“What’s the face for?” he asks as I remove the cover from my school borrowed calculator.
“I hate math,” I almost growl.
“Why?”
“Because I suck at it.”
“Oh, Breckin,” Liam laughs. “I can help you if you like.”
“Lemme guess – you’re good at math?”
He nods and has the audacity to look smug.
“Of course you are,” I mumble. “I just don't see why I have to learn all of these mathematical equations when I'll clearly never use them again in my life. Like those questions about two trains leaving at the same time heading to a station but one is going slower than the other, so what time will they arrive? Or Susie has eight bottles in one hand and Johnny has five Thursday, then Rebecca comes along with twelve on Monday, but Bob broke seven last Wednesday, so how many are left on Tuesday? My answer to that is people with a drinking problem and a klutz who needs to get a calendar.”
“You have a very good attitude towards the subject,” Liam comments dryly. “Okay, I promise not to teach you mathematical equations with klutzy alcoholics. Deal?”
I eye him doubtfully and he raises his eyebrows playfully up and down.
“Sure. It's a deal.” I agree with a hesitant smile.
I am pleasantly surprised to find that when I actually pay attention to Liam's teachings – and after I manage to stop staring at his beautiful face – that I halfway understand what I’m doing. I can’t help it though, the ogling. He is just so damn beautiful. My heart aches every time I look at him. I have to try each problem more than three times before it clicks, but Liam never shows any frustration to my slow pace and he is overly enthusiastic when I finally get one right. Probably in relief to move on to the next grating equation in our assignment.
Elly makes us dinner and when we’re finished, Liam politely thanks her for the meal. He offers to clear the table, to both mine and Elly’s surprise, and then dries the dishes after I’ve washed and rinsed them.
“You have a dishwasher,” he comments. “Why don’t you use it?”
“It’s usually just Elly and I, so not a lot of dishes get dirty. It just seems easier to do it the old fashioned way,” I answer.
After, we decide to make brownies as my sweet tooth wins its usual battle. Being an athlete doesn’t allow for much junk food, so when I really want sugar, which I’m proud to admit isn’t often, I usually cave. Liam watches as I mix the contents of the brownie mix, eggs, vegetable oil, and water into a large bowl. I’d prefer to make them from scratch, but we’re out of cocoa. I stir with as much force as I can muster but the batter is still a little lumpy.
“A little help?” I ask with a small smile.
Liam answers my plea with a heart shattering smile and takes the wooden spoon from my hand. It only takes him about ten seconds to get the batter smooth. I marvel at the muscles in his forearm while he stirs and the sight of the veins and tendons protruding beneath his skin causes a lump to form in my throat. I must have a thing for muscular forearms.
I pour the mixture into the pan I’ve greased and put it in the oven. I perch myself on top of the counter and rest the glass bowl on my lap so that I can start going to town on the remainder of the batter. I always save just a little so that I can lick the bowl with sweet satisfaction. I know it isn’t good for me because of the raw eggs, but it’s just so tasty. Besides, it isn’t like it’s something I do very often. I look over to Liam and catch him chuckling.
“What’s so funny?” I ask as I stick a batter covered finger into my mouth.
“Nothing. You’re just being unbelievably cute right now. I like it.”
I ignore him. I’m not being cute – I don’t even know how to be cute.
“Would you like some?” I ask while holding out the bowl.
He doesn’t answer right away, only stares at me. Okay, fine then. I sweep my index finger across the inside of the bowl again. Hee hee, more for me. When I go to lick it, Liam clasps my hand and slowly, purposefully, places my finger into his mouth. My heart nearly jumps out of my chest. No words can explain the feeling that overcomes me as I revel the touch of his lips wrapping around my finger and the feel of his silky tongue caressing my skin. It’s maddening. I sit with my finger still held in midair, wide eyed, as I’m left breathless as usual and without anything to say.
“Yes, thank you,” he says when he lets my hand drop. He licks his lips.
“Sure,” I finally mutter.
