by Robin Banks
“Gods.”
“Yeah. It all came out of nowhere. There was no need for it.”
“What the hell is wrong with those guys?”
“I don’t know. I don’t like them. They’ve never bothered me before, but I’ve never trusted them.”
“Me neither. Are you angry at Kolya?”
“What? No!” She stares at me in horror, then sags. “Ok. A little bit. I could handle it. I was handling it.”
“I know, and so does he. He didn’t do it because he thought you couldn’t handle it. He did it because he thought you shouldn’t have to.”
“I’m a really bad person.”
“For having feelings? Yeah, you’re awful.”
She punches me in the shoulder hard enough to leave a mark. I crawl deeper into my nest. I feel beat. The lights cut out.
Her voice sounds smaller in the dark. “Thank you for this.”
“It’s not even my best blanket.”
“Being here for me, I mean.”
“You’re here for me too.”
I wake up in the middle of the night to a strange sensation. It takes me a while to work out what it is. Kelly’s rolled over in her sleep. Now she’s squashed against my back, her arm wrapped around my waist. My first reaction is to get the hell out of there, then I realize that it’s nice. Really nice. I can feel her breath against my neck, her chest rising and falling. It’s comforting. It’s even better than sleeping with Laika. I try to stay awake, to keep feeling this as long as I can, but the rhythm of her breathing pulls me back under.
When I wake up in the morning, she’s already up.
“Time’zit?”
“Early. Go back to sleep.”
“You’re awake.”
“I thought I heard an ATR. I think I dreamt it.”
I get up and try to reorganize my back. Hay is not the most comfortable bedding material. “I might as well get started. I have the feeling that today is going to suck.”
“Anything I can do to help?”
“Dunno. This is highly technical work.”
She smiles. I like seeing that. “If you break it down for me, I might be able to manage.”
When the life support alarm goes off, we rush out to have a look. Alya’s ATR is not there. My heart sinks, but worrying won’t do any good, so I get back to work. Kelly carries on helping. It takes me a good half hour to spot that she’s favoring an arm. It takes me another five minutes to convince her to let me have a look.
“Kelly, why is this wrist twice the size of the other one?”
“I fell over. Well, no, I didn’t. I got pushed over and landed wrong. It’s really embarrassing. I should know how to land. It’s not a big deal.”
“Yes, it is. You’re hurt. This should have been looked at last night.”
“It’s not broken.”
“Maybe, but it still looks messed up. And painful. Why didn’t you go to med bay with Kolya?”
“I didn’t want to make a fuss.”
“I must have done something wrong in a past life.”
“What? Why?”
“I ended up surrounded by heroes. Sit your ass down. Let me bandage it up, at least. And if I catch you trying to use it…”
“What?”
“I can’t stop you. You’re stronger than me. But I will be upset.”
“Ok! You win.”
I’m nearly done bandaging her up when the stable door opens. I know it can’t be Alya, because we didn’t hear a vehicle, but I’m still hoping. I should really cut that shit out.
Sean has his pleasant mask on. “Where is Alya?”
“Dunno.”
“Excuse me?”
“I report to her. She doesn’t report to me.”
“Kolya?”
“He reports to Alya, too.”
The pleasant mask starts sliding off. “I didn’t authorize either of them to leave the site. I certainly didn’t authorize her to remove her vehicle.”
“I’ll let them know.”
He turns to Kelly. “What are you doing here?”
I’m still wrapping the bandage around her wrist. She frowns. “What do you think? I'm playing the bassoon.”
“Very funny.”
“I had an accident. I won’t be able to work today.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No. I can’t do my act one-handed. If you won’t take it from me, I can file an accident report with Mr. Parker. I’m sure he’ll find it fascinating.”
“That won’t be necessary.” He turns to me. “Your friends aren’t doing so well lately.
“Seems not. Yet I still have some.”
“We’ll have to see how long that lasts.” He tries to slam the door on the way out, but fails. I can’t help but chortle.
Kelly sighs. “That guy is so excessively, stereotypically evil that if I hadn’t met him I wouldn’t believe he could really exist.”
I shrug. “He’s just some guy.”
“Alya’s terrified of him.”
“What, she told you?”
“You’re joking, right? As if she would. I can just tell. What is it, you don’t believe her?”
“Nah. Of course I do. But I’m not her. The guy has got nothing I want. Why should I be scared of him?”
She stares at me. “He could hurt you. Badly. Don’t you get that?”
“So could you, even with a wonky wrist. So could a lot of people.”
“Yeah, but he wants to.”
“The feeling is mutual.”
When we hear an ATR roll in, we both bolt for the door. It’s Alya. No Kolya. She looks awful, but she tries to smile for us.
“He’ll be ok. He’s resting now.”
“What did they say?”
She sighs. “You want the full list? Concussion. Dislocated jaw. A fractured cheekbone. He was bleeding behind his eye, so they had to make some incisions to bleed it out, to stop the pressure from crushing the optic nerve. He’s lucky the eye socket isn’t fractured. They had to actually stitch the slash on his forehead. Glue wouldn’t do it. That’s about it. He was knocked out when I left. They needed to get the bots to work and he wasn’t having any of it. His medic is great. Kolya kept lying, saying that he’d fallen down. Get this: her report states that he ‘fell down and landed on several pairs of boots’.”
