by CORY CYR
“Fuck, what is wrong with me . . . I wanted to last longer . . .” Shea never finished his sentence. Once again, the latex barrier did nothing to stop me from feeling his powerful orgasm and the warmth of his seed. He began to slow his pace and after a minute pulled out, a hand securely holding the rim of the condom. I didn’t like the feeling of emptiness when he pulled out of me. He felt so good that I wished we could stay locked in place forever. He sat up and discarded the condom, then sank back into the bed.
“I love you, Ryan. I’ve never said those words to another woman—ever.” He paused to look at me, trying to gauge my reaction. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I have to say it. I’ve felt these feelings forever, and I had to keep them buried because I thought I’d never get this chance. I’m not asking you to feel the same, but I just need you to know.”
He was on his stomach with his hand lying on my belly. Wanting very much to get away from the subject of him loving me, I decided to ask my own questions.
“Shea, were any of the last thirteen years good? Tell me why you stayed. Why didn’t you just run away from all the madness?” I asked as I caressed his ass cheek.
“It wasn’t that easy, just to go. Believe it or not, I actually love Alaska. I have family and friends here, and once I finished school and got into the veterinary field, I knew I had to stay.” Shea turned over on his back, and his arm cradled my body to him. “I never really wanted to leave . . . maybe I’d always hoped you’d come back, and I wanted to be here if you did.”
Oh, how I wished he was older and not the kid I used to babysit, because having sex was one thing, but having a relationship with Shea? Deep down in my psyche I knew, no matter how much I wanted to deny and convince myself otherwise, I had feelings for this man. Fuck, this was not supposed to happen. All I wanted was something casual. I was married. Sure Shea might claim he loves me now, but wait until he finds out I’m a liar. I’m fairly sure twenty-one year-old love will go out the window.
We spent the rest of the day either in bed sexually torturing each other or watching television. Shea ordered pizza for dinner. He felt terrible about ripping my panties, although I could tell he wasn’t really earnest about his feelings. He gave me a pair of his boxers. I started laughing because I had to use three safety pins to get them to stay up, but at least I had some covering over my crotch. It was a nice day, cozying up by the fire and watching movies while it lightly snowed outside. I wished I could stay like this permanently. We stretched out along his sofa; and I was nicely tucked into the curve of his body as Pandora sat by our feet, purring.
This felt wonderfully domestic, something I had never felt in my marriage, because being with Shea felt natural. I snuggled closer to him, and he responded by kissing me on my head. Several DVDs and sexual marathons later, we decided to get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow was the start of a new week, and the reality of the weekend was going to be the top focus in my mind. Neither of us had to work on Monday, but I needed clothing and Shea had school in the evening.
The following morning he took me by my house so I could change, and then we went out to breakfast. I wasn’t sure how I felt about not seeing him for the next few days. In the past forty-eight hours, I had kind of gotten used to being with him. He filled a void, an emptiness I had felt for so long.
Shea worked Tuesday through Thursday and on the weekend. He had Fridays and Mondays off. He went to school Monday through Wednesday evenings. So, I would be on my own until Thursday evening, even though he had made it abundantly clear he would like us to be together every night. I told him I thought it was for the best if we had a couple of days apart so he could study for school and not be distracted, and I still had tons to do around the house anyway. I also made an appointment with a clinic for more birth control pills and I wanted to get testing done, just to make sure I was safe. Shea was more than happy to get checked out too. He wasn’t very thrilled about not seeing me until Thursday, but I hustled him out my door to his car, murmuring through a kiss that he would live. His lips slightly curved into a frown as he got into the car, and he rolled down his window for one last kiss.
Chapter SIXTEEN
Actually, the next three days went by pretty fast. Even I had to laugh, since Shea texted me at least five times a day, and called every morning and before I went to bed at night. I got quite a bit more cleaning and organizing done. I was going to wait until after the holidays to tackle my dad’s office and his room. I left those two for last because I knew they would be the hardest on me emotionally. I had gone to a clinic on Tuesday, picked up three more months of pills and got testing done to make sure I was safe. Even though I had been very careful with Garrison and hadn’t been sexual for a long time, there was still always that inkling in the back of my mind that the bastard had given me something. I had the results back within twenty-four hours and luckily everything was fine.
