by F. C. Clark
‘Hello.’
‘Kate.’
My brain engages quickly. It’s not Kiki, but her dad.
‘Henry!’
‘Sorry to call you so early.’
‘That’s OK. What time is it?’
‘Four o’clock.’
I’m now fully awake. Henry never calls me. ‘Is she OK?’
‘No, not really.’ He pauses. ‘Kate, she’s had a miscarriage.’
‘Sorry, Henry. I don’t understand. I haven’t spoken to her yet. I’ve just got back from honeymoon.’
‘She’s asking for you.’
‘Of course.’ I’m already heading to the bathroom. ‘I take it you’re with her?’
‘Yes. We were at a meeting this evening and…’ He trails off. ‘Well, she started bleeding.’
‘Oh God, poor love. Where are you?’
‘Chelsea and Westminster, A and E. I think they’re moving her to a ward – she was losing a lot of blood and they want to keep her in for observation.’
‘I’m on my way.’
I end the call and lean against the marble washstand. Kiki was pregnant? I wonder if she knew. Is Declan the father? My gut instinct says yes, but then this is Kiki, the female shag monster!
I wash my face and brush my teeth, then quickly slip on some jeans, Luke’s Abercrombie hoodie and Converse. With my hair scraped into a ponytail, I grab my black riding coat. Before I leave, I write Luke a note.
Dear Luke,
Henry called at 4.15. Kiki is in Chelsea and Westminster Hospital – she’s had a miscarriage. I’ve gone to see her.
Call me when you wake.
Love you,
Kate xxx
The journey is fairly quiet, but it is four thirty in the morning! Now to find a space. Where’s Max when you need him, and why is the car park busy at such a ridiculous time of day? When I reach the main reception area I dial Kiki’s number, praying Henry will answer.
‘Kate.’ It’s him, thank God.
‘I am at reception.’
‘OK, I’ll come and get you.’
Five minutes pass before I see Henry.
‘How is she?’
He shakes his head. ‘I’m not sure. Physically the doctors have said she will be fine – apparently it’s common. But…’
‘I know – it’s messing with her head.’ Her mum died of breast cancer five years ago – and now this.
He nods.
I take his hand. ‘Come on, take me to her.’
We arrive on the fifth floor and I follow him to her room. She looks to be sleeping peacefully, but when I get closer she opens her eyes. Tears stream down her face. I lie on the bed and wrap my arms around her.
‘I’m here… It’s OK.’
The echoing sound of pain vibrates against me.
‘It hurts, Kate, it really hurts.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
She nods against my chest.
I look across at Henry.
‘Henry, can you get us a cup of tea?’
‘Certainly.’ He disappears.
‘Let me look at you.’
She moves her head slightly. She looks broken. I stand and take off my coat and shoes, then climb back on the bed. We lie side by side, facing each other.
‘Did you know you were pregnant?’
She shakes her head. ‘No.’
‘I know this sounds shitty, but is Declan the father?’
‘Yeah, he is. Or was. There’s no baby now.’
‘Oh, Kiki.’ I stroke her face. ‘Henry told me the doctors said it was one of those things. It could happen to anyone. Have you told Declan?’
‘No, he’s in Germany. How do I tell him that I lost his child? Fuck, this really hurts. I didn’t want kids and now I do. I want my baby, the one that’s gone.’
‘You can try again. That might not be the best thing to say, but you can.’
‘I don’t want to. I can’t go through this again. It reminds me of losing Mum.’
‘Will you let me call Declan?’
‘There’s nothing he can do. Besides, I don’t think he would have wanted a baby anyway.’
‘You don’t know that. I was unsure at first, but you adjust. He would have done the same.’
‘I didn’t think it would happen – you know what my periods are like, I haven’t had one for a few months.’
‘I would have thought the same. What did the doctor say?’
‘That I might have been a couple of months. I’ve been really tired and haven’t eaten properly for a while, but work is crazy. It never occurred to me that I was pregnant.’ She trails off. ‘He saw it as a positive sign that at least I got pregnant. Shame I couldn’t hang on to the baby.’
‘Kiki, don’t beat yourself up over this. It could happen to anyone.’
‘I can’t help it. I just feel guilty.’
‘Why?’
‘Kate, I fuck everything up. You know what I’m like.’
‘Hey, don’t say that! You are you – the most daring and confident person I know. One day, when the time is right, you will be the best mum in the world, I know you will.’
The door opens and Henry reappears with a tray of tea.
‘Girls.’
Kiki and I sit up.
‘Thanks, Dad.’
‘Look what I found.’ He produces two chocolate muffins from his jacket pocket. ‘I thought they might help.’
‘Good thinking.’ I smile at a very awkward Henry.
‘I’ll give you girls some time alone.’ He leaves us once again.
Neither of us is hungry, but we pick at the muffins.
‘So, how was the honeymoon?’
‘Amazing. Maybe you and Declan should get away.’
‘I was thinking the same. Declan mentioned it before he went to Germany.’
‘The break will do you good.’
‘Maybe. I hope he forgives me.’
‘There’s nothing to forgive.’