“He’s not reporting this?”
“Nah.”
“Why?”
“He’s from Pollux. He’d rather drop dead than deal with the Fed. His medic isn’t impressed, but she’s going along with it. She commented that his arms are bruised to bits, but his hands are fine. I told her he’s a violinist. Trying to save his head, he still protected his hands.” She sways.
“Did you get any sleep?”
“Some. Kinda hard to.”
My brain catches up with what she’s been saying. “Bots? They’re using bots on him?”
“Yeah. For the fracture.”
“What the hell kinda class is he that he’s getting bots?”
“He’s not. I booked him in as my cohabiting partner. It’s technically mostly true, if you think about it. I knew being ex-Patrol would come in handy one day. It’s a trick I can only pull once, though, so don’t you get any ideas. Kolya and I are now partnered in the eyes of the Fed. If you get yourself smashed up, you’ll be lucky to get a cool pack.”
“You are ex-Patrol?” splutters Kelly.
“Yeah. Why does everyone think it’s so weird?”
I cut in. “That list would be way too long. Sleep or food. Get one or the other. Take Kelly with you. I need you to be well.”
“What about you?”
“I’m great. I’m going to finish here, then I’m going to find who did this.”
“You’re not. Don’t you dare do anything reckless. I can’t lose you both.”
“Lose?”
He won’t be able to fly for weeks. Fractures and the g-force changes on ship don’t mix. We’ll have to leave him behind.”
“W
hat?”
“He’ll have to catch up with us later.”
“What?”
“Luke, you need to sit down. Now.”
“What?”
They sit me down on her doorway, Alya sitting next to me. “He’ll be ok. We’ll be ok. He’s just got to heal up, then he’ll catch up with us.”
“It’s my fault.”
“Your fault? How?”
“I started it. I struck the first blow.”
“What were you going to do, lecture them out of molesting me? You did what you had to do. The violence was in the air already. You just called it.”
“So now Kolya is in a med bay with a broken head and we’re leaving him behind.”
“It won’t be for long. Have you eaten yet?” I shake my head. That makes me dizzy. “Let me go and get you some food. You did good.”
Alya goes off to the kitchen and Kelly sits next to me.
“Are you ok?”
“Of course I am. Just hungry.”
“Ok. I need your help.”
“Sure. What?”
“Can you break my wrist?”
“You what?”
“I can say it happened when I fell over. If I break my wrist, I can’t travel. I’d be stranded here like Nicky. They’d cancel my contract for sure. They’d never pay for my transfer; I’m not important enough. They can replace me in no time.”
“That’s it. You’ve lost it.”
“I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t be on a ship with those guys. I can’t take a beating like Nicky and I don’t have you to protect me like Alya.”
“You could ask to fly with us.”
“Yes, and I could paint a target on my forehead while I’m at it. Or somewhere else. You realize how dangerous it is to be your friend right now?”
“This is all my fault.”
“No, it isn’t. You didn’t make any of this happen. But it isn’t going to get any better. I’ve had enough and I want out.”
“But breaking your wrist…”
“They can’t argue with that. They know I hurt myself. They know it’s their fault. They’ll just leave me behind to fend for myself. That doesn’t scare me half as much as being on a ship with them. I know I can manage. I’ll be alright. It will hurt for a while but I won’t be dead or… Anyway. Would you do it for me? I don’t have the guts to do it myself.”
My face feels all weird and wet. I want to talk rationally with her but I can’t. Everything comes out garbled and broken and way too loud.
“No. This is… No. I can’t hurt you.”
“If they get their hands on me, they’ll hurt me much worse.”
Alya comes running over. “What did you do? Why is he crying?”
Kelly gets up. “My fault. I’m sorry. I’ve gotta go.”
“I don’t think so,” growls Alya. “Not without explaining this first.” She’s half Kelly’s size, but right now she looks perfectly willing to take her on.
“Ok, then. I asked him to break my wrist.”
“Oh.” Alya’s face scrolls through a bunch of expressions, then goes blank. She nods. “As bad as that?”
“Yes.”
“It’s a good idea. But premature.”
“What?” I wail.
“If Kelly wants out, that’s a way out. Not a wrist – wrists are complicated. But a fracture that would put her out of work for a while, keep her on-planet, and with a sure recovery, that’s a damn good idea.” She nods again. “And you’re what, second class? You’d get decent medical care at any Fed outpost. If you were further along in your contract, I’d be all for it.”
I can’t believe I’m hearing this. “What is wrong with you people?”
Alya shrugs. “Think of what happened to Kolya. What may have happened to me, if you’d not stepped in. I don’t know how the boys would have reacted to Kelly beating them off. They couldn’t lose to a woman. Kelly, if this had all happened a year from now, I’d do it for you. But you’ve only been under contract for what, four weeks? Buy yourself out.”
“I can’t. I don’t have the credit. Hestia cleaned me out.”
“I can front you.”
“No way in hell.”
“You’re being a damn fool, and selfish with it.”
“Oh yeah?”
