Amazingly, absurdly, I’ve not realized just how misplaced and crippled I’ve become without Liam in my life. And having him here in my arms, somehow causes the memory of that pain to be much more potent than when I’d actually lived through it. Something I never would have thought possible. I had felt so alone and dead inside, but even though each intake of breath had burned its way down into my chest, causing my lungs to ache, I secretly knew that I would live through it. And when molten lava had scolded its way into my heart, causing it to burn and scar with every beat, I knew then that I could get through it. The memory of it all has caused this uncontrollable and unyielding need to be with him dominate me. And although I have no feeling of any of that with him here next to me, if I don't have Liam now, I might just disintegrate into dust.
Liam pulls back and gazes deep into my eyes. He strokes the hair away from my heated face that has now stuck to my forehead with sweat as I place a hand over his chest. And I feel it – his heart beating rapidly against my palm completely matching pace with the hasty pulse of mine. He holds my face in his hands and as I stare back into the depthless pool of his aqua colored eyes, I see it. He feels it, too.
“Evie,” he begins. “Come back another time, please.”
“But, Liam! This is important! I was just getting ready to -”
“No,” he says in a gruff voice, cutting her off. “This is what’s important.” Liam looks over to where Evie is standing and sets his jaw. It isn’t an expression meant to ward her off, just one to let her know that he’s absolute in his request.
“All right,” she says, keeping the same gracious tone. “I’ll be back. That’s a promise.”
“Thank you.”
I stare over to Evie before she vanishes to see if she looks upset or angry. She appears to be very at ease, just as she’d been while watching us kiss earlier. Maybe I was just imagining things with her. With a small smile, she disappears, but I can't ignore the same tugging of unease I’d felt with her before as it faintly echoes in the back of my mind. Her words had sounded more threatening than promising.
“Is she gone?” Liam asks while keeping his eyes toward the window.
I nod. “I’m sorry, Liam… I just…”
I am quieted by his lips being pressed against mine. Not nearly as eager as mine had been, but I can feel Liam’s ache to have me close to him, too. He pulls me into a tight embrace, never breaking the kiss. The sound of our lips moving and our rapid breathing is all that I can hear, and when I am so dizzy I think I might pass out, Liam rips his lips from mine, drops his hands from his tight hold on me, and removes his sweater in one fluid movement. I marvel at the perfect contours of his chest, drinking in every dip and curve of his muscles and skin. Liam takes the hem of my shirt into his hands and eyes me questioningly, asking permission to disrobe me. I bite my lip, but nod shakily. Without taking his eyes from mine, he gestures with his chin for me to raise my arms above my head. I obey, and he swiftly strips me of my shirt.
Without hesitation, I reach one hand up to his naked collar bone, allowing my fingers to lightly trail over each one and then down the center of his chest to his stomach. When I reach the lines of his finely contoured abdomen, he shudders and takes my hand to bring my fingers to his mouth, kissing each fingertip and then my palm. I pull him back to me, realizing that I have goose bumps although I am far from cold. Liam’s flesh is so warm against mine, the skin to skin contact sensational. He puts his hands back to my face and tilts my head back so that he can kiss my neck, moving his lips to my throat, and then he plants a soft kiss over my pounding heart. My breath hitches and I tightly clasp his shoulders to steady myself against him.
After three sweeps up and down my throat and chest with his soft mouth, Liam moves his lips back to mine and gently bites my lower lip as he weaves his hands into the bottom of my hair. The feeling that surges through me is not one I have ever experienced and I react by letting out a gaspy moan. He releases one of his hands from my face and lowers it to wrap around the outside of my thigh, hitching my knee up toward the ceiling so he can explore the length of my leg with his fingers as I lace my hands into his thick hair. When he draws back to look at me, I know that he’ll be looking for the small doubt that lingers behind my eyes, a doubt I can’t completely ignore. It’s hard – to fight all of my qualms and fears and to be able to put them entirely behind me. But the need to have him is so potent and intoxicating that I can think of nothing else. He traces my lips with his fingers.
