by Aria Grace
“How the fuck am I supposed to know that.” Killian shook his head at my question. “It’s not like we’re buddies or anything. I’ve just heard him tell people he has to rush home for dinner and shit like that. Based on his urgency to get home to her, I’d guess she’s an alpha who has him wrapped pretty tight around her pinky.”
I couldn’t form words. I couldn’t form thoughts. Everything was good and right and beautiful...for about five minutes. And then it all came crashing down on me. The perfect fantasy I had running through my head of sweeping Ash off his feet and claiming him as my own would never happen. Some woman came in and stole my Ash away before I had my chance. Of course, that wasn’t entirely true. I did have my chance with him, but I blew it. I walked away from the one person who hasn’t left my head since the moment I saw him, and someone much wiser than me swooped in and grabbed him up.
“I need to go somewhere.” I stood up and patted my pocket to make sure my keys were on me. “Can you let yourself out?”
“Where the hell are you going now?” Killian followed me out the door. “I thought you wanted me to help you fix the drywall where Whisper’s habitat was...”
“Sorry, man.” I gave my brother a quick hug then took off down the hall. “Raincheck.”
I parked outside the front door of Omega House for almost an hour, trying to find the courage to go in and find Ash. I wanted to demand he tell me to my face that what I felt wasn’t real and that he was happy with someone else. Actually, I wanted him to tell me he was miserable without me and would do anything to be with me. I’d almost convinced myself that was exactly what would happen if I marched into that building and went after my man. But that was before a beautiful woman with long red hair and a very pregnant belly stepped off a bus in front of Omega House and started wobbling toward the front door. My alpha instinct had me reaching for the door handle so I could go help her when my worst nightmare unfolded in front of my eyes.
As if he knew someone was waiting for him, Ash walked out the front door and ran to the woman’s side. I wanted to throw up when he reached around her and pulled her into his arms and carried her over the threshold like it were their wedding night.
He really was married to a woman. A pregnant woman. A woman he would be bound to for the rest of his life because of the child they shared.
I don’t remember driving home, but I got there somehow. I climbed into bed with all my clothes on and buried my head under the pillow, wishing the nightmare I’d just witnessed would just fucking end already so I could move on.
My mind raced, and my heart broke into tinier and tinier pieces as each miserable second passed. And over the next forty-eight hours, I only left my bed to piss or get a bottle of water to chase down a few more Tylenol PM capsules. I just needed to sleep off the pain and the memories. I missed my Friday classes, but I didn’t care. And I slept through my four o’clock meeting with Ash.
But he was probably grateful for that. I already knew what he wanted to tell me, and I couldn’t bear seeing him hold his pregnant wife and look at her with the loving eyes that I dreamed of being directed at me someday.
No, it was better this way.
Ash had his growing family, and I could respect that. I wasn’t sure how I could ever face him again without puking or begging him to leave her, but I’d cross that bridge when I came to it.
And if I was lucky, maybe karma was satisfied that she’d completely and totally ruined my life and would leave me the fuck alone for a while so I could mourn the life I would never have.
The omega I’d never touch again.
And the child who would never be mine.
5
Ash
The last place I wanted to be was Omega House, which was beyond selfish, but true nonetheless. I wanted to be home with my baby girl. Especially since our world was going to be flipped on its head when she finally met her father.
I was still kicking myself for not telling him when we first saw each other again. I let my fear and insecurities take over. At least until the kissing started, and then I threw out all things but the sensation of his lips on mine, his body pressed against me. For one brief moment, all was right in the world.
I could still feel his lips on mine when I closed my eyes, which was less than ideal since I was about to give a talk to Omega House residents and any local omegas interested in learning more about the changing roles of omegas. Marge wanted me to help the omegas realize they could be anything they wanted and that their identity as an omega didn’t alter the course of their life if they didn’t want it to. I couldn’t do that, my own life showing just how untrue that could be, but I could help them see that they were more than their omeganess. For many of the omegas in residence, that was something they had yet to discover.
I stood at the door, watching for any stragglers. There was another city bus scheduled to arrive before my talk, and I wanted to wait until it came before heading in. More like I wanted to avoid chit chat with strangers, my mind still in a fog over the run in I had earlier with Coop.
The bus pulled up and out came a very pregnant omega. Chances were good that she was there for my presentation given the lack of anything else on the street being open at that time of night. The only reason I was speaking so late was to accommodate the working schedules of many of the residents, which was also why I was scheduled to give the same talk again the following week before one of my early classes. I had to give it to Omega House. They really did amazing work, even if I was having a pity party about being part of it for the evening.
The woman barely made it off the bus before I saw her knees wobble. Shit. I ran out and got to her side just in time to stabilize her before figuring out she needed more than a shoulder. I swept her in my arms and took her inside, where I was greeted by Joseph from the security team.
“I saw her going down.” He held his arms out for her. “I’ll take her to the infirmary for you.”
“I’m fine. I just need to eat.” Her weak voice briefly cut through our panic before adding a different level of worry.
“Eat?”
