by Cindy Kirk
Saying “I love you” would not have been a smart move. She wasn’t ready to hear those words from him. And he wasn’t sure he was ready to say them.
Letting him get so close had been a huge step for her. Although encouraged, Derek wasn’t a fool. The love she felt for her deceased husband hadn’t vanished. And she was still wearing Tom’s rings. But yesterday it felt as if she’d given him a small slice of herself. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to give him hope. Enough to make him believe he had a fighting chance.
From the time he’d picked up his first ball, he’d been a competitor. But this time the prize wasn’t a championship or a pennant race—it was her love. Because yesterday he’d realized he didn’t just like Rachel, he loved her.
That was why losing her wasn’t an option.
After church, Rachel and Derek headed straight to The Coffeepot. It seemed odd to walk through the door without Mickie. But the girl had asked if she could ride with Addie and her family to the café. This left Rachel alone with Derek.
“Sometimes I get the feeling that Mickie— No, that’s crazy.” Rachel chuckled and sat down.
Once she was seated, Derek claimed the chair beside her.
“Tell me.”
“It’s silly.”
“Please.” He grasped her hand. It was almost as if he’d been looking for an excuse to touch her, which was okay with Rachel. All through church she’d fought to keep her hands off him.
“It’s like Mickie wanted to give us time alone together,” Rachel said when she realized he was waiting for an answer.
Derek brought her fingers to his mouth. “Remind me to thank her.”
A shiver of desire traveled up Rachel’s spine. The touch brought to mind memories of the pleasure those lips could evoke in other places.
Not that those sensations had ever been far from her mind. In church, his leg pressing against hers had made it difficult for her to concentrate on the sermon. The only words she remembered hearing was that Christmas was about promises fulfilled.
That same pastor had come to visit her after Tom had been killed. He’d promised that God would walk with her through the darkness and pain. He’d assured her that one day she’d be happy again.
Rachel cast a sideways glance at Derek. She was certain Pastor Schmidt hadn’t been envisioning her having sex with Derek Rossi when he spoke of happiness. But Derek did make her happy. In bed. And out.
That didn’t make her disloyal to Tom. She and Derek were just FWB…friends with benefits. It was as simple as that.
Derek, her FWB, was still holding her hand when the waitress brought their water and coffee. She pulled it from his grasp when her friends—now his friends, too—began trickling in and filling in the seats around the large table. First Lexi and Nick with the girls, then David and July with baby Adam. Finally Mary Karen and the terrible trio. The waitress had almost made it all the way around the table when Travis strolled in and dropped into the last empty chair.
“You look like hell,” David said to his friend.
“We can’t say hell,” Caleb said.
“We can’t say damn either,” Connor added.
“Unca David is a bad boy,” two-year-old Logan said, and the girls giggled.
Mary Karen fixed an admonishing gaze on her brother.
“Sorry,” David said, then turned his attention back to Travis. “Let me say it in a different way. You look unwell, friend. Are you feeling ill?”
Laughter rumbled down the table.
Mary Karen lifted a brow.
“Don’t you ever get tired of all that partying?”
“Last night was no party.” Travis flashed the waitress a smile when she poured him a cup of coffee. “It so happened that three babies decided they wanted to be born within hours of each other and I was on call.”
“Were they okay?” Rachel asked, cursing the unexpected shakiness in her voice.
Derek’s hand closed over hers.
“Of course.” Travis grinned. “Thanks to the superb medical care their mothers received during the delivery.”
This time a collective groan rose up.
Nick leaned forward and looked down the table. “Before we order, I have an announcement. I’ve been given some complimentary passes to A Christmas Carol at the high school tonight. If you’re interested in going, let me know. I have more than enough tickets for everyone who wants them.”
“Derek and I heard some of the actors singing yesterday. They were excellent.” Although no one seemed to find anything odd in what she’d said, Rachel paused. Derek and I. The words had flowed from her lips so easily that it was scary.
The ease with which Derek had become part of this group was equally frightening. He skied with Travis, and before they’d left church, he’d made plans to meet David, Nick and Travis at Snow King tomorrow afternoon.
It would never have been that way with Tom. Her husband hadn’t liked doing things with friends or with other couples. Being with her had been enough. It had been enough for her, too. Until he’d died and she’d discovered how awful it was to be truly alone in the world.
“—I know it’s last-minute.”
Rachel blinked. She leaned close to Derek, inhaling the intoxicating scent of his cologne. “What did David say?”
“Apparently some Christmas party is off,” Derek said in a low tone.
“Why?” she whispered back. She’d been looking forward to David and July’s Christmas party for weeks.
Derek shrugged.
Rachel’s gaze narrowed as July returned to her seat after a hasty exit to the restroom only moments before.
“Are you feeling okay, July?” Mary Karen asked her sister-in-law.
David and July exchanged a glance. She nodded and he slipped an arm around her shoulders.
“We’re pregnant,” David said proudly. “Adam will have a brother or sister in late June.”
“It was unexpected,” July added. “But we’re thrilled.”
Tears stung the back of Rachel’s eyes. Two babies and a loving husband. July was indeed blessed.
