by CORY CYR
I had to say I was really impressed. I had known many girls in high school, and even women in New York who could have benefitted from such a program.
“I have to be honest . . . I could probably benefit from this school, but I guess I’m a little too old.” I smiled. “But I’d love to be a part of what you’re doing, even if it’s only answering the phones.” I watched Renee gather employment forms. She handed me the paperwork with a pen.
“You’re not only stunning, but you also have enough youthfulness to be able to relate to these girls. I believe you’ll be able to do much more than answer our phones.” Her smile became a little sad as she continued. “Quinn and I have been friends for over ten years, and he mentioned the loss of your father as well as your impending divorce.” She touched my shoulder. “You have had your share of trials and tribulations, yet you appeared to have weathered them with great strength and resilience. We need that kind of personality around here; it will be a great asset to the girls.”
I had been filling out the paperwork while she spoke. Oh yeah, great strength and resilience—like I had a choice? I should be pissed at Quinn for telling basically a stranger about my problems, but I realized it was just his way to get me the job. Thank God he didn’t go into the tales of me being with Shea, who was Trina’s brother, who we just learned is my half-sister, and now her brother broke up with me because I’m married. Jesus, this had the makings of a good soap opera.
I finished filling out everything and handed it all back to her.
“So you’ll accept the position?” she asked me as she scanned the paperwork.
“It sounds interesting, so absolutely,” I replied, standing up. Renee put my paperwork down on the desk and grasped both of my hands.
“I’m so glad! I think you’ll fit in perfectly. I can see some of my girls really relating to you, and it appears you’ve had your fair share of bad times, but somehow you were able to persevere and survive. I have a feeling that having you here will benefit us all.
Renee thought I had strength? That wasn’t me being strong—that was me actually trying to carry on. I played a good game, but in reality I was probably as messed up as some of these girls, the only difference was that I was older and should have known better. I had spent years honing my acting career, and if nothing else, it had taught me how to choke down my fears and pretend to be something I wasn’t.
“Yeah, well, maybe Quinn forgot to tell you that I was an actress. I’ve been reaching for it for a very long time, and it appears moving back here . . . I may have been better than I thought, because I’ve gotten very proficient in it.”
Chapter THIRTY-NINE
I spent the next two hours taking a tour of the facility and meeting other employees. It seemed quite unnecessary, since I would only be the receptionist to begin with. I listened in on one of the classes as they discussed body image. The parents were always encouraged to attend the classes with their daughters. I found it kind of uplifting and I was looking forward to working here. I was shown where I’d be working and exactly what my position was in detail, as well as the other offices and the staff lounge. The building had two floors, all the offices as well as the staff room was on the first floor, all classes were held on the second floor. The pay was acceptable and the hours were perfect. I would work Monday through Thursday, 10:00 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. Fridays were set aside for orientation for new students and their parents. Lisa, the young woman I had met earlier at reception, would be handling that day.
I stopped at the Seafood Market on the way home and picked up a cup of clam chowder and a loaf of French bread. I almost felt independent for the first time. I had a car and a job. The only thing missing was the love of my life.
When I finally got home, I put my soup in the microwave and set my bread on the counter. The thermometer read only fifty-five degrees, so I tossed a few logs onto the fireplace. I discarded my coat and put my soup in the microwave for a minute while slicing a piece of bread from the loaf. Once I had my dinner, I sat down at the dining room table so I could finish reading the work brochure while I ate. I had just taken a spoon full of soup when I heard a loud knock on the front door.
I carefully looked through the peephole before opening the door. My heart began to hammer as I realized it was Shea. I opened the door very slowly, taking him in inch by inch. Even though it had only been three weeks, it felt like months since I’d seen him. His eyes gazed at me with intense brooding, and his arms were crossed as he stood at my front door.
“Can I come in or should we just glare at each other all night?” he growled. There was definitely hostility in his tone and his body appeared tense. I gestured for him to come in. As he passed me, his scent wafted with him. I had missed that smell that was categorically his own.
“Want a beer?” I asked, watching him remove his coat. He had only a thermal shirt underneath, which stretched across every muscle on his chest and arms. I saw the tip of his tattoo curling towards his neck and it caused my breath to stall. I had been in such a good place before he showed up, but now I was feeling emotionally distressed. His beautiful face was marred by frown lines across his forehead and the ticking in his cheek.
“No, I didn’t come here to drink . . . just to talk.”
Shea sat on the sofa as I continued to lean against the dining room table. I crossed my arms as I stood, hoping to portray a stance of strength.
“New truck?” he asked.
