"Good morning Rebel." She kisses him on the cheek and glares in my direction. Shit, I didn't even do anything to her it's only nine A.M. Damn it, she must have heard Rebel telling me to stop salivating over the model. Baby continues walking to the office. I can't help but stare at her ass until she disappears behind the door, slamming it shut with more force than necessary. She does look good this morning. Having Colt did her body good, not that she'd let me find out just how much good it has really done for her.
All lot of shit has changed this past year. After the fed scare with Lucky and all of the manure that went down with Rush and the Rejects, Grim is taking the club in a new direction—we are going straight. He and Romeo found an investor who can give us the capital and credentials to make our moonshine legal. Grim and Romeo are gone now to a meeting in Tennessee to work out the logistics. I won't have much to do with that side of things the garage is my responsibility. Rebel will have to deal with the shine business.
Having Baby here all of the time is becoming a real distraction. I am pathetic, I have her every move down to a science. I know how often she goes to the bathroom for Christ sake. Trying to push her out of my mind, I take out my sketchpad and work on the paint design for a custom chopper we are building for a weekend warrior.
I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on Baby, it was the night she was born, it sounds strange, but at the age of four, I knew I already loved her and that I would do anything to protect her. My father came rushing through the door shouting for my mother. He was holding a wailing baby in his arms; she was bloody and screaming so loud. Rebel was scared of the blood, but not me, I knew she needed me. As my mother cradled her and cooed over her, I stood watching over her. I vowed to myself then and there that I would always protect her.
For the first few months, I remember waking up to check on her every night. She was a sad baby; it was as though she knew her mother was gone and never going to hold her. Grim deserted her too, he couldn't bear to look at her, every time he saw her, he'd get this far off sad look in his eyes.
**
Baby walks past my brother and I ignoring my existence, which will be harder for her to do in a few weeks when we have to get together to go over the budget, inventory, and the schedule.
Baby stops and turns to Rebel. "Are you and Rumor going to keep Colt next weekend, I have a date."
I roll my eyes at her blatant attempt to make me jealous. "I could keep him." I offer knowing it will piss her off, but I really would love to get to know him better.
Colt is a very sore subject for me. Baby has refused to allow me any contact with him, other than the occasional visit he pays to my mom's house. Foxie keeps him for Baby when Sunshine or Rumor can't. No one knows he is my son and it kills me. Rumor and Rebel have their suspicions but I won't betray Baby again. If and when the time comes that she will let me in, I don't want to give her anything to hold against me, more than she already has. The kid barely knows who I am, let alone the fact that I am his true father.
"I wasn't talking to you was I?" She scoffs and picks invisible lint from her jeans. God I love when she wears those jeans, they hug her ass and hang low on her hips exposing just a hint of her creamy skin.
"I wish the two of you would just go upstairs to fuck already. Fuck, ya'll are killing me." Rebel scratches the back of his neck, turning away from us pretending the photographer needs him.
She follows Rebel uncomfortable with his words. "Are you going to watch him or not?"
But it's true. If she'd give me one night to make things right she'd never want for anything again. I want to give her everything she has ever dreamed of, but there are things about me Baby doesn't know. She got a taste of what I like the night she walked in on me, but that night was tame compared to others.
Aspen had come home for the weekend; I hadn’t seen her in months. We got to talking and drinking, we ended up in bed together. Baby just happened to walk in at the worst possible time. I don’t know if she will ever forgive me for that night.
My attention is brought back to the present as Sunshine comes into the garage pushing the one thing that is most precious to me in his stroller, Colt. Baby is back in the office and Sunshine is talking to Rebel. I take the opportunity to get a moment with my son. "Hey buddy, are you being good for Sunshine?"
He stretches his tiny hand out to mine and wraps all of his fingers around my thick thumb. He babbles at me. I scruff his red hair up a little and he reaches for me to pick him up.
"I think he has your eyes," the model whom introduces herself as Kelli says rather observantly.
