“You okay back there?” Liam asks as he readies to pull out onto the road.
“Yeah!” I yell and then realize I don't need to talk so loud. I manage to open my eyes. “Sorry. I mean, yes.” I add quietly.
He expertly shifts the death bullet into gear and starts us toward our destination. After ten or fifteen or twenty minutes - I don’t really know - pass with me not moving an inch, not even to look around except for with my eyes, not even when we had come to the two stop signs in our drive, we come to a final stop on a remote side road far from civilization. I hadn’t noticed, but we’re on a dirt road and that surprises me. Maybe that’s why the trip seemed to take so long – he was probably driving slower that needed with a Nervous Nelly on the back. And I can’t imagine motorcycle’s handle well on gravel.
Liam parks the bike on the side of the road and cuts the engine. I’m still clinging to him with claws for hands, sitting completely still as instructed. He turns his head back as far as our helmets will allow to speak, lifting the tinted plastic shield that guards his eyes.
“You can hop down now, Breckin.”
“Oh. Okay.”
I peel my hands from Liam's shirt and see that I’ve left claw marks in the material at his abdomen. My body is stiff from sitting so tensely and so still for that long. I remove the helmet he’d given me and can only imagine what my hair must look like; flat on top and wild and wind whipped on the bottom. After removing his own helmet, Liam strides over to me and takes mine. I notice that we aren’t anywhere of significance. The dirt road appears to go on for miles on both sides of us and in front of where we stand, there is a long wooden fence. Exactly the type one would’ve seen a hundred years ago surrounding luscious pastures that held roaming horses. Thick, aged posts and planks separate the road from the open space beyond for several hundred feet. Behind the fence is an open field with nothing but tall green grass until it stops at the tree line quite a far distance away. The long grass sways in the wind making it look like a soft, rippling green ocean. Far in the distance to the left is a large barn with fading red paint and another fence that rounds in a small circle from the opening of its large doors. There is a cute little farm house located just to the front of the barn, and I can see that it has a wraparound porch with several flower pots perched amongst the rail giving a nice splash of color to the otherwise plain house.
“Come this way,” Liam says, pulling me out of my trance.
He ducks under the fence post and patiently waits for me to follow. We’re walking toward the side of the field where the barn is nestled, and after a few yards I see a large oak tree shading the yard behind the hefty red barn. On one of the wide branches dangles a thick rope, and from it hangs a single round, but very large, black tire.
“Where are we?” I ask in awe. The scenery is so simple, but so stunning.
“This is the Schumacher’s property. I come to work here on the weekends for some extra money. They won’t mind us being here.”
“Schumacher?” I ask not recognizing the name. “What do you do for them?”
We come to the tree and he stands behind the tire, gesturing for me to sit in it. I smirk. Swinging.
“I come here very early Saturday mornings and bail hay, feed the animals, clean the stalls, groom the horses… you know, things like that. I’m usually here most of the day although today I left early. Sunday’s I’m here around noon after they return from church services, doing whatever else Mr. Schumacher needs me to do. They’re an elderly couple and he isn’t as able as he once was to do the more difficult tasks a farm calls for.”
I fumble to get both of my legs into the more than big enough tire opening. I start to fall back and Liam catches me, his touch sending another wave of electricity down my spine. I pretend not to be effected and wrap my hands around the thick rope feeling like a clumsy child, clinching my eyes shut it humiliation. Liam gives me a light push.
“Camille – your coach – knew that he needed help and when I arrived in late July, she mentioned it to me after I’d voiced my interest in a job,” Liam explains as I realize that this must be how he had gotten his subtle tan. “Mr. Schumacher is very flexible with my hours. If I need any time off he is more than willing to accommodate. Sometimes I come here after practice, too. It helps clear my head. They’re a lovely couple, he and his wife. I’m happy to help them.”
“That all sounds nice.” I reply, not knowing what else to say.
He pushes me wordlessly for a few more minutes. The only noise is the quiet creak of the rope moving with each swing and the hushed breeze rattling the leaves in the tree above us. I relax and begin to enjoy the way my hair floats around me, tickling my back and shoulders as Liam continues to push me, and smile to myself at the simplicity and joy this moment has brought me.
Abruptly, Liam stops the swing when I’ve reached his grasp and twists the tire around so that our faces are inches apart. My eyes widen in surprise and I forget how to breathe. He speaks quietly now, still holding me to him while I sit stunned and breathless.
“I’m so very sorry for what I did today,” he whispers. “There is no excuse for how I reacted. It’s just that I… when I saw you today at the pool… I was suddenly just so happy to see you. And then when Axel approached our group I realized that you probably weren’t there with only him. Axel had been very sure to inform me of Ben and that he came home on weekends last time we met.” He takes a deep breath and blows it out before continuing. His breath reaches the strands of hair surrounding my face, causing it to further tickle my skin. “I know that I shouldn’t, that it’s wrong to… I can’t …”
“It wasn’t wrong,” I whisper back. “I’m glad you said those things to Ben. You were right; he shouldn’t have been ignoring me to talk to those girls.” Our faces are almost touching. “Not that I care that he was,” I add.
