
When I woke up the next morning, they were with me, twined around me until I didn’t know where one of them began and the other ended.
Once again, I’d experienced no nightmares and I knew that no matter what, I had to keep them.
Jordan’s face laid warmly against my upper back, my head was tucked beneath Jonas’s chin. They were sealed to me, protecting me even in sleep. They were both hardened fighting men, fifteen years older than me, twins who masqueraded as one man to the world at large.
I loved them both.
Several times during the night they’d spoken of their love for me and I believed them with every cell of my being. I wanted to believe them but it was more than that.
It was the memory of white-hot fury I’d seen on Jonas’s face during my attack. The tears and rage that professed I was not just another assignment. It was the vengeance he and Jordan had carried out on my behalf; the need to see my attackers in the ground one by one. That they hadn’t come back to me until they knew one threat to my safety was put to rest.
How they looked at me and the obvious love they felt for Katie.
In my mind, I recognized them as two men. My heart considered them one and the same. They’d shared one life for so long, was it so difficult to believe they could share one woman? Would I be enough?
“I can practically hear your mind turning, Ellie.” Jonas’s deep voice rumbled beneath my cheek, roughened from sleep.
Jonas kissed the skin of my back above my tank top and added, “Your heart is pounding with your need to over-think things.”
I couldn’t help but smile, “You know me very well.” Their arms tightened on me, their bodies moved closer. I doubt they even realized they’d done it.
I closed my eyes, soaking up the tactile sensations of them around me. Every inch of me registered their warmth, the slight rasp of the hair on their legs against my smooth ones, the scent of sandalwood and man, their deep, even breaths.
Then I stretched and accidentally brushed against their erections. Though they sucked air sharply through their teeth, they immediately edged their hips away from me. When I spoke my voice was small, embarrassed because I knew nothing of men, and they both knew that about me.
At least, I didn’t know anything healthy or normal. I’d never gotten that chance. My innocence had been lost on the dirty floor of a shack and there was nothing I do could about it now.
“You don’t have to shield me like that. I…I never dated because of the money. I insulated myself. It didn’t mean I wasn’t lonely, that I didn’t wish things were different.”
I cleared my throat, “They’d…asked me out. In the few months I’d been at school, each of the seven had approached me. There were two or three together. I was so naïve. They seemed to be everywhere I went. I was polite but indifferent to them. I had no idea such rage was festering.”
“I’d been watching you since I realized you were watching me. Under strict instruction, I was supposed to report anyone I suspected of paying me close attention immediately. I didn’t. I don’t know why. Thinking back, you could just as easily have been gathering information for a kidnapping. Somehow, I didn’t think so. I started expecting you to be there. Kind of…hoping, really.”
“We’re both in love with you, Ellie.”
I absorbed the statement that left me no doubt about their feelings. “I can’t choose. Nothing would make me choose. Obviously, I know you’re two men. Emotionally, I can’t differentiate.”
Jordan lifted his head, listening. “Robyn is coming down, Katie must be awake.”
With a nod, Jonas said, “We’ll talk more about this over the next few days, Ellie.” He leaned down and kissed me lightly then rose from the bed. Jordan turned my face and kissed me, too. Then I was on my feet, standing between them. The top of my head came just below their chins. They were smoothing my hair and clothes, nudging me toward the bathroom.
I had to know. “Tell me one thing and I’ll wait to talk. Do you expect me to choose?”
As one, they replied, “No, Ellie. We don’t.”
I drank in one last vision of their tall muscular frames not minimized by t-shirts and basketball shorts and slowly closed the bathroom door. I stood there in stunned disbelief. I could keep them both? What did that mean? Would they alternate days? Would I be with them both together?
I thought about the night before, being wrapped between them while I slept and re-scripted the image without clothing. I felt the blush burning up my face. I wasn’t sure if it was nerves or anticipation. I felt warm all over and my nipples were puckered tight.
I wasn’t an idiot. That was anticipation…and curiosity.
