After the ultrasound, Dara finally got to use the restroom—keeping a full bladder for that long was just bullshit. While she was in there, she changed back into her clothes too. Then the tech took them back to a regular room and left them there to wait for the doctor.
She and Matt took seats in the chairs beside the exam table. She drummed her fingers on the armrest. Her phone was in her pocket, but she didn’t think she’d be able to concentrate on anything anyway, so she didn’t bother. Matt wasn’t playing with his either.
He turned to her. “Doing okay?”
She nodded. “Is it weird to be more nervous now than I was before?”
“If it is, then I’m weird too.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” He swallowed. “I actually wasn’t nervous at all before now. Something about seeing that picture…”
“I know the feeling,” she whispered.
He slipped her hand into hers again, and his palm was damp. So was hers. Their eyes met, and the smile he offered was probably meant to be reassuring, but the uncertainty in his eyes killed the effect. And yet, at the same time, it was reassuring to know she wasn’t crazy for being nervous, and to know that he cared enough to be nervous.
A tap on the door startled them both, and they turned as Dr. Walton stepped in. After he’d shaken hands with both of them and introduced himself to Matt, he leaned against the cabinets and opened her chart.
“Well, your ultrasound doesn’t show any abnormalities, and all measurements are perfect for this stage of development.” The doctor smiled. “Everything looks great.”
Dara released her breath. “Thank God.”
He ran through everything he’d been able to gather from viewing the ultrasound, and she heard it and understood it, but most of it faded behind “Everything looks great.” That was the important part. After all the time and hell it took to get pregnant, the baby was developing normally. After all the shit the universe had thrown at her recently, the doctor’s words were a bigger relief than the moment Matt had hugged her in his sister’s office.
Her baby was fine. Her best friend was beside her.
And for the first time, she felt like everything really could be okay.
In Matt’s truck, they were both silent for a little while. He put on his sunglasses and started the truck, but didn’t pull out of the parking lot quite yet. Dara didn’t ask—her mind was still back in the doctor’s office, and it wouldn’t have surprised her if his was still there beside hers.
Dara pulled the ultrasound photo out of the envelope.
Matt craned his neck. “Can I see it?”
“Sure.” She handed him one, and she looked at the other.
He turned his one way. Then back.
She squinted at hers.
Matt pulled his closer to his face, then held it at arm’s length.
She tried turning hers the way he’d done.
“Okay, am I stupid?” he asked. “Or did they forget to give us a secret decoder ring?
Dara snorted, shaking her head. “So it’s not just me?”
“No.” They both laughed, and he handed the photo back to her. “We should definitely stick to ‘him’ and not ‘it’, though. Or else we’re watching Alien while you’re in labor.”
Dara laughed aloud. “You even mention that movie while I’m in labor, and I will choke you.”
Matt chuckled. Turning serious, he stared at the pictures in her hand. “So that was, um, more intense than I thought it would be.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I can’t even imagine.”
She started to put the pictures back in the envelope, but stopped. “Do you want to keep one?”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” She held them out to him. “If you want one, I mean.”
He regarded them uncertainly for a second, but then gently freed one from her grasp. Something in his expression shifted, as if the image in his hand had changed now that it was his to keep, and he stared at it, a little bit of reverence and a whole lot of “oh shit” on his face. Then he took out his wallet, folded the picture in half and carefully slipped it in beside some wrinkled bills.
As he put his wallet away, he glanced at her. “How are you feeling?”
“Better now that I finally got to pee.”
They laughed, which shook some of the tension out of the truck’s cab. Rolling his eyes, he said, “You know what I mean.”
“I know. I guess I’m…” She thought for a moment. “Relieved.”
“Relieved?” Matt glanced at her. “Were you worried about something?”
“Not until I got there, but then, yeah.” She stared down at the ultrasound prints. “I guess after it took so many tries to get pregnant, I was suddenly worried that something had gone wrong.”
He squirmed in his seat. “I hadn’t even thought of that.”
“I’ve had a little more time than you have to learn about all the worst-case scenarios.” She shuddered. “You’re not missing anything. Trust me.”
“I’ll take your word for it.” They exchanged glances. Then he put the truck in gear. “I guess we should get out of here.”
“Sounds great.”
He pulled out of the parking lot, and neither of them said anything. She watched him for a mile or so, but he was impossible to read right now. It didn’t help that his wraparound sunglasses were about as dark as they could be, obscuring his eyes completely.
She twisted a little so she was facing him. “What about you? How are you feeling?”
“Hmm?” He glanced at her again. “Why?”
“You’ve been quiet. Just wondering what’s going through your mind.”
Matt rested his hand on the gearshift and his other on top of the wheel. “It’s still kind of surreal, you know? That I’m going to be a father.”
“I know the feeling. It’s not quite sunk in yet.” She glanced at him and laughed. “I’m probably going to freak the first time I feel him move.”
