‘A toast to the Big Five-O!’ cried Charlotte.
‘The Big Five-O,’ yelled Roger and Len. And the chant went around the room on a roar of applause.
‘The Big. Five. OOHHH!’
The end.
Jane’s twenty things you find out when you’re over Fifty
You’re suddenly getting admiring looks from eighty-year olds. Men of your age may be gazing at the young totty, but to octogenarians you ARE the young totty. This may be the time to take your first cruise …
You will also be attractive to much younger men. You are now the perfect age to find your inner cougar.
You hanker after a vehicle that is low-slung and shiny with a roof that comes off. Aka a mid-life-crisis car. (You may also take longer than you’d think to get in and out of the damn thing.)
Saga Holidays are actually very good value and sometimes even drive you to the airport!
Sixty is definitely the new forty.
You can no longer leave the house with just a credit card and your phone. Now you need to remember your reading glasses too. And the spare pair in case you lose them.
Teenagers use words you’ve never heard of.
Tweezers are a handbag essential.
You will ban all photos of you from social media unless they’ve been filtered in blur.
It takes an hour to get ready for a video conference call.
If you need to look good, you make appointments for the afternoon. (To allow for the creases in your face to fall out.)
A silk pillowcase is worth every penny.
You are old enough to be thought wise, still young enough to go out on the town.
You can never apply too much body lotion.
Or moisturiser.
You start looking at dresses with sleeves.
You stop declaring you’d never have “work done” and just want to know how much it costs.
No sooner have you got the kids off your hands, the elderly parents start kicking off.
You have less interest in “things” and more interest in paying others to do things for you. Like cleaning and ironing. Or giving you a foot rub.
For all the jokes about being over the hill, you’ve probably got four decades yet – enjoy them!
Mum in the Middle
[Smart links Mum in the Middle]
Click here to buy now 978-0-00-827866-3
Acknowledgements
I’m a great believer in the old adage: “write what you know”, until I don’t know and have to ask. I am immensely grateful, as always, to those who patiently answered my questions, made suggestions, told me their stories or filled in the detail while I was writing The Big Five-O. A huge thank you therefore to: Melissa Todd, Elaine Ronson, Katie Fforde, Tracy Greenwood, Bill Harris, Karen Hellier, Philip Kenyon, Morgen Green, Rob and Karen Smith, Kay Spittlehouse, Helen Stewart, Paul Clayton, Tom WJ and Teresa Limbrick as well as the helpful staff at Turner Contemporary: Beth, Lizzie, Kyle and Bristy. My deep appreciation also goes to Mr Anil Poddar and Dr Natasha Mithal – and for far more than any medical queries for this book. I have been helped indirectly but profoundly by Linzi Easten, Aneta Idczak and Denise Martin-Harker, whose collective wisdom on all things mind-and-body contributed in no small part to the manuscript being delivered on time without the usual wailing (#yogadoeshelp) and thank you Denise – and Jacqui Wellbrook too – for the fun we have with BroadstairsLit. My love, as ever, to all my other dear friends and family – I won’t try to list you all, but you know – who support me in so many ways. And I raise a glass to the great team at Harper Impulse – especially Charlotte Ledger, Claire Fenby and my lovely editor Kate Bradley – and my agent Teresa Chris. I’ll have forgotten someone – I always do – so a big thanks to you too. Any mistakes are mine. You are all wonderful! Xxx
The Big Five O
Jane Wenham-Jones is a journalist, columnist and speaker who counts her press pass and Equity card among her most treasured possessions. She is the author of eight books and thousands of short stories, features and columns across a wide range of magazines and national newspapers – with regular slots in Woman’s Weekly Fiction Series and Writing Magazine where she is the agony aunt. As a presenter, she has hosted the Romantic Novel of the Year awards for the past eight years, appeared for the BBC on both radio and TV and popped up on more little-watched daytime television on long-defunct channels than she cares to remember. As an interviewer she has been ‘in conversation with’ hundreds of top authors and celebrities, and is a founder a member of BroadstairsLit – literary events throughout the year – in the seaside town of Broadstairs, where she lives.
@JaneWenhamJones
www.facebook.com/JaneWenhamJonesAuthor
www.janewenham-jones.com
About HarperImpulse
HarperImpulse is an innovative, award-winning digital imprint. In the five years since launch, we have continually hit digital bestseller lists, hosted the UK’s first online romance festival, published into over ten countries and grown an exciting stable of commercial women’s fiction authors.
Readers, come and say hi to the team and your next read …
www.facebook.com/HarperImpulse
@HarperImpulse
www.instagram.com/harperimpulse
www.harperimpulseromance.com
Writers, our vision is to publish the very best in digital-first commercial women’s fiction and we are simply looking for good stories! So, what are you waiting for? To submit, e-mail us at [email protected].
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