Chapter Twelve
The next week passed much the same, charity work in the morning, swimming with Katie or riding with Cameron in the afternoons, and dinner with the team.
Every night was spent talking and snuggling between Jordan and Jonas.
They were determined not to push me, refusing to let me take things further than kissing, touching them, when it was all so new to me. There were no efforts to touch me intimately, both of them firm in their belief that I needed to be in absolute control.
I knew they were concerned about the psychological and sexual trauma I’d experienced. I wished I could convince them that nothing about either of them, separately or together, inspired the terror and disgust I felt whenever I had flashes of memory concerning my attack.
The only fear I truly had with them was not being…enough.
Not one to feel a false sense of modesty, I knew I was reasonably pretty and had a lot to offer. However, I knew without asking or being told that the Hydes had experienced the best and most exotic of women in their lives.
Where they might have to deal with my occasional post-traumatic stress, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I would be competing with every woman they’d ever touched. This gave me an unfamiliar and unwelcome lack of confidence.
These were my thoughts as I quickly cleaned up, pulling on my bikini and topping it with a sundress ten days after the ride with Cameron that had put another sicko on the radar. I bought my own suits now and they weren’t nearly as revealing as the ones my mother used to buy me. My scars showed and they embarrassed me. I’d talk to Padme about finding me a one-piece suit.
With a less-than-confident sigh, I headed downstairs. As I rounded the corner in the kitchen, Katie giggled and reached for me over Robyn’s shoulder. The nanny had settled into our group well. She was clever and tended to laugh more than the rest of us. That was a wonderful quality to have around my daughter. Having seen her spar with Si and Padme, I was also aware that her skills in protection were excellent. She could and would keep Katie safe.
I gathered my daughter’s warm little body against me and inhaled deeply of her powder-fresh pink skin. Her eyes sparkled with happiness and I snuggled her gratefully. Robyn gave me a soft smile and busied herself straightening up the items of Katie’s around the living area.
“Pretty girl, you are such a happy baby. What shenanigans can we get up to today? Swimming, definitely.” Jordan and Jonas came up behind me and stroked their huge hands over her tiny head. She graced them with smiles and giggles.
“Car
eful, honey…save the big guns for truly important battles. Your eyes are going to be light like Grandma’s, like an amethyst in the sunlight. My sweet darling.”
Bianca cleared her throat delicately and I glanced up, immediately taking in the look of alertness on her face. “Ellie. You can’t leave the house today. Not even the patio.” The Hyde brothers went hard as they waited for her explanation. “Padme is trying to track an email you got this morning. It’s been bounced all over the place.”
“Why not outside?” I kissed Katie and handed her to Robyn. “Please take her out of earshot. I realize it sounds insane but I won’t have her infected with ugliness. I’ll have you briefed separately after.” The nanny nodded in understanding. I ruffled Katie’s pretty curls with a sigh, “We’ll spend more time together in a little while, honey. I’m sorry. Robyn?” She turned back. “Stay with Fiaaz or Si, alright?”
“Don’t worry, Ellie. We’ll go help Si make bread.”
The moment Robyn disappeared into the kitchen Bianca led the way to Padme’s security room built beside the laundry room in the garage. It was currently unlit but the glow from the multiple screens gave the room an eerie glow.
“I’m sorry, Ellie. I hate…fucking hate bringing this bullshit to your attention.”
I put a hand on Padme’s shoulder and squeezed gently. “Just…let’s get this done.”
She nodded, looking resigned. “This…garbage was delivered to one of the secure email accounts you have. I monitor all of them daily. I’ve tried to trace it but a bouncing program has it rerouted all over the world. I have no doubt I’ll have it cracked soon. I’m up to forty-nine locations so far. Be that as it may, whether I can track it or not, we all need to be aware of this fucking…I’m sorry, Ellie. I…I wish you didn’t have to see this but I know you have to.”
Obsession (Endurance) Page 10