by Bethany-Kris
Penny said no.
Fast.
The very idea of sharing in an open setting had sent her anxiety skyrocketing. But one on one with Katya didn’t feel so bad or scary. Or maybe ... there was just something about her that Penny trusted. She didn’t know what it was, and she didn’t care as long as it was real.
Now, sitting in Roz’s piano room while the two women drank green tea, Katya admitted, “There was a time when I used this room as a place to escape. It was so much easier to be in here for hours a day listening to Roz play than it was anywhere else. I only had one thing to focus on in here, after all.”
Hot tea flooded Penny’s tongue while she took in those words and decided how she wanted to respond. “Is it still hard sometimes—wanting to hide away, I mean?”
“I won’t lie, sometimes it is.”
Penny sighed where she sat cross-legged on the piano bench. Lowering the cup between her legs, she said, “Today, a guy at school brought up my father and what he did to me. And maybe that wouldn’t have been so bad except he asked if it was still going on. Like, could he get in on the—”
“I’m sorry.”
She shrugged.
Katya wasn’t accepting that for a minute. “Don’t shrug it off, Penny. Don’t dismiss that kind of thing like it’s just something you should have expected. That makes your brain think you should also accept it. And you shouldn’t. Ever.”
“I didn’t. I punched him in the mouth. That’s not very accepting to me.”
The woman across from her grinned wide, not even ashamed. “Well, fair point, but still ... it hurt. It was triggering to you. And it’s perfectly fine to say so. Loudly, even. Over and over again until people hear you and understand. Your best advocate is yourself.”
Penny quieted.
But only for a moment.
“I’m not sure if I’m trying to advocate or just ... survive right now.”
“I’m sorry to say but that never really goes away,” Katya murmured, her soft smile fading when Penny’s stare lifted to meet hers. “Things make it easier ... time, and life. Finding the right people who make you want to stay on this earth to be with them. The same people that teach you to see yourself as something more than a body to be used. When you’re worth something to someone else, when they love you, it’s easier to love yourself. Eventually, you begin to do those things on your own because we start to rewire.”
That was the first time Penny heard that term used.
“Rewire?
Katya laughed, pointing at her temple. “In here. It’s not right and it takes time to fix it. To rewire, so to speak. You’ve got to give it the time it needs to work.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re on the right track, Penny. You’ve found the right people to help. My daughter, Naz ... even Luca, they all care about you a great deal. Let them. And heal while you’re at it.”
She would keep it in mind.
Penny wiped away the wetness under her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie, thankful that Katya didn’t even mention noticing the tears. She might have been getting better at this whole ... talking thing, but she didn’t want people to point it out. Some shit was still just hers.
Even if that meant dealing with it alone, too.
She could do that.
Mostly.
“Thanks again.” Penny shrugged in response to Katya’s raised brow, adding, “For everything ... today, I guess.”
“I think you should thank someone else for that, huh? I was just here cooking stew.”
Yeah, Luca.
Couldn’t forget about him.
Even if she tried.
Before the two could say anything more, a phone rang somewhere outside the piano room. Katya shot Penny an apologetic smile before standing from the chair, her tea still firmly in her grip as she said, “Let me grab that—you okay to be by yourself for a bit?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Maybe I’ll take a look around.”
Despite joining the Puzzas for dinner on occasion, she wasn’t actually familiar with their home. Katya didn’t seem bothered by the idea.
“I’ll find you when I’m done,” the woman replied.
“Okay.”
When the phone call lasted more than five minutes, Penny decided to head out of the piano room to see what was down the hall. She passed a bathroom on the way, but it was what she found at the far end of the hallway that interested her the most.
The bedroom looked like it belonged to a typical teenage boy. Right down to the black and gray sheets on the double bed, and the posters of bands and women on the walls. She couldn’t help but wonder why Katya and her husband hadn’t changed the room or even, done something different with it.
Instead, it kind of seemed like a tribute to their son. Or who he used to be before he grew up, anyway. Despite that, the space still felt welcoming. If that made any sense. She was comfortable in the room.
In the corner of the room, three guitars sat in stands looking like they hadn’t been played in a while ... which was a shame. The desk and chair closer to the door caught Penny’s attention and drew her near to look at the framed pictures on the top.
Picking up the first, she couldn’t help but smile at the boys who grinned back from the photograph. They hadn’t changed that much—not in their looks, anyway. Naz and Luca stood arm in arm, dripping wet in swim shorts with a pool behind them. They had to be, maybe, her age or younger in the photo.
Always friends, she thought.
She couldn’t imagine what that was like—to have one single person who remained something akin to her for most of her life. It was a strange concept, but not one that scared her. It just seemed unreal because that had been so far from her reality. Before she was shoved from one private school to the next to get her out of her parents’ lives, her social interactions were limited to the people approved by her mother and father.
People who didn’t know.