“Yeah, I didn’t eat yet today is all. The flier said there would be snacks.” She squirmed for me to let her down, so I walked to the couch and set her down on it.
In all the scenarios I had imagined for who would come to my talk and what they wanted out of it, a free meal while very pregnant never crossed my mind.
“When was the last time you ate?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t long enough to do any damage to her or her baby.
She sat there for a minute, biting her lips and trying not to answer. It was more than embarrassment I saw on her face. It was guilt. Never again would I have a pity party for one over my volunteer time here.
“Are you allergic to anything?” I asked, allowing her not to answer my question.
“No,” she said quietly, unable to meet my gaze.
I nodded to Joseph who mumbled something about being right back. I knew he was headed to find leftovers from dinner and to call an intake specialist. She might not need a place to stay, but Omega House had all the resources at their disposal to help her find whatever she did need.
“Joseph is getting you something to eat. Let me help you to the room where we’re meeting. There is some juice and cookies, and I honestly don’t know all that they have out, but the food here has always treated me well.
“You...you live here?” she asked as I held my hand out to her. At first glance, she looked like an older mom, possibly close to my age. But as I inspected her face more thoroughly, I saw how young she really was. Young but tired and very malnourished with a sallow glow to her skin. Her baby needed some good food and consistency.
“No.” Her eyes fell as I spoke. If she needed a place to live, that was something I could help her find. “But my daughter goes to daycare here.”
“You don’t stay home with her?” she asked, finally accepting my support as we walked to the meeting room.
“I can’t. I’m a single omega.”<
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“Me too.” She confessed as we reached the room. “My name’s Emily.”
“Nice to meet you. I’m Ash.”
She replied with a small smile as we entered a room far more crowded than I expected. I helped her find a seat before bringing her a plate of grapes and cheese to tide her over while Joseph collected a real meal for her. When she was settled, I made my way to the front of the room to get started.
“Hello everyone. My name is Ashton Crawford, also known as Professor Crawford.” They all looked up at me, eyes glossed over, probably assuming I had nothing to give other than the free snacks and some uplifting words. All but Emily, that was. She sat there with her eyes glued to me, and that was when I decided to throw out my rehearsed speech and get real.
“As many of you probably scented, I’m an omega. From your seats, it probably looks like I have the world by the balls.” A few people gasped, and I laughed at their reaction. I’d been through the halls enough to know that was tame compared to the language commonly used here, and it only proved my hypothesis that they needed real talk and not an inspirational fluff fest, like the one I’d been planning to give.
“Truth is, less than six months ago, I was jobless and very pregnant without an alpha to be seen. You see, I was one of those omegas. You know, the ones people talk about in hushed voices. The ones they look their noses down on. I was unmated, pregnant from a one-night stand, and terrified. It was reason enough for me to lose my tenured teaching position, according to my previous employers, and if I allowed it, it could’ve crushed me like a bug. But I didn’t let it.
“Instead, I stand here before you now, the new omega studies professor at Johnson Reed University. My beautiful daughter is sleeping in a warm apartment and being cared for by a dear friend, whom many of you know from here, and I’m able to share with you how we, as omegas, can achieve our goals even when society tells us we can’t.”
I was a planner. I planned all my lectures to the point of having them memorized, but never in my time teaching had I given a talk as well received as I had while talking off the cuff about my journey and the things I’d learned along the way. By the time I was done, hands popped up left and right to ask questions and share stories. It was amazing. The rush I felt from their obvious change in optimism helped me forget about my own predicament with Coop. At least for a little while.
When ten thirty rolled around, I bid everyone goodbye with the promise to set up another meeting for us to get together.
Joseph waited for me as I left the room. “Emily is with Louisa now. We’re going to give her a place to stay for a few days. Or as Louisa put it, ‘as long as she needs it.’ Her crap ass excuse for an alpha kicked her out, claiming the child wasn’t his in a drunken rage. That was two days ago.” Joseph’s eyes drifted toward the room she was in. “Good thing she saw the fliers. She’s in good hands now.”
I thanked him for all his help before I made my way to the car. All I could think about was getting back to Sylvia. She was in good hands, the best even, but seeing all those lost omegas gave me a newfound appreciation for what I had. True, there was still the clusterfuck of a mess I had with Coop, but it was all going to work out. I had a job, financial security beyond the job, a safe place to live, and food to eat. My job allowed me to spend more time with my daughter than most, so life was good, even if not perfect.
My ride home was far quicker than normal thanks to the late travel time, and when I walked into my apartment to the sight of Marge holding my sweet baby girl who was sound asleep, all I wanted was to hold her and inhale her baby scent.
“She was good?” I asked as I pulled my daughter to my chest.
“Always.” She looked at me quizzically, rather than perturbed. “Your talk went late.”
“It took a turn to the personal side,” I announced before taking a seat beside her and chuckling as she rolled her eyes at the mere idea of me doing so. “I think it was well received.”
“You, Professor Crawford, went off script?” She scooched around so she was facing me, knowing me well enough to expect the story was a good one.
