by James Ross
Enter Tanner Atkins and Judge Buchanon Porter.
It didn’t take long—if that is what a generation can be referred to—for the state of Illinois to start putting two and two together. Why it didn’t start happening sooner could probably be traced to where the money was going higher up the ladder. Some in the state thought that it was downright rude and bad manners to accuse judges and lawyers of foul play. Many in the judicial system cried foul. Others recognized how the game was played in one of the most corrupt states in the country. Neighboring counties hurried to the cash-out window. The state needed to get it fixed, and in a hurry. Springfield went to work—if that’s what you call three-hour lunches, trysts with accommodating women and junkets handed out from lobbyists.
Doctors and physicians vacated the hospitals overnight. Corporate watchdog groups cried foul. Associations protecting big business consistently cried that the law was being applied unfairly. Corporate attorneys ranked the state of Illinois close to the bottom in equitable justice.
Opportunistic lawyers flocked to the little red courthouse in Illinois from all over the country to get a piece of the lottery jackpot. Billion dollar class action verdicts were awarded against tobacco companies, Internet chip makers and telephone air wave monopolies.
Detractors pointed out that the cases had nothing to do with the citizens in the local county or the state of Illinois. The absurd situation reached new heights when a call center from Hyderabad, India bamboozled a hundred thousand American citizens out of their life savings. The stolen money was shipped to a World lottery office in Switzerland and laundered. An Australian firm caught wind of the swindle and located twenty-five million dollars of the stolen loot. They hired a law firm out of Macon, Georgia and urged them to file a class action lawsuit in the little red courthouse in Illinois because the word was out that the court could be influenced.
In the telephone lawsuit nearly one hundred million dollars was awarded to the plaintiffs. Fifty-two lawyers worked on the case. The eighty-three thousand plaintiffs received fifty dollar gift certificates for their trouble. The attorneys took the rest in legal fees.
The heat was on the Illinois legislators. Opponents wanted a cap on the awards. The watchdog groups wanted attorney fees limited. The lawmakers said they needed at least three years to decide if action was needed and another five years to study the situation if it was deemed necessary. Critics wanted a plurality of class members from Illinois before a lawsuit could be filed in the state. The politicians in the state House and Senate purposely let the bill in the rules committee sit and gather dust. Further investigation revealed that their campaign contributions came from the bar and trial lawyers association.
Finally, after years and years of wrangling, the legislators in the fine state of Illinois passed a bill that put a cap on the awards for class action lawsuits. Within months the Illinois Supreme Court declared the new law unconstitutional. The honorable Land of Lincoln returned to business-as-usual. And the detractors went to work to get every judge in southern Illinois voted out of office.
But Buchanon Porter—Bucky to his friends—was untouchable. How did the nickname originate? Was it because of his first name or the big bucks that were generated every time the gavel came down in his courtroom? The gray haired senior citizen with a law degree from one of the state universities had no desire to touch his Social Security or retirement account, especially with the dollar bills that were generated from his bench. And he wasn’t about to be voted out no matter what forces were against him.
Bucky had it all. He had a show piece on his arm affectionately named Pammy Poo that was twenty-four years younger. Home was a private luxury condominium a few blocks from his courtroom. A bright red convertible sports car was what he needed to recapture his youth. That was very important because alcohol had obliterated his sexual performance. Even the erectile dysfunction pills were rendered useless.
Because he had been on the bench in southern Illinois for over thirty years Judge Porter commanded respect. But his disheveled appearance certainly didn’t lend itself to getting it. Once an attractive young man, his looks were severely diminished by alcohol. His hair was thinning on top. Somewhere, either on the side or in back, his shirt was hanging out. More often than not he would miss a belt loop. His mood would change depending on the alcohol level in his system. If you caught him after lunch there was a good chance he had a condiment spill on his shirt or a soup stain on his tie.