Or even ... people who wouldn’t tell.
Penny shook those thoughts away as she replaced the photo to the desk and grabbed a second. This one was just Luca—dressed in a three-piece suit with a red vest and tie, he didn’t look any older in this photo than the other. Maybe it was a prom or a formal dance.
And then she wondered ...
What might have happened if she met him under different circumstances? If they were the same age, would things be different—would she know what to do with the silly crush that still kept her heart in a tight grip every time he was within breathing distance?
What would it be like if she wasn’t ... broken?
“Find something interesting?”
The familiar voice behind Penny damn near made her drop the framed photograph straight to the desk. Somehow, she managed to keep a hold of it and set it down without incident. Not even able to pretend like she wasn’t embarrassed about being caught in the bedroom, she tried to smile it off.
“Sorry, I was just—”
Katya didn’t look bothered when she interjected, “It’s fine. We leave the door open. Luca doesn’t even use this room when he stays the night ... which is basically never now.”
Her cheeks were still red.
She could feel the heat.
Katya’s gaze drifted from the photo Penny had just been looking at to the other one on the desk that had clearly been moved a couple of inches as well. “Do you like my son?”
Penny wasn’t sure what she expected the woman to say, but that wasn’t it. At least, not so brazenly. It certainly didn’t help with the blush in her cheeks.
“It doesn’t matter,” Penny mumbled, stepping away from the desk and heading for the doorway. “He doesn’t know I exist. Not like I know he does, anyway. Not like that.”
He didn’t look at Penny and get confused. He didn’t see her and think ... God, that’s the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen. She didn’t give him butterflies or silly, stupid thoughts the way he did for her.
And why should he?
Penny was ...
mousey.
Small.
She faded away more than she stood out.
“And he shouldn’t know,” Penny added, attempting to step past Katya.
The woman didn’t move. “You’re right ... you’re a bit too young for him right now.”
“And a mess.”
Katya tipped her head to the side, eyeing Penny. “But not unworthy. We already talked about that, remember? Being who you are—going through the things you did—none of it makes you unworthy of finding someone to love. Or someone who loves you.”
That said, Katya stepped to the side, finally letting Penny pass. As she did so, the older woman added, “And even if something isn’t in the cards right now because of circumstance doesn’t mean that will always be the case. Everything takes time, Penny. It’s just one breath after another until it starts to feel normal. Try to keep it in mind.”
She just kept walking.
And hoping.
Hoping maybe Katya was right.
Even if that terrified her.
PENNY DID HER BEST to avoid staring at the home in front of Luca’s parked vehicle because the weight of her actions had finally settled on her shoulders. The man in the driver’s seat said nothing as she fidgeted with the gold chain that hung from the rearview mirror. Luca didn’t even hint that it was time for her to get out of the car and head inside to see Naz and Roz.
No, he just waited her out.
“I probably made a bigger problem with the caseworker today,” Penny muttered. “And the school, right?”
Luca tilted his head her way. “Likely.”
Penny rolled her eyes. “Naz and Roz will tell me it’s fine. They’ll handle it like they always do.”
“But that doesn’t help, does it?”
Her gaze snapped to his.
He only clarified with, “The guilt, Penny. It doesn’t help with the guilt.”
Air slipped past her lips in a harsh woosh when she admitted, “No, it doesn’t help.”
“That should tell you something.”
Should it?
“What, then?”
Luca smiled. “That you know they love you ... and you love them.”
Penny released the chain hanging from the mirror and rested back in the seat. “It’s more than just Naz and Roz. You, too. You care about me, too.”
“Of course, I do. You have my number, you know how to use it, and you’re more than welcome to do so, Penny.”
Right.
He cared.
Platonically.
As he should.
Penny wished she could say the same but instead when her stare met his again, the truth slipped out before she could stop herself. “I’m not sure I should, actually.”
“What, call me? You did today. It didn’t end so bad.”
Except ...
“What happens when I keep calling and you keep showing up?” Penny asked, shrugging and putting her attention on anything but the handsome man in the seat next to hers. “I’m already confused about ... you. The more you’re around, the worse it’s gonna get. And it’s not your fault, you don’t even act like you notice me or how I am when you’re around. I’ve just never—”
“Liked someone before,” he murmured.
God.
Was it that obvious?
Even he knew?
Penny sighed, saying nothing more except, “I don’t know how to deal with any of it, I guess.”
“Penny.”
She didn’t answer.
Didn’t even look at him.
Wasn’t it bad enough that she went as far as admitting her crush when he hadn’t even given her the suggestion he felt the same way? She thought so.
“Penny. Hey, look at me for a second.”
She did.
It was hard.
Luca grinned when her stare finally met his, like he was fucking proud of her or something. “There you are, huh? Don’t be scared to show people who you are, Penny.”
“Easier said than done.”
