by Diane Strong
car and set out a cache of extra energy bars and water. At mile 24 she would be able to pick-up the supplies and wouldn’t have to start out carrying as much at the beginning.
After five miles of running in silence Rick began to relax. He moved into a comfortable pace that allowed his mind to roam. Concerns for his marriage fueled him as he ran a few feet behind her and focused on the ground and her footfalls. By the time his thirteen miles came to completion and the trail back to the main road approached he felt like he could still run three more miles. He felt high on the rush and ready for more with adrenalin racing through his body. But he needed to get back to the boys.
“This is my exit.” He hollered up to Alison.
“Okay.” She slowed to a jog then paused with her arms on her hips. “I’ll see you back at the meeting spot in about three and a half hours.” She turned back to the trail. “I better start back up before I lose my nerve.”
“Good luck, honey. You’ll do great.”
He set off toward the boys on the connector trail but after a half mile he realized he forgot to give her his cell phone. They left hers with the boys and he carried his in case the boys needed anything they could call. Alison was out on the trail alone without a phone. He stopped and yelled out to the trail once, then realized it was pointless, it wasn’t a big deal. She ran without a phone all the time and nothing ever happened.
This time something did happen. Three and a half hours after leaving her on the trail Rick began preparing his mind for her return. As the kids fished in the stream he sat reclined in a fold-up chair with a cold beer in his hand. He stretched his neck back and glanced down the dirt road every few minutes expecting to see her approaching. After four hours he started making excuses for why she was late. She probably needed to walk a mile or two because of the difficult terrain, he thought. She may have twisted her ankle and had to hobble back instead of run, he surmised. Maybe she had miscalculated her time or maybe the extra distance tacked a minute-per-mile onto her pace.
After four-and-a-half hours he called to the boys, announcing they all needed to go searching for her. He had pulled out his trail map and studied it, trying to find an access point to a later part of the trail. The only access to that end was at the 24-mile mark where they had dropped the extra supplies. They piled into the car and headed to that point, leaving their gear and a quick note at the meeting point just in case she returned while they were gone.
When they made it to the access point and checked the trail, the extra supplies still sat there untouched. At that point, Rick panicked and headed down the trail backwards hollering her name. The boys ran behind him and struggled to keep up. There was no reply. They went for four miles while yelling her name over and over. Then Rick looked at his watch. Over five hours had passed since he had last seen her. He pulled out his phone and dialed the police.
They didn’t find her right away. It had taken the police thirty minutes to arrive and then another hour before they requested county and state services dispatch more help. Rick called everyone he knew and in the space of another hour they had a decent sized search party combing the area.
They broke up the search at dark with a plan to start again at first light. Rick left the reservoir reluctantly, driving home with the kids who cried inconsolably. None of them could eat so they laid in their beds fully clothed fighting sleep.
That night he had his first dream. After tossing and turning for most of the night the dream came to him without warning. In the dream, they ran and he watched her feet beat the ground in front of him. All the emotions of their marriage burned inside of him. His anger built as they ran. She stopped abruptly and turned to him then stared him in the eye and said, “I hate you.”
He exploded at her with words then a sharply pointed stick appeared in his hands. She gave him that same disgusted grin. He brought the stick as high as he could and plunged it into her neck between her collar bones. She fell to the ground bleeding waves of blood.
He woke.
They searched the entire next day. Rick never stopped to eat. At four o’clock in the afternoon, his phone rang and the voice on the other end announced that they found her.
Now she lies in a hospital bed beside him, breathing only because a machine does it for her. They found her unconscious at the bottom of a ravine, cold and barely alive. Head trauma, they said. Swelling in the brain, they said. The words ran across his memory like a ticker on a news brief: surgery, release pressure, induce coma, uncertain outcome.
Each time he wakes to see her lying helpless in the hospital bed his body floods with fresh rage from his intense dreams. They continually remind him of the past three years. The shame he feels draws a churning in his stomach but he cannot deny his feelings.