"You think so?" I shrug, leaning down to pick Colt up. It's the first time anyone has told me that, it makes my heart swell with pride and tears. I wish I could introduce him as my son.
"Yeah, you are both handsome," she winks at me. I think she is trying to flirt with me, but I don't even care now, that I have my boy to myself for a minute. “How old is he?” She questions making light conversation.
“He’s about...” I pause adding it up in my head. “I’d say he is seven months now.”
Right about the time I am turning to walk away from Kelli, Baby steps out from the office having heard Colt giggling no doubt. She stalks towards me with that look on her face that tells me it pains her to see us together. Baby holds her hands open, she plasters a fake smile on for Colt as she squeals, "come to momma, baby boy."
"I was just telling your old man here how much his boy looks like him." Kelli smiles at Baby trying to be friendly and make polite conversation.
"He's not my old man, and he is not his father," Baby sneers at her, jerking Colt from my hold. Baby is a good mom. I'll give her that. You can tell Colt is well taken care of he always has a smile on his face. He has Baby's light skin and red hair but other than that, the kid is me made over.
“Punishing me isn’t going to bring him back ya know.” I know it’s a low blow, but it is true. Baby holds me responsible for Trouble’s death and a part of me does too, but I know I can’t change it and he’d want her to be happy. He would want her to be with me; why else would he have said and done, what he did in the moment that changed so many things. Tears well up in the corners of Baby’s eyes, fuck, I scratch my neck, I did not mean to make her cry. I just wanted to show her how unreasonable she is being.
Kelli looks to me and I just shake my head and leave Baby to pay her for the day. I don't know how much more I can take of watching my son from the shadows.
Baby
I don't know why I allow my father to torture me by forcing me to manage the garage. He acts all innocent but I know he has some weird idea that Striker and I somehow belong together, who would have thought he’d be playing matchmaker. Striker has had plenty of chances to prove to me that he wanted to be a dad. He blew them all. I never dreamed that Striker would hurt me the way he has. Growing up he was always there for me, promising me the world if I wanted it, until he met Aspen.
I never knew I could feel the way I do about him, I love him and hate him with every breath he takes. He gave me Colt; he just couldn't give me his heart. Maybe it is unfair to hold the things that I do against him, but he cost me Trouble and my one chance to have a man who would be true to me. I know Trouble would have never broken my heart; he would have been mine 'til the day I died. However, I'll never have that. Trouble is gone my heart is broken. Love either grows or it dies and I am afraid the love I have felt for Striker has died completely.
I went to Striker one night…well a few months after Colt was born; I was ready to discuss our son with him. When I got to his apartment, the door was cracked, I started to knock, but the door fell open. Letting myself in I went to look for him and that is when I heard the moans coming from the bedroom. I couldn't help myself; curiosity got the best of me as my feet carried me mindlessly forward.
I stopped just outside of the bedroom, the room we made Colt one fateful night. The moans were louder, they were lustful, sinful even. Peeking around the entryway, I could not believe my e
yes. There he was and he obviously wasn't alone. Striker had Aspen bent over the bed fucking her from behind; his head was thrown back as he pumped her ferociously. Her arms were bound behind her back and he was holding them in place, it was so erotic. He spanked her ass, repeatedly. She was loving every second of it too. My gaze traveled forward, a part of me liked watching him, seeing his muscles tense, and flex covered in sweat.
My eyes roamed over his tattoos stopping short when I took in what was now covering most of his back. He had a tattoo I had never seen before; it was of a beautiful magnolia tree, just like the one we had planted as kids. It was beautiful. I wanted to run my fingers across it, Aspen here or not, I wanted to touch it, but I managed to keep my feet planted. As ashamed as I was for intruding, I kept watching unable to turn away, wondering what it would be like if it were me with him instead.