“Do you love me?”
“You know I do,” I answer, breathless.
“Say it,” he says while kissing both of my cheeks.
“I love you,” I gasp.
“I want you. I do,” he murmurs.
“So take me.”
He growls deep in his throat, sending more tingles to travel where, previous to tonight, I’ve never felt before and closes his eyes. I dip my head back once more and see that it’s getting dark outside, the only light in the room is that of the white lights on the Christmas tree and the fire simmering in the fireplace. Liam blinks his eyes open, appearing as if he’s made a decision about something and picks me up by my hips and sets me across from him on the floor to take both of my hands in his. So not where I saw this going. He chuckles quietly after reading my disappointed expression.
“Breckin,” he whispers as he trails his fingertips from my shoulder down to my wrist.
“Yes?”
“I love you,” he says firmly.
“I love you, too.”
“I still don’t think you understand just how much I love you. I adore you. But I can see that you’re still hurt. I’m so sorry for all that I’ve done to you. Please believe that I love you. You. Not her.”
“I do.”
“Do you?”
I hesitantly nod.
“I promise,” he declares in a low voice. “I promise to never do that to you ever again. Whatever happens now, we’ll get through it together. And I vow to make it right before all else – whatever it takes.”
So that’s why he stopped. Liam wants to be sure to have my whole trust back before we go any further. Something that I astoundingly respect even though there’s still a low simmer within for the need I’d been craving to be with him. His face has turned a bit sad and it makes me upset as well.
“What is it?” I ask while smoothing away the sudden worry lines on his forehead.
“What if…” he sighs. “What if you can’t… convince…”
“Liam,” I murmur. “Can we not worry about that now?”
“I just can’t stand the thought of you having to be anywhere near him,” he confesses. “I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to you, and to know what that man does to you…” he trails off, shaking his head.
“Shhh.” Now I’m the one doing the soothing. “Liam, let’s just make tonight about you and me, while we can. Okay? We’ll have plenty of time to worry about that.”
“You’re forgetting someone,” he says with a small chuckle.
“Who?”
And as if on cue, Abigail comes trotting through the doorway to the living room and joins us on the floor.
“Where’ve you been?” I ask as I scratch behind her ear. Snow clumps begin to fly from beneath her belly as her back leg thumps loudly against the floor. “The convenience of a doggy door and endless fields to explore,” I say in a dry tone. “Now where were you when that idiot was here?”
“When who was here?” Liam snarls.
“Um… Ben?” My tone is suddenly timid from the unexpected fierceness in his voice. “Who did you think I was talking about?”
Liam’s eyes narrow and I know without words who he’s referring to. Joseph. I reach a hand up to Liam’s cheek and pull his face to mine. He kisses me gently – nowhere near the enthusiasm behind it now. I still take the touch with sweet eagerness but know that my need will not be satisfied tonight. I take in deep, cleansing breaths trying to calm myself down. I still feel tingly an
d electrified, but knowing that I won’t be getting what I thought I needed has made the nerve endings in my body unsatisfyingly fizzle out with some disappointment.
“I know what we have to do!” Sera exclaims as she walks through the wall. “Breckin! I know what we have to do to convince Joseph!” I jump from her sudden presence but recover with annoyance. She always has such perfect timing.
“Sera’s here,” I whisper, handing Liam his sweater.
He smiles and before slipping it over his tousled hair, he gives me my favorite wink. I hurriedly put my shirt back on, feeling slightly embarrassed to be caught in just my bra, but decide not to care too awful much.
“Where are you when I need you?” I sigh to Sera. “Any other time you’re dying to pop in…”
“Hilarious, Breckin,” she disapproves.
I ignore her. “Okay, so what do we have to do?” I turn to Liam. “Can you hear Sera?”
He shakes his head. “Nope.”
“Huh.”
“What?” Sera asks impatiently.
“Oh, nothing. It’s just earlier, Evie was here, and somehow Liam could hear her. It was… weird.”
