Ben picked that moment to jump in. “I’d assume he already has a dad…”
“Oh yeah.” Great. So now I’d have to compete with the kid’s father.
“Maybe she’s a widow?” Ben suggested. “Have you thought of that?”
“At twenty-one?” I asked.
“Stranger things have happened.”
“I wonder how old he is. Do you think she had a baby in high school…” Molly thought out loud.
“No, I don’t think he’s that old. But who knows?” I leaned back and closed my eyes.
“What’s his name?” Molly said it softly. She was really fixated on the kid. It was probably because she was pregnant.
“Noah.”
“That’s a nice name.”
Ben laughed. “Are we adding it to our list?”
“It depends on whether Jake keeps seeing her. If so, we can’t use it.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because what if you married her? You don’t want cousins with the same name.”
“I don’t think you need to worry about that.” Ben put a hand on her leg. “Do you even think she’s going to speak to him again after his reaction? She probably thinks he hates kids.”
Molly fiddled with the AC. “She dated him in the first place. She’s obviously weird.”
I sat forward. “Thanks, Molly.”
“You’re welcome. I’m just keeping it real.” She turned around and stuck her tongue out at me.
“Reverting to childhood, are you?”
“You’re one to talk. A girl tells you she has a son and all you can do is mimic like a parrot?”
“It surprised me. Sue me.”
“All I know is that if you actually want to see this girl again, you need to apologize fast.”
“She’s going home to pick him up this weekend. He was staying with her parents so she could work more or something.” I stretched out my legs as much as humanly possible in the back of Molly’s Civic. At least she tried to give me leg room.
Ben turned onto the interstate. “See. I might be right. If there was a dad around, he’d have him right now.”
Molly added another fantastic suggestion. “He could be a deadbeat.”
“I don’t know which is worse…a dead husband she can’t get over, or a deadbeat that could pop back up at any time.”
“It’s only an issue if you see her again…” Ben started.
“I have to see her. She’s almost perfect.”
“Almost?”
“She likes country music.”
Molly groaned. “I’m not even going to respond to that one. When you get home, call her. Prepare to beg for forgiveness. Blame it on the pain meds.” It sounded like Molly was reading off a list.
“I’m not taking them anymore.”
“Then find something else. No woman will want a man who freaks out when she mentions her kid.”
“I can’t handle this right now.”
“So what? Are you going to just give up?”
I let out a deep breath. “No. I just need time to figure it out.”
“You don’t always get time.”
I looked out the window. “All right, let’s change the subject.”
“Fine, but don’t wait too long.”
I tried to tune Molly out for the rest of the ride. Why is it that nothing in life was ever simple?
Chapter Thirteen
Emily
Town looked exactly the way it had when I left the month before. The windy mountain roads were easy to navigate in the summer, and I rolled down my windows to enjoy the breeze.
The only thing special about Ridgeview was that it was home to the college of the same name. One of the smallest state schools in North Carolina, no one’s really heard of it. I drove past the bustling campus. Classes had recently started back up, and I watched students hugging after a summer apart. I couldn’t imagine living like that. It seemed more like a movie or book than anything real.
After getting stuck in some construction related traffic, I finally reached my parents’ street. There was always something new being built on campus. I pulled into the driveway and parked. I bolted out of the car, so excited to see Noah. I opened the door, and he nearly knocked me over running into my arms.
“Mama!”
“Hi, baby.” I held him against me for as long as he let me. I reluctantly let go so he could run around. He never stood still.
When he pulled away, my mom was standing in front of me. “You made good time.” She took Noah’s place, giving me a hug.
“There was hardly any traffic until I hit campus. It was great.”
“Are you hungry? Noah and I were making you a little something special.”
“Yeah? Did you help?” I bent down and scooped Noah up. I knew I wouldn’t want to put him down at all for days.
“Cookie.”
“Cookies? Mm, I definitely want one.” I followed my mom into the kitchen, still holding Noah.
I took an oatmeal raisin cookie right off the tray, breaking it into two and giving Noah the bigger half.
His eyes widened, and I kissed him on the top of his head before taking a bite of my portion. He had soft, brown hair that was much darker than anyone’s in my family. I loved it.
“You must be exhausted. I’m glad you’re here, but you could have slept more. You only gave yourself four hours.” Mom was just being her worrying self. Now that I was a mom, I understood it.
“I couldn’t wait any longer.” Noah squirmed so I put him down. “Is Dad awake?”
“I think so. You should go on up and see him.”
I leaned back against the counter. “I might wait.”
“You two are going to have to make up eventually.” She didn’t have to say it. I knew she was telling me that I was running out of time.
“Make up? That implies we’re in a fight. He decided to write me off.”
Mom wiped down the kitchen table even though I’m sure she’d already cleaned it. “That’s not true. He didn’t agree with your decision. That’s all it was.”
“Because marrying the father of my child was a bad idea?”