Stub’s Missing Digit was his favorite watering hole. Carleton (Blue) Howe and his brother Riley were in their seventies and owned the place. Riley had his finger shot off in a bank robbery, hence the tavern’s name. The pair converted an old two-story house into a bar, bought the surrounding real estate, expanded the business into the showroom of a car dealership and couldn’t count the dollars fast enough. The outside wine garden looked out over the Mississippi and the spot was known for having the hottest bands in town playing on a nightly basis.
With cheap food and cold beer the proprietors attracted young and old, male and female, as well as black, white or whatever patrons. The “help-yourself” eating environment came with an uncomplicated menu. Barbecued pork butts, half-pound hamburgers from choice ground beef, bratwursts, nachos, deep fried pickles, a steak kabob, chicken wings, fries and peel-and-eat shrimp were the only options. That was unless the smell of popcorn from one of the three machines became your food of choice.
Tanner Atkins had an arrangement with Blue Howe. Whenever Judge Bucky Porter was inside the premises the tab went to Atkins, Blum and Charles. He could eat or drink as much as his appetite desired. And in a lot of instances the judge’s appetite for booze was a lot greater than his wish for food. It was a mutually beneficial relationship that caused billions of dollars of corporate profits to flow through the Illinois court system.
CHAPTER 40
barrydebohn: I know ur there. I see u online
barrydebohn: kitty?
barrydebohn: quit jerking me around like this
kittypurrs4u: what!!!
barrydebohn: hi
kittypurrs4u: is that it? Hi? That’s it? I’m a busy girl
barrydebohn: who is the lucky guy tonight?
kittypurrs4u: u jealous?
barrydebohn: no just being nosy I guess
kittypurrs4u: we’ve been texting all day. I’m ready to ditch him
barrydebohn: where’s this one from
kittypurrs4u: Chicago. He’s married
barrydebohn: that hasn’t stopped u before
kittypurrs4u: and it won’t this time either. He’s had me so hot today
kittypurrs4u: I should of told him to come down here 8 hours ago
barrydebohn: why didn’t u?
kittypurrs4u: stud wasn’t around
barrydebohn: good ole stud. how’s he been
kittypurrs4u: great he screens the guys for me
barrydebohn: that must be a full time job
kittypurrs4u: tee hee
kittypurrs4u: maybe one day I’ll make him screen u
barrydebohn: u better! I can’t wait
kittypurrs4u: I know you can’t babe
kittypurrs4u: maybe when rent is due and stud spent all the money
barrydebohn: what
kittypurrs4u: we’ll work u in for a big tip tee hee
barrydebohn: aren’t u thoughtful
kittypurrs4u: I try to be tee hee
barrydebohn: damn u! I don’t know what it is u do to me
kittypurrs4u: I know what it is
barrydebohn: I think u do
barrydebohn: so are u going to finish?
kittypurrs4u: you?
barrydebohn: no. ur story from last time
kittypurrs4u: which one was that
barrydebohn: abt how u met Stud
kittypurrs4u: oh. That one. What do u want to know?
barrydebohn: where we left off. Stud took u home
kittypurrs4u: tee hee
barrydebohn: his wife was on the c
ouch
kittypurrs4u: with her boyfriend
barrydebohn: that’s what u said then u hung up
kittypurrs4u: mmmmmm that was a fun night
barrydebohn: how so
kittypurrs4u: the first time w someone is so exciting
barrydebohn: I don’t know how it could be w her there
kittypurrs4u: we had been drinking and didn’t care
kittypurrs4u: Stud said it was ok
kittypurrs4u: and I just love his muscles
barrydebohn: how did it work out
kittypurrs4u: fine
barrydebohn: that’s it?
kittypurrs4u: yeah
barrydebohn: give me the details dammit
kittypurrs4u: u don’t have to get so rude
kittypurrs4u: all u men are the same
barrydebohn: what do you mean?