“She sounded different than when she was alive.” Liam interjects.
“That’s because our voice travels on a different frequency than yours,” Sera explains as though Liam can hear, even though she knows he can’t. “We often sound shriller to your ears than when we spirits were amongst the living.”
I try to think of a way to better explain that to Liam and quickly give up. I can see that Sera is in one of her keyed-up moods, so I think it best to find out what she’s discovered.
“So what did you find out?” I ask her.
“Wait,” she says, holding up her hand as if she were stopping traffic. “You say Liam could hear Evie? Could he hear her from the first minute she arrived?”
I open my mouth to say yes, but then recall the little mysterious moment with my hands. Liam had not been able to hear Evie until after I’d touched him with my fingertips – after I’d had the urge to touch him with the white light coming from my skin. Interesting. But Evie was clear that she was the reason as to why he could hear her. I’m so confused.
“Well, actually, no,” I begin. “I don’t know why, but I had this impenetrable urge to put my fingers to Liam’s temples… there was heat and light and tingling… and then after that is when he could hear her.”
“You did that?” Liam whispers, both astonished and with pride.
I shrug. I can see no other reason behind it, however, Evie was sure in her abilities. So I really don’t know. Sera focuses off to the distance for a minute as if she’s in deep concentration.
“Sera?” I say when she doesn’t speak. It’s not at all like her to be quiet this long.
“Sorry. I’m just trying to figure out an answer to that. I’ve got nothing it seems.”
Dang. I was hoping to have an explanation, but it seems today is more about ever amounting questions rather than answers. Well, to add to your confusion, she was remembering Liam in his hospital bed… after the accident… I wince as I recall his helplessly battered body limply lying under mounds of tubes and wires, and I could see her memories as if I were really there. I hated it, it was awful, and I don’t care to ever go through that again.
Sera gapes at me with her mouth slightly open as I “speak” and I can see no flicker of light behind her eyes giving away that she may have heard of this sort of thing happening before. She clearly has no ideas as to what happened any better than I do, and I find that a little frustrating.
“What’s going on?” Liam asks, taking my hand tightly with his. I nearly jump out of my skin to his touch. “Sorry,” he mutters.
“No,” I murmur. “I’m sorry. Just a little jumpy I guess.” I pat his hand to reassure his touch is still something I ache to have. “Yeah, Sera, what’s going on?” I repeat.
She eyes Liam meaningfully and then looks to me with very serious eyes. So intense, that it actually scares me.
“We have to go to England.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
I sit blankly, looking at Sera with an unfathomable expression. When it finally hits me – what she’s just said – I gawk. “You’re insane!” I exclaim. I look at Liam pointedly but Sera doesn’t seem to notice.
“No. I’m not,” she says simply.
“That won’t ever be possible, so you might as well think of something else.”
“Breckin,” she begins hesitantly. “It’s the only way.”
Liam is still clueless as to what Sera and I are talking about as he sits quietly, only listening to my side, but I can see his patience dissolving faster than an ice cube under hot water. I look to Sera and then to Liam with an unsure expression. How am I going to explain this to him? Before I try, I will first get some answers from her.
“Okay,” I say coolly. “Why is it…” I stop, not wanting to give away the details to Liam, “that you think that is necessary?”
“Why what is necessary?” Liam whispers in my ear. I ignore him and stare at Sera.
“I’ve been talking with The Eytsah -”
“The who?”
“The Eytsah; elders to my kind. They… help us… never mind that Breckin, I’ve told you about them before. Keep up.”
I think for a second. “All right…” I agree vaguely. It isn’t ringing any bells at the moment.
“They think it best that you go to the place it all happened for them. For Liam and for Joseph and even for Evie. It effected them all so greatly, that in order to restore balance to Liam’s life, and to Joseph’s afterlife, that you should take them all to where the path of life and death crossed.”
I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. “You lost me.”
Sera lets out a huff of exasperation. It isn’t like her to be so impatient.
