by Inda Herwood
We walk for another five minutes in the dark, our only illumination other than his flashlight being the sparkling lights of NYC. The city glistens beautifully over the Hudson, reflecting its great towers and skyscrapers across the water. It’s not a bad view to enjoy for all eternity.
Finally we come to a stop, the light from his phone showcasing the words written across the small headstone at our feet.
All things pass, and we start again.
“Mom,” Jagger says slowly, his voice catching on the word, and my heart aches for him. “I want you to meet Cyvil.” He turns to look at me, a beautiful smile growing on his lips in the half-light. “She’s the girl you always told me to wait for, the one worth waiting for. And you were right.” He squeezes my hand.
Aw, hell. He’s going to make me cry.
Turning to look at the stone again, I greet my boyfriend’s mother, feeling the burn of tears at the back of my eyes. “Hello, Mrs. Wells. It’s an honor to meet the woman that raised the kindest man I’ve ever met. I promise to take good care of him.” And I will. For as long as he’ll have me.
“She would have loved you, you know. Strong, beautiful, sweet, and above all else, sarcastic.” He smiles, his eyes showing the same glassiness as mine. I manage to laugh and sniffle at the same time.
“It’s just another service I offer. I’m glad she would have appreciated it.” Moving to look around at the other stones, I suddenly feel bad that we didn’t think to stop and get flowers. Mrs. Wells’ is one of the only ones without them.
Sensing my thoughts, Jagger says, “Here.” Bending down a few feet away, he grabs something in the grass before returning to his mother’s stone, placing what looks like a small dandelion on top of it. “It’s not great, but we’ll do better next time.”
“I’m glad there will be a next time,” I say, resting my head on his shoulder, using both of my hands to hold his.
“Thank you,” he whispers, placing a gentle kiss on my hair.
“For what?”
“For making this a positive experience. Coming here should have always given me peace, to be near her, but it was always painful. But now I have a positive memory to associate with this place. Because of you.”
“I’ll come visit her with you any time you want. Maybe we could bring your dad as well.” By what he told me at the apartment and in the car, his father has been having just as hard a time as he has with things associated with his mother. It could be a good healing experience for the both of them to come here together, to mourn her as a family.
“I think you’re right.”
We spend a few more minutes with Lucinda Wells, and then we’re walking back to the car, huddled in our jackets as the cool breeze of coming fall whips around us. He opens my door, and then he’s hopping into the driver’s seat. He turns on the engine, starting up the heater. A minute later he looks at me, eyes curious but smiling. “So, what do we do from here?”
“You mean where do we go next?”
“Yeah. What is it that you want to do with your life now that your plans have changed?” He asks, eyes trained on my lips when I lick them from being dry.
I smile, looking into his eyes and finding the answers easily. “I want you. I want to help people, be self-sufficient. I want our friends to be our family again.”
He nods, his grin matching mine. “I want that too. But what about your parents?”
I sigh, feeling my happiness deflate a little. I haven’t talked to either one of my parents since the day I moved out. I understand that we’ll be angry with each other for some time to come, but I’m hopeful that one day that will change. Sadly, though, it’s not going to be today. But until then, we have our friends: Hanna, Rosy, Moon, and all of the Nunez/Reyes clan. And I have my sister and brother-in-law, who practically begged me to take their money to get back into school, but I gently refused, telling them that it wasn’t about the money anymore, but doing it on my own – proving that I’m strong enough.
“My parents are going to have to accept that I’m different now, and that I make my own decisions. When they’re ready to apologize for what they did, then so will I. But until then…it’s going to be alright. We’re going to be alright. But what about you?”
“What about me?” he asks, his hand holding mine again. I didn’t even realize he had taken claim of it. I smile when his thumb runs over my skin, no longer a stressful experience.
“Since you’re no longer racing for money, what do you think you’ll do now?”
He shrugs, staring out the windshield, eyeing the landscape of the city. “I don’t know yet. But…I got a call from one of my mom’s old friends the other day. They were on a charity board for St. Joseph’s hospital together. She asked if I would want to help run it with her, like my mom had.”
“That sounds amazing.” I tell him.
“I know. It’s a great offer. But I – I don’t know if it’d be too much of a reminder for me. Of her.”
I watch his face, seeing all of the emotions flashing across his eyes: worry, hope, sadness. I use my finger to take his chin and make him look at me. “Maybe this is just what you need, to remember the good she did and to be a part of it. This could be a new start, a way to think of her how you used to, as your brilliant mother. Not the woman that died from a complete accident.”
He sighs before kissing my palm, staring at our shared scars, nodding his head when he says, “Maybe you’re right. I need to remember her like she’d want to be remembered. Not a victim, but my mom.”
I nod. “And there’s no better time than to start now.”
-Epilogue-
9 years later
“Congratulations, class of 2027! Be proud of your accomplishments, and may your courage and ambition make our future brighter than ever!” the dean yells over the loudspeaker, and the field of college graduates along with our families in the stands roar, all of us throwing our hats in the air in a mass of black caps. It’s exactly as I pictured it, just like in Legally Blonde.