“Yeah. Me too. Feeling him kick will be…”
“Weird.”
“Weird. Definitely.” His fingers tapped rapidly on the gearshift. “It’s all been pretty sudden. I don’t think it’s all fit in my head yet.”
Dara winced. “Sorry about that.”
“No, don’t be.” He glanced at her, and his smile sent a funny rush through her. Facing the road again, he said, “I’m looking forward to this. It’s just a big switch. A year ago, I was a slave to the boardroom. And now…”
“Now you’re about to be a slave to a screaming tyrant who can’t wipe his own ass.”
Matt groaned. “Aw, fuck. It’s my first job all over again.”
Dara laughed. “Probably pays about as well too.”
He chuckled. “No kidding.”
Sighing, she sank back against her seat. “God, it seems like there’s so much we need to figure out, and a few months doesn’t seem long enough.”
“Like what?”
She shrugged. “What we’re gonna name him. Which Metallica album we have to play for him first. Do we teach him to play on a PlayStation or an Xbox first? You know, the important shit.”
“Good point. And do we teach him to swear before kindergarten, or after?”
“Before.” She snorted. “I’m not letting someone else’s kid teach mine how to cuss.”
Matt grinned. “That’s my girl.”
Dara winked but turned serious again. “I guess I should think about setting up a nursery. While I can still move around easily, I mean.”
“I’m happy to help. Whatever you need.” He grinned. “Just don’t ask me to pick out colors.”
Dara laughed and patted his knee. “Oh, sweetie. I remember. You don’t have to remind me.”
He flipped her the bird, rolled his eyes and put his
hand on the wheel again.
They both chuckled, and he kept driving. While he focused on the road, she was focused on him, and her mind kept wandering back to the room where she’d had the ultrasound.
Though she’d been devastated when Jon had dropped the divorce bomb on her, and she’d felt strange about having Matt there with her instead of him today, she was weirdly thankful it had been Matt beside her and not him. That there’d been someone there who was as simultaneously awestruck and confused by the image on the screen, staring at it like they’d just looked into the face of God but couldn’t quite figure out where the nose was.
Jon would’ve been…
Well, there was no way to know. But it would’ve been different. There would’ve been that simmering resentment about whose DNA the baby carried, and that might’ve blown up in the car afterward. Or even in the room while she was changing clothes. The paternity of her potential children had never really bothered her. Her ex-husband was apparently put off by it—though he could’ve mentioned it a little earlier in the game—but it never made much difference to her. She’d have been perfectly content adopting too.
But maybe now that there was a baby on the way, it did matter somehow. On some subconscious level, maybe it did make a difference, and having her child’s biological father by her side—even if they were just friends—was more important than she’d thought.
Except that didn’t make any sense. It was just DNA.
And the problems between her and Jon had gone deeper than who had provided that DNA, and nothing had driven that point home more emphatically than the warmth and comfort of Matt’s presence beside her during the ultrasound. The wonder in his eyes, the way he seemed to be holding her hand as much for his own reassurance as hers. There was no sniping, no tension, no complaining about how much time he was taking off work for this.
Maybe what it all meant was that Jon had done her a favor. They hadn’t been happy in a long time, and maybe that had run deeper than the stress over the frustrating struggle to get pregnant and who made how much money.
Maybe what she needed more than anything right now was a friend, and if she was honest with herself, she and Jon had never really gotten that part right. They’d been lovers. They’d been spouses. But thinking back now, she couldn’t ever remember being friends with him. She’d sure as hell never had a friendship with anyone—male or female—that held a candle to what she’d had with Matt.
Whatever was going on inside her hormone-saturated brain, there was one thing she knew for sure: she was damned glad to have Matt back in her life right now.
Chapter Fifteen
Dara had been so focused on getting caught up with her job, she hadn’t had time to do much unpacking. Matt figured that must’ve been driving her insane, so he offered to come by for another day of helping her settle in. It took some arm-twisting to convince her to take a day off, but after she’d apparently had to go through six boxes to find one measuring cup, she took him up on it.
Her nausea hadn’t been so bad recently, so he came by around ten, and between the two of them, Matt and Dara finally finished unpacking her kitchen and dining room by one in the afternoon. By three, they were almost done with her entertainment center.
“I am so glad to have the Xbox out,” she said as she stacked her games beside the TV. “My PC games are just not cutting it these days.”
He laughed, unwrapping another wireless controller. “Nothing quite like a good shoot ’em up, right?”
“With all these hormones and this fucking divorce going on?” She glanced at him. “You’d better believe it.”
“I can imagine. I think that was the only thing that kept me sane the last few years.”
“Really? You had time for that?”
“When I couldn’t sleep.” He pulled another controller out of the box and started unwrapping it. “Shooting the shit out of a bunch of trash-talking assholes on a TV screen was better than staring at the ceiling all night.”