Liam doesn’t stay as late because Coach Dawson has given him a curfew being it’s a school night. I grudgingly walk him to the door again when it comes time for him to leave. Liam takes the one step down from the door-jam to the front porch and turns to face me. With him standing like this, it makes it so that I am nearly as tall as him, putting us face to face. He leans in to kiss me softly good night, much like he did the night before, and when he goes to pull away I wrap my arms tightly around his neck forcing myself closer. In response, Liam wraps his strong arms around my waist, picking me up off the floor deepening the kiss. He parts my lips with his and moans softly into my mouth. He pulls away all too soon to whisper in my ear.
“Good night, Breckin. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Okay, good night.” I sigh.
“I love you,” he murmurs while sweeping away the hair from my face.
“Mmm. I love you, too.” I whisper.
With another heart-stopping kiss, Liam turns and leaves for his home.
“I’ve never seen you happier.” Sera says as I shut the front door.
Never? I think doubtedly.
She considers that for a short second. “No, never.”
She’s right, of course. I’ve never been so happy in all my life. I finally understand what all my girlfriends are gushing about when they talk of their boyfriends. Morgan and Claire are unattached at the moment – well, Claire is technically unattached, but still has three different boys on the backburner – but they’ve both had their fair share of boys. But I think what I have with Liam is much better.
“He’s a very good looking young man.” Elly teases as I walk through the living room. Her nose is in a thick novel like normal.
“Is that all you noticed?” I roll my eyes.
“Of course not,” Sera interjects with thick disapproval. I shoot her a look – my mom can’t hear her.
“He’s extremely polite – I hope that isn’t just for my benefit. I have to admit that his accent is quite appealing.” Elly adds with a laugh. “He seems very nice, like a perfect gentleman. Something a mother finds satisfactory for her daughter. And I’m glad to see you so happy, finally. He seems to really care for you.”
“You really think so?”
“Yes, I do.” Elly furrows her eyebrows like she’s troubled by this.
I shrug my shoulders and give her a small smile, then turn for my room. It isn’t that I’m unwilling to have this talk with my mother, I’m just so tired. I’ve been too overjoyed with my exhilarating new feelings for Liam all weekend to sleep well. Instead of falling into a peaceful slumber at night, I’d find myself lying awake, idiotically smiling into the dark remembering every detail of our time spent together.
“Good night!” Elly yells just as I’m about to shut my door.
“Sweet dreams,” I reply.
I’m not surprised to see Sera now waiting for me in my room. She’s left me alone all weekend aside from her quick pop in yesterday, but of course I knew that she’d been near the entire time. Soft fingertips of warm sunlight caress my skin when she’s around, and I’ve felt her warm embrace the entire time. When I look to her, her face is almost smug. It reminds me of Liam.
“Can I help you?” I whisper acerbically.
“See! Aren’t you glad you dumped Ben? Aren’t you happy that you put yourself first for once? I told you that’s what you should’ve done a long time ago.” She is practically bouncing with enthusiasm.
“Would you like a gold star? Maybe a cookie?”
She scowls.
I begin the motions for bed, hoping that she’ll notice the subtle hint I’m giving. I know that she’ll want to stay up and talk excitedly about my new relationship with Liam as time means little to her. Sera is in that way, very much like a typical teenage girl although she’s left this life many years before.
As I change into my pajamas, Sera chatters at top speed about how I should’ve listened to her long ago and if I had then I would’ve been free to have Liam so much sooner although she realizes that wasn’t part of the plan. She rattles on about how I need to stop feeling guilty about how my decisions might affect others, and that the most important thing at this stage in my life is for me to be happy. I hmm and uh-huh, at the appropriate breaks in our one way conversation. I turn out the light and climb into my welcoming daybed. After yawning hugely, I close my heavy eyes.
