Endangered

by Robin Mahle

  “In Florida?” His expression revealed surprise, or maybe it was horror.

  “No. No. Here, but just getting out of the rental and into something more suitable for both of us.”

  “I see. That’s a big step.”

  “I know.” Her face screwed up as if experiencing mild discomfort.

  “So what’s the problem? How can I help?”

  Kate observed his body language and he appeared very closed off; almost standoffish. His words were abrupt, bordering on curt. He was pushing her away right before her eyes. And therein lied the problem.

  “Listen, now that you’ve had a few days to get through some of the bullshit we’ve been dealing with and what you’ve gone through with your friend, I wanted to ask you…what you said before…”

  He stopped her dead in her tracks. “I told you, I was drunk and in a bad way, you know that. I didn’t mean anything by it and the last thing I’d ever want is for you to feel uncomfortable around me.” His tone suddenly softened.

  Kate studied his eyes. Nick had never lied to her. He’d always been upfront about everything and so why would he lie now? He was good at hiding his feelings; very good. But after all that she’d been through, no way would he lie to her. “So, you’d be okay if Mike and I moved forward with our relationship?”

  “Why wouldn’t I be, Kate? I want you to be happy. Your happiness is all I’ve ever wanted.”

  “What about your happiness, Nick? We’ve known each other a long time. Georgia made you happy, I could see that. But you don’t look happy anymore.”

  “Like I told you before, I should’ve been able to save Colton and I didn’t. Now his father is facing at least a year in prison for killing a man who the state would have spent ten years feeding and clothing before they eventually did the same thing. Spending tens of thousands on appeals. Frankly, Jake did this state a favor.”

  He was deflecting.

  “You’ve been through a lot this past year. You had to fight for your job a while back, you broke up with your girlfriend, and now this. I suppose that would make anyone unhappy. But somehow, knowing who you are and what you’re capable of handling, forgive me, but I think there could be more. And I can’t move forward with certainty unless I know if there is.”

  Nick rose from the chair. “So you’re putting this on me? Your decision to move in with Mike somehow boils down to me?” He walked toward the kitchen and opened the fridge to retrieve a bottle of water.

  “This isn’t on you and that’s not what I mean.” She stood up and joined him as he remained in the kitchen. “There’ve been times when I’ve wondered why you’ve helped me so much. Getting into the academy, getting through the academy, even being assigned to WFO. All of those things happened because of you.”

  “That’s not true. You passed the training, not me.” He tossed back a gulp of water.

  “I suppose I did, but you certainly aided in that effort.”

  “I’ve helped you because I felt responsible.”

  “Responsible for what?”

  “Marshall.”

  “What are you talking about? Edward Shalot was responsible for Marshall’s death. And that had nothing to do with you. Look, I’m the one who called you, remember? When all of that started? How could you possibly take the blame for that?”

  “Because I should’ve convinced you in the beginning. The very beginning as we drove to the Davies’ home to return the necklace. I asked you then, but I didn’t push.”

  “I remember. I wasn’t ready then, you know that. I loved Marshall and making that sort of change so soon after all that I’d been through. It just wasn’t even a remote possibility that I could’ve handled then.”

  “And after he died,” Nick began. “I convinced you to start fresh. To come here and work with me. And you did.”

  “And it was the best decision I could’ve made. I’ve started fresh and that has everything to do with you. You had the faith in me and it made me believe in myself.”

  She turned away, unprepared to have this conversation. Years had passed and neither had really ever talked about how they came to be here, in this moment. Kate walked toward the balcony and stared through the glass doors at the calm waters of the bay. With her back still turned, she continued, “Even if you had convinced me then, I would’ve had to leave Marshall.”

  “And he’d still be alive,” Nick said.

  Kate lowered her head and closed her eyes. “Now you see? You aren’t the one to blame for what happened to Marshall.” She turned to face him again. “I am.”

  Nick moved quickly toward her and embraced her with his whole body. And for the first time in many months, she cried for Marshall.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t think—none of this was supposed to happen this way, Kate. And now I feel lost.” He released his hold. “I used to know exactly where I was going, what I wanted to accomplish, and just exactly how to accomplish it. But these past few years, since you’ve been such an important part of my life, it’s thrown me.”