“Emily.” She looked at Noah and back at me. He wasn’t a baby anymore. I couldn’t just say anything in front of him.
“I know. I’ll go talk to him.”
I took the steps as slow as humanly possible. There had been a time when I’d been Daddy’s little girl, but that ship had sailed years ago. I stopped in front of his closed door, steadying myself before knocking.
“Come in.” His voice was gruff. It was nothing like the voice I remembered from my childhood.
I took a deep breath and pushed it open. Dad sat propped up in bed with a laptop on one of those portable desks. “Hello, Emily.”
“Hi, Dad.” I awkwardly leaned around the computer to hug him.
He patted my arm just as awkwardly. I remembered back to a time when he would have given me a bone crunching hug instead. “I didn’t think you were getting in until tonight.”
“I couldn’t wait any longer to see Noah.”
“He’s a sweet boy.” Dad glanced at his computer screen.
“I know.” I looked down. I couldn’t look Dad in the eye anymore either. I guess it was one thing we had in common.
“I appreciate you letting me spend time with him this summer.”
Why’d he have to put it that way? Like I was doing him a favor. “Of course. It worked out well. I got a lot of extra shifts in this summer that I couldn’t have otherwise.”
“That’s what your mother said. At least you haven’t lost your work ethic.” He typed a few words on the computer. Dad was still on the payroll at the college, but he wasn’t teaching any classes anymore. I think he was having a hard time letting go, and he definitely wasn’t ready to give up on his research.
I picked at my nail. “How have you been feeling?”
“You’re not my nurse, Emily. You don’t have to ask that.”
“I’m asking
as your daughter.”
“I’m fine. How am I supposed to be doing?”
“I’ll let you rest.” I wasn’t going to cry. I’d already shed enough tears over my dad’s distaste for me to last a lifetime. Surprisingly, it wasn’t the fact that I got pregnant in high school that he resented me for. No, it was because I married the guy who knocked me up. Dad thought Tim was trouble—and he was right. But what was I supposed to do?
Dad nodded, and I left the room.
“That was fast.” Mom stood with her arms crossed at the bottom of the stairs.
I shrugged. “I tried.”
“Did you?”
I was about to ask where Noah was, but I heard his squeals coming from the living room. I followed them to find him rolling around on the floor with my parents’ golden retriever.
“He loves that dog.” Mom put an arm around my shoulder.
“It seems that way.”
“You know if you moved back up here, he could see him all the time.”
“We’ve been over this…”
She turned toward me, placing a hand on each of my shoulders. “Sweetheart, you look exhausted. You’ve been working yourself to the bone. Why won’t you come home and let me help?”
“We live in Wilmington now.”
“You only moved there for Tim. Don’t you think it’s time you moved on?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Is this about your father?”
“No.”
“Emily. You have to think about more than just yourself now.” She said it softly but it hurt like hell.
“You think I don’t know that? Do you think I’ve been working this hard just for myself? Do you think I’ve had almost no life since Noah was born because I’m selfish?” I might have stopped myself from crying with my dad, but I wasn’t able to stop it this time.
“I know. But you can make it easier.”
“I can’t. I’m not crawling back here.”
“Is that it? You’re afraid of looking like you can’t handle it on your own? Because plenty of moms can’t handle it even with a husband.”
“It’s more than that. I think we’re where we should be.”
“I thought you’d say that.”
“Then why’d you bring it up?” I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand.
“I had to try.”
I sat down on the floor next to Noah. I let him play for a minute before pulling him onto my lap. He only let me snuggle him for a second before chasing after the dog again.
“Why don’t you go lie down?” Mom said from behind me. “He’ll be ready for his nap soon too.”
“I know. Maybe I can convince him to nap with me.”
She laughed. “Good luck with that. But his portable crib is set up in your room anyway.”
“I’ve missed him so much.”
“I know.”
Noah stopped and walked back over to me, falling down into my arms.
How could I stay upset when I had the most amazing little man in my life? I stood up holding him against me. “I’m going to see if I can get him to nap.”
Mom smiled. “See you both in a few hours.”
I walked back upstairs and pushed open the door to my childhood bedroom. I held Noah against me for a while longer before putting him down in his pack and play. He seemed surprisingly content to play with some toys.
I curled up under my quilt and watched him until I heard his breathing even out. Once I knew he had fallen asleep, I followed.
Chapter Fourteen
Emily
“Mama, Mama,” Noah woke me up an hour later.
It took me a second to wake up fully. “Hi, baby.” I stayed in bed for a minute listening to his happy chatter. An hour wasn’t nearly enough sleep. I’d have to make some coffee to survive until Noah’s bedtime.
I picked Noah up out of the crib and carried him back downstairs. He struggled against me so I set him down. He took off and raced into the kitchen.
I heard a couple of voices. I quickly realized the male voice belonged to my brother’s best friend, Austen.
I tensed when I heard Noah scream—until I realized it was actually a happy squeal. I stepped into the kitchen and watched Austen swinging Noah around.
