Chapter Forty-Seven
On Sunday morning, Ben sat on the edge of his bed holding a revolver. He had the chamber open and was spinning it with his thumb as he was contemplating what he had to do. Just then his concentration was interrupted as the older Ben walked in the room and saw his younger self, contemplating the proposition.
“You’re not planning on killing yourself are you?” the older Ben asked.
“What? No, of course not. I’m trying to psych myself up for the ‘thing’ I have to do.”
“What thing?”
“Killing Gringer?” Ben said in a hushed tone.
“Oh, yeah I meant to tell you. You don’t actually have to do that, I was just messing with you.”
“Are you being serious?”
“Yeah, I was totally joking, I thought you knew this whole time.”
“What kind of joke is that?” Ben asked furiously.
“I’m sorry, I thought we had the same sense of humour.”
“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you made me think that,” Ben stood up and stormed around the room.” Do you have any idea how much stress you caused me?”
“Just relax, I didn’t think you would get all worked up about it. I was just trying to have some fun with you. I think in a few years you’re going to look back on this and laugh.”
Ben shook his head at his older self. “When did you become such an asshole.”
“I said I was sorry.”
Ben let out a big sigh of relief. “Okay, so now what?”
“We have to go.”
“Go where?”
“Back to the future.”
“I can’t leave Vanessa.”
“Ben, I know this is hard to accept, but look at me, do you see Vanessa around? We don’t end up with the girl in the end. She’s not in our destiny.”
“I don’t care about destiny, I’m going back for her.”
“Unfortunately, Ben, it doesn’t work like that. You are bound by your destiny. Every thought in your head, every word you utter, it’s all scripted, it’s all part of the grand design.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that before.”
With the gun still in his hand, Ben raised his arm and put the barrel in his mouth.
“Ben, what are you doing?” the senior Ben shouted.
“Changing my destiny.”
Just after saying that, Ben closed his eyes and pulled the trigger. The gun’s hammer snapped back. The sound was loud enough to cause Ben to flinch, but the gun failed to go off. Ben opened his eyes and slowly took the gun out of his mouth. Senior Ben was taken aback.
“Ben, give me the gun,” senior Ben said. “You obviously don’t die today, or else I wouldn’t be standing here, but don’t test destiny. This isn’t an exact science, I don’t know what will happen if you pull that trigger again, you may not be so lucky the second time around.”
“You know, I meditated for over an hour this morning, trying to go to a mental place where I could kill a man. I thought about the pain of being unwanted by my parents, the torment of being bullied as a kid, the vicious beatings by the Wibley’s, and yielding to the authority of those who abuse their power. I didn’t think I had it in me to go through with it, but I was wrong. You created a monster and now that monster is going to kill you.”
Ben raised the gun and pointed at the older Ben’s head.
“Why do you look so surprised?” Ben asked. “You didn’t you see this coming, did you?”
“Ben, please put the gun down. Even though you can’t die today, I can.”
Then senior Ben said the one thing that could save his life.
“I pulled that trigger forty years ago and have regretted it ever since.”
The comment found its mark. Now if Ben truly wanted to change his destiny, he would have to not kill his older self. Ben lowered the weapon and then started laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“I took the bullets out of the gun,” he said. “Now we’re even.”
The Secret Manuscript Page 49