kittypurrs4u: ur all assholes
kittypurrs4u: rude
kittypurrs4u: demanding
kittypurrs4u: u never say anything nice
barrydebohn: oh come on. Since when do you need
kittypurrs4u: we all do
barrydebohn: that crap. U don’t strike me as the needy type
kittypurrs4u: I’m low maintenance
barrydebohn: something tells me otherwise
barrydebohn: now tell me what happened
kittypurrs4u: stud and I had sex. there
barrydebohn: I know that! How did it work out w her there?
kittypurrs4u: hmmmm let me think
barrydebohn: Aghhhhh I could
barrydebohn: never mind
kittypurrs4u: tee hee
kittypurrs4u: let’s see. stud and I started kissing
barrydebohn: ok that’s always a good start
kittypurrs4u: he makes me soooooo hot
kittypurrs4u: mmmmmmm
kittypurrs4u: then we took our clothes off
barrydebohn: finally. I feel like cartwheels are coming
kittypurrs4u: no. none of those and then we, you know
barrydebohn: no I don’t know but I can guess
kittypurrs4u: yeah we did. It was wild. Crazy
barrydebohn: good stuff?
kittypurrs4u: mmmmmmm his muscles
kittypurrs4u: I love to feel protected
barrydebohn: so he protects u
kittypurrs4u: then it got out of hand
barrydebohn: what?
kittypurrs4u: the sex
barrydebohn: how so?
kittypurrs4u: I got loud
barrydebohn: oh no no no don’t tell me
kittypurrs4u: uh huh. I am
barrydebohn: a screamer?
kittypurrs4u: a lot
barrydebohn: that can be good or bad
kittypurrs4u: uh huh. That night it was bad
barrydebohn: why? Because she was there?
kittypurrs4u: sorta
barrydebohn: what do u mean sorta?
kittypurrs4u: the kids woke up
barrydebohn: the kids!
kittypurrs4u: yeah
barrydebohn: Stud has kids?
kittypurrs4u: uh huh. They’re 7 and 4
barrydebohn: oh no no no
kittypurrs4u: yeah. That made her mad
barrydebohn: I guess so
kittypurrs4u: she walked in on us and
kittypurrs4u: hold on
barrydebohn: kitty come on. Don’t do this to me
barrydebohn: kitty
barrydebohn: kitty
kittypurrs4u: back
barrydebohn: good. Damn I want to hear the rest of it
kittypurrs4u: its gonna have to wait
barrydebohn: let me guess. Stud needs u
kittypurrs4u: yeah. How did u know?
barrydebohn: just tell me the end of the story
kittypurrs4u: I can’t now. Next time
barrydebohn: come on kitty
kittypurrs4u: not now. I gotta go
kittypurrs4u: bye
kitty purrs 4u has signed out
barrydebohn: damn you. Dammit
barrydebohn: Dammit
barrydebohn: Dammit
“Damn you!”
CHAPTER 41
The guys had finished their round and were figuring up their scores. Fred was posting them on the poster board as BowTye read them off. “Hey Doc, how many winners did Pabby pick yesterday?”
“He had three winners and one second place. Pabby’s score is eleven points.” The vet had the racing form spread out in front of Pabby and the pair was going over the next day’s racing card. Pabby’s head was buried in the numbers trying to decipher the many combinations and options that were available.
The teen looked up. “You owe me.”
Doc was confused. “I owe you? What?”
“We never got to touch the horses.”
Doc remembered the events of the day. “That’s right. I promised you. That day at the track was hectic. We never made it to the paddock area.”
“I want to go again.”
“Yeah, I’ll take you.” He reached in his pocket. “Now here’s a little gift for you.” The vet held a one hundred dollar bill.
Pabby’s eyes got as big as the cup for a hot putter. “I can’t take that.”
“I know.” Doc put his finger to his lips. “Shhhh. Don’t tell anyone. I’m going to give it to J Dub to hold for you. That’s between you and me.”
“You’re my buddy?”
“Of course I am.” Doc held a small pair of earrings in his hand. “Now take these and you give them to Shae.”
