by Mae Nunn
He scrolled down through other days of verses, looking for inspiration. It came, such as it was, in the form of James 1:5 KJV, from almost a week earlier:
“If any of you lack wisdom, let Him ask of God, that giveth to all...”
Mac pondered that a moment. He sipped his coffee, then breathed a halfhearted prayer. “God, I am definitely lacking in wisdom.” He shook his head. “My life is Yours. You know me. You know my scars, my fears. I need wisdom. I don’t want to hurt Jacqueline, but I don’t think I can sustain being hurt again. Help me.”
There was no one there that Mac could see, and certainly no immediate answer. But the connection to God, which he’d formed as a child, strengthened him now. He felt a measure of peace that at least he was asking, seeking, looking in the right place for some direction in his life.
As the sun came up over the lake, Mac was thankful.
* * *
HE STARTED IN his front flower beds, pulling out weeds, raking, burning piles of brush. The bulbs he planted years ago were trying to bloom, and as he pulled away the dead stuff, he saw he had quite a variety of irises, daffodils and tulips coming back. This new growth made him happy.
As he worked with the dirt, Mac kept glancing at his watch, tracking Jacqueline in his mind. He’d seen on Google Maps that Red Oak, Iowa, was pretty much a straight shot up from Kilgore. She’d be right along the border of Arkansas and Texas, then Oklahoma and Missouri, all the way into Iowa. Red Oak wasn’t far across the border of Missouri, and it was also close to Nebraska. As Jacqueline had told him, it looked as if it was situated in Corn Central.
About one o’clock, Mac was starting to feel shaky so he stopped for some lunch. He warmed up leftover pizza in the oven—couldn’t stand it microwaved—and scarfed down two pieces before going out to work in the backyard. The back was a little less complicated than the front because it was mostly deck with some shrubs around it, and then grass leading back to the lake. In the summer, he put out potted flowers to add some color on his deck, but it wasn’t really time for that yet. He mostly needed to mow, weed around the trees, and shape up his shrubs. He was on his mower when his phone buzzed with a text in his shirt pocket.
Just letting you know I made it to Grandma’s.
He heaved a sigh of relief and texted back. I’m so glad! Thanks for letting me know.
Her reply: Yw.
Mac wanted to text some more with her, but he didn’t dare. She’d made it pretty clear she was upset with him. He didn’t want to push his luck. He figured he was pretty lucky she sent him any message at all.
Instead, he texted Joiner.
What are you guys up to this evening?
Hanging out with our kid. Want to join us?
I need to see your kid. Do you think she’d hang out with Uncle Mac long enough for you to take Stella to dinner?
Probably not.
Why? I’m a nice guy.
True. But you don’t have breasts.
Oh. That.
She doesn’t get far from her food supply.
I see. No bottles?
Not yet. Just a min. Let me talk to Stella.
Mac put his phone back in his pocket and mowed another row of grass. He felt it buzz so he stopped again.
Stella says she thinks we’d have time to go to Triple F, and she wants to get out of the house.
Okay, great.
When are you coming?
Just have to finish mowing and shower. Six o’clock good?
Excellent. First date postbaby!
And baby’s first date with me.
Joiner sent him a picture of Lilianna sleeping on a frazzled-looking Stella. The caption read, “Thanks, Uncle Mackie!”
* * *
MAC SHOWERED AND put on jeans and a sweatshirt. He was proud of himself for thinking ahead and choosing something soft, without buttons, for his baby niece to snuggle up to. He also shaved. As he’d forwent cutting them this morning, his whiskers had grown into more than a five-o’clock shadow. Wouldn’t want Lilianna to scrape her little face. He scrubbed his hands as if he was about to perform surgery.
When he arrived at Joiner and Stella’s, Stella greeted him at the door with a hug. “Mac! You’re an angel of mercy!”
He laughed.
“You’ve definitely improved since the picture Joiner sent me,” Mac teased. She’d obviously had a shower and fixed her hair. Stella didn’t need much makeup. Mac noticed, but didn’t dwell on how beautiful she looked in her star-studded jeans. To him, she was a sister.
“Hey, man, time’s ticking!” Joiner entered the room carrying Lilianna. She resembled a porcelain doll sleeping in his arms.
Stella gave him the rundown. “We changed her diaper, and then I fed her just now and she went off to sleep. I figure she should sleep about two hours.”
“I’m sure we’ll be fine. I love to hang out with my nieces.”
“This is the only one that’s a newborn, though,” Joiner reminded him. “We got Cullen’s girls when they were older. This one—well—this one we’re all having to figure out.”
“Sit down here, Mac.” Stella motioned to the rocking chair. “I’ll get you the remote and a drink. What do you want?”
“Just water, I guess. But you don’t have to get it for me.”
“You better listen to her, Mac,” Joiner said. “Girl knows what she’s doing.”
“Okay. Hand me that baby.”
Joiner handed the sleeping beauty over to his brother. They both worked awkwardly to make her comfortable in his arms.