  Kate wiped her eyes. “Why? How? You’ve always been such a strong leader and mentor to me. You’ve helped me to find that—gift, as you like to call it. You don’t seem thrown to me.”

  “That’s because I work incredibly hard at not showing it. I thought I’d shielded it from Georgia too, but she saw through me.”

  “What do you mean?” They stood inches apart, but Kate pushed back, fearing another revelation.

  Nick must’ve felt her trepidation and moved away in response. “When we were in Florida, toward the end before the Durham standoff, Georgia and I had a fight.”

  “I remember something happened.”

  “She said some things that, at the time, I refused to believe. But afterwards, on further reflection, I’d come to realize she was right. And that was the reason she did what she did.”

  “You mean cheat on you? She did that of her own volition and there’s no way in hell I’ll let you take the blame for that.”

  “That’s not what I mean exactly. I know that was her decision and hers alone. What I mean to say is that she asked when I would realize that I…” He trailed off and closed his eyes.

  “What? Nick, what is it, please? I have to know.” And she did. Making a decision like this, to move in with Mike when she thought that Nick… well, that he might have feelings for her. She wasn’t sure why, but she knew it would change things.

  “I can’t, Kate.” He moved further away. “I just can’t.”

  “Why?”

  He turned back. “Because I know that I’m the only one and I don’t want to hear you say it.”

  Kate’s eyes welled as she turned away for a moment. He admitted it without saying the words. “I can’t let myself go through what I went through with Marshall, Nick. You of all people know how much I loved him and how much I relied on him. To the extent that I started to feel encapsulated. I feel like a terrible person just admitting that to you now. But before he died, I’d begun to feel stifled beneath his wing. And it wasn’t his fault—not really. I allowed myself to do that. It’s the one thing I’ve never admitted to anyone—ever, until now.”

  “You think I would ever stop you from doing anything you wanted? Have I ever given you that impression?”

  “No, you haven’t. But I can’t risk even the remote possibility. And I can’t risk that kind of heartbreak again. I won’t survive it.”

  “Do you have feelings for me, Kate?” He stepped closer to her again. His eyes, haunting in their expression.

  She looked away. “I don’t know—I don’t think I’m capable of those kinds of feelings anymore.”

  “So what about Mike? Do you love him?”

  “In the only way that I can love any man, I think; yes, I do.”

  His eyes finally revealed his surrender. “Then you should take that next step with him.”

  Kate turned back. “You think he and I should move in together?”

  “I think you should do what makes you happy. I would never put y
ou in a position to feel anything but happiness, Kate.”

  A sudden wave of relief passed through her. “What about us? Are we going to be okay? I don’t want this to change our friendship. I need your friendship, Nick, I swear I do.”

  “I would never abandon you. I will always be here whenever you need me. Please believe that.”

  Kate smiled. “I do. I believe you.” She moved closer and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you.” She kissed his cheek.

  Releasing from the embrace, Kate stepped away. “I’d better get going.” She reached for her purse. “You’ll be okay?”

  “Me? I’ll be fine. I’ll see you on Monday.”

  “See you on Monday.” Kate walked out, ignoring that he’d tried so hard to hide the truth. She finally learned how to read him and her heart sank.

  Nick locked the door and turned toward the empty living room. His face was pained, his eyes resembled that of a wounded animal. For a split second, he felt euphoric, waiting for her to reveal her feelings for him, but in the end, she couldn’t. And he understood, but it hurt just the same. He gave her his blessing to move forward with Mike Burgess, deputy cop from a hick town in Florida. Soon to be working for Metro police, he suspected. And she would be lost to him forever.

  Perhaps that was the way it needed to be. After all, look at what it had done to his relationship with Georgia. One of the best profilers in the BAU and she’d transferred offices because of their split. He couldn’t bear it if something like that happened with Kate. And so, at least he could still be friends with her.

  Friends, he thought. Nick smiled and walked toward the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels.

  » » »

  Kate opened the front door and noticed Mike sitting at the kitchen table, laptop open and a few files spread out in front of him. “I’m back.”