I was going to have to come up with some kind plan within the next three months because the clinic wanted my medical records, and that meant giving them information that could result in Garrison tracking me down. Shea had sent me a text before he left work, letting me know he was going by his place first, and then he’d be over. I felt like I hadn’t seen him for a week. I had a vacant spot inside of my chest that only he could fill. I was hoping these last few days without him would maybe put what was going on between us in perspective, but it didn’t work because all I felt was loneliness. My mind was a muddled mess of confused emotions. I never knew I could have these kinds of feelings for a man. I was desperately trying to push out the little boy I used to know to make room for any chance I might have in my life for Shea the man. I was scared shitless with what could happen when my marriage would be revealed. I knew deep in my soul that there was no going back, that this was where I wanted to be. Being with him gave me the strength and filled me with hope that I could truly get away from Garrison. I had to get a divorce so this wouldn’t hang over both of us, if Shea even still wanted me after he found out.
I saw headlights coming up the drive and I started feeling giddy. I had just showered and thrown on another long sweater dress, but I wished I had worn something more scandalous for him, even though I knew he wouldn’t care. As I held my test results in my hand, I watched him walk up the drive in his heavy burgundy sweater and loose jeans that clung to him in the right places. My hand reached the doorknob as he turned the other side, and when I looked into his gorgeous face, I felt the gaze of those amazing, electric blue eyes, snapping with intensity and hunger.
“God, baby, I missed you,” Shea murmured as he bent down to kiss me, his arms reaching around my waist, lifting me off the ground and into him.
As the kiss intensified, I put my hands on his chest and I could feel his heart pounding. As he broke the kiss, he started to say something and I shoved the pink piece of paper with my test results in front of his face. A smile lit his face up as he pulled his results out of his back pocket and showed me that he too was clean. As both papers floated to the carpet, Shea’s eyelids lowered and his smile turned wicked. He licked his lips as he pulled his sweater over his head, knowing that I knew what lay below the surface and letting me admire and take in the colorful textures of his tattoos. I seemed to be affixed to the floor because I couldn’t move; both his body and tattoos mesmerized me.
“I need to fuck you right here and now.” His voice sounded hoarse. Shea pulled me into the kitchen and turned me away from him, bending me forward so my hands were braced on the counter. I could feel his presence behind me, and as he moved in closer, I could feel his cock, hard and taut, as it pressed into my back. I began to pant softly from excitement as Shea pushed my dress up to my bra and ran his hand over my panties. He pulled the fabric to one side and pushed a finger into my core. I heard his voice rumble as he dipped his finger back and forth into my wet arousal. After a few minutes, he dragged my panties down to my ankles. Shea’s hands caressed my ass, and as he ran one finger along the crack, he paused just long enough to slip t
he tip into the puckered hole. It caught me off guard, my entire body tensed, and for a moment, I thought he was going to try anal sex, which was something I had never really enjoyed.
“Shea . . . um . . . you’re not going to try . . .” I stopped abruptly because my voice wavered and, if I was honest with myself, I was scared of the act. Shea chuckled as he gently patted me on one ass cheek.
“Eventually, yeah, but not now, baby. Anal takes preparation and I need to be inside of you right now.” His voice cracked with need. He was still behind me, since I still felt his warm breath on my shoulders.
He began kissing my neck and my cheek, and then I snapped my head back, allowing him finally to reach over and find my lips. I never even heard his zipper, but as his tongue delved into my mouth, he entered me with one heated stroke. I had never felt anything so erotically sensual in my life as having Shea’s cock inside of me without a condom. It felt smooth and hot, like molten silk, and my eyes flew open as I continued to tilt my head back and meet his partially closed eyes. The expression on his face was one I’d never seen on another man. His arms reached around me as he pushed my body down further into the counter, immersing his cock deeper into me. He was buried deep in me, and as my inner muscles gripped his swollen cock, I could sense my orgasm readying its release, like the burst of the sunrise on the horizon. I felt my body shudder as I placed my hands on the counter and began pushing back into him.
