by F. C. Clark
Rosie comes bounding through the door. ‘Oh dear God, your waters have broken.’ She laughs. ‘The babies are on their way.’
‘No, it’s too soon… I’m only thirty-five weeks. The doctor said I’m doing well and probably have a few more weeks.’
Barney returns to the kitchen, on the phone. Max and Rosie stare at me.
‘OK, I’ll tell her. See you later.’ Barney looks at me. ‘I couldn’t find your book so I called Adam. He said it will be a while, so don’t panic.’
‘Panic!’ I laugh. ‘I’m not panicking. I’m scared shitless and my husband is in another country. I’m beyond panic.’
‘Chill, babe. Let’s get you changed, yeah?’
I take a deep breath. ‘I am calm – and free from pain,’ I mutter.
‘That’s it. Relax and breathe. Do you want to go to hospital?’ Barney asks.
‘How is that bloody relaxing me?’ I bark.
Barney takes my hands. ‘OK, forget I said it. No hospital. Jesus, is this how you’re going to be?’
‘What?’ I frown.
Max is already walking away, his phone in his hand.
‘Shit, I need Luke.’
‘What about your mum or Harry?’ Barney says.
‘They’re coming back from France today, remember?’
‘Crap, I forgot. Well, it’s me or nothing, babe.’
‘Kate, go and have a nice bath. Adam is right: you’re not in any pain. First babies usually take a long time,’ Rosie says.
‘Listen, we have a plan. A nice bath, some car-crash TV, and before you realise it, Luke will be here.’ Barney takes my arm.
‘I like that plan.’
After my bath, I return to the bedroom, where Barney lies on the bed reading my Mother and Baby magazine.
‘Ten positions for comfortable sex – have you done them all?’ He turns the magazine sideways.
‘We’ve managed.’
‘The bump must get in the way.’ He looks at me. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘The bath helped my back.’
‘Good.’
‘Any news from Luke?’
‘I don’t know, babe. I’ve been busy reading about the ten best positions.’
‘Barney!’ I guess he is taking my mind off the fact that my waters have broken.
I decide to put on underwear and Luke’s grey T-shirt, which just about covers my arse. We return to the kitchen, where a welcome committee waits, which now includes Adam.
‘Have you spoken to Luke?’ My eyes meet Max’s.
‘He’s already in the air. Do you want to call him?’
I shake my head. ‘No, I’ll cry and it’ll stress him. How long before he’s here?’
‘Another five hours.’
‘Five hours! Shit, that’s too long, I’m not delivering these babies without him, no bloody way.’
Adam comes to my side. ‘You’ll be fine. You’ll probably be in labour longer than five hours – besides, you’re not in any pain, are you?’
‘It’s getting worse, but I’m OK.’
‘Your doctor called. She’s happy for me to keep an eye on you for the time being.’
‘Good. So Luke’s in the air, I’m not in pain – I can do this,’ I mutter.
‘Barney, let’s go and put a film on for Kate,’ Adam says.
It’s my choice to sit in Luke’s office. Max lights the fire and Barney sets up a distraction: my favourite film in the world, My Cousin Vinnie.
Within half an hour, I’m having contractions, and they’re getting stronger. Even though I desperately try to ignore them, my face screws up when each one arrives.
Adam sits next to me and takes my hand.
‘Deep breaths when a contraction arrives – in through your nose and out through your mouth.’ He demonstrates. ‘Do it with me.’
I join him but can hear heavy breathing from my right. Barney joins in too. Is he taking the bloody piss?
‘I think this does help, babe,’ Barney says and inhales deeply.
‘Who? Because it’s not helping me!’
Sitting is not an option, but pacing is a better choice. I walk slowly around the office as the three men watch. This is not how I imagined my first labour would go, or my choice of birthing partners.
The pain takes my breath away. I hang on to the back of the sofa.
‘Jesus…’ I blow harder and wait for the contraction to subside. ‘Wow – that one really hurt.’