She is so fragile, like a wet butterfly. The rage he feels begins to soften as the dream fades into his memory.
He thinks back to three days ago when her brother, John, and sister-in-law, Casey came to the hospital. John had asked him questions about the accident. Where were you? You let her run alone out there? What do you mean she was gone for more than four hours before you started looking for her?
He had accused Rick of being responsible for her condition. Maybe he was responsible. Maybe he should have gone searching for her sooner or put a tracking device on her. Maybe he should have chased her down to give her his phone. Hell, maybe he should have trained with her and ran the entire 35 miles, but he hadn’t.
John’s accusations had shaken Rick to the core, making him question his innocence. He was downright kind though, compared to his wife, Casey, who had become Alison’s closest friend and confidant since her sister died. They talked and texted every day. Casey knew about their arguments and she probably understood Alison and her craziness more than Rick did at this point. She was the only one who Alison had told about the affair.
Alison’s sister was weak, on a feeding tube, and near death at the time it happened. Everyone knew it was only matter of days and there was no hope, just waiting. Alison had been unbearable to be around and Rick tried hard to comfort her but she pushed him away and isolated herself. She had stayed at her sister’s side since the diagnosis of cancer, took her to and from medical appointments, scheduled meals for her, and even informed friends and family of progress. Toward the end, Alison moved in with her sister. She fed her and bathed her and was forced to watched as her efforts to save her sister’s life failed.
When Alison finally called the ambulance to take her sister to the hospital for the last time, she felt lost. All the effort she had put toward her sister would not save her life. Her sister’s fate fell from of her hands and all that responsibility abruptly ended leaving her empty. Alison followed the ambulance to the hospital and saw her sister to her room then left her in a morphine-sedated sleep. She walked out of the hospital and into a bar. She ended up sleeping with the first guy who took a second glance at her.
She told Rick she wasn’t thinking straight. Her body acted on auto-pilot and she had no control. Rick was angry and deeply, deeply hurt. It felt as though someone had taken a knife and stabbed him in the heart then twisted it over and over and over. The sharp pains turned from confusion to sadness to emptiness to anger. How could she do this to him?
“It was just the two of you running? Did you see any other runners out there? Someone who saw her running alone after you went back with the boys?” Casey glared directly into his eyes without blinking.
“There was no one out there. Not that I saw. Why?”
Rick didn’t understand the importance of the question, at least not when she first asked it. The question kept repeating in his head. Then he finally heard what she was really asking, ‘Do you have any proof that she was still able to run after you left her on the trail?’
Casey was accusing him.
Jolted into reality, the stream of memories shuts off as the door to the hospital room opens. The boys rush in with their grandmother following behind, shushing them.
“Is she better yet, Daddy?”
Eli walks up to his mother and gently takes hold of her hand.
“I think she’s a little better. I saw her eyes moving earlier.” Rick tries to sound optimistic. He watches his son closely and studies his features. He has defined cheekbones like his mother and her eyebrows and delicate hands. But he doesn’t have her attitude. He is the most loving child Rick has ever known, always forgiving and wanting affection.
“When will they let her wake up, Daddy?” His eyes start to fill with tears.
“Her brain has to heal more, son. Be patient. I know it’s hard.” Rick turns away unable to watch his son anymore, afraid he’ll break down.
“Grandma is taking us to the Game Room, Dad!” Jake breaks the silence with exaggerated excitement. “You’re excited about it aren’t you, Eli?” Eli nods his head, still looking at his mother. His face flushes and makes the white line of a scar stand out on his forehead. Rick stares off, remembering.
It had been raining. Alison picked the boys up from school and they were driving to the grocery. Rick called to see what time to expect dinner.
“I’m not even to the store yet, Rick. I haven’t a clue when dinner will be ready.” Her voice sounded impatient and angry.
“Okay… I was just wondering. I don’t want to be late for dinner, that’s all.” Rick replied