“With a broken wrist it’ll take you weeks to go back to work. You may never go back to your act. I’m sure you don’t care about that now, but I bet you will when the dust settles. If I buy you out, you can be earning the day you walk out. There are clubs and bars all around here. They won’t hire you for silks, because they won’t have the room, but you know other acts. You could do aerial loop over a godsdamn bar. It will suck and it will be hard, but I think you can deal with that. And you can save up for a transfer back to Thalia, where they know you. On Thalia you can earn some serious credit in no time and not get treated like shit. And you can pay me back.”
“I’m not taking your credit.”
“I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for Kolya. I need someone to take care of him until he’s well. I don’t care about your pride. There are more important things than that at play. If you don’t realize it then you’re not half the person I thought you were.”
They glower at each other until Kelly nods.
“I don’t like this. Not a bit. But I see your point. I’ll pay you right back.”
“I know. Thank you. There’ll be less of a chance of Kolya jumping on the first ship out as soon as they release him from med bay. He’ll stay behind to look after you until you’re settled.”
“He’ll stay here to look after me while I’m here to look after him?”
“Precisely. You’re the same breed of stubborn.”
“Ha. And why are you going?”
“I’m a different breed of stubborn, I guess.”
Alya takes me to see Kolya during lunchtime. It’s a rushed visit; work doesn’t stop just because life happens. If I didn’t know it was him, I wouldn't recognize him. His good eyes is unchanged: steel gray, sad, and kind. Everything else is battered beyond recognition. I’ll be damned if I make a scene in front of him – if he can keep it together, so can I – but I can’t even look at him. I don’t know what to tell him either, so I shut up. Kolya and Alya chat about everything and nothing.
When it’s time to go, he waves Alya out the door. “I need one moment with Luke. Men’s talk.” Alya pulls a face at him, but does as he asks her.
“You want to look after my animals, after my girl, yes?”
“Yes. Of course.”
“Maybe is not possible. Maybe you need to choose. Alya is not thinking now. You need to think for her. I am sorry. I let everybody down.”
“What? No. You helped a friend of mine.”
“Maybe I just try to be a hero like you. But I am not so good at this. Please do not try to save everybody. Saving somebody is enough. Ok?”
“Ok.”
“Also save yourself. Alya will forget. You must remember.”
I nod. If I try to speak, I know I’ll lose it.
“You go now. All my children need you.”
When he cries, blood leaks from under his bandage. I watch it run down his cheek, and I don’t feel anything. This has to be a nightmare. I’ll wake up soon.
Kelly leaves first thing in the morning, with no fuss whatsoever. She just walks away from the show, a rucksack twice her size on her back, pulling a wheeled crate with her props behind her. I should feel happy for her, but it hurts too damn much. I do what I can: I think happy thoughts for her. Kolya would be proud.
She left me her weights. They’re still backstage, which is not a good place for them. Someone’s bound to get the idea that they’re up for grabs. That’s not a fight I want to court, and it’s not as if I’m going to hang out backstage without Kelly, so I decide to go get them before work.
I ought to do a couple of trips, but I can’t be bothered. That’d mean coming back here to where Kelly’s never going to be again. I fancy some p
hysical pain to blunt the way I feel, too. So I load all the plates on the bars and make myself lift them up. We don’t have so many that it’s impossible, but it’s still hard work. When I’ve managed to pick them all up I realize that, loaded like this, I don’t have a free hand to open the door. I’m about to drop the lot, drag them outside, and start all over again, when Tom walks in. Just when I thought that today couldn’t get worse.
At least this time he doesn’t look about to shank me. He just looks shocked to see me, as if I shouldn’t be here. That’s not a problem: this is the last time I come here outside of work.
I thought I’d never speak to the guy again, but I need the fucking door open and he’s standing right by it. So I shut up my brain and open my mouth. “Do you mind?” I nod towards the door.
“No. Sorry.” He lifts the flap open wide to let me out. “Everything ok?”
“Yeah. Splendid.” I start walking up to the stables. I’d like to get there before the weight sinks me.
“Look, I’m sorry about Kolya. And Kelly. They’ll be alright.”
“Good thing you know that, ‘cause I don’t. I gotta go. This is heavy.”
“You want a hand?”
“No.”
I walk off, surprised at how well I managed that. I didn’t cry or throw anything at him. This is progress. Lugging the weights over to the stables clears my mind of most other stuff. I go looking for Alya without thinking about it, and then find that I have nothing to say to her. I think I just needed to know that she’s still here. She doesn’t seem to have anything to say to me either. We sit by her ATR watching the sky brighten until it’s time to work.
5.
I half expected Sean to send one of his goons to help us pull down. That would have been awful. Instead, he leaves us to it. That’s a different kind of awful.
Our work system relies on having enough hands to do the work. We don’t, but we still have to do the work. Alya is strong for her size, but she’s not built for this. Hugh is Hugh. We end up having to use the spare crates for a lot of the carrying. It slows us down, but it’s the only way we can get the job done. I’m worried about getting caught out half done before they start to take the portabubble down, but thankfully the main pull-down is as slow as ever. We board our ship when the site is barely half cleared.