by Kailin Gow
Summer
I was jogging along the beach early in the morning that drew up against the Pad’s back patio, when Rachel, in her curlers, black camisole and plaid shorts pajamas came running up to me.
Rach was now staying at the Pad full-time while she finished her internship at the Academy. Needless to say, I was happy to have her there with me. Just us girls. Without all the drama of the boys being there.
After we flew back to Malibu, she ordered pizza and Chinese food, and we ate and ate until we were agonizingly stuffed. Then we played music, watched Mean Girls, recited all the lines we loved in Mean Girls, and fell asleep in each other’s arms. We were exhausted from worry, but being able to relive those carefree childhood days with Rachel had lifted our spirits, if only just for one night.
It was as though Aunt Sookie was back in our lives, telling us girls to live life to the fullest, to go after what we really wanted out of life and never look back. Never have regrets. Never apologize for being you. Being back in Malibu in Aunt Sookie’s beach house calmed my soul, and made me realize how fortunate I was to have known all the special people who came into my life at different stages and points of my life…Aunt Sookie, Rachel, Nat, Drew, Astor, Nadine Donovan, and even Ryan. To me, it was fate that I have them in my life…if fate was to act again and separate one of any of them from my life; then there was a purpose for it, a purpose I couldn’t see in the present, but will someday realize. Knowing this helped provide me with peace and tranquility in a sea of uncertainty. Knowing this helped me prepare for the news I was about to hear from Donovan Dynamics. Thank God, I had that strength. Thank God, Rachel was with me. If not, I would have collapse to the ground and have never wanted to get back up.
“Summer,” Rachel said, “Summer!”
“Yeah, what?” I said slowing down my jog to a sudden halt. “What?”
Rachel’s face was wet from crying. From heavy sobbing. “It’s Nat…” she cried. “They sent a Special Forces team to find any trace of Nat,” she cried. “He had helped Dad get out of whatever crime organization that had him. He was the one to get another hostage out. You wouldn’t guess who it was…”
“Who?” I asked.
“Your mother,” Rachel said. “Your mother was held by this crime organization she was investigating for the military. Then she went missing, and Dad made it a personal mission of his to find her. He promised Mom and Aunt Sookie he would do everything he could to find her.”
My eyes probably shot out of my head with surprise. “Why didn’t anyone tell me? Why didn’t I know? It’s my mother. Don’t I have a right to know? I knew she was off on some kind of special assignment, so I didn’t try to contact her, wanting her to focus on her mission, get it done, and come home, but this…Oh God…how long was she kept prisoner? Was she mistreated? Oh God…she was the military hostage your father was traveling back with…I should’ve stayed to see her!”
“Summer, she’s okay; she’s fine. They treated her well enough. She’s exhausted but she will be making her way here tomorrow.”
I put my hands to my face rubbing it out of nervous energy. “Thank God Mom is safe.”
“Thanks to Nat,” Rachel said, looking solemn. “He was a real hero, going there to get them out. He had to go into the headquarters of some criminal organization to do it, and…” Rachel gulped. “The Special Forces team Drew sent over last night found something. The men who was part of Nat’s team had been killed. Nat was nowhere to be found nearby. But that crime ring had been known to wash away all traces of their crimes, including murder. I can’t go into detail what they found of the team Nat had been with, but if Nat was with them, there would be barely anything left of him.”
I fell to the ground, feeling the rush of sand meet my face and scraping it. My head was spinning, and I was seeing half the sky and half blurry darkness. Nat. Nat. Nat…he was dead.
Chapter 12
Nat
The deed had been done. I’m a bastard in so many ways for putting my loved ones through this grief. Rachel may forgive me one day…she’s still considered my sister, but Summer, I won’t blame her for hating me forever. Perhaps it was better that she hated me, than hold some kind of hope out for me…that I would return to her, make her happy, and live happily ever after with her.
Than for her to find out the truth.
*****
Lamar, an FBI giant with muscles everywhere, packed up the computer equipment from the van securely and loaded it into an unidentifiable vehicle. It was the last of the valuable hardware that had to go to the lab for data analysis.
“Good job, Rookie,” Lamar’s booming deep voice said, while he slapped me on the back hard enough to make my teeth chatter. “We have the evidence we need to bring a suit against the ring. Then you can send that mother fucking psycho to prison where he belongs. No more tormenting young women with blackmailed photos of them, no more stalking celebrities and hacking into their accounts. Your girl could rest assure we got one of her biggest cyber-bullies. Or at least we will. How did you put two and two together? That was genius by the way…”
“When I went into the computer of their headquarters searching for a code, I found the name of a man who had been stalking Summer and also Summer’s Aunt Sookie. He seemed to know too much about Summer and had access to very personal photos…I knew he was connected to some kind of cybercriminal activity that was bigger than an one-person operation. Well, bingo, his name popped up in the database on this crime ring’s computer as one of their own. Sloane, Wilma, KazuKen, Celi-hag, BunnyMuff, were all part of the illegal and criminal cyber-bullying ring that used blackmail to extort celebrities and famous authors, musicians, schools like Aunt Sookie Acting Academy for money or they will post lies, false rumors, photo shopped fake photos, and accusations of fake awards, fake credentials on the internet. They did that to Summer and tried to do that with Aunt Sookie, apparently. But as seemingly innocent as they seem, using young girls’ photos as their supposed fake identities, they really were part of a larger crime ring.”
