by James Ross
Now in the prime of her life Pamela Porter had the confidence to appear in public, the elegance to entertain political cronies, the savvy to be profitable and the augmentation to turn heads. Standing five foot nine her streamlined figure, long auburn-tinted hair, jewelry and accessories brought attention to every slight movement that she made. Her high cheekbones and sharp nose magnified her elegant look. The sculptured nails and perfect pedicure completed the package. At least that was the case until the second glass of Chablis kicked in.
Finishing school tips taught her how to effectively apply make-up which was essential to cover up a mild case of scarring caused by adolescent acne. Premature crow’s feet at the corner of her eyes and deepset vertical lines above her lips hinted that she had aged. But when Pamela opened her mouth, the real horror sprang out. Her high pitched, squeaky voice may have produced the most obnoxious sounds known to humans.
“I thought you were going to be back here fifteen minutes ago,” Pamela bitched to Aieshia. “We have to get lunch ready for the other kids.”
“I stopped by ta pick up Julie.” Aieshia said as she motioned for Julie to get out for introductions. “Missus Porter I’d like fo’ ya ta meet Julie from da golf course.”
If she was glad to meet the new acquaintance then the scowl and quick reply served as a bucket of ice water. “We needed to expose some of the kids to life outside.”
“It’s our pleasure Mrs. Porter.”
Pamela looked at the kids. “Pabby, how can you go anywhere looking like that?” The teen had on jeans and a t-shirt, much like he had worn to the golf course every day. “One of these days they’re going to send you back here to change. I oughta send you in to clean up.”
“It’s alright,” Julie butted in. “They just sit in the clubhouse or go out on the course and do something. Since they aren’t playing golf our dress code doesn’t apply to them.”
“They’re embarrassing our reputation by what they’re wearing. At least you can tuck your shirt in Pabby.” Pamela redirected her aim. “Look at you, Shae. Your hair is sticking out in all directions. Your shoelaces are different colors. Even your socks don’t match. How can you go out in public looking like that?”
The girl shrugged her shoulders and helplessly looked at Carla.
“If you don’t start cleaning up better and looking more presentable then I’m going to have to revoke your privileges. The whole idea about this program is to get you exposed to life away from here.”
The kids let it go in one ear and out the other. They hustled into the van and grabbed a seat in the rear. Julie, Carla and Aieshia weren’t far behind. “Nice to meet you,” Julie crowed.
“Is ev’rybody ready ta roll?” Aieshia put the van into gear. Out of earshot of her boss she asked, “What’s up wit’ her dis mornin’?”
“Same as always,” Carla said, “hung over again.”
CHAPTER 27
The gang was sitting around the table when Pabby and Shae walked through the door followed by Aieshia, Carla and Julie. Fred had the tape out and was tearing off pieces. The poster board sat on a table.
“What are you doing?” Julie asked. “I leave for thirty minutes and you’re redecorating the place.”
“We’re going to put the new scoreboard up on the wall over here.” Fred pointed to a spot near BowTye. “We’ve got a new game we’re going to start. Everybody posts their score. The one that scores the best against his handicap gets the most points. We keep a running total for the season. The guy with the most points wins the pot.”
“Then what happens?” Julie asked.
“The lucky winner gets to take everybody out to dinner,” Captain Jer quipped.
“Sounds like Fred has the contest tilted in his favor,” Julie said.
“Yeah he can eat enough for two people,” Captain Jer joked.
“Maybe he take us to Happy Peking buffet,” YouWho added.
“You guys are acting like I’ve already won the pool. We haven’t added our first round of golf yet,” Fred countered.
J Dub walked into the clubhouse, said hi to the kids, acknowledged their teachers and stormed into the office closing the door behind him. “What’s eating his ass?” Captain Jer asked.
“He hasn’t been in a good mood the last week,” Julie answered. “It’s got something to do with that cart that got flipped over.”