“Oh, look at her all nestled down on Uncle Mackie,” Stella cooed when she came back with the water. “You know how to work our TV. And we’ll just be at the Triple F. Here’s her binky. And here’s an extra blanket. You can call us if you need us...”
“You kids get out of here. Don’t worry about a thing.”
Stella kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you, Mac.”
“Appreciate it, bro.” Joiner winked at Mac as he followed Stella toward the door.
“Piece of cake.”
When the house was completely quiet, Mac stared at Lilianna’s face and studied her features. Her eyelashes reminded him of Jacqueline’s—they were gold colored, but they were long and sweeping and curled on the ends. She had the perfect little nose, turned up just slightly, and her lips were the shape of a soft pink bow. Skin like alabaster glowed. It felt like satin to his fingertips. She stirred and he moved his hand away, beginning to rock gently. Her blue eyes popped open.
Mac tried not to panic. “Hi there, sweetie!” he said softly.
As Lilianna’s eyes focused and she comprehended who was holding her, her bottom lip quivered. Then she stuck it out and wailed at the top of her lungs.
Mac sprang into action. First, he rocked and sang to her, fiddling with her binky. She spit it out, and it hit the floor. When the wailing only increased, he changed her position, putting her up on his shoulder and patting her back the way he’d seen Stella do it. He felt a warm wetness travel down his side, soaking his shirt, and realized the baby was peeing. Did she even have on a diaper? He couldn’t understand how there could be so much. He’d have to change her—and himself.
He carried her to the nursery, where he laid her on the changing table and took off his shirt. She stared at him and wailed, kicking her legs as if he was the ugliest thing she ever saw. It was torture for them both removing her clothes. He realized as he searched for the buttons that she had on the outfit Jacqueli
ne bought her, and he cursed her and Stella both under his breath for it. He opened the first drawer of the changing table. Where was a simple gown? A T-shirt? Anything that didn’t have snaps and looked nice and roomy?
After changing her diaper, he put on the best thing he could find, which was a little dress with comfy, roomy sleeves. He couldn’t understand why the dress was so short, but it didn’t matter. He pulled up her socks as high as they would go and then wrapped her in a blanket. They were going to have to go outside to try to stop the bawling. Lily was obviously tired of being indoors.
Finally, when Mac had walked around the house three times, Lilianna relaxed. Mac slipped his phone out of his pocket and dialed Joiner.
“I think you’re going to have to come home,” he whispered.
Joiner sounded alarmed. “Is everything okay?”
“She’s okay—she just doesn’t like me, and I don’t want her to be unhappy.”
“We’ll be there on the double.”
* * *
WHEN JOINER’S TRUCK pulled into the drive, Mac saw the looks on Joiner’s and Stella’s faces and realized how ridiculous he must look. Shirtless, with a baby in his arms, walking around in the yard in socks. He hadn’t had time to shove on his boots. Nor free hands, for that matter. And while he could have put on one of Joiner’s shirts, Lily seemed to like his skin. Even if that was the only thing she liked about him.
“What on earth?” Stella jumped out of the truck and ran over to him, while Joiner parked the vehicle in the garage.
“We had a little mishap,” Mac explained. “Everything was fine till she opened her eyes, but then it was on. She kind of hates her Uncle Mackie.”
“She does not.”
“Actually, I think she does. Almost as much as she hates getting her clothes changed.”
“I see,” Stella observed. “Well, that is pretty bad, then.”
Mac laughed.
“How did you get her back to sleep?”
“This.”
“Walking around outside half-naked?”
“You do what you gotta do, right?”
Stella grinned. “I think you’re catching on, Mac. You’re exactly right.”
He handed the baby to Stella and they walked together into the house. Joiner met them inside, where they gave him a full explanation. He laughed.
“That’s my girl. She’ll have you broken in good.”
“Oh, I’m broken. I’m a broken man.” Mac raised his arms.
“I’ll go get you a T-shirt.”
Lilianna, as though by instinct, nuzzled around to eat. Mac looked away while Stella got settled in the rocker and then he sat on the end of the couch opposite her. Joiner returned, throwing a T-shirt at him. Mac caught it and put it on.
“Thank you.” Mac looked down to examine a hole in the shirt.
“Nothing but the best for our favorite babysitter!”
“So, how was your meal?”
“It was good,” Stella answered. “And nice to get out of the house even for a little while.”
“I’m sorry I had to call you. I was worried, though—didn’t want her to start back up crying.”
“She did that on me the other day when Stella went to the stables.”
“Joiner called me after fifteen minutes. He was like, Mayday! Mayday!” Stella laughed.
Mac said, “This sure is a new experience, isn’t it?”
“Yes. She’s teaching us so many things. About babies, about ourselves, about life.”
“I can see that. This probably sounds stupid, but tonight she made me feel so needed, so powerful, and at the same time, she showed me how much I was not in control.”
Stella nodded. “It’s a pretty wild ride. You summed it up well.”
Joiner piped up. “So, Mac. Speaking of new experiences, what’s new with you and Jacqueline? Where is she tonight?”
