by Joy Johnson
Fear burns in our hearts this night even more brightly than the day the vanishings began at our old camp. We have made our journey to the snow complete. We reached the first ridgeline only just as the sun began to set upon the world. We scooped handfuls of the stuff into our hot, dry mouths with reckless abandon. Aleena and Ephram fed it to each other with laughs of exhausted merriment. Garhet simply dropped the pack from his back and fell forward. As I fed him the snow, his eyes found mine, and that secret knowledge rekindled in them once more. The euphoria of it all was almost blinding. Almost.
As I scooped another handful into Garhet's mouth, my eyes caught sight of brilliant green flashes in the distant horizon. We are high enough into the mountains now to be able to look back down upon the site of our old camp. I gasped when I saw what was left of it, and what was still happening there.
It all seemed so surreal that it took my breath away. Garhet must have noticed as well, because he was on his feet without hesitation. In half a moment, he had Aleena and Ephram huddled behind a few small bushes. He motioned frantically for me to join them, but I could not make myself move.
There, faraway at our old campsite, roamed thousands of the terrifying creatures. I had never actually seen even one fully materialize, but there they were; in numbers a like nothing I had ever seen. They moved with the speed of lightning from one small jolt of green light to the next. It was as though they were stuck in the hallway of an alternate reality, opening doors into ours, but only able to stand in the entry way.
They flooded the campsite in great waves that spiraled outward from one massive opening. It rose up out of the ground like two vine plants twined at the top and grown out of liquid fire. The doorway that it created seemed to writhe like a living thing in pain from where we are perched.
Garhet's fingers bruised my arm when he pulled me down to the ground beside him. I had not realized that I had wandered right up to the edge of the ridge until that moment. My heart skipped a few beats when I realized this, and gratefully settled in beside him.
Vague and distant human screams could sometimes be heard, but other than that the landscape remained utterly silent. It seems strange to me that the Reapers make no noise; that their bolts of sudden green lightening are so very silent. However, I also know from my experiences hunting in the woods, that if you make noise your prey will learn of you and make it much harder for you to catch them.
We watched the Reapers for hours as they spread out over the landscape far away. When the sun finally did set upon them and the darkness of the night built, the brilliance of their presence became a stark comparison to the dark landscape all around.
Tonight we shall keep a watch and sleep in rotation, if we even can.
January 15, 3078
Two weeks past, we found a more permanent shelter to protect us against the savagery of the oncoming winter storms. Garhet and I stumbled upon the cave's small entrance between two boulders when we ran a rabbit to ground. At first it didn't seem like much, but upon closer inspection we realized that it was the home of a mountain cat. We laid a trap for it, and managed to make it into a nice dinner that first night in the cave. Since then, there have been days without food, but more often than not we have been successful at putting food in our stomachs. However, since our arrival at the cave, Garhet and I have not had an ounce of peace.
Ephram and Aleena have been fighting. Ephram believes that we should go back to the old camp and try to catch one of the creatures. He believes that if we watch them long enough, we can figure out their weaknesses and stop them. Aleena, on the other hand, firmly believes the opposite. Her only desire is to keep us running farther into the mountains.
When their fighting becomes too much for Garhet and I to tolerate, we retreat to an outcropping of rocks and boulders across the far end of the pass. It overlooks a long, snow covered valley that reflects the moonlight. There we usually sit in silence, inches from each other. By the time we return, usually they are back to their peaceful selves and we can go on with our evening.
Tonight though, when we were settled on top of our favorite boulder, the veins in Garhet's neck popped up and raised the color of his skin to a light crimson. He pretended to stretch out his arms up over his head, but then brought his one arm down around my shoulders. It was cold and I didn't push away from him; but at the same time, I'm not sure what he means.
His eyes hold that secret of his always now, it is easy to see, and I no longer have to wait to see it come out when my eyes dance away. When we hunt, when we collect firewood, and even when I am covered in mud, it is there. One day last week, I slipped on a rock and scrapped my knee. He acted like I had fallen off a cliff. He refused to let me walk back to the cave on my own; though I was perfectly capable.
As he carried me the whole way back, I was annoyed at being treated like an incapable child, so I pulled some of his long brown hair over his shoulder and braided it. I had thought that this would annoy him in return, but now he won't stop asking me to finish braiding the rest. His constant attention gives me a strange feeling, and when his eyes find mine, it is as though he is waiting for something.
February 1, 3078
An uneasy silence has settled on us this night. Garhet and I were on our way home from a long day of fruitless hunting when we heard it: the sound that changed everything between us. None of us had eaten for three days. We were hungry and growing weaker by the day. We knew that if we didn't catch something to eat soon, we were going to be in a great deal of trouble. The four of us split up this morning in hopes that we would be more successful hunting apart. However, by sunset it was clear to me and Garhet that nothing was going to come our way.
When Garhet and I met up and headed back to the cave together, as is our custom always now, he had begun discussing with me the idea of moving to a new encampment. He remarked about the idea that perhaps the game in the area were on to us and had cleared out. He also made note that if the animals knew we were here, then it wouldn't be long before the Reapers would know of us as well.