Sera still sits at the foot of my bed, rambling uncontrollably on as she tries incessantly to get me to talk about Liam. Although the subject is usually something I would be more than willing to discuss with her, I’m so absolutely overtaken with fatigue that I can’t gather a coherent thought to answer. She’s still talking when unconsciousness overtakes me.
Liam greets me at my car when I arrive to school. He opens the door for me and while helping me down, he takes my bag from the backseat.
“Good morning,” he says, taking my hand then kissing my wrist.
“Hi,” I answer back. I sound all breathy and try to clear my throat.
“Sleep well?”
“Yes. I was quite tired.” I smile shyly.
He doesn’t respond. Only smiles his heart-clenching smile that makes my insides convulse and leans down to kiss the corner of my mouth.
We walk hand in hand down the one main hallway and I see Amber and her clan standing by their lockers, gawking. Actually, everyone is staring. I glance up to Liam with a slightly anxious gaze, but he remains looking ahead with a calm expression. I sometimes wonder how he does that; being able to stay calm, cool, and collected all the time. Liam always looks so relaxed and confident from the outside and rarely shows any mannerisms other than that. Well, other than that day at the pool. I’m positive that I’m the only one that has cracked that carefully composed manner, but even then, I could tell that he was still very much holding back.
“Are you kidding me?” Amber says bitingly as we pass.
Liam stops abruptly and takes a step toward Amber, never letting go of my hand. She looks absolutely annoyed. Beyond annoyed – she’s just straight-out pissed.
“What’s there to kid about?” Liam asks her with a cool smile. He twists his body slightly in front of mine so that I have to peek around his arm to see her.
“Ah… um… I ah,” is all she can babble. I’ve never seen Amber speechless and I have to admit that I find it quite hilarious. Carmen and Mariah glare at me of course, but otherwise don't say anything. When both of them rip their hostile stare away from me, I see both of their faces change to awe when they lay their eyes upon Liam.
“I hope the joke is better next time. Have a good day, ladies.” Liam says with a nod.
He turns us again toward the way we were heading and when he glances down to my wide eyes, he winks. I can feel everyone else’s stares against my back and I start to feel quietly self-conscious. I feel myself trying to shrink down in size, with shoulders rising and my head disappearing like a frightened turtle in its shell. Luckily we reach my hindered locker before my skin peels off from people’s frosty glares.
I can’t believe that I’ve never noticed that our lockers are so close to one another’s. Although his comes first in the hall, he walks to mine to help me open it. It’s obvious that he’s witnessed my everyday struggles with the sticky door. After he effortlessly opens my locker, he heads for his. I finish at mine before he has at his, so I skip over to him and see that he’s standing oddly motionless and staring unseeingly ahead of him. When I reach him, his face is rigid and haunting with what looks like pain… severe sadness… distress…? What’s going on?
“Liam, what’s wrong?” I ask, reaching my hand out to grab his arm. I’m suddenly very worried. He blinks a few times and shakes his head slowly back and forth as if trying to push off an unwanted memory.
“Nothing,” he says while smiling, but it doesn't light up his eyes. At further inspection, I notice the hairs on his sculpted arms are standing on end with goose bumps. “Let’s go,” he says then. “We don’t want to be late for class.”
As Liam slams his locker door shut, I see the ghastly old man I’ve been trying to identify – and forget – standing right next to him. Directly behind where his once opened locker door had been so that I hadn’t been able to see him before now. My eyes widen in horror as an overwhelming feeling of wanting to flee comes over me. I take an automatic step back.
“Breckin, what’s wrong?” he asks, echoing my question. He automatically reaches out for me, but I instinctively flinch away.
I gulp loudly, feeling all the blood draining from my face, and when I try to answer I discover that I’m unable to speak. My chest is tight and I suck in a jagged gasp to realize that I’m now having difficulty breathing. My hand flies up to my heart and I fight to stand upright as I feel my shoulders starting to cave in on themselves. I can’t stop it either; they’re doing it on their own. Then as if I’ve been whacked in the head with a hammer, I have an abrupt and fiercely sharp pain in my forehead. I drop my notebook so that my other hand can hold my head as I stagger back a few more feet.