Doc was looking through the racing form. “Pabby, come on over here and show me how you do this.” He had been comparing the results of the horse races the day before against the horses that Pabby had circled. With a determined strut, leaning forward, taking overextended steps Pabby made his way over to the booth and plopped down in a seat next to the vet. “Now look, what made this horse stick out to you?”
Pabby grabbed the racing form, spread it out on the table, leaned forward over the print and positioned his eyes about three inches away from the type. His eyes shifted back and forth. He brought his left hand up to scratch his nose. His concentration was keen. “A combination.”
“What?” Pork Chop questioned. “Did you like the silks the jockey was wearing?”
“I think his method is a little more sophisticated than yours,” Captain Jer added.
Doc was enthralled. “Tell me what it was that you liked in this horse.”
“This horse is fast. Can’t run distance. The race was shorter.” Pabby had his face buried in the numbers. “He was coming down in class. Gets out of the gate quick.” Pabby raised his head and looked at Doc. “What I really liked was the pole position. I thought it would get out and lead from wire to wire.”
Doc grabbed the sports section and looked at the results of the race. The horse jumped out into the lead, lead at each interval and won by three lengths. “No one else seemed to think that. Rainbow Warrior has been getting stomped in the other races.”
“Those were against tougher horses that could go longer distances.” The teen sounded like he was regurgitating a computerized report. “This horse always ran out of gas.”
Shae brought a hot dog and several napkins over to Pabby. It was her nature. Pabby looked up, smiled, bowed his head back down and extended his arm forward for her to tap his fist.
Doc made a funny face and shook his head in agreement.
“Not many people at the track liked his chances. He went off at 14 to 1.”
“Why don’t you ask him if he liked the jockey on that nag?” Captain Jer blurted. “That’s one of the first things Pork Chop looks at when he bets the ponies.”
“Ask him yourself, Jerry,” Julie yelled across the room. “Or are you afraid that he’ll make more sense than you?” She peered at the drink in front of him. “I leave for maybe thirty minutes and you’re out of control. What is that—the last one in the six-pack?”
“If I wanted to be bitched at I would have stayed at home.”
“How is your wife anyway?”
“Bitchy as ever.”
“I wonder if it has anything to do with you.” Julie came to his table with a bar rag and wiped up a few drops. “I think I’ve heard that one before out of you. That’s the first sign, you know.”
“Sign of what?”
“An alcoholic.” Julie paused and looked at him. “They repeat themselves.”
Captain Jer gave her a disgruntled look. “All you women are the same.”
“What do you mean?”
“Every single one of you wants to change us.”
“No, someone needs to take care of you and nurture you. You can’t do it on your own.”
“I beg your pardon. I’ve made it quite well for over fifty years.”
“That’s just what you think.”
“Well, there’s one thing about women that I do know.”
“What’s that?” Julie asked as she cleared the empty beer cans from in front of him.
“I know that if I sleep with her she’ll hold me hostage for a month.” The guys snickered.
“What do you mean by that?”
“She’l
l think that I owe her. I’ll have to do yard work, painting, move furniture and all the other stuff that is number one on my list of things to do.” He took a sip of his beer. “All because she did me a favor.” The guys chuckled.
“Not all women are the same.”
“They are after they get married.”
“Not to interrupt,” Doc said, “but what do you guys say we schedule a day at the track. “I wouldn’t mind trying out Pabby’s system.”
“We’re due for that,” Fred said. “In the past we’ve teed off around six thirty. We get done early and can still get to the track in time for the first race.”
“Then let’s pick a day,” Doc said.
“The sooner the better.” Captain Jer looked at Julie, tipped his beer can over and let the ale fall to the floor.
“Jerry!”
“I’ve got a new name for you.”
“What’s that?”
“Mop lady.”
“Get out of here right now!”
