My words spill out in a tense rush. I’m not sure if Liam’s been able to make them all out because they were slurred together. I take a deep breath and continue on anyway, trying to slow my voice down.
“Liam, I want nothing more than to be with you. I can’t explain the way I feel when I’m with you and it’s so strange – but in a good way – at how fast and intense these emotions came to be. I’m having a hard time even now describing it right. I don’t want to minimize the insane intensity of my feelings for you by explaining it wrong, so to answer your question, yes. Yes, you stand a chance. Of course you stand a chance; I’m already yours. I’m just so sorry that things are going so rottenly. I can see that I’m upsetting you and I don’t want to do that. It’s not fair for you to wait for me. I think you’re right about suffering too much, and for that I’m truly sorry. It's incredibly selfish of me to expect you to wait for me. I’d understand if you walk away and never take a second glance back.” I finish rambling as the last sentence burns my throat on the way out.
We sit silently for a moment, both of us taking in each other’s confessions. Liam finally reaches to put his hand on my arm and tries to pull me out of my awkward position. I stay stubbornly sitting on my hands and shake my head weakly because I know that if I was to give in and move, I’ll be sure to wrap my arms around him. That will only make it harder on him and I don't want to add to his frustrations. I can see now that I’m hurting him and it causes my insides to twist. I’m not being fair and it’s egotistical of me to think that this isn’t upsetting him in the same way it has been upsetting me.
Liam doesn’t give up though.
I look over to him with my resolve melting in reaction to those eyes that are a dark tropical fire burning in the moonlight. With a heavy sigh, I give in and let him have my hand. He slowly puts my fingers to his mouth, kissing each one individually. I open my mouth to object – this is only going to make it harder for the both of us – but then he moves his soft lips down to my palm and then to my wrist. He pushes the material of my coat sleeve up and continues his torturous trail at the inside of my arm, and I can’t fight it. I don’t want to. My head is spinning now and I’m sure that at any moment I’ll be throwing my arms around his neck so that I can rip his ridiculous hat off and tangle my hands into his messy hair. He stops when he reaches the crease at my elbow and speaks with his lips against my skin.
“All good things come to those who wait,” he quotes. “And I’m not walking away. I’m not going anywhere. Try to make me.”
“But, I’d understand if you did. It’s more than I can ask for… for you to sit around and wait for me to…”
“Breckin, I don’t care,” he says while putting a finger to my lips, shushing me.
My lips part slightly against his touch and he trembles as my breath blows against his skin. Liam closes his eyes as he continues.
“It’s not a choice for me anymore. I have to have you in my life, and, well if it means that I have to wait for you, then so be it. It was more maddening to think you had changed your mind about me. I’m sticking to my decision, though. I’m not going to be with you in any other way than a friend until you’re not with him.” He still can’t say Ben’s name or any mention of him without it sounding like a curse.
I raise one eyebrow to the contradiction.
“Do friends often kiss their friends hands and arms like this? I can't remember the last time Morgan and I had an arm kissing match.”
“Probably not,” he answers simply. “But I’m not sorry. I know that I’m just teasing myself more than anything, but still, I’m not sorry.”
I laugh and Liam takes my hand again to intertwine our fingers after pulling my coat sleeve back into place. He looks to the sky and I stare at our hands, slightly gaping. I’ve imagined my hand in his so many times and now it’s finally happening.
“I can’t remember holding hands with any of my friends like this either. Maybe I should start.” I say teasingly.
“The only hand you need to be holding is mine.” Liam growls.
“Oh, really? That sounds a little…”
“Offensive? Demanding? Possessive, even?”
“I was going to say; a little more than what friends would do, too. But is that what you meant it to sound like?” I ask when he peers down to me.
“Maybe. The only reason it came out like that is because I’m having a hard time dealing with the thoughts invading my head right now.”
“What thoughts would those be?”
He sighs but doesn’t answer me at first. Liam looks over my face like he’s trying to commit it to memory. The only sounds I can hear are the light waves lapping against the boat and the quiet music playing in the background as Liam continues to carefully appraise me.
“Are you going to answer me?” I wonder aloud.
“The thought of you and Ben together,” he finally manages to say. “I admit that it makes me a little angry.”
“But not jealous. Anything but jealous. You don’t get jealous.”
“Right. Never jealous,” he smirks.
I laugh again. It’s silly for me to think about Ben and I in any type of romantic situation. I can’t remember the last time we’d held hands. Although that is in large part to me blowing him off whenever he tried. But still, it’s been a very long time since he and I have had any kind of anything. When I think about it, to those on the outside looking in, he and I probably appear more like brother and sister just as Axel and I do.
“What’s so funny?” he demands.
“It’s not funny, really. Trust me, you don’t have to worry about he and I together in any form other than bickering. Ever. I hardly see Ben, and when I do it’s much like the day you saw us at the pool. He’s usually ignoring me or acting like I’m just a pain in the ass. Last time I went to visit, all he managed to say were a bunch of stupid little comments to cut me down. Like I’m cramping his style. I only wish that I could be so cool,” I finish sarcastically.