“Why Summer and why the Acting Academy?” Lamar asked.
“Because of revenge…Summer’s mother found evidence of their criminal activity once and had reported them. These cyber criminals were ruthless, went after anyone associated with Major Jones…meaning Summer and Aunt Sookie. Of course Summer also got attacked for getting into the public eye when she dated that pretty boy actor Astor Fairway.”
“Well, good job, and glad we could put your genius cyber-crime solving mind to work for us. It was about time we found this to bring about justice.” Lamar looked into the van and noted that it was completely cleaned out.
“What next?” I asked.
“We torch the van so there are no trace of this ever happening. We’ve already masked the scene at the headquarters to appear as though all the men who accompanied you as part of your Special Forces team, were killed.”
“They weren’t?” I asked, the relief clearly running across my face.
“No,” Lamar said. “When you decided to head back to a part of the fence close to the area Tito was trying to get through, and rammed it with the van to create an opening large enough for any of the guys to go through, before you headed out as fast as you could, that created the escape and diversion they needed to escape, scatter, and hide into the forest.”
“Where are they now?” I asked. “Are they still in the forest?”
“No, these men you hired are the most elite of the elite. They’ve been in far more dangerous missions and lived to face others. They did what they had to do, escaped, and probably went their separate ways afterwards, never to meet up again. I would do the same thing.”
“Is that what I’m supposed to do now?” I asked. “I was part of that team. Do I go back to being a normal college student again?”
“Nat,” Lamar said, leading me away from the van and to the opposite side of the garage where there was a simple, no-frills beat-up looking silver 1998 Honda Civic. “Actually, Nat, you wi
ll still be a college student, only a normal one…one with college tuition worries, school loans, dorm-room living, and girl troubles…Because you were in this mission, not only acting for your father’s company, but also for the FBI, you could not assume your old identity. It would be too dangerous, for you and for anyone you care about. That criminal ring had your face and name snapshot as soon as you entered the premises. They could find Nat Donovan. Unless he disappears. The rest of your team…they knew the dangers, too. They’ve disappeared. Now Nat Donovan have to disappear, too. You will be another college student, so at least you could finish college and move on with your life, but not Nat Donovan.”
I swallowed. This was hard to take. I knew this mission was dangerous, but I didn’t think about the consequences afterwards, if I survived. “Who will I be?”
“A student attending USC on a scholarship. A film major. You’re also a player who goes through girls like candy. We can color your hair blonde, put blue contacts into your eyes…this is the car you’ll be driving. This life is completely different than Nat Donovan’s. What do you think?”
“This is the way it has to be? Would anyone in my family know? What about my mother…she needs caring, would someone watch her for me? Summer…oh God, what about Summer, could I see her again?”
Lamar, who looked and seemed younger than his forty years, shook his head. “Your brother Drew knows you’re alive. But he thinks it’s because you left on your own accord, that you wanted to distance yourself from Summer, considering you may be blood—related to her. He knows you’re alive, but won’t reveal it because he personally have some stake in having you disappear or declared as dead.”
I could not believe what Lamar was saying, Drew would want me out of the picture alright, to be with Summer. I just didn’t think he’d actually want me dead.
“Everyone else believe the story the new ex-Special Forces team Drew and Donovan Dynamics sent last night, gave…that they found pieces of the men from your team left at the headquarters, and that you were probably part of that, too.”
I bent over to keep from hyperventilating; I was knocked clear out of breath. I was dead to my family now. I was dead to Summer. To never be able to touch or hold her again. To never be able to kiss her again, despite whether or not we were taboo from ever being together. I didn’t even know if I was Aunt Sookie’s son.
All this was too much to handle. I could handle everything else, but losing Summer was the one thing I couldn’t. She was my weakness, my Achilles heel. The one constant in my crazy abnormal life. How would I deal with seeing her but not being able to have her?
“Nat,” Lamar said. “Your transporter’s here. He’ll take you across the border. Then you’ll see this same exact car parked at the parking garage near Pike’s Market. From there, you can drive to San Francisco and on down the California highway to USC where you’re set up with a dorm.”
“Will I ever have my life back again?” I asked. “Will I ever get to return to being Nat Donovan?”
“That’s a sound iffy, Nat. For now, to keep yourself safe, and to be able to work for us to get this crime ring completely busted, you would have to be this other person. This is the way for you to still help Summer out, and still be close enough to her.”
“But not as myself,” I said. “When could I be myself with her?”
“When we bust this cybercrime ring, and bring all of them to justice so you, Summer, and Summer’s mother are safe.”
“This is going to devastate Summer. I have a hard time putting her through this…she just lost her aunt for God’s sake.”