“But it wasn’t… it isn’t my place, Breckin, and it wasn’t just that he was talking to those girls.” He shakes his head in disgust. “It was wrong of me to say anything. Who am I to interfere? I don’t know anything about him, or you, or what either of you have. I know only what others have told me, and I know better than anyone that I shouldn’t take other’s at their word about people’s lives.”
He releases me and I’m forced away from him once more, swaying back and forth to the tire rope’s cadence. I attempt to figure out what exactly is making him so upset. I doubt that it was the fact that he had said anything to Ben. Liam had more than enjoyed himself today. He continues before I can think about it too much.
“Breckin, I’m not sure why I felt the need to talk to your Ben,” he starts again.
“He’s not my Ben. I really wish that you’d stop calling him that.” I sound angrier than I intended to. Liam pushes me for another moment and I can only imagine what expression he must have. Probably appalled my by sudden outburst. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so brash,” I add, hoping for him to talk to me again.
“You didn’t sound that unpleasant. I’m not sure you could even if you tried,” he replies teasingly. I strain my head to look at him and I see a small smile playing on his perfectly sculpted lips for a fraction of a second, but then he abruptly becomes serious again. “I can’t tell you what compelled me to do what I did today,” he says now. “When I realized that you were there with him, I got…” Liam hesitates as his voice trails off.
I wait.
“I wasn’t sure how to react. I knew obviously that you had a boyfriend and so I thought that maybe if I introduced myself, that on some sick level it would make it that much easier for me to accept.” Liam’s eyes become wary as he studies my face – readying himself for my reaction to what he’s about to say. I turn away, looking out in front of me seeing an endless sea of whispy field grass. If it’s that bad, maybe I shouldn’t be looking at him. “I got… jealous. And I don't get jealous! If I want something, I take it. I don't envy what others have, that's not me. But, Breckin, I tell you it hit me like a wrecking ball. I’ve only kn
own you for a week!” It’s as if he’s trying to reason with himself now rather than speaking to me. “But I know that I can’t stay away from you. I just can’t. I find myself wanting to spend every minute I can with you.”
I’m not sure what to say. I’m too busy fighting the urge to jump out of the swing and wrap my arms around him. I turn my head again so that I can see his beautiful face. He comes in and out of view as he continues to push me back and forth. His beautiful eyes following my face with every passing swing.
“I’ve never felt like this before, and that… surprises me. I’m not sure how to handle it. And all the more, making it worse is that you’re not free for me to…” he shakes his head and regroups. “I can’t even try to have anything with you and it’s driving me absolutely insane.”
Good grief, why hadn’t I just dumped Ben in the car? Told him that it just wasn’t working, that he isn’t what I want and see you later. It could’ve been quick and easy. Well, sure, it seems so easy now. I'd had more than a legitimate excuse to do it too, with him drooling all over those girls and ignoring that I was even alive.
“Please say something. I’m offending you. I apologize.” Liam sounds so miserable that it grips my heart like a vice. I speak quietly for fear that the excitement now consuming me will make me sound too eager.
“You’re not offending me. I’m actually quite relieved that you feel this way.”
“Relieved?” He seems appalled by this.
“Yeah, you see I, well… I feel the same way. Whenever I’m around you I actually have to fight the way I feel. I was afraid that you would think I was an imbecile or some crazy stalker if that every time you saw me I was trying to bounce into your arms. I’ve never felt quite like this before, either.” I’m talking quietly still, keeping my eyes down to the tire, nervous of how he might react to my confession. He already seemed so horrified by my relief, I think I’m a little afraid to see how he’ll respond to this.
When I manage another awkward glimpse toward him over my shoulder, Liam looks as surprised as he did when he’d confessed his own feelings before. He’s still pushing me on the swing, but at a much slower pace now and I try twisting my legs so that I can reach the ground. It causes me to wobble and he notices what I’m trying to do, so he grabs and stops the big tire so that I’m finally facing him again.
“You’ve never felt like this before? Really?” he asks quietly.
I think carefully before answering and realize that, no, I haven’t felt this way about anyone. Not ever. I’ve never experienced the feelings I have now, the feelings I undergo when I’m with Liam. They are incapacitating and hypnotic. The emotions I’d once had for Ben don’t even come in a close second. I am head over heels. Obviously Liam's presence is something that seems to leave me breathless and it feels as though butterflies now reside permanently in my stomach. And those magnets within me never fail to leave me fighting the urge to touch him. And no matter how much I think about it, I can never come up with a reason as to why I feel such a strong but helpless need to be near him. It isn’t just a want any more to have Liam in my life; it’s essential, vital.
“No, nothing like this. I can’t even put into words the feelings I have for you. I’ve been fighting with myself since the first moment I saw you, Liam. I didn’t understand it then and I admit that I don’t understand it now. You have this pull over me that I can't reason or explain. It’s…” I trail off, not knowing what word to use to describe how I’m feeling. He places a finger beneath my chin to make me look at him.