‘They’re getting closer together,’ Adam says. He is timing me.
‘You’re not kidding!’ I reply with too much sarcasm.
‘Do whatever feels natural, but I would like to feel your stomach just to check their positions. Are you OK with that? You know I’m a paediatric doctor, but I have trained in obstetrics too.’
I nod and lie on the sofa.
Adam begins to gently press against my stomach.
‘Good. Their heads are down.’
‘Max, any news on Luke?’ I ask.
‘No. Thomas is at the air field, waiting.’
Another four hours pass. I have two more baths and now feel a strong need to scream and hit something. Barney is the closest.
‘Can you stop breathing like a bloody lunatic? You’re not helping.’
He holds his hands up. ‘OK! Jesus, Kate, I’m just trying to encourage you, that’s all.’
‘Don’t Jesus me. Holy shit, here comes another one.’ I pant and blow. Fuck, it hurts. I have never felt pain like it.
‘Kate, I think we should get you to hospital.’ Max stands at my side in the kitchen.
I shake my head. ‘No, I’m not going anywhere without Luke. Forget it.’
As the contraction passes I walk away and begin to climb the stairs, but halfway up another unbearable contraction arrives.
‘Argh… Bloody hell.’
‘I’ve got you. Lean on me.’ Barney bands his arm around my waist. ‘Max is right. I think you should go to hospital.’
My eyes well up. ‘I need him, Barney.’
‘I know, babe, but you might not have a choice.’
‘Just give it a little longer,’ I manage to say.
We make it to my room, where I have another contraction and Adam walks in.
Barney looks across at Adam.
‘Kate, I’ve spoken to Dr Jenkins again. She is on another call at the moment, so will you let me examine you? I know this must feel strange, but just think of me as your doctor, or we can go straight to the hospital now.’ Adam looks at Barney. ‘Besides, you may only be a few centimetres dilated, in which case this could go on for a while. It’s your call.’
‘OK. Christ, it’s here again.’
‘I need some gloves.’
‘Luke’s office,’ I gasp. ‘Ask Max.’
Barney disappears, leaving me with Adam.
‘Lie on the bed. I’ll get a couple of towels.’
‘I’m really scared.’
He takes my hand. ‘It’s normal to be scared, but you’ll be fine, trust me.’
Within a few moments Barney is back. He sits next to me and takes my hand while Adam slides on some gloves. He lowers a towel across my bump and slips my underwear down.
‘Ready? While you don’t have a contraction.’
I close my eyes as he examines me.
‘OK, that’s great. You’re about eight centimetres.’
‘No – I can’t be. Luke isn’t here.’
‘You still have two centimetres to go.’
Tears roll down my cheeks. ‘But the twins are early.’
‘Dr Jenkins is happy with their size, and you haven’t had any complications, but I do think you should go to hospital.’
‘I don’t want to go without Luke. I need him with me.’
‘Babe, let’s go now and Luke can meet us there,’ Barney says.
Adam stands and removes his gloves. ‘I’m going to call Dr Jenkins. She can meet us at the hospital.’
I can’t speak. Another contraction arrives, taking all my senses with it.
Eventually I get to my feet. Max walks into the bedroom. ‘Luke has landed.’
The pain is unbearable. ‘I can’t do this any more, I can’t.’ Tears roll down my cheeks.
‘Kate, you need to go to hospital. Luke can meet you there.’ I can see fear in Max’s eyes.
‘OK, give me a minute. I feel sick.’ I walk into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I lean over and grip the washstand as another contraction arrives. Barney walks in.
‘Luke’s on the phone.’ Barney hands me the phone.
‘Luke, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to worry you.’
‘Baby, I’m nearly home.’
‘Argh, hang on… Holy fucking shit.’ I pant.
‘Kate!’
‘Luke, hurry!’ I scream and drop the phone.
Twenty minutes later, the pain is relentless.
‘What do you feel?’