I was just beginning to argue that moving to an unknown location in the dead of winter was not a good idea when we both heard it. The sound was high pitched and repetitive, then became laced with heavy grunts and low moans. It only took a second for me to figure out that the savage sound was coming from the cave. My heart pounded with fear as we ran toward the cave. Images of Aleena being mauled by a wild animal came into my mind.
Once there, however, an entirely different scene played out before us. Standing in the mouth of the cave we found Aleena and Ephram on their knees, naked. My eyes didn't want to take in the sight, but I could not stop the vision of them from entering my mind. Ephram was pressed firmly between Aleena's legs. His fingers were dug into her waist. His chest was red with the effort of what he was doing. The sound that we were hearing was Aleena, not an animal making a meal out of them as we had first thought. Time seemed to slow down as Ephram and Aleena realized that we were there.
Though I knew what they were doing, I had never seen it done. The look in Ephram's eyes as he was staring down at Aleena was very familiar, though, and in the moment that my mind processed the look in Ephram's eyes, mine sought Garhet's. With that one second of connection between us, I suddenly understood the meaning of the secret in Garhet's eyes. The look was the same for both. The secret that was always there now. The secret that was haunting me every day when his eyes searched mine; the secret of desire.
Garhet's face turned crimson then, just as it had the other night with his arm draped across my shoulders. My mouth opened, but before I could say a word he stomped out of the cave into the night.
February 7, 3078
It's been days now since we left the cave and yet the uneasy silence has followed us. Ephram and Garhet haven't spoken a word since that night. Garhet tells me in short clipped sentences that he is angry with his brother for doing something that could endanger us all. He says that a newborn child's cries would reveal us in any environment.
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sp; I don't argue with him. I know the risks of being in the wilderness alone more than he. After my mother left, it was months before I came across Zephora's camp. In that time there were long stretches that I truly did believe I would die. On a number of occasions I would awake to find a wild animal stalking me. It was only after I was attacked by a mountain dog that I realized I snore. I have the long scars all down my right arm to remind me daily of the dangers of living alone in the wilds.
However, even with this in mind, I can't help but to wonder if Garhet's anger really isn't coming from a place more akin to his heart. He can barely look at me now. I believe he is afraid more than anything that I will reject him… and I may yet. This is not the time for me and romance. Not with the dangers that the Reapers present.
My eyes watch Aleena's belly daily now, though I try to stop checking. There is no way to tell yet if she will bear a little one. All I or Garhet can do is pray to the guardian spirit that she does not fall prey to the lusts of creation.
February 10, 3078
We have reached the end of the Northern Pass today. We rest upon the very edge of it now. As my eyes scan the distant wilderness my heart beats with fear and uncertainty. The sun has broken through the clouds today for the first time in over a week. From my perch upon the highest boulders I can find, I see that the mountain tops in the distance are so close to the sky that they peak up the clouds' skirts. Their brothers and sisters farther into the horizon take on a blue color then fade into the sky. There is nothing but a wonderland of white snow cascading against the giant black shadows cast of clouds' bellies across the floor of the Earth.
Even the trees from this distance only seem to add a slight variety to the never ending smoothness of the white landscape. There are no paths that can be seen beyond this point. There are no trails, and there are no signs of other humans.
We are utterly alone.
February 12, 3078
The winter winds have brought us a blizzard. We have but barely put the end of the Northern pass beyond the scope of our vision, when it fell upon us. We were able to fashion a small, sturdy shelter out of young saplings and the tent supplies brought with us from Zephora's camp. However, sleep is both futile and dangerous. I fear hypothermia. I watch the others' hands to ensure that they are still shaking from the cold. My mother once told me that it is when the hands and body become still that death's dealer is prone to act. I have taken note that Aleena's hands have become less and less active in the past few hours. Though she is not aware that there is a problem, as is common with hypothermia, it will not be long before we will be forced to do something about her declining condition.
Garhet and Ephram, especially Ephram, have taken note of Aleena's situation as well. They argue quietly about building a fire. Garhet and I are firmly against such a notion but sooner rather than later, this will become our only option. The good news is that the sun, what little of it that can be seen, will be in a good position soon to cast the world into the same color as the fire. This will make it more difficult for the Reapers to see it, if they can even see in this storm.
February 15, 3078
Last night was the first night that Garhet and I were able to sleep in three days. Aleena's condition deteriorated to the point that we had to build a fire. Ephram had to lay with her naked to keep her warm which left only Garhet and I to tend to matters of survival. Unfortunately, the fire would not continue to burn of its own accord. One of us had to tend to it consistently throughout the day and the night to keep it going. The other had to be out gathering fire wood.
Also, the snows have fallen so heavily over the past few days that the small shelter must be dug out every few hours. The large trees around us add to our shelter's protection but not by much. Ephram believes they are more of a danger to us than anything as he fears that one of them will blow over on us during the night. Garhet has tried to allay his fears, but we all know that this could be just as true as any other danger. As always, though, the fear of the Reapers has kept us awake more so than the fear of hypothermia.