As I regaled her with all that happened at Omega House, I could see her wheels turning. She had more plans for me, and if it weren’t for Sylvia waking up with a poopy diaper, I’m sure I would’ve heard all her plans as they formed. Instead, she kissed my cheek goodnight, refused to take my money for babysitting, as always, and promised to call me in the morning with her new idea about Omega House left unsaid.
As Sylvia settled into sleep, I put her in her crib before showering off the day. The warm water cascaded down my body as it washed away all thoughts of Omega House and work, leaving only Coop to fill my mind.
What was it about him?
He was the first alpha I’d allowed close enough to knot me, even though I’d only known him for a few hours at the time. Even before I discovered my pregnancy, I was thinking of him, his kisses, and his body filling mine. After the hormones of pregnancy took over, it only got worse. I would sit there thinking about the way his eyes looked at me, half hooded and dark just as our lips crashed together for the first time or how his scent lingered in my apartment for most of the next day and how I didn’t want to leave said apartment for fear it’d be gone when I returned. Even when I was getting axed, no part of me blamed him for any of it.
I was a walking disaster when it came to Coop Daye. Shit, I couldn’t keep my body off his today, even after all the time that had passed and with a new life now between us, one he’d yet to know about. One that shared his eyes.
I found my hand wandering down as I thought of him. My erection was painfully hard from the mere memory of Coop’s body pressed against mine. I wrapped my hand around my cock, and I came within three tugs, not even allowing myself time to conjure a good fantasy to climax to. I never needed more than a brief picture of his face to push me over the edge.
It was official. Coop had wormed his way into me so deeply that there was no way I could walk away unscathed. Worse than that, I didn’t care. As long as I got to see him again, feel him, show him the life I had, the one we could have together, all would be right in the world.
After toweling off, I grabbed my pants from the floor and pulled out the post-it I had with his phone number on it. It was a complete breach of trust against far more rules than I probably even knew, but that didn’t stop me. Coop was the father of my baby and the alpha who filled my dreams. If I wanted his number, I deserved to have it. And he wanted more from me than I was willing to give that afternoon. If I’d have asked him to come with me to Omega House right then, he would’ve. At least that’s how I rationalized things as I went into the school database to stealthily grab his number and address. Not at all stalker like. Nope.
I pulled out my phone and typed a quick message. What was the worst that could happen?
Coop. This is Ash. It was good to see you today. I think about you too.
Before I could think twice, I hit send and waited.
As morning broke, I discovered what the worst that could happen was. He could ignore me, and ignore me he did.
6
Coop
“Coop!” Killian and Jax were both standing in my bedroom before I fully woke up. “Are you okay?”
I cracked an eyelid and winced at the bright light coming in from the window. “I was sleeping, if you couldn’t tell.”
“Dude, did something die in here?” Killian went straight to the window and yanked the glass all the way open. “It smells like ass and death.”
Just the death of my dreams. “I haven’t been feeling well for a few days.”
Jax sat at the foot of my bed, making me shift my position so he wasn’t on my legs. “Is your phone dead? I’ve been calling since you flaked last night?”
“Last night?” I reached for my phone to check the time then remembered I turned it off after I got the first text from Ash. He didn’t strike me as the cheating type, so his messages were probably meant to be friendly, but I couldn’t be fr
iends with him. Not when I knew what his mouth and his body felt like on mine. We needed a clean and permanent break if I was going to survive. “Sorry, I forgot about game night.”
Killian leaned against the window sill and looked down at me. “What happened? This isn’t the flu, so spill.”
I sat up in bed and stared at my fingers, avoiding eye contact with the two people who knew most of my secrets. “I was into someone who isn’t into me. And I’m bummed. It’s no big deal. I just needed a few days to feel sorry for myself, but I’m fine now. I’ll keep my phone turned on, I promise.”
Killian took a few steps forward, so he was standing beside me with his hands on his hips. “You’re not talking about Professor Crawford, are you?”
I wanted to deny it and pretend I didn’t know what he was talking about. But I couldn’t. Something felt so wrong about denying the brief but very real connection I felt with Professor Ash Crawford. So I said nothing. Which said everything.
“Professor Crawford?” Jax chimed in. “That’s the professor you were talking to yesterday, right? The hot, older guy?”
“Hot and mated older guy,” I clarified with a groan. “I saw him and his pregnant female mate the other night.”
My brother just shook his head, knowing first hand that if Ash was mated, I had zero chance with him. “I’m sorry, man.”
“I’m fine.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up, regretting my decision to lift my arms over my head to stretch as soon as I did it. “But, damn, I do need a shower.”
I tried to ignore my phone every time it beeped. I cleaned the apartment, did random projects I’d been putting off, and finally patched up the holes in the drywall Killian promised to help with months ago. When Marcus moved out of the apartment I was subleasing and took his giant snake with him, they also took the impressive wall-mounted habitat with them. I was more than happy to see it gone, but I couldn’t finish decorating the room until the walls were fixed. So my brother and Jax helped keep me distracted from my omega woes over the weekend with project after project.