“She’s gone to Iowa to visit her grandmother.”
“Did she fly?”
“No, she drove.”
“Gosh, that’s a long drive to make by herself.”
Mac noticed that Stella was biting her lip. Did she know Jacqueline had invited him to go with her? Did they think he should have gone?
“I hope it will be a good trip for her. She certainly deserves a break. We’ve been working like crazy.”
“I know. We’ve hardly seen you,” Joiner said. “But that’s not unusual for tax season.”
Stella turned her gaze on Mac, looking straight into his eyes. He knew that look.
“So Mac, we’ve not seen you for a while without Jacqueline here. What’s going on with you two?” Stella narrowed her eyes. “Is she the one?”
Mac coughed.
“What do you really want to know, honey?” Joiner looked at Stella. “I mean, don’t be shy. Just put it out there.”
Stella laughed, and Mac joined her. Then she stopped. She narrowed her eyes at him again.
Mac exhaled slowly. “Gosh, Stella. That’s the question of the hour. I wish I knew the answer.”
“What do you mean?”
“I actually prayed to God for wisdom about everything today. I just don’t know. I don’t know where things are going.”
Stella and Joiner both sat looking at him, waiting. Mac knew they weren’t going to move on until he said more. Stella, especially, was like a dog with a bone.
“Is there such a thing as ‘the one’?” Mac leaned forward. “I mean, I guess I know how you two would answer that question. But for me, I don’t know. I think Jacqueline could be one I could be happy with—I mean, we are happy together.” He removed his glasses and wiped his forehead. “I don’t know what I mean. Nothing I say seems right.”
“When you brought her over here that first time, you seemed completely smitten.” Stella smiled. “I told Joiner after you left—I’ve never seen you that way before.”
“I know.”
“Has something happened? Did something change?”
Mac felt as if Stella could read his mind.
“Spit it out, bro.” Joiner patted him on the back. “You can say anything to us.”
“That’s just it. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Jacqueline is wonderful. At first, I was, well, I think I rushed things. It had been so long since I’d been with anybody, and there she was, just showed up in my life. It seemed like God brought her to my office.” Mac paused for them to laugh, but they didn’t. He continued, “Actually, when I brought her here that first time, she was a little overwhelmed. She has some issues, you know, with putting down roots, family ties. She’s not used to any of that. I think la vida Temple seemed a little daunting.”
“Hmm.” Joiner snorted. “Well, maybe she’s not the one, then.”
Stella rolled her eyes. “Joiner. Really? You weren’t even sure if you wanted to put down roots in Kilgore, and you are a Temple.”
“That’s different.”
“Yeah. Right.” Stella grinned at him. “Go on, Mac, we’re listening.”
“My reaction was a little like Joiner’s.”
“I can’t imagine,” Stella remarked. “No one in this family ever lets pride get in the way of their relationships.”
Joiner shook his head.
Mac folded his hands. “But I tried to understand—I did. Initially, my pride probably did cloud my vision. I’ll say it—I was hurt. But when my head cleared, I realized I had been rushing things, and it was probably best for both of us to take a step ba
ck.”
“Okay. So then what happened?”
“It was so weird. When we got back from our trip, Jacqueline had changed. That night, when I went to see her, she told me she was all in.”
Stella’s face lit up like a sunburst. “She did?”
“Yeah. She said she loved me, and she has no doubts.”
“That’s awesome, man!” Joiner clapped him on the shoulder. “That’s great!”
Mac’s face muscles tightened.
“Goodness, what’s wrong?” Stella leaned forward.
“I don’t know. But I don’t think I can handle it. I’m scared. I’m defective. I just— I never should have brought her into my life.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
JACQUELINE HAD SENT Mac the message letting him know she was safe just after she’d turned into her grandmother’s driveway. Then she turned off her phone and put it away. She didn’t want to think about him or anyone else over the weekend. She just wanted to focus on her grandma.
Driving down the long dirt road, literally bordered on both sides by cornfields, Jacqueline experienced a rush of emotion. She remembered visiting—just those few times—and running through the corn with her brother. Getting lost in the rows. And best of all, picking ears right off the stalks for her grandmother to cook and lather in butter.
At the end of the road, like a light at the end of a tunnel, stood the white clapboard house. It seemed unchanged by all the years. Maybe a little paint had peeled. The roof seemed somewhat weathered, like a frayed top hat. But there was the same big iron pot in the flower bed where Jacqueline had once pretended to make a witch’s brew out of acorns, moss and corn tassels. The same cellar door, leading to a dark underground playhouse where she and her brother had spent hours.
Did it still have its one lightbulb hanging from the ceiling? And its shelves of canned green beans and jellies and homemade currant wine?
She’d need to find out.
To the right of the driveway was the plot where Grandma always had her garden. Jacqueline remembered the turnips and the purple hull peas, squash, cucumbers and tomatoes. Her favorite thing had been the giant sunflowers that turned their heads like satellites toward the sun. The garden looked as if it needed work that maybe she could help with while she visited.