‘How was Luke?’
‘He’s fine.’
Kiki smiles.
‘I have some gossip. I think Barney’s in love with Rosie’s son, Adam.’
‘No shit!’
‘Yes! Can you believe it?’
‘He is good-looking. Declan and I saw him with Barney last week at Toulouse nightclub.’
‘He flies home tomorrow. Barney is going to be like a bear with a sore head next week in New York.’
‘Are you ready for the show?’
‘No! This week will be super-busy.’
She yawns and sighs. ‘Sorry for dragging you out.’
‘I have your back, you know that. I only wish there was something I could do to help.’
‘There isn’t.’
‘Time will heal. I’m here for you – always. Now sleep – you look exhausted.’
She rolls over, her back against my stomach, and my arm automatically tightens around her. My eyes close too, if only for a few moments.
Bright sunlight and the sound of someone moving a chair wake me. I raise my head.
‘Luke.’
‘Kate,’ he replies harshly.
Carefully, I sit up and swing my legs round. I look at the clock high above Kiki’s bed. Seven o’clock.
Luke watches me as I make my way towards him.
‘Did you get my note? I guess you did, otherwise you wouldn’t be here.’
He nods. ‘Why didn’t you wake me?’
‘It was early and you were tired last night. Please don’t be grumpy with me. I’m too tired to battle with you.’
‘Battle with me?’
‘Yes. Anyway, Henry called saying that Kiki needed me.’
‘I called Declan. I assume he didn’t know about the pr
egnancy.’
My glare says it all. ‘You did what? Luke, it wasn’t your place to tell him. Kiki was going to call him today.’
‘I saved her a job.’
‘Is that what you honestly think? Luke, you’re out of order.’
‘That’s where you’re wrong. Declan is my brother… Besides, it would seem Kiki needs him here with her.’
‘You’re pissed at me, but you are out of line.’
‘Like I said, she needs him.’
‘But it wasn’t up to you to interfere!’ I say through gritted teeth.
‘You’re furious… But you promised that you would let me protect you, without question.’
‘What?’
‘You drove here by yourself. I could have brought you.’
‘For the love of God.’ I try to keep my voice low, which is difficult when I
want to scream. ‘Yes, I drove myself because I didn’t want to wake you… and also because I’m a bloody adult.’
He takes a sharp breath.
‘So what’s the real reason you’re behaving like this?’
He remains quiet, once again I’ve hit a nerve.
I place my palms on his chest. ‘Seriously, Luke, you need to let me in. Holding out on me pisses me off.’
He runs his hand through his hair. For a brief moment, I think he will talk to me. No – nothing.
‘OK, so when you want to tell me the truth I’m here to listen. But until then, you can’t wrap me up in cotton wool. Now I suggest you go to work, as I will leave here shortly and go straight to Jones Tailors… I assume Max is here somewhere?’
His lips fasten on mine, not with speed but with tenderness. I pull away to gauge the darkness of his eyes. Dark and irritated meet dark and dubious.
‘Kate, I need to know where you are. Please allow me that. It’s not to control you but to keep you and our family safe.’ His hands travel to the nape of my neck, causing spontaneous flickers of desire.
‘I am listening.’ You’re hiding something, Sutton. I know you too well!
‘Good, then listen to me. Please, if you do nothing else at least allow me this.’
‘You seriously need some therapy.’ I smile.
He suppresses a smile. ‘Being married to you does push me. You may be on to something.’
12
Silently, we walk together. As usual, Luke has a firm grip on my hand: the Sutton vice grip he uses when we have had words. After a breakfast in the hospital canteen he still seems … arsey, or worried. Either way, I give up asking. I can’t force him to tell me what’s up. I wrap my coat around me, feeling the early morning chill. I see Max waiting alongside my car at the hospital entrance. Leaving Kiki was hard, but she seemed settled – or perhaps just resigned.
Luke pulls me close to his chest and kisses the top of my head.
‘I love you,’ he says.
I look up to his dark eyes. Stop hiding, I want to say. ‘I love you too’ is what comes out.
Thomas drives Luke to Sutton Global. I slide into the passenger seat and Max starts the car.
‘Well?’ I say.
He swipes a look at me. ‘Get to the point, Harper.’ I desperately want to mention Anderson’s name, but I don’t want to hurt Max.
‘What the hell is going on with Luke? OK, I know he has issues with Russia and Ivor, which I get, but I see something in his eyes… I know him. But he won’t tell me what’s wrong.’
‘You know what he’s like about your safety. Don’t forget he’s got another two reasons to stress.’
‘Bullshit!’
Max shakes his head.
‘I know I’m right. I just wish he’d come clean. Wouldn’t it be easier if he let me help? But no, so now I’m playing give us a bloody clue.’
‘And you wonder why I don’t want to date.’ He sniggers.
‘Lucky for you, I wouldn’t set you up with someone like Luke.’
‘No setting up. I’ve told you.’
‘Whatever. And you can tell Luke from me, don’t shut me out. It pisses me off.’