Liam’s face becomes hard and his jaw tight again, only this time in actual anger. He is visibly fuming and I can’t understand why. What is it that I’ve said just now that could make Liam so mad? Ben’s comments didn’t make me quite this mad – annoyed, sure – so I’m having a hard time comprehending the look in Liam’s eye.
“What did I say?” I solicit quietly.
Liam shakes his head and closes his eyes again.
“Liam? What is it?”
“He’s just an idiot.” He finally manages to say in a voice so low I can barely hear.
“True. But it’s hardly reason to get so mad.”
“I know. Sorry. Knowing how he treats you… it just got my mad up, that's all.”
“Huh?”
“His behavior annoys me,” he growls.
“You look slightly more than annoyed.” My voice is only a whisper. I study his face and he seems to have calmed down just as quickly as he had gotten upset. “You’ve got a temper, don’t you?” I ask when I’m sure it’s safe.
“I’ve been known to I guess. But it’s nothing you need to worry about.” Liam smiles, but it’s quite devilish.
I decide to let it go for now. I can tell that there is more reason as to why his temper seems to rage so quickly and I’m positive that I’ll have more time to figure it out. His anger isn’t anything that would ever be directed toward me, that I’m sure of. But there is certainly more to it.
“No worries,” I assure. “Okay?”
“Okay,” he agrees.
Something I’ve been meaning to ask him pops into my head and I abruptly change the subject. “So… what’s up with Amber Newman following you around like a little lost puppy?”
He raises his eyebrows.
“Oh c’mon! Like you haven’t noticed.”
Liam laughs and then answers, “She’s persistent, I’ll give her that.”
“She’s been trying to get you to be with her since the first day of school, you know.”
“Oh, really?�
�� He cocks his head to one side.
I nod. “Yep, she’s had her beady little eyes locked on you from day one. I’m surprised that it’s taken her this long to put her plan into motion. Usually she works more quickly.”
“Plan?”
“Amber gets what she wants and she's not sly about it either. She always has a plan, strategizing how she’s going to play it out. I overheard her talking with her little clique about how she was going to talk you up and she’d bet her friends that she would have a date with you by that first weekend. She was gushing over how perfect you would look with her.”
“Really? Well that didn’t happen, now did it? From the first moment, all I saw was you. It’s a lost cause for her,” he finishes nonchalantly.
It takes a lot to embarrass me, but he manages it. I look to my feet so he won’t be able to see. Thank goodness it’s dark, otherwise he would be able to see my cheeks turning pink.
“So… you’re not at all… interested in…” I can’t finish the sentence.
Liam drops my hand and then places his fingers underneath my chin so that I look at him.
“Have you heard a word that I’ve said at all tonight? Here I am, telling you that I’d wait an eternity for you, knowing that you’re still with someone else, and you have to ask if I’m interested in Amber.” He snorts. “She is all fur coat and no knickers.”
I manage an awkward smile. He’s right, it’s ridiculous to ask. I still can’t help to feel a little bit insecure.
“You’re right, I’m sorry. It was silly. But you’re interested in her knickers?” I joke. Then I blush again. He’s seen my knickers.
Liam lets out another laugh. “Amber is very superficial. She’s more about appearance and what people think of her – that much isn’t hard to tell. So I’m not surprised that she schemes and plots to always get her way. I've learned that people like that just aren't very happy with themselves. That's probably why she sets out to make everyone else miserable.”
He starts to study my face again and I’m sure the annoyance I feel toward her is leaking hideously like poison from my pores. I suck in a deep calming breath and try to remind myself that I won't waste time thinking about Amber. Especially in Liam's presence.
“You don’t like her much, do you?”
I purse my lips and shake my head.
“Why’s that?”
“Basically... because she’s always made my life miserable, that's why. I’m not even sure her reasons to…. It seems from the very first day in kindergarten all she has done is set out to destroy me. The first day of school she stole my seat when I got up to sharpen my pencil. The only seat left was at an all boy table. Do you know how catastrophic that is to a shy five year old? To have to sit with all boys, all year?”
I think fondly of Sera and how she loyally stuck by my side the entire year. She sat with me every day, all day, just so I wouldn’t feel so awkward and scared at a table full of boys. I smile, remembering. I glance over to Liam and see that his lips are twitching, pulling at the corners threatening a smile of his own.
“I see. She’s probably just jealous,” he says simply.
“Right.” I snort. Liam runs his fingers over my cheek and then over my lips.
“You really don’t see yourself do you?” he murmurs.
“Every day in the mirror,” I answer.
“That’s not what I meant.” Then with a sigh he says, “I suppose that I should get you home.”
Is it that late already? Time flies when I’m with him.
“Do we have to? I’m not ready to go.” I murmur.
“I’m not either. But I’m getting very close to misbehaving so I think it better we get going.”
The boat engine roars to life and Liam heads us back toward the dock. I look up to the stars and then over to his beautiful face, illuminated by the moonlight.