“Hey, Em!” Austen set Noah down and pulled me right into a hug.
“Hi, Austen.”
“You look great.” He turned back to my mom. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. She looks incredible.”
Mom shook her head. “She’s exhausted.”
“It doesn’t show.”
I filled a glass with water from the door of the fridge. “Is there a reason for this flattery?”
“I’m just telling you both the truth.” He went back over to the counter and picked up a cookie.
“How many of those have you had so far?” I tried to sound accusatory, but I ended up smiling.
“It’s only my second.”
I looked to my mom and she held her hand palm up toward him. “He’s telling the truth.”
“I have to keep my figure.” He gestured to his perfectly fit body.
I nudged Austen’s arm before placing my glass by the sink. It always bothered my mother when I left it there, but it seemed silly to put it in the dishwasher when I’d just want more water in an hour.
“What are you up to tonight, Em?” he asked innocently, but I had a feeling that the wrong answer would leave me with an invitation that Mom wouldn’t let me refuse. I just didn’t know what the right answer was.
Mom decided to butt in anyway. “I’m sure she’s free. She didn’t expect to get in this early.”
“I haven’t seen Noah in weeks.”
Mom wasn’t ready to drop it. “He goes to sleep at seven thirty. You might as well go out and have fun.”
“How about it?” Austen smiled. That smile used to make me weak.
“I don’t think I’m up for going out.”
“All right, I get that. How about I come back over tonight after Noah goes to sleep? I’d love to catch up, but I need to get going. I only stopped by when I noticed your car.”
“That sounds lovely. Do you want to join us for dinner?” Mom said in her ‘this isn’t really a question’ voice.
He glanced at me, and must have seen something there. “No. That’s all right. I’ll just come by around eight or so.”
“Great. I’ll walk you out.” Mom glanced at me over her shoulder. She really needed to stay out of things.
Mom returned to the kitchen. “Austen looks great, doesn’t he?”
“As compared to how bad he looked the last time I saw him?”
“All I’m saying is he’s a good looking man.”
“What’s your point, Mom?” I pulled out some coffee beans from the cabinet and poured them in the grinder.
“My point is that he’s good looking and clearly interested.”
“He’s not interested in me. He just wants to catch up.”
“I’d call you innocent, but I think that little boy in the other room makes that impossible.”
“What are you expecting? That Austen will decide he wants to marry a single mom and raise a kid that isn’t his?” I was shocked by the anger in my voice. I was even more shocked when I realized I wasn’t thinking about Austen when I said it.
“You didn’t choose this path, Emily.”
“No, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m a single mom.”
“Austen knows that and doesn’t seem to care. You can’t say that about all men.”
“I know.” I forced myself to push Jake out of my head.
I scooped Noah up again. He pushed a little turtle toy into my face. “Thanks, kiddo. It’s exactly what I wanted.”
Dad didn’t come down for dinner. I wasn’t sure if he’d been doing that since he got sick, or if it was because I was there. I didn’t ask. I helped Noah with his food and then settled down to enjoy mine. Between Jake cooking for me, and then my mom, I felt spoiled.
>
I played with Noah, read to him, and put him to sleep. I put him in the crib set up in my brother’s room, so I didn’t have to worry about waking him up when I went to bed. I was lucky he was such a good sleeper and rarely woke up at night.
Austen showed up at exactly eight, and my mom conveniently disappeared five minutes later.
“Do you want to sit out on the back porch?” I slipped on some flip flops.
“Yeah, that sounds great.”
“Want something to drink?” I had already pulled a diet Coke out for myself.
“Sure, I’ll have the same as you.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Since when are you drinking diet?”
“First you accuse me of eating all the cookies, and now you don’t think I can drink diet soda? What kind of impression have I made on you all these years?”
I laughed, but it came out as more of a giggle. Austen was the only person who ever made me do that—and he knew it.
He held open the screen door and followed me out. I curled up on one of the worn, floral-pattern couches, pulling my sweatshirt around me. One of the best parts of being in the mountains was that it got cool on summer nights.
“What’s new with you?” He took a seat next to me, instead of on the chair.
“Nothing really.”
“Come on. I need something. How’s work?” Noticing I was cold, he covered my legs with the blanket my mom always left on the back of the couch.
“Busy. I like it, but I’m ready to slow down. It’s been great to make some extra money though.”
“I bet.” He popped open his soda.
“I’ll have the rest of your money back soon. I promise.”
“Em, don’t worry about it.”
“I know you said you didn’t want interest, but I think 4% is fair.”
“Stop it. I don’t need it back.”
“It was a loan, not a gift.”
“Only because you insisted on it.” His eyes pleaded with me to stop fighting him, but I couldn’t. I didn’t believe in taking handouts. “What Tim did to you sucks. I wish I could help more.”
“Please, don’t go there.” I didn’t want to think about the day those men showed up at my door demanding money. I’d had no idea my husband owed thousands in gambling debts.
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