“I know,” he murmurs.
Something brief exchanges between us - a look that holds volumes compared to our confessions. He skims my cheek with barely his fingertips, and I reach up to hold his hand to my skin, closing my eyes. I hear his sharp intake of breath and I can feel his hand begin to shake against my jaw. He steps back, effectively removing his hand from my grasp and sighs.
“Breckin, this is making it so much harder. It was easier to think that you don’t feel the same about me.”
I open my eyes but stare at my hands now twisted around the rope of the tire swing. Does he not want me to feel the same way then? Is this what he had brought me here to tell me? To tell me just how he feels, but that I’m not allowed to feel the same about him? I’m scared now - scared that he doesn’t want me regardless of what he’s told me - and so I react defensively.
“So what did you want me to say?” I ask bitingly. I push away from him and start myself swinging again. Having him so close is making it hard to focus. If he’s going to get all broody on me, then I need to concentrate.
“I’m not entirely sure. But I had to tell you why I acted the way I did. I can’t have you believing that I’m some sort of psychopath who randomly approaches unsuspecting people to pick arguments with.”
“Let me get this straight then,” my voice still harsh, “you introduced yourself to Ben so that you could make it easier to accept the fact that I’m in a relationship with him. Then you tell him what you think of him… and then regret it because you’re afraid that I’ll think you’re crazy and/or psychotic. And you’re happy when I’m around and want to spend time with me, but wish that I didn’t feel the same way. Did I get all that right?”
Liam chuckles, but I can see there is clearly no humor behind the gesture. “Well, when you say it like that – it all seems silly doesn’t it?
I twirl around and meet his eyes then, neither of us saying anything else. He catches me a second time when the tire swings toward him, placing one hand on the rope directly above mine with his other hand firmly holding the tire lip. Liam holds me in place for a moment but then slowly walks the swing back to its resting position, never breaking his gaze from mine. He rests his arms on top of the rubber and lays his forehead on the tops of his folded arms. I can barely hear him when he decides to talk again.
“Breckin, it’s not right for me to want you. It’s torture to want you so badly and not be able to do anything about it. I won’t steal you like this. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help the way I feel. It’d be in your best interest to stay away from me. I’m really no good for you anyway.”
I wait for him to look up before I respond, ignoring the last part – I think he’s plenty good for me. And telling me that I should keep away from him will probably just do the opposite for my stubborn frame of mind causing me to just want him even more. He doesn’t look up, so I very hesitantly touch his hair, noting how soft and silky it feels beneath my skin, and then lightly trace a line down the length of his arm just as he’d done to me today in the pool. He looks up then, and his face has become so tormented that I gasp and instantly stop.
“You shouldn’t do that,” he whispers.
“I’m sorry.” I murmur back.
“It’s fine. It’s just…” he shakes his head.
“You can’t steal something that doesn’t belong to anyone,” I mutter, ignoring him.
“Have you broken up with him then?”
“No, but…”
“But nothing, Breckin. You are still in a relationship with Ben and I won’t do that to you. I could not care less what he, or anyone else thinks of me, but I won’t have people saying hurtful things about you.” Liam sounds very frustrated and almost angry now. “I've known enough of gossip in my life to understand that it can ruin someone. And in this little town, not much is needed to fuel the rumor mills.”
The wind has picked up, causing his sandy hair to blow with the breeze as he stands up straight. I struggle to get out of the tire and he holds it still for me. I walk around it and stop to face him, having to strain my neck to look into his eyes. He sighs again and looks down to me and I don’t fight it this time. No one is here to witness and even if there was, I wouldn’t have cared. I take my right hand and place it against his cheek, no hesitation behind the gesture. He blinks and leans his face into my palm while placing his hand on top of mine, curling his fingers around my fingers. It feels like my body’s going to combust with the heat. I br
ing my other arm up and wrap my left hand behind his head, clasping my fingers around his neck. We’re both holding our breath, hearts thumping, eyes searching. For what, I’m not sure.
But all too soon, Liam backs away from me and drops his hand as he closes his eyes briefly. I fold my arms across my chest feeling defeated and look down toward the ground.
“Hey,” he says, trying to make me look up. I shrug him off but he ignores me and places his index finger beneath my chin, pulling my face up to his once more. “It’s not that I don’t want you to touch me,” he says, reading my face. “You can’t imagine how hard I’m fighting with myself. I would love nothing more than to pick you up in my arms, kiss you…,” he pauses and looks at me apologetically. “I’m sorry, that was inappropriate. You’re with someone else and I’m going to have to accept that. I shouldn’t be having this conversation with you.”
We stand quietly again, staring into each other’s eyes, questions crossing between us with answers that hang silently in the air. I want to call Ben right this second and end it. I pull my cell phone out of my pocket, scroll hastily through my contact list and select Ben's number.
“What are you doing?” he asks with wide eyes.
Hollow Sight Page 13