Holding the diploma from NYU in my hands, I stare down at it, amazed to finally be looking at a part of my future I thought may never come. It reminds me of the incredible things that can happen in life; things I never dreamed I’d be able to have.
Walking off towards the dwindling crowd once the ceremony is over, I easily find my family near the end of the football field, mainly because Moon is holding up a neon green sign that says, “TESSA, WE’RE OVER HERE.”
I roll my eyes with a smile as he’s the first one to swallow me in a hug, picking me up and swinging me around. “We’re so proud of you, ninja!” He squeezes me harder, making it difficult to breathe. “Dr. Wells. It has a nice ring to it.” He winks at me as he places me back on my feet, trying not to cough as I gulp in oxygen again.
My sister comes up to me next, dressed in her pretty yellow sundress, Quincy holding her hand right behind her. He gives me a “Congratulations, sis,” as she hugs me as much as she can with her giant belly in the way.
“That was amazing. Your speech made me bawl. Big surprise.” Pulling away with tears in her eyes, I squeeze my sister’s hand with a smile. I know more than anyone she wanted to see me accomplish this dream. And it means the world to me that she’s here to share it with me.
“It’s official, you can now shove it in our faces that you are the first one among us with a ‘Dr.’ in front of your name,” Rosy says with a twist of his lips, stepping up to hug me, along with Hanna, who gives me a shake of her head behind his back, grinning.
“Hey, you’re not far behind, Mr. Ph.D. of Anthropology major,” I tell him, bumping into his shoulder and oddly making him blush. It’s dark enough to have Moon laughing at him, only to get socked in the gut a minute later.
Ayla giggles at them, attempting to embrace me before her diamond ring almost cuts a hole in my gown. “Oh, man, I’m sorry! I’m not used to the size of this planet yet,” she mutters, giving Moon an amused look.
“Hey, you knew when you started dating
me that I’m a go big or go home kind of guy. I wasn’t about to put something tiny on that beautiful finger of yours.” He kisses her ring finger and the rock he put there, and Ayla practically melts, totally forgetting her annoyance from a minute ago.
“Auntie C, that was awesome!” Kal-el yells, barreling into my hip out of nowhere, nearly tipping me over.
I bend down and ruffle his hair once I catch my balance, asking him, “Which part, sweetie?”
“The hat thing. I want to do that. Can I, Mom?” His red curls bounce as he looks up at his mom and dad, eyes expectant.
“Sure, just don’t poke yourself in the eye. I don’t want your aunt’s first medical assignment to be fitting you for an eyepatch.”
“An eyepatch? Cool!” Kal-el runs off towards the field, finding whatever caps are still left in the grass to throw. His five-year-old sister, Cyvil Jr., isn’t far behind him, taking after her big bro in being an adorable little tomboy.
“I swear, if this next one comes out anything like the other two, I’m screwed,” Till says on a sigh, but her smile gives her away, eyes watching her two babies adoringly.
“Speaking of wild things, where’s my husband?” I ask, looking around our small group for him, eyes squinting in the afternoon sun.
“I’m right here.” His voice comes from behind me, and I spin around, smiling the instant I see his beautiful eyes. They have been my constant comfort for the last nine years. The small body in his arms the newest addition to the list.
“Hello,” I say before I kiss him, his lips lingering on mine long enough to have Moon and Rosy snickering behind us.
“Shut up,” we both tell them in unison, and I give my husband one more kiss.
“I couldn’t be prouder of you,” Jagger says, eyes sparkling as he holds our daughter on his hip. Her little arms reach out to me once she spots Mommy, and I happily oblige to take her.
“What about you, Lucinda? Are you proud of Mommy?” I settle our little girl on my hip, smiling when her hands reach out and dive into my hair, her green eyes shining back at me with a smile.
Baby Lucinda came into our lives a year ago. She had been born to a drug addicted mother in the maternity ward of St. Josephs. I was interning in that wing of the hospital at the time, and when they said the mother had decided to put her up for adoption, I couldn’t find it within myself to let her go to anyone else. We had a connection the second I picked her up, seeing that curly black hair that looked just like Jagger’s, and a happy-go-lucky grin that hasn’t seemed to leave her face for a second since I called her mine. I knew it was a lot to ask of Jagger, since we hadn’t talked about having kids, let alone adopting, but the minute he held her, I could tell he was gone. And from that moment on we did everything in our power to bring her home, and she has officially been a part of our family for the last six months, having named her after Jagger’s mother. She has been the brightest star in our lives ever since.
I know what you’re thinking right now. How did all of this happen? Where did our original plans go? Well, that’s the thing about life. Plans change, and you just have to roll with it. For example, a year after I started my phlebotomy job, I decided to apply to NYU instead of Oxford. I wanted to stay near my sister and Jagger, and I would be able to afford it much more easily than in Europe. And luckily, I was able to get a pretty good scholarship deal out of it, using my paycheck from working at the hospital to pay for my books and add-ons.