Derek leaned across the table and shook David’s hand. “You’re a lucky man.”
“Congratulations,” Rachel added her well wishes to the others at the table.
“I still don’t understand why you’re canceling the party,” Mary Karen said. “It would be the perfect venue to announce your pregnancy.”
“I know, but the fact is I’m not feeling the best,” July said, looking slightly green. “The smell of food makes me nauseated, so doing the preparation—or even simply having the smells in the house—would be a real problem.”
“Under these circumstances we didn’t think it was a good idea to go through with the party,” David said firmly. His tone said the discussion was over.
“My house is too small,” Mary Karen said. “Or I’d take it over.”
“We’re in the middle of packing,” Lexi said with a rueful smile. “After Christmas we’re headed for six months in Dallas.”
“Lexi and Nick make their home part of the year in Wyoming and the rest in Texas where Nick’s law practice is based,” Rachel said, filling Derek in.
“You can use my apartment,” Travis said. “But there’s not enough room for the kids.”
Even though Mickie was at the other end of the table, Rachel heard her groan. The ten-year-old had been looking forward to the family-friendly party ever since Rachel had told her about it last week.
“We can have it at my place,” Derek said. “There’s room for everyone who wants to come and, thanks to Rachel and Mickie, it’s already decorated for the holidays. All I need is for someone to recommend a good caterer and I’ll be set.”
“I’ll be happy to help,” Rachel said. “If you need me, that is.”
Derek smiled. “I’ll take all the assistance I can get.”
“See, honey—” David gave his wife’s shoulder a squeeze “—I told you it would be okay.”
“Thank you so much.”
July’s gaze shifted from Rachel to Derek. “I hated to back out at the last minute, but—”
“Your health and the health of your baby is the most important thing,” Rachel said, fighting off a pang of envy.
“Don’t worry about the caterer,” Lexi said. “Rachel and I can go shopping for the ingredients tomorrow and between us we’ll whip up a feast.”
“I’ll come over Tuesday and help,” Mary Karen said.
“Just don’t let her near the food.” A lazy grin lifted Travis’s lips. “I want to be able to eat it.”
Mary Karen stuck her tongue out at him. Her lack of culinary skills were legendary in Jackson Hole.
July brought a finger to her lips, her gaze thoughtful. “You could drop off the children at my house. I could watch them while you’re cooking.”
“How about we take them skiing with us instead?” Nick said, earning a big smile from Addie. “If it’s okay with the other guys.”
“Fine with me,” David said.
“Don’t worry about my boys,” Mary Karen said. “Mom is off this week. She can watch them.”
“But I want to go skiing with Uncle David and Travis,” Connor said.
“Me, too,” Caleb called out in such a loud voice that an older couple at a nearby table turned and smiled.
“Me, me, too,” Logan added.
A resigned look crossed Travis’s face.
“Okay by me,” Derek said and Mickie cheered.
“Then it’s settled.” Lexi smiled at Derek. “Prepare yourself. Tuesday, your house becomes our house.”
After breakfast everyone scattered. Rachel and Mickie rode home with Derek. With the Escalade’s radio tuned to the all-Christmas station, it wasn’t long before she, Derek and Mickie began singing a respectable three-part harmony.
Rachel caught Derek’s eye during the chorus of one of her favorite Christmas songs and they shared a smile.
He reached over and took her hand. She laced her fingers through his and continued singing about Grandma getting run over by a reindeer.
Rachel heaved a sigh when her town house came into view. She was having so much fun that she hated to see the drive end.
They’d barely pulled to a stop in the driveway when Mickie took Rachel’s key and hopped out. She hurried to the front door, eager to see Fred.
Rachel remained in the SUV with Derek. “I need to speak with you about something.”
“Will ‘I couldn’t help myself’ work as an excuse?” A smile teased the corners of his lips. “Somehow it seemed wrong not to sing to ‘Frosty the Snowman’ and ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.’”
“Yes. No. I mean, the singing was great.”
Really, was there anything the man didn’t do well?
“The hand-holding,” he said. “I admit I forgot for a second about Mickie being in the backseat.”
“That was no biggie.”
His gaze grew puzzled. “Then what?”
“Your offer to host the party.”
The joy that had been in his eyes disappeared.
Darn. Darn. Darn.
“This party won’t just be a small intimate group of friends,” she warned. “David and Mary Karen’s parents were planning to come as well as Granny Fern. John and Kayla will still be out of town, but Ron is coming as well as Coraline, Lexi’s old boss. People from the hospital have RSVP’ed. The guest list is quite extensive.”
Derek leaned back in his seat, seemingly unconcerned. If anything his smile had widened. “The more you talk, the more I realize what a blast this is going to be.”
“Didn’t you hear what I said? Think of all the people that will be in your house.” Tom refused to host a small dinner party. He’d never have gone for a full-fledged Christmas party.
“The More the Merrier is my motto.” Derek shot her a wink. “Besides, Christmas parties mean mistletoe.”
And for a handsome unattached man like Derek, that usually meant kissing lots of pretty women. Rachel’s heart clenched at the thought. But she told herself who he kissed was not her concern. Derek was a free agent. One night in her bed—or rather on her floor—didn’t make him hers, which was why feeling the pinch of the green-eyed monster made no sense.