“Did you forget something? Is that why you’re here?”
He stood up, marching over to me. “No, I got everything except the explanation of why you didn’t tell me.”
His lips were pressed together in anger as we looked at each other. I nervously flexed my fingers, not knowing what to do or say.
“Does it matter? You made it clear that we’re over, so does it matter? Will it change anything? Will it, Shea?” I bit out. It was too hard him being here, I needed him to go away. We needed to both try to attempt having a life without each other.
“You said you loved me, so I guess I don’t understand why you weren’t honest, why you never told me. Was everything you said to me a lie?”
I glared at him. I could feel my nostrils flaring.
“I tried to tell you . . . so many fucking times!” I raked my fingers through my hair. “After what happened with the DNA testing and everything we went through, I really decided you had to know everything. You fucking told me not to tell you, you didn’t want to know, you couldn’t take anymore and that nothing before us mattered as long as I loved you.” I felt my mouth quiver. “I guess we both lied.” I thought of all the times I really had tried to tell him and all the promises he made. He swore that he would not let my past ruin us. He promised as long as I loved him nothing I said mattered.
Shea reached out and pulled me by one arm into him. I didn’t want to be this close to him. All it would take is one kiss to break me. I was trying so hard to get my life together, and having him show up was just going to dredge up everything we’d gone through. I pushed away from him, stepping back.
“Tell me about him—your husband.” He said pulling out a chair to sit.
“Go ask Carrie—she appears to know everything,” I said, almost choking on the words.
A weak smile formed on his face, as his voice softened. “I don’t want to ask her. I’m asking you.”
“Does it matter?”
He pulled me down so I would sit in a chair and face him. I pushed my Styrofoam cup of soup away and picked at my now stiff piece of bread.
“Did you love him?”
I looked at him icily. “What the fuck does it matter, Shea?” I blurted out loudly. I was pissed. “Is knowing anything about him going to make you feel better? I would think that since Carrie sought him out, she could fill in any of the blanks. Did she tell you one of the main reasons I came back here was because I was running—from him? That he’s an abusive asshole who liked to smack me around, or did she leave that part out? How about that the minute I knew I
wanted to stay and have a life with you I filed for divorce, or did she conveniently leave all those details out too?” I stood up, kicking the chair back from under me. My body was shaking and I was on the verge of crying.
Shea’s eyes widened in surprise as his muscled arms seemed to go rigid. He grabbed my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. I tried to pull out of his reach but he held me in place.
“This guy hurt you—he fucking hurt you?” he seethed, his voice teetering on rage.
I nodded my head as I exhaled. “It doesn’t matter, Shea.” I hung my head in remorse. “Will it help us to get past this? Will you be able to forgive me? I made bad choices in not only my love life but in everything. The list of regrets I have is a mile long.”
He tried to pull me into him as I stood firmly on the floor. “Am I one of those regrets?” he asked quietly. I finally freed myself from his hold and stepped away.
“I can’t do this, Shea,” I said as my lips began to tremble, and I knew an impending sob was on its way.
His expression was pensive as he spoke. “I shouldn’t have come, I just thought . . .” His hand went to his head as he tugged on his knit cap. “Hell, I don’t know what I thought . . . like you said, I guess it doesn’t matter.”
I watched out of despondent eyes as Shea grabbed his coat and started for the door.
He turned around briefly to look at me, his look vacant. My chest clenched in pain as he closed the door. Still on the table, I stared at my soup and bread. Any appetite I had had left with Shea.
I was able to get through my days because I hadn’t seen him. Once he walked through that door, every single emotion came flooding back into my body, and even the need and the warmth had come along with the pain. I tossed my soup and the piece of bread into the trash. I folded like a picnic chair, going to my knees in the kitchen. My heart pounded as my high-pitched sobs filled the room.
I had been wrong. I couldn’t do this . . . I would never be that good of an actress. What I felt for Shea was too strong and ran too deep. I needed to get as far away as possible. I would keep the job until I sold the house and got my divorce. I had more than enough of money to find another state to start over and try to forget.
I pushed myself up off the floor, sobbing until I got the hiccups. I rested my hands in front of the sink and stared into nothingness. I stood there for a while, debating on whether I should call Trina.
I decided not to disturb her and Quinn on a Friday night. I would call her tomorrow, since I knew how I felt right now would eventually roll over into the next day, and probably into forever.
Chapter FORTY
My first week at Christoff’s went off without a hitch. It was actually a low-key job and not a lot of pressure. I had called Trina over the weekend. I never told her Shea had come over and that I was nervous about the new job. I didn’t even let her know I was planning to sell the house and move—to run away again. I couldn’t take anymore, and all I wanted was to get through the next two months drama free.