“I know. And ... as for the rest, just know I’m safe. For you, I’m a safe place. Sounds kind of stupid, I know, but it’s true. Have a crush on me. Like me. Even if it’s silly. It’s still safe, Penny, because you should also know I’m never going to cross a line.”
She nodded.
He was the good guy. Every chick flick had one although those men rarely looked like Luca. The girl’s best friend who was always waiting in the wings to save the day. The unintentional hero who rarely got the girl but didn’t seem to need to, either.
Good guys weren’t real, though.
Except, she had one.
Right?
Luca winked, adding, “Ever, okay?”
“Okay.”
Everyone lied.
Or that’s what life taught her.
But right then, she believed Luca.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” she admitted, grabbing her book bag from the floor of the car. “It’s that sometimes I think about what would happen if you did cross a line. I think about it more than I should.”
Luca glanced her way, the hard lines of his face softening as his mouth opened to respond. Before he could say anything, Penny leaned over the seat and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, saying, “Thank you for helping me today.”
And then she was gone.
She didn’t look back, either.
It was just easier.
11.
Luca
LUCA didn’t have time to pull out of the driveway before a familiar figure stepped out of the front door. He could still feel Penny’s kiss on his cheek. Her words continued banging around in his mind long after she disappeared inside the house. He had no business obsessing over what she did or told him in the first place, but he still did.
Even as Naz approached. He couldn’t get it off his goddamn mind while Naz came to stand beside the car, and he rolled the window down to talk.
What was wrong with him?
“You okay?” Naz asked.
Luca passed his friend a look from the side, but shrugged it off. “Yeah, man. I’m always good.”
Naz nodded, but his attention returned to the front steps leading up to the house. “Any news for me?”
That earned his friend a laugh.
“Depends,” he returned.
“On what?”
“What, specifically, you want to know?”
Naz grinned, and shoved his hands into the pockets of his black slacks. “That good of a day, huh?”
“That’s one way to put it.”
The day had certainly started in a different way than it ended. None of it had been what Luca expected after he got that message from Penny and decided to go pick her up. Then again, when was life ever what he thought it would be?
“Start with whatever, then,” Naz said. “We’ll work from there.”
Right.
“Might as well since I’m already here,” Luca replied, sighing.
Luca massaged at the tension starting to form between his eyes while his mind went back to the original duty he had that day. Chasing down information on the caseworker that might possibly cause issues for Naz and Roz’s guardianship over Penny. He figured that was as good of a place to start as any, surely.
“Your caseworker thing,” he muttered.
“What about it?”
That was probably the easiest of all the issues he had to deal with over the day. Finding information on the woman wasn’t exactly hard when he only needed to find certain people, ask a few questions, and shove a couple of hundred dollars into the right hands to get the right answers.
Simple.
And the information was good, too.
“The woman is in a lot of debt,” Luca said. “Surprise, like most Americans. Hers started with student loans and just grew from there. A bad divorce three years ago added another hundred grand on top of what she already owes. Interest isn’t terrible, but it still isn’t great. So, she’s pulling more hours than she should on
top of an already massive workload. Something to consider as a reason why she might not be seeing Penny’s living situation clearly.”
“Hmm,” Naz hummed under his breath. “Anything else?”
Wasn’t there always?
Luca just hadn’t gotten there yet.
“The good thing is she doesn’t have any kids,” Luca said. “The bad thing is she has even more debt from the death of her father two years back ... and her mother is currently sick. Cancer, I guess.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Luca saw the way Naz flinched at that news. It was subtle, sure, but it still happened. Despite what a lot of people might assume about them—or men like them, for that matter—they did actually have morals. Nobody wanted to kick someone else when they were already down. That shit just wasn’t fair.
Some things also couldn’t be helped.
Was this one of those?
Luca didn’t know. He just did what Naz wanted him to do. He found the information he needed on his problem, and the rest was for his friend to handle the way he wanted. Unless, of course, he asked Luca to deal with that side of things as well.
He would.
Didn’t mean he would like it.
“So, I’ll fill in the rest of the details,” Luca murmured, tipping his head Naz’s way to meet his friend’s stare. “Her debt just continues growing because she’s picking up responsibility left and right. She’s overworked, likely underpaid, and it doesn’t end when she goes home because guess who just moved in? Right, her mother ... currently undergoing treatments for cancer. Shitty thing is, she’s not wrong about looking into us. You’re not the right kind of home for a girl like Penny by all standards.”
“Luca—”
“I’m not finished. She’s not being abused, though. Everywhere else she’s lived after leaving her parents, she actively planned to run away or made suicide attempts. She has made progress here. And other than overlooking everything you do business-wise, this home is just fine for Penny. She—and you guys—have done everything asked from school to therapy. The caseworker just sees what’s on the surface, the obvious, and she’s trying to run with it, so she doesn’t miss anything. Crossing ts and dotting any is, you know?”