“Amen to that.” She tossed an empty box onto the growing mountain. “Okay, I think that’s as good as it’s going to get today.” She stood, rubbing her lower back gingerly. “Coffee?”
“I can always go for coffee. Is your back all right?”
“Yeah, yeah. Just don’t tell my grandma my posture hasn’t been great today.”
He set a box aside and pushed himself to his feet. “My silence depends on the quality of the coffee.”
Dara arched an eyebrow. “I can put something in your coffee to keep you—”
“Okay, okay, you win!” He showed his palms. “Don’t poison me.”
They both laughed, and he followed her into the kitchen. After she’d poured—and not poisoned—some coffee, they moved back into the living room and knocked some boxes off the couch so they could sit. They sat on opposite ends, Dara’s feet tucked up under her, Matt twisted toward her with his knee on the cushion between them. She balanced a coffee cup on her leg.
“Well,” he said, looking around the room, “it’s starting to look a bit more settled.”
Dara nodded. “Almost seems pointless to put this much work into unpacking and settling in when I’m just going to move out again.”
“How long do you think you’ll stay here?”
“Don’t know yet. I would like to get a place of my own before the baby comes, but…” She sighed, eyes unfocused as she wrapped both hands around her coffee cup. “A lot of that depends on how long Jon drags out the divorce.”
“Why the hell is he dragging it out? He’s the one who wanted it in the first place, right?”
“Yep.” One word had never been laced with so much bitterness. “But for someone who felt emasculated by me making money, he’s trying his damnedest to get his hands on as much of it as possible.”
Matt groaned. “For God’s sake. Seriously?”
“Yep.” She rolled her eyes. “He knows damn well he’s not entitled to any alimony, but he’s got our lawyers figuring out how many of my investments he can grab, if any.” Into her coffee cup, she muttered, “Like it’s my fault he didn’t think to make any of his own.” She took a sip, then set the cup on the table. “But whatever. No matter how it works out, I’ll be okay financially. I just want it over, especially so I can get out of this place.”
Matt nodded.
“I mean, it’s a nice house. I don’t care for the décor, but the house is nice. And if I’m still here when the baby’s born…” She shrugged.
“Maybe it would be better to stay here either way. No matter how long the divorce drags out.”
“How do you figure?”
“Well, by the time everything is settled, you find a place and you close on it, you’re going to be a few months farther along than you are now.” He tapped his fingers on the side of his cup. “Maybe it would be easier on you to ride it out here, you know?”
“I know.” She frowned. “I just hate the idea of pissing money away on rent when I don’t have to.”
Matt smiled. “When did you become so financial?”
Dara laughed. “An old coworker taught me a few things about making my money work for me. So I started investing a little here and there, and it’s paid off.” She grinned. “If my ex-husband keeps his paws out of it, I’ve already got a college fund started for the kid.” She patted her stomach. “This is one child who will never know the feeling of being ass-deep in student loans.”
“Excellent.” Matt gave her a thumbs-up. “Though even if your ex-husband does get his hands on it, I’m pretty sure, between the two of us, we’ll have college taken care of.”
Dara held his gaze and then laughed. “You know what’s weird? When we’re both just sitting around, most of the time I completely forget that you’re richer than God.”
Matt chuckled. “You want to hear something crazy?”
“If I didn’t, I wouldn’t hang out wi
th you.”
“Very funny.” He glared playfully at her. “Anyway. When I go to buy something more than, say, fifty bucks, there’s still a part of me that panics if the debit card machine takes more than a few seconds to approve it.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “I still think some cashier’s going to look at me and say ‘Sorry, it’s been declined’.”
“Eh, I think anyone who’s had it happen is bound to have that little moment of fear, even when they know damn well they’ve got the money.”
“Yeah, probably. I don’t know. I guess in a way, worrying about money is part of that normal life I had before I went to Chicago. So getting that normal life back means getting all of it back.”
“I think that’s a good thing.” She studied him for a moment, and smiled. “I’m not surprised that getting rich didn’t change you, just really glad it didn’t.”
“The money didn’t.” Shame knotted beneath his ribs. He looked into his coffee cup. “But I don’t think you’d have liked me while I was still working.”
“Why not?”
“Because I had a one-track mind. It’s a cutthroat business, so I was as cutthroat as my business partners. Maybe even worse.” He met her eyes again. “You don’t get to the top without being an asshole sometimes.”
She studied him for a long moment. Long enough that he couldn’t help squirming a bit.
“What?”
She shrugged. “Nothing. It’s just hard to imagine you like that.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
She smiled but didn’t say anything.
He sipped his coffee and kept his gaze down. On one hand, he wanted to suggest that maybe it was a good thing they’d taken this long to reconnect. After all, she wouldn’t have put up with the man he’d been during that time. On the other, every year in that world was a year without her, and it was hard to put a silver lining around that.
Dara drained her cup. “Oh, did I tell you I cleared out a room upstairs for the baby?”
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