“Just so you know there won’t be many single women at the party.” She tried to keep the relief from her voice.
He trailed one finger slowly down her cheek. “Don’t you know by now that there’s only one woman I want with me under the mistletoe?”
Rachel’s lips began to tingle. She moistened them with her tongue and gazed at him through lowered lashes. “I say…who needs mistletoe?”
Mickie let out a war whoop and dropped the front window shade back into place.
She’d noticed the way Derek had smiled at Rachel during breakfast. Then, on the way home, he’d held her hand. It wasn’t much, but Mickie had taken those as very encouraging signs.
Now they were kissing. And not just the peck-on-the-cheek type of kiss Rachel gave her every night before bed. From what Mickie had been able to see, this was one of those kisses that you saw in the movies. The kind that made you wonder if they were ever going to take a breath. A Barbie-loves-Ken type of kiss.
If Fred wasn’t so big she’d pick him up and dance around the room. Instead, Mickie settled for giving him an enthusiastic hug. Then with a glad cry, she began to twirl.
Chapter Fourteen
Derek hopped out of the shower and dived for the phone. He should already be on his way to pick up Rachel and Mickie for this evening’s performance at the high school. But he’d decided to work out first. And then he’d had to clean up. Although the show didn’t start for over an hour, because there was no assigned seating, Rachel had told him they should try to get there early.
“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
“I hardly think so—” his mother chuckled “—considering I’m still in Florida.”
“Mom.” He swiped a towel from the counter and wrapped it around him. “I thought you were someone else.”
“Obviously,” she said with a little laugh. “Who is she?”
Derek sat on the edge of the bed. “What makes you think it’s a she I’m meeting?”
“If it were a man, you wouldn’t be concerned about being late.”
“Actually I’m going out with a whole group of friends,” Derek said, then wondered why he’d felt the need to keep the truth from his mother. “The local high school is performing A Christmas Carol and one of the guys got some free tickets.”
“That sounds fun.” His mother paused. “Is the young lady who didn’t want to see you anymore going to be there?”
“Her name is Rachel,” Derek said. “And yes, she’s part of this group.”
“Derek.” Somehow his mom managed to infuse a world of disappointment into his name.
“Trust me, Mom, you’ll love her,” Derek said. “She’s incredibly smart and fun and a genuinely nice person. Did I tell you that she’s a nurse? And that she takes in foster kids?”
“Honey—”
“Wait.” Derek knew what was coming, but he also knew it didn’t apply to his feelings for Rachel. “I know you’re thinking this is a huge mistake, but the fact is, I love her. More than I ever thought possible.”
There, he’d said it. Spoke from the heart. Laid it on the table.
“Well, then, honey, I’m happy for you,” she said finally.
Derek could tell by her tone that she was still skeptical, but was keeping an open mind.
“I want you to meet her,” Derek said. “You have so much in common. Remember how you wore your wedding rings after Dad died? She did the same thing after her husband died. She—”
“Is she wearing the rings now?”
“Yes, but—”
“She’s not over him.”
The words were a knife to his heart. When they were out, he barely noticed the diamond on her finger. Probably because she usually wore gloves. But when they’d made love, he had noticed.
Th
at meant nothing, he told himself. He had certifiable proof Rachel was over Tom. She’d waited all this time, saved herself even, for just the right man. And that man was him.
“She was married for four or five years.” Derek kept his tone even. “He was murdered. Does anyone ever get over a loss like that?”
“You say you love her,” his mother said, not answering the question. “I’d like to know if she loves you.”
Although Rachel hadn’t said the words, he sensed she did. “Yes. Yes, she does.”
Across two thousand miles he heard his mother expel the breath she must have been holding. “Then I’m happy for you. Though I’m not going to pretend that her still wearing those rings doesn’t bother me.”
“Isn’t that hypocritical?” Derek asked. “Because you did the same thing?”
“I took mine off when I was ready to move on.”
“Maybe Rachel doesn’t want to forget Tom.” God, he hated even saying the name.
“I haven’t forgotten your father, Derek. I never will. He has a permanent place in my heart. Taking off the rings was my way of saying to myself and to the world that I was open to loving again.” She paused.
Even though she couldn’t see him, Derek nodded.
“You won’t be happy being second in any woman’s life,” his mother continued. “You experienced that with Heather. I hope that this isn’t the same—”
“Mother, stop.” Derek jerked to his feet and stalked across the room to the window, his emotions in a tailspin. “I’m fully capable of handling my own love life.”
His tone was sharper than he’d intended, but damn it, she didn’t know Rachel. She hadn’t seen the way Rachel’s eyes lit up when he walked into a room. And Rachel had been the one who’d kissed him, who’d emailed him, who’d asked him to be a part of her life with that simple text.
She’d even been the one to suggest they have sex. He grinned. Of course he hadn’t been that hard to convince.
Still, he hadn’t pursued her, she’d pursued him. As far as he was concerned, that said Rachel was ready to move on. Ring or no ring.