Heat flushed my cheeks, but then he collapsed falling over her, pressing her down in the bed telling her how much he loved her. My heart couldn't take it. Hearing him whisper the things, he once said to me, all of the color vanished from my face. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to hit her; my legs wouldn't carry me out of that room.
My head was spinning as I sunk to the floor. What was left of my heart, retreated deep within the walls I was trying to let down tonight. I knew immediately that there would only ever be one man to have my heart—my son. I don't know how long I sat there unable to breathe, unable to feel anything, until Striker was crouched, down in front of me wearing a pair of shorts. He was caressing my cheek as the tears fell from my face. Aspen was nowhere to be seen, I didn't remember hearing her leave. Was she still there? I didn't care if she was.
"Don't touch me," I flinched from his guarded expression.
"Baby, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. You never called me; you won't let me near you or Colt. I don't know what you want from me." He sat in front of me waiting for me to tell him something. I wanted him to shake me, to grab me—kiss me—fuck me like he did her, to tell me he didn't love her–that I owned every piece of him, mind body and soul, like he owned me. I wanted him to say we would work things out, that he wanted to be a dad. However, those words never left his lips.
Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, I mustered up the courage to tell him to fuck off. It about killed me but I did it. "I don't want anything from you; you aren't ready to be what I need you to be. Stay away from me, stay away from my son. We don't want you or need you in our lives." I walked out of there with my head held high.
It would have been easy for me to turn my back on Colt like my father did me; I was consumed with grief for Trouble and for what Striker and I would never be. Colt was my saving grace. If it weren't for that precious baby boy, I don't know what would have happened to me. I poured myself into being the best mom I could and going to school. I enrolled in a night class majoring in business.
I hear my boy now. His giggles melt my heart. Walking from the office, my heart stops and then it drops to the floor bleeding out as I take in the sight of Striker holding Colt in his arms flirting with Kelli. She is from one of my classes. I didn't get her this job so she could flirt. I got her this job to help her; she is a single mom too. Maybe I was wrong in trying to be nice to her.
No, I am being jealous, where I don't have the right to be. When I see him holding Colt, all of those old feelings start bubbling under my skin. As fast as they surface, I pop them and shove them deep in the back of my mind. I put on my best face for Colt and take him from Striker.
"I was just telling your old man here how much his boy looks like him." Oh God, does she think Striker, Colt, and I are a family… This can't be happening if a stranger can see it; does that mean everyone else does too? Does my father know, is that why he is forcing me to work here?
"He's not my old man, and he is not his father," I snap at her. I know I shouldn't lash out at her, but the alternative is jumping down Striker's throat and I don't want to fight with him in front of Colt.
Striker walks away wounded by my harshness. "I'm sorry Kelli; I didn't mean to be rude. If you'll go change I'll get you your check." She smiles weakly, probably wondering what in the hell is going on with Striker and me. I am in no mood to share my secrets with her.
After work, I take Colt over to my sister’s place for dinner. She has some crazy idea that we need to throw my father a birthday party. His birthday isn’t even for another five months, but that’s Rumor for ya always planning ten steps ahead.
“What do you think of this for his cake?” She lays a photo down on the dining table. It’s horrible, my dad would not want a fancy cake like this shit, looks more like it belongs at a bridal shower than a mean ass old biker’s party.
“Rumor,” I take a deep breath, I hate hurting her feelings. “This is Grim you are talking about, he needs an adult cake. Something that looks like a giant pair of tits or a vagina. A big booty. That’s the sort of thing he’d like. How about I handle the cake.” Her smile fades, I know she hates the rejection of her fancy shit, but my dad would hate that crap, it’s not him.
“No, you are right,” she tries to fake a smile.
Rumor found out last month that it would be nearly impossible for her and Rebel to conceive. Something about all the abuse from Squirrel messed her up pretty bad. That’s why I am going along with this idea for the party, she needs something to take her mind off the news the doctor gave her. Well other than her wedding coming up. Who would have ever thought I’d be happy to see Rebel marrying my sister. Guess lots of things change.