Chapter Nine
Friday inescapably arrives, and when I get to school a full on panic attack is trying to surface. After parking my gal, much like the first day of school, I sit silently staring toward the school watching all the hustle and bustle around me as I try to slow my heartbeat. I take a deep breath and jump down from my Bronco to go and seize the day ahead. The halls are buzzing more than usual with enthusiastic student chatter. Crape paper hangs from the ceilings, the lockers decorated with encouraging flyers, phrases painted on them with the words: GO, FIGHT, WIN!, and the entire football team has decided to don their jerseys in spirit of tonight’s game. People have even spray painted their hair and painted their faces in school colors to offer support.
Axel rode with me to school today, and only made my fears worse. He tried joking with me about it, but I was in no joking mood. When he saw that I was truly freaked about tonight, he insisted that I should enjoy my last year of fame and popularity (talking about the queen nomination) and not to waste time worrying so much; I’d have my entire adult life to worry and pout. I thanked him bitterly and then called him a jackass.
Sera is loyally by my side today, knowing that I’ll be having a hard time. Normally I would have objected to her presence with me at school, but I need her too much today. I'll never get used to the sight of watching people walk through her; it’s a very curious sight to see. It doesn't seem to bother her as much as it does me, however. I am less than thrilled with tonight’s approaching festivities, but Sera is extremely ecstatic with the news of my being nominated for homecoming queen thus making my mood testy. Ugh.
“This is your last year of high school, Breckin, and it is such an honor to be nominated for queen. You really should be enjoying this instead of sulking.” Sera chides.
Fine, you get dressed up and go. I’ll stay home, I think sourly.
“Well if I could, I would. But it’s you that people nominated and I don’t understand why it’s so hard for you to believe. Obviously people like you and think that you’re worth the courtesy.”
I still think it’s some kind of sick joke. Amber probably had something to do with it and is planning for me to fall flat on my face.
She rolls her green eyes dramatically.
If you can’t be miserable with me, then could you just please be quiet?
“That’s not very nice. Why are you so cranky today?”
I’m cranky because I don’t want to go tonight. And I’m cranky because I don’t even like this sort of thing! My nostrils are flaring now. And I’m cranky because…because… This whole thing is ridiculous! I’m to my locker now and am too flabbergasted to come up with any coherent thought as to why I actually am so irritable.
Sera wisely chooses not to say anything else toward my frosty attitude. I feel bad as I read the hurt expression on her face and an instant wave of guilt floods over me. I know that she’s just trying to be helpful. I sigh.
I’m sorry. I’m just nervous I guess. I never thought that I’d ever be considered for anything like this. All of it has just caught me by extreme surprise. And I’m scared I’ll humiliate myself.
“Well, just try to enjoy today,” she encourages with a smile. “It really could be fun.”
Okay, I’ll try.
Sera vanishes, but I know that she’s still by my side; I can feel her presence when she’s near. It feels like warm, delicate sunbeams wrapping around my body whenever Sera comes within close proximity to me. My skin warms and she has a way of calming me however hard I might fight it. The anxiety ebbs just a bit and I decide not to fester over tonight. I’ll have plenty of time for that later.
I don’t have to fight with my sticky locker as much this morning – probably a result of my simmering irritation. Today promises to be bad, but I know that it’s due in large part to the mood I’m trying to push down. I take another deep breath at an attempt to calm myself once more. As I prepare to trudge to Advanced Bio, a deep accent seizes my attention from behind.
“Good morning, Breckin.” Liam says softly.
I whirl around to face him. My heart has already picked up in pace upon hearing his voice and
suddenly things aren't quite as bad. When my eyes gaze up to his, I silently gasp. I’m positive that I will never get used to Liam’s beauty. He has no clue what he does to me.
“Guess what?” he asks with a hint of excitement. His eyes are sparkling.
“What?” I have to smile to his enthusiasm.
“The homecoming committee approached me this morning because there was a last minute cancellation with one of the driver’s for the parade.”
“Okay…” I don’t see where he’s going with this.
His smile widens. “It was one of the driver’s that was to escort a queen candidate. I naturally agreed to drive and, well, after some persuasion I convinced them that I should be the one to drive you in the parade,” he finishes triumphantly.
A very familiar swirl of butterflies now flutters around in my stomach. I’m going to be side by side with him and this suddenly makes my outlook on tonight very pleasant.
“Oh! That’s great, Liam! How did you manage that?” I ask not hiding my enthusiasm. And then I remember that his car isn’t a convertible. Queen nominees are to be perched atop the back of an open car for all to see like some kind of show prize. “Your car has a roof… I mean it’s not a convertible… so where am I supposed to sit?”
He chuckles at my jumbled sentence. “I told you that I can be quite persuasive when I want to be,” he says, answering my first question. Then the sparkle in his eye becomes brighter as he continues. “My car has a removable roof, Breckin, so I’ll just take it off and you’ll be able to sit up top for all to see. No one will miss you,” he finishes with a wink.
Wonderful.
I appreciate that his car is fancy, but I wasn’t expecting a removable roof for crying out loud. I guess that I hadn’t paid attention to that major detail. I was too absorbed by all the other extras it had. Okay, I was just absorbed with Liam. Like now.
“A roof that can… be removed…?” It’s sounds absurd.
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