Lamar looked me squarely in the face. “Then do what you need to do to put yourself at ease with this. What do you need to do to find some kind of closure?”
I said, “Do you have a pen and paper?”
Lamar brought out a briefcase from his vehicle and opened it revealing stationery of all kinds as well as different types of pens, pencils, and writing utensils. “For my 5 year-old daughter, but also for our line of work. Clean up, disguises, espionage.”
I took a nice fine point blue ink pen and an ivory linen pad of paper and began writing. When I was done in less than five minutes, I handed it to Lamar. “Can I make this look like it’s been through a lot to get to her?” I asked.
“Easy,” Lamar said. “I’m a master of disguises, change identities, and appearances. This is a piece of cake.”
“Good,” I said, “because Summer would probably see through it if it wasn’t done right.”
“Well…we’ve fooled the crime ring you’re dead already. Now are you ready to be resurrected as someone new?”
“As ready as I could be,” I answered. “When I thought about the possibility of being blood related to Summer, my life already was forfeit.”
Epilogue
Summer
The letter I held in my hands was bent and torn, patched up a few times with tape, and looked as though it went through some rough times. If only it could talk, I bet there would be a good story with how it got to me. If it could talk, it would be able to answer all the questions that I had that came up as soon as I saw who had sent it.
Nat.
When? How? Why did it take so long to get to me?
Those were the first questions that came up.
Then came many more…
Nat’s Letter to Summer
My Perfect Summer,
I hope you will and can forgive me.
I never meant to hurt you, but sometimes we do things because we thought it was the best or only way out.
I don’t know where to begin. But if you are holding this letter in your hands, then I know you already have a sense of what this is about.
Again, I am writing you a letter not because I am old-fashioned, but because this time, it was necessary. It was the only way I can get word out to you that I am okay. That I am alive.
I can’t have you suffering over grief for me, thinking I was dead. I am in the sense I could not be with you in more ways than one.
I will always love you, Summer. You are the world to me, but circumstances have changed. I don’t know if I will ever be the same Nat as you loved. If I could return to be the Nat that you could be with. Sometimes in the line of duty, you are forced to do things that you would not be proud of. There were a few things I had to do in order to get the job done. But I did it, and because I did, my father will be on his way back home.
Will I come home soon? It depends. I don’t know when or if so that’s why I’m writing you this letter.
Please go on living life to the fullest as you’ve always have. Go on and be as happy as you can be, and don’t put your life on hold for me to be happy. I know how you feel about Drew, and I know how Drew feels about you. With me no longer there for you, please turn to Drew for support. He knows why I’m doing this, and he knows how to comfort you best, as well as how to protect you.
Life is too short to wait for love. I am so grateful for the chance we had together. I take those memories with me everywhere I go, but it is now time for me to let you go, and for you to let me go. I love you with all my heart so I am letting you go to fulfill your destiny, as I am doing so now.
Love Your Nat in Shining Armor for Always
*****
As I re-read the letter over and over again, I felt somewhat of an elation from reading this battered and torn letter. Relief that Nat was indeed alive, but sad and angry that he would not be returning to me, that he or whoever it was behind his disappearance had allowed me to experience such devastating grief over him.
It had been a week since Rachel told me the news about Nat’s death, and I cried my heart and soul out for him.
But today, looking at this letter, I couldn’t cry any longer. I was cried out. Now it was replaced with fury.
I called Drew and asked him to meet me at the Pad as soon as he could. Since Nat’s death, he practically lived there after he drove back down to Malibu. He stayed with Rachel and I at the Pad every day, and when Rachel was
out teaching a class or going to auditions now that Astor had found her an agent, Drew would sneak up to me to kiss me and make love to me. We would sleep together every night, and wake up hot for each other again.
Knowing that Nat was dead, Drew told me, gave me closure. I was allowed to move on, to date other guys, to be with Drew in all ways.
I let Drew comfort me, to make love to me, to have me all over him, to give myself freely to him because of this closure. All because Nat was gone.
Now I knew Nat was alive. He gave me his blessings for me to be with Drew, but he was alive. And the worse part of it, Drew knew it. He knew and let me suffer through the grief, and even used it to cement our relationship together.
I was furious.
I felt like a fool, played by Drew and Nat.
When Drew walked through the door of the Pad a half hour after I texted him to meet, he had a smile on his face, a big happy dopey smile that only a man happy in love could have. He also had a bouquet of gigantic red roses which he presented to me.
“Summer,” he said, grabbing me around the waist, lifting me in the air, and swinging me. “I love you so much, Summer, I want you to come out to dinner with me. A special restaurant by the beach, candle-lit dinner, music…”
He brought out a box that had a very familiar color – Tiffany blue.
I immediately thought of Astor when I saw the Tiffany box.
“This is for you, Sum…I noticed you love these type of things.”
“No Drew, you don’t have to,” I said, touched by his sweetness, but still furious with his deception.
Drew opened the box and took out the jewelry inside. “I’m not Astor or Nat,” Drew said. “This piece of jewelry was custom-made and different than the other ones you have.”