I glance over at Rebel bouncing Colt on his knee while he drinks his beer and watches some dumb cartoon, because it keeps Colt quiet. He is a great Uncle, I hate that he might not ever have a son of his own. Why did I have to fuck the wrong brother? No, I don’t really mean that. I wish I had a love like Rebel and Rumor share. They are like a couple that has been together fifty years.
Striker comes in without knocking. “What’s for dinner, I’m fucking starved.”
Damn it, I didn’t think he’d be here tonight. I am surprised he didn’t take Kelli home and fuck her after I left. My sister gives me a look begging me to be nice. Fuck that. She doesn’t know how I feel.
I walk over to Rebel and grab Colt. I don’t bother with goodbyes.
2
Striker
Tonight is Rebel’s bachelor party. I am really happy for my brother. He and Rumor are going to finally make shit official. The two of them have been living in my parent’s place since we got back from Chicago.
Rumor kept putting the wedding off because of Baby, said she just didn’t feel right being so happy when her sister was grieving. Baby finally put her foot down and told her she couldn’t keep using her as an excuse.
So now the big day is coming, Rumor will be my sister-in-law, just not in the way I was hoping. I thought that with enough time, Baby might find it in her heart to forgive me, but she grows more distant with each passing day.
Tread had better not disappoint with the entertainment, he has become a pussy lately. He met some chick—Liberty, when he was in Chicago, she looks like the girl next door, but Tread said she is far from sweet and innocent between the sheets. Anymore I find myself hanging out with the potentials. Everyone else seems to be getting married and having families. It’s hard to watch those around you getting everything you wish you could have.
Have you ever made a choice that changed everything? A decision that set off a chain of events that you could not control. Have you ever been torn between wishing to go back and change one night if it could repair all of the lives you ruined or being glad that it happened because it brought you, the most precious gift life had to offer?
As long as I can remember, I have sworn to protect her, to give her everything she ever needed. I waited so long for her to put her faith in me, to trust in me to cherish her and I failed her. Letting down the one person who mattered most to me broke me, letting her go about nearly killed me. I know I fucked things up by not calling Baby. I don’t regret th
e night we shared, but the way I treated her afterwards…it’s inexcusable.
I kept trying to find the right thing to say, but the conversation wasn’t something to do by phone. I wasn’t ready to claim Baby, I was a pussy, and I let my feelings towards Grim get in the way. I was holding my resentment and my hate against Baby. At the time a part of me, a piece of myself I hate, liked hurting Grim by breaking Baby’s heart.
Stepping into the shower I try to wash away the man I once was as the memories of the night I shared with Baby haunt me—the way she moaned, when I kissed her sweet lips, the way she looked at me with trust, the way she gave herself to me mind, body and soul.
My cock grows hard, as I picture Baby tied to my headboard, submitting to me completely. My fantasy continues to play out as I stroke my firm length. My tongue gets a taste of her delicate flesh, tracing her breasts with my fingers, I continue to tease, suck, and nibble. Stroke. Pump.
I need to feel her tight little body pulsing, writhing beneath me, and hear her scream out my name. Fuck, I want her—I need her. She bites my lip, tugging on the metal ring that pierces my bottom lip. I fall against the wall of the shower, pressing my back to the cool tile. Pump, Stroke, I explode, as I envision her wrapping her arms around me, digging her heels in my ass.
Tonight I am putting that behind me letting loose and escaping my reality with the help of my good friends THC and apple pie shine. Walking into the Roadhouse I feel better after releasing my tension. Rebel and Grim are having an intense conversation at the bar; I don’t want to interrupt them so I take a seat at a nearby table sitting with Inkman.
“Hey man, long time no see.” He bumps my fist and offers me some puff puff pass. Fuck, if I don’t need to have a good smoke. I lean back in my chair and signal Junior, the potential working the bar to bring me a jar of apple pie shine.
Striker (Black Rebel Riders' MC Book 4) Page 2