Liam hurries over to me and attempts to pull me out of my incapacitated state. “Breckin! What the hell is wrong with you?!”
Gaspy chokes are all I can manage. I sound like I’m being strangled.
I look over to the frightening figure and see that he’s glaring at me. His eyes are just as cold as I remembered; black with no whites to them. Streams of water drains from the top of his head making it appear as if he were standing under a drenching rain cloud. He’s mouthing something now, but my vision slightly blurs so that I can't see his lips clearly. The only sound coming from him is a low, gurgled and raspy muttering. Then just as unexpectedly as the grisly imposter had appeared, he vanishes.
I focus on my respirations and after a minute discover that my breaths are coming in and out with ease and my chest no longer hurts. I shake my head and also notice, that my sudden agonizing headache is now gone. I stand dumbfounded, still clutching my head and chest, staring at the direct point where the man had just been lurking next to Liam's locker and feel completely and utterly confused. I know in the back of my head that I should be scared, but I don’t feel it. I just want to know what this man wants. I squint with the strain of looking for him, as if staring harder will somehow bring back the image I know I should be trying to steer clear from, an image that should petrify me to my core, but something impulsively I know I have to see again.
Why is this man following me and who is he? Why always the empty, hostile glare and now when I see him, I feel actual physical pain. That’s new. Was the pain caused by some kind of bizarre power radiating from this ghastly ghost? That is something I’ve never experienced before and as much as it stunned and hurt me, I want to know why and if I’ll feel it again when I see him.
I straighten out from my crouched position and notice the hallway is almost empty as the second bell is about to ring. A few people that linger in the hall look at me like I’m losing it. Liam has completely frozen in place with his hands still extended toward me, his face is pained with worry.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“What’s the matter? Do I need to take you home or to a doctor…?” he asks with a shaky voice.
“No, no. I’m okay. We should go,” I say interrupting him. “C'mon.”
Liam scrutinizes my face for a moment and hesitantly reaches his hand up to caress my cheek. He moves to my forehead and then back to my cheek as if to feel for a temperature.
“I’m fine, I promise. We don’t wan
t to be late for class.”
He walks me to my first hour Aiding class and he then heads off to his first period Chemistry class, but not before looking back at me with still troubled eyes. The rest of the day passes quickly and I can’t help but to keep looking over my shoulder for my unwanted visitor. Liam notices my lack of attention throughout the day, but doesn’t voice any concern. He only watches me closely out of the corner of his eye all day and seems to relax after I prove that I’m not likely to have another episode.
I have a swim meet tonight and Liam, a soccer game. My meet is away at a neighboring school so when it comes time for me to board the bus, Liam escorts me all the way to the doors. He’s dressed in his soccer uniform with his black jersey shorts, black knee socks, cleats, and white and orange jersey shirt with the number 19 printed boldly on the back. I smile while appraising him, looking him over from his beautiful head to his toes.
“What?” he asks, sounding a little self-conscious.
I shake my head and shrug. “You’re absolutely beautiful.” I’m surprised at how easily I can complement him and not feel self-conscious myself.
He laughs and leans down to kiss my cheek. “And you’re adorable. Good luck tonight.”
“Puppies and kittens are adorable.” I scowl playfully.
“Hmm, is that a bad thing? Should I not make such remarks as to compare you to those types of things?”
“I don't know. I've just never really considered myself cute or adorable or...”
“Okay. You're sexy then.”
“Oh, God!” I moan as I feel heat flushing my neck and face.
“No sexy, either?” He asks while raising his eyebrows. I shrug, feeling extremely self-conscious now. “I love you,” he murmurs then, reaching in to kiss my red-hot cheek.
“Thanks for the good luck. Break a leg… or not, I mean. Um…” And here I thought that maybe I was getting past my less than impressive conversational skills. Apparently Liam’s presence still leaves me speechless, but we both laugh.
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