I hadn’t seen or heard anything from Garrison so I was beginning to relax. Maybe he finally gave up and decided I wasn’t worth the chase. It was nice that even after I got home from work, I still had some of the day left. Now that it was April, the daytime was beginning to stretch longer, which provided some warmer days. Shea had never moved his gym out of our spare room, so I began using it for an hour each day to help burn off my excess energy.
During the next few weeks, Trina and I spent time together going to the movies, shopping and we even tried bowling once. I felt like I was intruding on their marriage because she was spending so much time with me, but I was happy because I knew that sometime soon I would be gone once again from her life. Now that we were actually sisters, I truly felt guiltier than ever about leaving, but I had no choice. Once I found a place to settle she could come and visit me. Somehow, we would make it work. This is something I had to do it that would make it easier for both Shea and me—easier for us to forget. It would be too hard if I ran into him, because seeing him would break pieces off of my soul every time until there would be nothing left of me. I had been investigating states like New Mexico and Arizona. Being an actress was no longer my dream—just finding a small slice of happiness and some emotional stability was my new goal. Since it was the weekend, I knew that Trina would want us to spend time together. Just then, my phone rang.
“So, what should we do today?” Trina asked.
“I’m not really up to shopping, I think I’m shopped out,” I said, chuckling. “Can you hold on a minute?” Not giving her time to answer me, I kicked off my shoes and collapsed on the sofa.
“You were saying?” I laughed.
“Okay, so no shopping, how about a day trip to the hot springs?”
“Really, that sounds amazing, but isn’t Quinn getting tired of you spending so much time with me?”
“He hasn’t said a word, and I think he understands about the whole sister bond.” Trina laughed. “Besides, Andrew is here and they’re doing some man cave project.”
I bit my bottom lip, trying to keep from asking about him, but my curiosity won out. “How is he?” I asked, whispering. I heard Trina shuffling and then closing a door.
“He seems okay. At least he’s talking to me again.”
“Well that’s good.” I felt a nervous flutter. “Has he asked about me?”
I could sense Trina’s pause and then reluctance as her voice got really soft. “Bringing you up, or anything about you and him, is taboo. He doesn’t want to talk about it. He seems very depressed. Some good news though—he finally had it out with Carrie. I’m not privy to every detail, but according to Quinn, who witnessed the entire ordeal, Andrew went off on her. He basically told her, in no uncertain terms, that she was responsible for ruining his life and possibly putting your safety in jeopardy. He told her if anything happened to you because of what she had done, that he’d hurt her.”
I almost couldn’t breathe. The last thing I wanted to hear is that Shea would end up becoming like his father. “Trina, Shea wouldn’t ever really go after her. I mean, tell me the truth . . . he wouldn’t—”
“Ryan, I don’t honestly know. What would happen if someone hurt you, especially because of Carrie’s actions? Andrew might be angry with you right now, but I know he still loves you and would protect you at any cost . . . even his life.”
“Don’t ever let him be that stupid, please. I’m not worth it for him to become like his father. Tell Quinn to keep an eye on him, I’m worried about him.”
“You know both Quinn and I will monitor him. You’re not the only one that worries. I really need you two to work this out because neither of you are good without each other.”
“I hate needing to know how he is, and it makes me crazy because I’m never going to get past us if I don’t let him go.”
“You’re not supposed to get past this, you are Andrew’s other half. He’s just too stubborn to admit it. I’m praying that what they say is true and that time heals all wounds.”
Trina had no idea that Shea had come over and we tried to talk. This is exactly why I needed to move—there were too many constant reminders of him. I wasn’t sure how I could be a sister with someone who was so close to the man I loved. Still love.
“Let’s put this subject on the back burner and discuss our plans for today. What time—”
I yelped that last word in surprise as my phone was ripped out of my hands. I whipped my head around, and my blood ran cold as I realized that nightmares could definitely become reality.
I was looking at the manifestation of evil.
Garrison stood above me with clenched fists and a twisted smile, and then he smashed my cell phone into pieces against the wall. I could see veins bulging in his neck, his nostrils flaring with anger, his eyes turning dark and savage. Fear settled so deep into my marrow that it took only seconds for my adrenaline to kick in, and I jumped up, away from the couch, and faced him. In that moment I realized that only setting
the security alarm at night was a mistake. My body began to tremble as I backed up towards the door, but he crossed the distance in two strides and grabbed me by my ponytail, viciously forcing me back, and I cried out in pain and fear.