  “Just in time. I’m finishing up now, then I’m all yours.” He shut the lid of his laptop. “It was a little too warm outside. So, everything go all right?”

  Kate sat down next to him. “I had a good talk. Got a lot of things off my chest about this case, about, well about a lot of things.”

  “Good. I’m glad to hear that.”

  She could see the apprehension in his eyes, waiting for that shoe to drop he was sure she held behind her back. Kate reached for his hand as it rested on the table. “Mike, I don’t think we should move in together.”

  There it was. His face dropped and his chest appeared to raise higher with each breath more rapid than the last. “Okay. Care to elaborate?”

  “I’m just not ready. I tried to be, I really did, and I’m so very sorry to hurt you this way. It wasn’t what I wanted.”

  His eyes turned cold. “You and Nick must’ve had quite the conversation.”

  “This has nothing to do with him. I woke up feeling this way and I just came to terms with some things that I’d kept hidden from myself. That’s all. I should never had agreed in the first place and for that I am truly sorry.”

  “So you just want to keep things the way they are right now? Just seeing each other on the odd weekend and having a little fun?”

  “I realize that wouldn’t be fair to you, Mike. You’ve been so good to me. So understanding and so kind.”

  “I feel a ‘but’ coming on.”

  “But I can’t ask you to wait because I don’t know how long that wait will be before I’m ready.”

  “You’re breaking up with me? If you need time, Kate, I can give you time. I’m sorry I brought this up at all. I should’ve respected what you’ve been through and I pushed you. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

  “Stop. Please.”

  “Do you have a thing for Nick? Please, be honest with me. You owe me that much. Is that what’s brought all this on?”

  Kate didn’t know how to answer. Were there feelings in there somewhere? Buried deep where she kept all her true feelings, in a place where no one could expose them or use them against her? “It’s complicated.”

  Mike revealed a closed-lip, tight smile. “Well, that says it all.” He stood up to gather his things.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Leaving; what else?”

  “You don’t have to go now. Your flight’s not until tomorrow.”

  “I think staying here would just add salt to the wound, don’t you?” He walked toward the bedroom.

  Kate sat at the table, confused as a fresh uncertainty about her future reared its ugly head. This wasn’t what she wanted. She did care for Mike a great deal, but it had become obvious he wanted much more than she could give. And perhaps there was more to it than that. But that was something she wasn’t ready to address; now or even in the future.

  Mike returned with his bag over his shoulder. “I’ll catch an earlier flight.” He grabbed his laptop bag. “I kind of wish I hadn’t sent you off this morning. Things might’ve been different.”

  Kate stood up and opened her mouth.

  “I’m just kidding. This would’ve happened sooner or later. I guess I should be grateful it happened before I quit my job.” He walked toward the door.

  “Wait.” Kate caught up with him. “I do care for you and I’m so sorry things turned out this way.” She kissed his lips but could feel nothing from him.

  “Goodbye, Kate. You take care of yourself now.” Mike opened the door and walked out.

  Kate watched him get into the car and drive away. She closed the door and peered around the room. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

  THE END

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Robin Mahle lives with her husband and two children in Arizona. She found her passion for writing, which later became her second career, after spending 20 years in the construction industry.

  Having always been a lover of books, Robin attributes her creativity to the wonderful overseas adventures she has shared with her husband of 17 years. Traveling throughout Europe and having lived in England opened her mind and with that came a steady stream of story ideas inspired by her author-idols in the mystery/suspense genre.

  If you enjoyed Ms. Mahle’s work, please share your experience by leaving a review on Amazon

  OTHER WORKS

  All the Shiny Things—A Kate Reid Novel (Book 1)

  Law of Five – A Kate Reid Novel (Book 2)

  Gone Unnoticed – A Kate Reid Novel (Book 3)

  Blackwaters – A Kate Reid Novel (Book 4)

  The Kate Reid Series Box Set (Books 1-3)

  Inherent Clarity

  Landslide

  Beyond the Clearing

  For more information about Robin Mahle, sign up for her newsletter and stay informed of her upcoming releases, or visit her at: http://Robinmahle.com. You may also want to check out her Amazon author page!