Jagger ended up taking the charity job with his mother’s friend, slowly making his way up to the board of directors at the hospital, which he absolutely loves to this day. We got married two years after I started school, and Hanna and Rosy did the same a year later in Vegas, of all places. Atillia went to work as an attorney a year after Kal-el was born, creating her own legal firm to work as a civil rights lawyer. And three years later little Cyvil Jr. came along. Now she’s expecting her second son, which she has told us time and time again will not be named after any comic book hero of any sort.
Believe it or not, Moon even did something constructive with his life. He decided to open his own book store, which now has three others to go along with it. He went with the name “Lit Lit”. As in dope literature. His words, not mine. He and Ayla also just got engaged, and I have a feeling that babies probably aren’t too far in the future. Which, let’s be honest, is a terrifying thought: Moon as a father. I get the chills just thinking about it.
“What’s got you all cold, Tessa?” Moon asks, raising his brow at me like he already knows.
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” I shift Lucinda higher on my hip, giving him a grin. Jagger chuckles behind me.
The field is almost completely empty now as our group chats easily, most of the graduates having left to have a nice day with their friends and family. That’s why it surprises me when I notice two familiar faces walk onto the field.
My parents slowly make their way over to us, my dad dressed in a flawless charcoal suit while my mother wears a dark pink dress. It’s been years since I’ve last seen them. And as they approach, I notice that not much has changed other than the fact that Mom has a few more wrinkles now, and my father is sporting a full head of gray hair.
They come to stand with us, the circle going quiet.
“Hello everyone,” Dad says to the group, offering a small but awkward smile.
“Hi, Dad. Mom.” I begin rocking Lucinda back and forth on my hip, distracting us both. “I’m surprised you made it.” Till mentioned a week ago that she accidentally told them about today, and that they may make an appearance, but I really didn’t think they would come.
“Yeah, so, we’ll meet you out by the cars then?” Rosy says, knowing that this is probably a conversation I don’t necessarily want them to be a part of. I mouth a “Thank you” and he dips his head.
“Sure, we’ll see you in a few.”
Slowly they walk off the field and toward the parking lot, Atillia giving my hand a gentle squeeze as she walks by. Kal-el and Cyvil race back over once their mother calls them, grabbing their parents’ hands with wide smiles.
Jagger stays by my side, letting his hand rest at the bottom of my spine, tracing soothing circles into my skin. It’s the quickest way for me to calm down, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it that he always knows when I need him.
“We came to say how proud we are of you, dear,” Mom says, looking genuine with her smile, her eyes straying to Lucinda.
“Thank you,” I say stiffly. Though years have passed, we still treat each other like we did before the deal my father made for me. We were never a close family to begin with, but the distance just increased after I moved out and proved my father wrong. I found a love on my own, went to college without anyone’s help, and have been raising a child with a husband I adore – something I don’t think any of us really predicted. I know on some level it has always bothered my father that I found success without his help, and not once in nine years has he apologized for what he did to Jagger and me. And because of that, life has been brittle between us ever since.
In all honesty, it breaks my heart. I wanted them to have a relationship with my daughter, to be the grandparents I know they could be, but they haven’t made the effort. My only consolation is that Lotta and Jagger’s dad have really stepped up in being those grandparents for her. Lotta has us visit all the time and loves babysitting for us. And Mr. Wells is as kind and lovely to her as his son is. That is what I wanted for my baby, and though it can’t come from her other two grandparents, I’m glad she at least has it from my true family.
“Do you have plans for your residency?” Dad asks, hands in his pockets, using the same voice he normally saved for his business dealings.
“Yes. I got accepted at St. Josephs. I’ll be in the ER Monday through Thursday, then I get to stay home with Lucinda.” I look down at her, only to see her already looking up at me with a goofy smile. It has me chuckling.
“That’s good. I’m…,” he clears his throat, eyes downcast bef
ore saying, “I’m proud of you for accomplishing your dreams, Cyvil. If there’s anyone that deserved to see them materialize, it’s you.” My dad bites his lip, as though trying not to cry when he looks at me and my family, at the life I built for myself. In all my life I’ve never seen my father show weakness. Never seen him cry. And it takes some time, but I eventually realize the foreign expression on his face…is guilt.
Maybe he’s finally starting to see that being wrong isn’t always a bad thing.
Handing Lucinda off to Jagger, I slowly take the three feet separating us and make it disappear, enfolding my parents in a group hug. Their arms remain stiff for a brief moment, surprised at my actions, but then they’re holding me like they used to when I was a child, and a tear slowly slips down my cheek.
I know that I may never hear him voice the words – admit that he was wrong in his actions – but seeing my father open up his walls for me is certainly a start. And being here today, silently supporting me, is also another good sign that maybe things are changing.
“Thank you,” I whisper to them, feeling a piece of my heart start to stitch itself back together again.
THE END
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