I look at Adam. ‘Pain,’ I reply sarcastically.
‘Do you feel pressure, like you need the toilet?’
I nod.
‘I think it’s too late to go to hospital. Barney, sit on the floor and let Kate lean on you. Kate, I need to examine you.’
Adam puts towels on the bathroom floor and lowers me between Barney’s knees. Just as he examines me, the bathroom door bursts open.
‘Luke!’ I can just about speak.
His face is deathly white. ‘It’s OK, I’m here. You can do this.’ He looks at Barney and then at Adam. I’m not sure he’s loving the fact that Barney’s boyfriend has his fingers inside me.
‘We won’t make it to hospital, Luke.’ He looks at me. ‘Max, call Dr Jenkins. Tell her there’s been a change of plan and to come here,’ Adam shouts to the closed door.’
‘Got it,’ Max yells.
‘You’re good to go, Kate. The next contraction, you need to push.’
‘What? No! Shit, it’s coming… Luke.’
He leans forward and kisses my head. ‘You’ve done this all on your own. I’m so proud of you.’
‘Next contraction, you need to push down, OK? Luke, you may want to roll your sleeves up. Wash your hands. There are some gloves behind you.’
‘Dr Jenkins is on her way!’ Max shouts through the door.
‘Good, I could do with an ultrasound for the second baby.’
I’m in too much pain to care what’s going on.
‘Mum!’ Adam says and Rosie appears at the door.
‘Come in and get some towels ready – these babies are on their way.’
‘It’s here,’ I groan and pant ferociously.
‘Good. The head is down, now push.’
I push with all that I have, but my body is drained.
‘That’s it, keep going. Well done. Excellent. Next contraction, you need to do the same.’
I nod and grip Barney’s legs.
‘God, it really hurts,’ I cry.
‘You’re doing so well,’ Luke says.
‘Oh no.’ I close my eyes as another contraction sweeps over me. My fingers dig into Barney’s legs.
‘Christ, my legs,’ Barney complains. ‘Babe, you’re pinching me.’
‘Are you fucking joking? Oh God.’ I push again.
Adam looks at Barney. ‘Kate, squeeze his legs as much as you need.’
How long have I been pushing? All I know is that I’m exhausted, but after one more push I can feel something different.
‘Kate, keep going… Push, push, push! Stop! Pant, that’s it. Let me get the head.’
I pant.
‘OK, Kate, tuck your chin in and push.’
With one almighty push I feel a sensation like a slippery fish sliding out of me. Baby number one is out.
Luke stares in amazement. ‘She’s… perfect,’ he mutters.
‘Well done, Kate. Mum, towel please. Luke, grab those scissors. I need to clamp the cord,’ Adam says.
I have no idea what’s going on.
‘Here, take your baby.’
Luke takes her, wrapped in a towel. I want to cry watching him, but the contractions don’t give me a chance.
‘Mum, sit next to Luke and take her when he needs to help me with baby number two.’
Adam pushes down on my stomach. ‘Perfect, the head is down. Ready to go again?’
I exhale and nod. There is a gush of water.
‘Kate, this one should be quicker. Let’s get her out. Luke, give the baby to Mum.’
The bathroom is a whirlwind of activity. Rosie sits next to me holding my first baby. Luke and Adam get ready for the arrival of baby number two.
‘Kate, I can see the head.’
I nod and try to breathe. All I can hear is crying. Barney!
‘Sorry, babe, I am just blown away. She’s perfect.’
‘Oh God,’ I say as another contraction breaks. I’m too exhausted. I rest my head against Barney’s chest.
‘Kate, look at me. You’re tired but you’re nearly done. Don’t give up on me now,’ Adam says.
I look at Luke.
‘You can do this. I promise it’s nearly over, Kate… Push really hard,’ Luke says.
This time I push with all I have, which is hardly anything, but it’s just enough to get the second baby out. Then Dr Jenkins arrives.
‘She’s out! Well done, let me check her,’ Adam says.