“Jesus, Ryan, the way you feel, fuck . . . baby!” I felt him go still as he yelled. My release came at almost the same time and I arched backward, grinding myself into his cock. It felt like my nerves were exposed, and it bordered on agonizing pleasure. I felt limp, like I wasn’t able to stand. Shea’s arm coiled around my waist, sensing my imbalance, and stabilized me until I found my legs again.
“I got you, baby. Always,” he cooed into my ear. Even though it was well below freezing outdoors, I was burning up . . . I had too many clothes on. As Shea pulled out, his climax ran down my thighs. I reached over for paper towels, but he stopped me. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.” I heard the sound of Shea’s zipper as he walked away. He returned a minute later with a wet washcloth, got down on one knee and gently wiped away all evidence of his release. I laid my hand on top of his head, running my fingers through his waves. No one had ever been so gentle and sweet to me, and this man was killing me emotionally. Had he been this way with other women? Of course not, he always wore a condom, so there was no mess. When Shea had been inside of me, I had never felt anything so raw and carnal in that moment.
“Why do you treat me like I’m the most precious thing on earth?” I asked him in a quiet voice.
“Because, to me, you are,” Shea replied, staring at me as he stood up to his full height. “I waited for this forever, Ryan. I told you that I loved you, and that made you mine.”
There was a battle raging in my head. If I laid my cards out on the table, right now, and told him everything—everything about Garrison, my marriage, and how I totally fucked up the last thirteen years—would he still feel the same for me? The thought of losing him kept the words from coming out of my mouth. How did I go from this is the kid I used to babysit to not wanting to lose him? I truly was a fucked up individual, and Shea was just too enthralled to see it.
I yanked my sweater dress over my head and let it drop to the floor, after pulling my underwear back up. I just stood there in my damp white satin panties and my white bra, watching as Shea’s eyes began to smolder. He perused me from top to bottom, lingering on my breasts and then my panties. He reached over, picking up my left wrist, and I watched as his tongue darted out to lick my bite marks. My nipples hardened from the contact.
“We are bonded . . .” Shea pointed out, grinning and winking at me, elated, “by our bite marks.” I reached over, drew his right wrist up to my lips, and licked slowly over his own set of bite marks. I heard him hiss as he pulled me into him. I reached for his zipper and tugged it down. His cock sprang free, heavy and ready once more.
“This may be a long night and you have to work tomorrow, so which bedroom?” he said, moving me out of the kitchen.
“Upstairs, loft,” I squeaked as he prodded me towards the stairs. With his arms wrapped securely around me, he moved me up the stairs. I kept reaching behind me to sweep my hand along his cock and I could hear him groan with each touch.
“Long night, huh? I’ll be fine—I’m a big girl,” I said as I flipped on the light in my bedroom.
“I hope to make it better than fine . . .” he replied as he pushed me onto my bed, diving onto it behind me. I sat up and pushed his jeans down to his ankles.
“Pants, shoes, socks,” I demanded. Shea sat up and removed his shoes and socks then removed his jeans. Once he was gloriously naked, he lay back down beside me.
“No condoms, just us . . . flesh to flesh.” His voice was soft and quiet.
I meant to say, “Make love to me,” but somehow it tumbled out of my mouth as “Just love me Shea.” It occurred to me that it might have been a Freudian slip. I couldn’t help but wonder what loving him would really be like and if having a relationship could even work.
“I do, Ryan. I do.”