Pabby blushed. “No.” He shook his head in a circle from top left to bottom right and back again in the form of a figure eight. “No.”
“Come on. She won’t bite you.”
“No.” He put his face back into the racing form.
“Are you afraid that she might think that you like her?”
Pabby nodded his head up and down. “No. I’m not giving her anything.”
Shae was next to BowTye. After he finished reading off the scores he started to tune his guitar. She knew he was going to play so she walked to the counter and got a container of bottled water. After stepping away she returned and got a second one and took it to Pabby. The teen, hunched over with his eyes three inches from the print, looked at her out of the side of his eye. Then he looked back down and quickly snatched the earrings from Doc. “Here. Doc thought you’d like these.”
“Oh, Pabby! Thank you!” Shae bent over, put her arms around his shoulders and hugged him. The contact was brief. Her attention quickly shifted to her new earrings. She struggled with the backing—her fingers too restricted. Disappointment followed.
“Come over here,” Julie said. “I’ll help you.”
Shae limped to the register. Julie attached the earrings and led her to a mirror. Despite gaps in her teeth Shae’s smile was infectious. She beamed on her way back to the booth.
“Wow. Look at you,” Doc said.
“We’ve got a movie star in the room,” Fred crowed.
“Do I look as pretty as Shayla?” Shae asked. She stepped back, put her right hand on her hip, lifted her chin and waved to the boys.
“Lights! Camera! Action!” Paco yelled. Shae was radiant.
“What’s the hot pick for tomorrow?” J Dub asked. He had been eavesdropping on the conversation from behind the counter.
“It looks like Florida Sunset in the fifth,” Doc said.
“Florida. It is a state in the southeastern part of the United States. Its nickname is The Sunshine State. Actually the state is a sandbar peninsula bordered by the Gulf of Mexico on the west and the Atlantic Ocean on the east. The states of Alabama and Georgia share its northern border.”
“Shae, the guys know that you’re a genius when it comes to geography.”
“The capital of Florida is Tallahassee.” Shae reveled in the attention she was receiving. She threw her head back and watched the ceiling fan go around and around. With her right hand she twirled the hair by her
ear. “The state bird is the mockingbird. On occasion we see them around this part of the country, but nothing like in Florida. The prevalent climate is humid subtropical. Because of this the state is host to many forms of wildlife.”
“I’m glad to hear that the animals like the warm weather as much as we do,” Pork Chop said. “When are we going back down to West Palm Beach for a winter golf vacation?”
“Does anyone know the Florida state flower?” Blank looks filled the room. “Well if you stop and think about it the question is easy,” Shae said. There was still no response from the guys.
“The orange blossom,” Pabby blurted as Shae grinned.
“Well of course,” Fred followed. “That makes perfect sense.”
“Who knows the largest city?” Shae asked.
Captain Jer raised his beer can in the air to get Julie’s attention. “Gee whiz, my wife reminds me every day how inadequate I am. Now I come in here and a teenager confirms it.” He slugged down the remainder of his beer. “I thought we were supposed to come here for fun.”
“Miami,” Fred guessed.
“Nope.”
“Tampa,” Doc said.
“Nope.”
“It can’t be Orlando,” Elia said.
“That is correct.” Shae threw her head back and twirled her hair.
“It’s a trick question,” Pabby said.
Shae smiled a devilish grin. “Jacksonville! The city limits are the largest in the whole country. Because of that virtually everyone in that area lives within the city limits.”
“That’s good, Shae,” Carla said. “I’m sure the boys have heard enough.”
Captain Jer said, “I give. I give.” Julie handed him another beer. “This is about all I can handle as we get deeper into the day.”
“You remind us every day too,” Julie said.
J Dub tilted his head toward the ceiling. “Does anybody else hear that?” The room got quiet.
“It sounds like a scratching sound.”
“Yeah,” the head pro said. “Where is that coming from?”
“Your attic,” Doc said.
“That’s two floors up.”