‘Kate, you’ve done so well.’ I look up to Dr Jenkins. ‘Are you OK to carry on?’ she asks Adam.
‘I’m fine here, if you can check the girls,’ he says.
‘OK, the first baby, please.’
‘She’s here,’ Rosie says and passes Dr Jenkins the baby.
I watch her closely as she checks and weighs her.
My baby girl cries, and the sound makes me cry. I want to kiss her and make it better.
‘Luke, come here,’ Dr Jenkins says. ‘She’s perfect. Five pounds, four ounces – a good weight. Here, take your daughter.’
My eyes are glued to them. I have no idea what Adam is doing to me or that a new person has arrived – Dr Jenkins’ assistant. I feel delirious as Adam pushes down on my stomach, encouraging my body to deliver the placenta.
Luke sits next to me as Dr Jenkins checks over baby number two in the same manner. She also cries when she is stripped and weighed, but she is soon wrapped in a towel and passed to me.
‘Congratulations, Mummy. Another perfect baby girl: five pounds, five ounces.’
‘Are they too small?’
‘No, Kate, they’re fine. Good weights for twins. Now I need to check that you’re OK.’
‘You did it. I can’t believe they’re here,’ Luke says. He kisses the baby in his arms and then leans across to kiss baby number two. ‘Your mummy is the cleverest woman I know.’ He looks at me with tears streaming down his cheeks.
‘I can’t believe they’re here, Luke. Look at them.’ They are perfect in every way, with little rosebud lips and button noses and the lightest dusting of fair hair. ‘But they need names.’
‘After what you just went through, I have no say in this. It’s your choice.’
‘No, we need to choose together.’
He gently presses his lips to mine. ‘Herbs it is.’
I giggle. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Whatever you want. You have totally blown me away.’
‘OK, so you’re holding Sage Olivia Katenka Sutton, and this precious little bundle is Thyme Susan Bagrov Sutton.’
I look at my watch. It’s midnight and the babies are swaddled in blankets and lie in the middle o
f our bed. They’re both perfect. Sage is wearing a white baby-grow edged in pink, and Thyme is wearing a pink baby-grow edged in white.
Luke appears in the doorway with a tray.
‘How are they?’ He looks at our new family.
‘Asleep.’
‘And you?’
I wince. Not just because of my stitches, but after eight hours of labour I am physically and emotionally drained.
‘The painkillers are helping, but not as much as having a shower. I feel human again.’
He puts the tray on a table.
‘For my stunning and incredibly clever wife – tea and flapjacks.’
‘Thank you,’ I say and take the mug of tea.
He returns to his side of the bed and lies next to me. We can’t stop gazing at our two little bundles wrapped in pink blankets lying on our bed.
Tears roll down my cheeks and Luke wipes them away, although I see he feels just the same, and tears glint in his eyes.
‘We created these.’
‘What a good job we did. I have never been more proud of anyone than I am of you today. Watching what you went through will stay with me forever.’
‘They had to come out somehow. God, I was scared. I should have gone to hospital. What was I thinking?’ I drink my tea and then place the mug on my nightstand.
‘Don’t second-guess yourself. You didn’t have pain relief – you got by on sheer determination. Jesus, Kate, you’re officially a superwoman.’
Sage murmurs so softly that we could have easily missed it.
‘Come here, Sage.’ Luke picks her up and kisses her.
I pick up Thyme. ‘Are you OK with the names?’
‘They’re growing on me.’
We laugh.
‘No pun intended. It had to be your call.’ He smiles. ‘Adam and Dr Jenkins were pleased with you.’
‘Adam was a star. I couldn’t have done it without him.’
‘You need to sleep; you look exhausted,’ Luke says.
‘This is it. Life will never be the same again.’
‘I like change,’ he says.
‘No, you don’t.’ I laugh.
‘Some change I can cope with – this is one I can definitely cope with.’
I yawn.
‘All my girls are going to bed.’