We arrive at Jones Tailors. I already feel as though I have run a marathon this morning. As I open the door to the shop I am thrown into pre-show madness. Everyone is on a high of excitement, with the added strain of apprehension. We are all – except Valerie – runway virgins, so the next few days will be filled with checking stock, lists and final cuts.
The shop is a hive of activity. God, this is very different to when I worked here. What have I done to Mr Jones?
Although I turned up looking scruffy, for me, this seems to work out for the best. I get down and dirty, packing clothes, steaming, labelling, making teas, sweeping the floors – the list is endless and incredibly gruelling.
Towards the end of the day the workload eases off. We have achieved a considerable amount in a short space of time. Over the next few days we’ll add the finishing touches to the collection to ensure it’s ready for the show.
When just Mr Jones and I are left in the shop, he finishes my suit for the runway finale. We have matching black three-piece Jones Tailors suits, although mine is fitted with slimline tapered trousers. The suit feels amazing and fits me perfectly – but not for much longer.
I return to the sewing room, dressed in my original scruffy outfit.
‘Kate, tea?’ says Mr Jones.
‘Thanks.’ I take the stool next to him. ‘I bet you miss the silence. Sorry.’
‘Don’t be.’
‘Who would have thought, when you hired me, that we would be here today? Mad, right?’
‘You could say I am surprised.’
I yawn.
‘You look tired, my dear.’ He looks at me over his glasses. ‘Were you sick earlier?’
‘Sorry, I didn’t think anyone could hear me.’
‘I hear everything.’
‘I guess. For some reason, I feel sick later in the day. The same happened yesterday. I thought it was supposed to be morning sickness.’ I frown.
‘I hope it goes away soon.’ Mr Jones reaches across for my hand. ‘Tell me, did your friend call you again this afternoon?’
I nod. ‘She’s home – actually, she’s staying with her dad. Poor love. I feel so dreadful for her.’
‘Mother Nature, my dear – we have no way of knowing what will happen to any of us, or what the future holds. You must not allow her loss to cause you pain, and from what I know of the young lady she would say the same.’
‘I know she would. But I think a baby would give her a purpose and someone to love. It would help with the loss of her mum. You may not know, but since she lost her mum she has slept around a lot, and I mean a lot…’
Mr Jones just listens.
‘Deep down I think she uses it as a tool to numb her loss. Do you understand what I mean?’
He smiles. ‘Yes, and I agree with you. Although I think she needs time to come to terms with this loss before she embarks on another journey.’
‘Definitely. Luke called Declan and told him. I was bloody furious – I still am. Kiki should have had the choice to call him herself, but oh no, Mr I Know It All Sutton did what he wanted, as per usual.’
‘Blood is thicker than water, Kate. You cannot argue that he protects his family, especially you.’
‘No shit.’ I look at Mr Jones with an apologetic gaze. ‘It slipped out.’
‘It usually does.’ He smiles.
‘Well, I’m mad at him.’
‘Don’t let things fester. Life is too short. I would like to point out that Luke has not changed. You knew what he was like before you married him.’
‘He’s worse now.’
‘Perhaps he has more to lose now.’
‘Maybe. Did you want kids?’
He removes his glasses and rubs his eyes.
‘I th
ink most people do at some point.’
‘You would have made a fantastic dad.’
‘Thank you.’
‘No, I mean it. You’re so calm and logical. When I’m around you I feel at ease. You’re like a therapist with an encyclopaedia under his arm.’
‘You should give yourself more credit, Kate. Any decisions you make are your choice. I merely help you to see another point of view.’
‘I think Luke should spend some time with you. Actually, you should adopt him. His problems are deep-rooted.’
‘He has his delightful wife to help guide him,’ he says with a smile.
‘I need to tie him up and gag him.’ Hmm, that may not be such a good idea. He may like it! ‘While we’re on the subject of Luke, how is his suit coming on?’
‘Almost completed and ready for your scavenger hunt.’
‘I can’t wait. All my notes are done.’
‘Notes?’
‘The clues to find me, so you have one, and so do Barney, Stella and his mum.’
‘I see. You have planned this meticulously, Kate.’
‘Sort of, plus I can tie it in with a trip to France – fabric browsing.’
‘I am sure he will be thrilled.’
Trying to switch off from my day I lie in the bath, but my mind is elsewhere: on Kiki, then I make a mental list of everything we still need to do before the show. The pressure is on, which makes me feel alive. I can’t deny I am enjoying every second.
My phone rings. I shake my hands dry and pick it up. Caller ID – Boss.
‘Good evening, sex god. Please tell me you’re alone.’ I smile at our private joke.
‘Kate Sutton and loudspeakers – a fatal combination. Never again.’
‘So, how can I help you? For the record, I’m still pissed off.’
‘About?’
‘You calling Declan.’
‘From what Declan told me, it worked out fine. Kiki was pleased he came home.’
‘Just because it worked doesn’t mean you’re right. Anyway, I’m too tired to argue.’
I can hear the smile in his voice. ‘I’ll be home late so please eat without me.’
‘I’ve been feeling sick this evening. I threw up at the tailors.’
‘Try and eat something. Is there anything you need?’