CHAPTER 28
barrydebohn: whats my friend doing today
kittypurrs4u: why
barrydebohn: pissy are we?
kittypurrs4u: no
kittypurrs4u: Stud’s so nice to me
barrydebohn: he’s supposed to be
kittypurrs4u: it’s the things he does
barrydebohn: what this time
kittypurrs4u: he won a bet
kittypurrs4u: and got me a gift
barrydebohn: what was it?
kittypurrs4u: a tool set
barrydebohn: huh?
kittypurrs4u: a tool set
barrydebohn: what kind of a gift is that?
kittypurrs4u: its beautiful. Exactly what I wanted
barrydebohn: why on earth would u want a tool set
kittypurrs4u: cause
barrydebohn: instead of clothes or jewelry or a car
kittypurrs4u: for my chopper
barrydebohn: what? You’ve lost me
kittypurrs4u: I needed it for my bike
barrydebohn: u have a 10 speed or something?
kittypurrs4u: no dummy. I have a motorcycle
barrydebohn: what the heck r u doing w a motorcycle?
kittypurrs4u: that’s how I get around
barrydebohn: u don’t have a car?
kittypurrs4u: no
barrydebohn: since when
kittypurrs4u: since my divorce
barrydebohn: u left Stud
kittypurrs4u: no I live w Stud
kittypurrs4u: he’s married
barrydebohn: whoa wait a second
barrydebohn: Stud is married and u live w him
kittypurrs4u: yes
barrydebohn: where is Stud’s wife?
kittypurrs4u: she stays with us
kittypurrs4u: It’s a long story
barrydebohn: I guess it is
barrydebohn: why don’t u tell me about it
kittypurrs4u: do u really want to know?
barrydebohn: yeah. I’d like to know what I’m getting into
kittypurrs4u: hold on
barrydebohn: not for long. I’ve got a busy day today
kittypurrs4u: then I’ll tell u later
barrydebohn: no no no. I’m here. I’ll wait
kittypurrs4u: all these guys are bothering me today
kittypurrs4u: I need to get rid of them
barrydebohn: new ones?
kittypurrs4u: u should see how many hits I get
barrydebohn: who r they today?
kittypurrs4u: two 35 yr old guys want a 3-way
kittypurrs4u: then there’s 2hotnOK
barrydebohn: who’s that?
kittypurrs4u: a couple that wants me. She’s bi
kittypurrs4u: then let’s see there’s mywifeisyummy
kittypurrs4u: and fullofsin
kittypurrs4u: 10inBBC
kittypurrs4u: they r driving me crazy
barrydebohn: u get around
kittypurrs4u: not really. I’m a nice girl
barrydebohn: LOL sounds like it
kittypurrs4u: I am
barrydebohn: I bet u r
kittypurrs4u: OK theyre gone I x’d them all
barrydebohn: good where do u want to start?
kittypurrs4u: hmmmm
barrydebohn: u got the tool set
kittypurrs4u: oh yeah cause my bike is broke
kittypurrs4u: I needed to fix it and don’t have the money
barrydebohn: and a tool set will fix it?
kittypurrs4u: yeah it’s the only thing I own
barrydebohn: a motorcycle is?
kittypurrs4u: when I got divorced it was all I got
barrydebohn: ok
kittypurrs4u: so I wanted to leave and I got on it
kittypurrs4u: I drove it until I ran out of money for gas
barrydebohn: where did u come from?
kittypurrs4u: CA
barrydebohn: California
kittypurrs4u: duh
kittypurrs4u: ur a pretty smart guy
barrydebohn: don’t get like that
kittypurrs4u: do u want to stop? I can x u too
barrydebohn: no no no don’t do that
barrydebohn: so u ran out of gas
kittypurrs4u: no I ran out of money for gas
barrydebohn: OK there’s a little difference
kittypurrs4u: maybe to u but it’s a big diff
barrydebohn: whatever
kittypurrs4u: cause it was how I met Stud
barrydebohn: u didn’t meet Stud online
kittypurrs4u: NO!