“Because, Breckin, whenever a large event happens in your life, it leaves some sort of mark, an indentation, if you will. You know, a dent in time? Sometimes a small one, or in this case a very large one. It’s called a Hollow Site. They’ll all relive what happened that night and then Liam can forgive Joseph. I think that’s the only way to make him crossover. Joseph was never supposed to get stuck here, that wasn’t part of it. But if Liam can forgive him – as he blames him for the accident – if Liam can see that it truly was an accident and allow for forgiveness, I think Joseph will finally be at peace.”
A bubble of hysteria catches in my throat. Sera wants me to take Liam back to where the memory of the very thing that haunts him is the greatest. To lead him to the heart of his pain? Apparently spirits can go mad.
“I can see what you’re thinking, Breckin, but really, after many meetings with The Eytsah and talking with others who have helped with this sort of thing, it really seems to be the best way. The only way. Death is supposed to be peaceful, and for Joseph it wasn’t. That needs to be set right.”
“It’ll never work,” I answer doubtedly. “Suppose my mother did allow me to go traveling overseas. How am I supposed to convince him?” I say gesturing to Liam and totally ignoring any attempt of being nonchalant now.
“Breckin,” Liam says then. “Please tell me what’s going on. Convince me of what?”
I meet his eyes with uncertainty and read his stare very carefully. I see no hint or sign that appears as though he can’t handle any of what’s unfolding in front of him, even though he’s only hearing my side of things. Feeling uncertain, I close my eyes and begin.
“Sera went to The Eytsah,” I explain matter-of-factly.
“The E… what?” Liam asks.
“Ugh. This would be so much easier if he could hear me, too,” Sera complains. “Why don’t you try that magic fingertip do-hickey thing again?”
“Shhh,” I shush her. “I don’t think it works that way, Sera. Not just a wave of a magic wand or anything.”
“Well that’s inconvenient,” she grumbles.
I turn back to Liam’s patient gaze. “The Eytsah is a… group of
angels you could say, that help Spirit Guides with… issues.”
“Don’t make it sound like we’re flat out crazy, for crying out loud!” Sera cuts in.
“When they need guidance themselves. Help with guiding the guided.” I amend calmly. Liam nods to show that he agrees. I have no idea if he’s following but I continue anyway. “The Eytsah is to them – to those like Sera – as esteemed college professors or an expert historian would be to us, to humans. Very wise and knowledgeable – a Counsel?” I can’t think of any other way to describe it.
Liam’s bottom lip juts out in obvious confusion now. He isn’t even trying to pretend that he understands anymore.
“Why not just start from what you know,” Sera encourages in a more soothing tone.
I look at Liam once more, still unsure, then to Sera and slowly nod. Liam and I get comfortable on the couch after I check on the roast in the oven and he makes us both two hot cups of tea. After I surround myself in an oversized fleece blanket, he joins me beneath it and hands me my tea cup.
“Thanks,” I says as I carefully take the steaming mug.
“Sure. Do you like milk or sugar in your tea?” Liam asks.
“No, thank you. Just like this is fine.”
He smiles sweetly and then his face contorts a tiny bit showing his frustration.
“I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” I murmur, reading his expression. “But first let me try and explain what I can, and also as best I am able for what Sera’s telling me. I’m also going to have to remember things she told me a long time ago as she seems to be too impatient to remind me, so be patient.”
He waits. Sera rolls her eyes. I sip at the hot liquid and struggle to think where best to start. The tea cup is warm against my hands and it feels good as Liam and I snuggle together. I bury my now chilly feet under his thigh, he tenses slightly to my chilly touch and gives me the ghost of a smile. The quiet helps me really think, and my mind begins to bloom with remembrance like a flower opening up to caress the sunlight after a long winter slumber. I remember all the nights Sera and I lay in the silence of the night, her talking and I listening. Memories budding and opening, leaving me feeling a little overwhelmed as it all rushes in.
Hollow Sight Page 43