Chapter SEVENTEEN
Yeah, work was a little rough the next day. I think we finally went to sleep around three. The entire no condom experience of made Shea insatiable. I swear we came at least seven times each. Let’s hear it for twenty-one year-old males! Of course, I was walking a little bow-legged most of the day and I looked a little haggard, but last night had been worth it. I’m fairly sure if Shea had his way we would have stayed in bed for three days and just fucked. When thinking about last night, something had happened between the kitchen sex and the bedroom sex. He had changed his style. In the kitchen, it had been hard and rough, quite unexpected and very passionate, I must say. Then, in the bedroom, Shea was no longer hard and rough; the sex had turned sensual and very gentle. It was no longer fucking—he was making love to me.
My mind was constantly bombarded with emotions regarding Shea. I wasn’t sure what direction we were going in but I knew I wanted to go on the journey. Finally, the day ended and he would be waiting for me in the parking lot.
“Hey,” I said, getting into his car. Shea bent towards me and pressed a kiss to my lips. He smelled so good I felt little shivers go up my spine.
“Hey yourself,” he murmured, as he began to back the car out. “I was thinking we should go out tomorrow night.”
“Okay . . . what did you have in mind?” I wondered, adjusting my seat belt.
“I was thinking of heading over to Nasty’s,” he replied, looking over at me smiling, but I could tell there was a question lingering on his lips. I couldn’t even believe that hole in the wall was still there after thirteen years. I had frequented it for quite a few years—two with a fake ID and one year legal.
“I can’t believe that place is still around,” I snickered, rolling my eyes even though I knew Shea’s eyes were fixated on the road.
“Yup, same owner too,” he replied.
“No shit! Cray still owns that bar?” I asked in disbelief.
“You bet. I mean, technically, I’ve only been going in there for the last year, but it’s still the only really fun bar left that’s close to us. I suppose we could go to a nicer place downtown, but I just assumed you’d enjoy your old stomping grounds.” Shea threw a side-glance at me with a smirk on his full lips.
“And how do you know about my old stomping grounds?” I asked questioningly.
“Baby, I’ve heard stories . . . from my sister and from Cray.”
“Cray, he’s what . . . a hundred now? I asked, laughing. “I doubt he can remember that far back.”
Shea was still chuckling as he reached over and grabbed my hand. “No, I think he’s closer to fifty, and it seems you made a lasting impression,” he noted, lifting my hand and kissing my knuckles.
Suddenly, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go to Nasty’s. I hoped that no one I used to
know would be there, but Shea probably had friends there. I’m not sure if I was ready to publicize us yet. I looked over at him and suddenly felt not only small but also somewhat guilty. I knew I wanted him, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted anyone to know, which made me feel shallow. I cleared my throat and pressed my palm to Shea’s thigh. He looked over at me, his eyes sparking with interest and sexual innuendo.
“I’m not sure about Nasty’s,” I said in a reluctant voice. Shea had just pulled into my drive and turned off the car. He scooted over towards me, wrapping his arms around my body.
“What are you afraid of, Ryan?”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for a public appearance,” I shook my head. “It’s only been a week. What if it gets back to your mom . . . about us?” I felt my cheeks warm. Shea pulled me closer and kissed my forehead.
“No worries. If you want, I’ll tell my mom tonight, so then it will be all out in the open.”
My body stiffened. “Are you crazy? Your mom would flip out, if she knew about . . . this.” I waved my hands around and I know my tone must have sounded harsh as I spoke, but Shea just laughed it off.
“Okay, okay, I won’t be breaking the news to my mom.” His tone was one of amusement. He got out of the car and walked over to my door to open it, ever the gentleman. I felt frustrated as I walked into my house. He was right behind me as he snaked his arms around my waist, bending me backwards so my lips would meet his.
“We don’t have to go, it was only an idea I had,” he said as he pressed a kiss to my lips. “I just thought I’d like to actually take you out on a date instead of staying in.” Shea moved over to the sofa and flopped down as he removed his knit cap. He really was all kinds of gorgeous. I watched him for a moment as he ran his hands through his hair and then moved over his jaw line. He looked up at me and grinned, catching me in my fixated stare. I moved over to the sofa and sat beside him. I put my hand in his, feeling the rush of warmth that traveled from his hand to the top of my arm.