When I am tending the fire, I stand ready to snuff it out at a moment's notice. I stand ready to do this because the Reapers' approach is silent; and as such, we must see their green flash before we can do anything to save our lives. Zephora's brother, Delphrom, used to say that to see a Reaper meant death was near, but for a Reaper to see you, meant death was already upon you.
When Aleena finally woke up this morning, she warned me to keep my fingers as close to the fire as I dare, and to rub them as much as possible though it hurt. As Garhet and I have been rotating between tending to the fire and digging our shelter out, I have developed a small case of frostbite on my fingertips. She said that she has seen frostbite take whole hands before. I put my fingers so close to the fire that I thought they would burn after I heard that.
February 20, 3078
Last night, when the winds died down, I laid down next to the fire to sleep. From the corner of my eye I saw Ephram elbow Garhet. The look that he gave Garhet was that of a goading older brother trying to get his little brother to do something he was afraid of doing. The two had begun to speak after Aleena had fallen ill. They seemed to be back on the same page once more now that she was doing better.
The desire for me has returned to Garhet's eyes. I have both missed and dreaded its return in all these long quiet days between us. What had once been such a gentle, almost natural friendship had been replaced by an uncomfortable awkwardness that never seemed to end. He did not say a word as he crossed the room to my side. He hesitated for just a moment before he laid down beside me. My heart pounded at the feel of his strong arms as they wrapped around me. I could feel the heat of him everywhere. I stared into the fire as one of his hands tucked my hair behind my ear. I could feel him breath as his hot lips found the cold tip of my earlobe.
My eyes glanced wildly to Aleena and Ephram, but their backs were turned to us; their intentions clear. They meant to give us as much privacy as possible. Secretly, I cursed them for consenting to let Garhet try this with me. Garhet swallowed nervously in my ear, then whispered that Ephram and Aleena wouldn't pay us any attention. As his lips began trailing a hot line down my neck, I tried to force myself to think straight, but my mind was like tree sap in winter. My thoughts simply wouldn't flow right. A part of me deeply desired him, but the more logical parts of me did not want what would come after.
The memory of the screams from the birthing tent back in Zephora's camp suddenly surfaced, and my mind quickly sobered. I gently covered Garhet's perfect lips with the fingertips of one hand just as his mouth was ready to find mine for the first time in both our lives. Confusion turned to pain in his beautiful green eyes as he realized what I was trying to tell him.
As he rolled over and tried to pretend to fall asleep, I tried not to hear his silent tears fall and hoped that he couldn't hear mine either. I just know that he will never look at me in that same, special way again, not after what I had just done. It breaks my heart to know that we feel the same about each other, but that it cannot be. The agony of child bearing has never appealed to me and now, as I watch Aleena, I wonder if the reason she still ails isn't because of the hypothermia.
March 5, 3078
Garhet and I haven't spoken in over a week. We are back to the uncomfortable silence. On occasion when we go hunting together I can catch a glimmer of that special look in his eyes, but it fades and dies almost as quickly as I see it. I long for him to touch me like he did in our little shelter that night, but now that possibility is long past.
Aleena has now missed her moon flow by more than a week. Ephram strokes her belly at night like a lucky pebble. Their joy and continuous love making is almost more than I can stand. I believe it gets on Garhet's nerves too. Yesterday, we awoke to the sounds of them, and Garhet stormed out of the shelter as soon as they finished.
Every day he grows more irritable, and everyday my resolve grows weaker. I miss braiding his long hair. I miss laughing at his jokes. I miss
… him.
March 27, 3078
Today, Garhet and I had a fight to end all fights. We ran into each other while we were hunting. We were deep into the woods, the silence was absolute. I had my eye on a rabbit that was foraging beneath the low branches of a snow covered tree when I saw him. Garhet was poised behind a large boulder nearby. His broad shoulder was braced against the stone, and his breath came in small streams of white vapor. He hadn't seen me as I was so deeply hidden in the shadow of a tree.
I watched him kill the rabbit quickly with one arrow to its head. Then, as I watched him lean down to pluck the rabbit from the ground, I saw his hair fall over one shoulder. As he righted himself, his free hand touched the braids I had put in his hair. That special look came into his eyes, but then faded into sadness. Garhet flung the rabbit over the boulder he had been hiding behind and began to slowly loosen the braids from his hair.
My body moved before I had time to think. His eyes were full of tears by the time I got to him. I slapped away his hands, and tightened the braids back into his hair without a word. He screamed and yelled at me about why I cared. When I couldn't stand him yelling at me anymore, I screamed and yelled back at him and asked him why he couldn't be more patient. My fists glanced off the hard muscles of his chest, and he threw snow at me.
When finally we couldn't yell at each other any longer because we had lost our voices, Garhet threw down his bow and lifted me off the ground. His arms wrapped around me so tightly that I couldn't fend him off, but yet they weren't so tight that they hurt.
He stared into my eyes and I watched as that special look came back into them. Hot tears rolled down our cheeks as his lips met mine. They were soft and ignited a fire within me that I hadn't felt since the night of the harvest at Zephora's camp. My legs wrapped around him as he took me into the snow. He whispered his love to me, and I whispered mine back.