kittypurrs4u: I didn’t know anybody when I ran out of money
barrydebohn: got it
kittypurrs4u: I stopped and walked into this bar
barrydebohn: ok
kittypurrs4u: and there he was
barrydebohn: Stud?
kittypurrs4u: yes—his muscles
kittypurrs4u: I knew right away
barrydebohn: what?
kittypurrs4u: that he would protect me
barrydebohn: what was he doing there?
kittypurrs4u: working the door
barrydebohn: a bouncer?
barrydebohn: how’s a guy like that going to help u
kittypurrs4u: he’s so big. his arms. but he’s so soft and tender
barrydebohn: oh jeez
kittypurrs4u: if ur going to be a smart ass
barrydebohn: no no no sorry go on
barrydebohn: tell me how this romance has blossomed
kittypurrs4u: there u go bein a smart ass again
kittypurrs4u: I needed a place to stay
barrydebohn: that night?
kittypurrs4u: yes
kittypurrs4u: so Stud took me in
barrydebohn: u went back to his place
kittypurrs4u: yes
kittypurrs4u: he has a house
barrydebohn: here in STL
kittypurrs4u: yes w his wife
barrydebohn: oh jeez
barrydebohn: how did that work out?
kittypurrs4u: fine
barrydebohn: fine—that’s it?
kittypurrs4u: yeah… she was on the couch
barrydebohn: so where did u sleep?
kittypurrs4u: with Stud in his bedroom
barrydebohn: wait a second—u slept w Stud w his wife there?
kittypurrs4u: yeah… her boyfriend was there
barrydebohn: huh? how the hell did that work out
kittypurrs4u: ur wearing me out w the questions
kittypurrs4u: that’s all for now
kittypurrs4u: I’ve got to go
barrydebohn: kitty wait… wait!
kittypurrs4u has signed out
“Damn her!”
CHAPTER 29
The guys hustled out the door to play golf. Shae found a spot by BowTye. She watched him clean shoes. Ever since he played a song about her she was enamored with the guitar or banjo, whichever one he chose to pick up and strum.
She would g
aze for hours on end at how his fingers would search for the chords. With her right hand she would twirl the hair by her ear non-stop. With the yellow band bunching the hair in the middle of the top of her head, Shae was as cute as they came. She would often close her eyes, bob her head and tap her foot to the beat.
If it got too noisy in the clubhouse they would move outside to the front porch. The activity suited Carla just fine. She always had a book in her hand and could quietly read only to look up on occasion to make sure all was well.
Pabby on the other hand was consumed with the racing form. That became his new entertainment. Between his games of War with Uncle Woo and the racing form he could be found in one of the booths near the back corner. That allowed Aieshia to park herself on one of the bar stools and visit with Julie a great deal.
“Sometimes I wonder who the kids are ’round here.”
“You mean Captain Jer?”
“Yeah.”
“The alcohol has pickled him. For the most part he is a happy-go-lucky guy that would do anything in the world for you. But once in a while he gets this hateful streak.”
“I know the routine.”
“Have you been exposed to an alcoholic?”
Aieshia nodded. Her eyes got wide and she kept shaking her head up and down. “Missus Porter is one.”
“You said that in the van. I thought something was funny about the way she was acting this morning.”
“No question. She was hung-over. I’ve been watchin’ her fo’ a long time now.”
“How does she get around it being that close to all the kids?”
“She hides it from dem. But da adults ’round dere know what’s goin’ on. She’s got uh boyfrien’.”
“Huh? I thought she was married.”
“She is. Ta Judge Porter.” Aieshia twisted the cap off of her bottle of water and spun it back to tighten it. Then she repeated the action. “It’s a diff’rent sort of marriage.”
“The world is full of those. Aren’t they happy?”
Aieshia shrugged. “Dey appear to be dat whene’er we see dem together.” Her eyes got wide again. “But dat isn’t too often.”