“Yeah, the wires hurt, but they weren’t half as bad as not being able to stop them from removing Zade’s mating energy from me. It was the mental and emotional violation that caused the most damage. All I have left physically from the wiring torture is a scar on each thigh, but I hold a clear memory of myself weeping over Zade.”
“But they did not break you. You were cursing the doctor when we rescued you,” Boca declared. “I heard you.”
“I guess that depends on your definition of broken. They broke me mentally because I wasn’t strong enough to deal. I wept over Zade, full of regret because I was still in damn denial over our mating when they captured me,” Gwen explained. “The Lotharians will destroy you because you have nothing inside you strong enough to survive that process again. If you have to endure having Chiang’s energy removed from you, you’d go right back to being the victim you were when first captured.”
“With all due respect, I must disagree with your assessment,” Boca said, hoping her voice didn’t sound as unsure to Gwen as it did to her. “I survived the removal of Rogan’s energy. I would survive losing Chiang’s, especially since I don’t want his anyway. It would be easier this time, not harder.”
“I think that’s a bunch of Klageldon dung. I also think Chiang is the reason you can’t fight. You better show me something different tomorrow and prove I’m wrong,” Gwen informed her. “If you don’t, I’m damn well asking Synar to send Ambassador Onin on the mission instead, no matter how much I detest her.”
“But Commander. . .” Boca began, only to stop when Gwen held up her hand.
“Our discussion is over, Ensign,” Gwen said firmly. “Fix your energy before you return to my mat. Dismissed. Now get out of here while I work off some steam of my own.”
Boca ground her teeth together to keep from screaming as she marched off the mat and out the door. Her time of running had obviously reached an end, but she was still resentful about being pushed into confronting Chiang.
Chapter 3
Chiang closed the door of his new quarters, frowning as he looked around at the space. This room was neither sanctuary nor peaceful retreat. Despite its spaciousness compared to his old quarters, his new domicile was only a reminder of his greater obligations on the ship now.
Between the unfriendly space and Boca’s continued avoidance of him, sleep was nearly impossible lately. Even Greggors had to close down for a few uninterrupted hours now and again in order to avoid sleep deprivation. One way or the other, he needed to do so tonight. Were anything to happen requiring his attention in Medical, he would be of little use in his current state.
Huffing out a frustrated breath, Chiang pulled off his shirt and tossed it on his unmade bed. He would grab a cleansing and then take a sleep aid. Decision made, he headed to the bathing area in the main room, which was large enough to accommodate two.
A large bathing area was about the only solace at the moment in the entire unfriendly space.
***
Boca stood outside Chiang’s quarters chewing her lip, disgusted with herself for acting like a worried female instead of a warrior. When she felt her hands tremble and her dread of confronting him rise, she lifted her hand to knock before she could lose what was left of her nerve.
Time ticked by as she grew more apprehensive, but apprehension changed to irritation when there was no answer. Despite the flutters of nervousness inside, she lifted her hand and knocked again. She waited another short period of time before going to Medical. There she touched the com port, which she hated because she had to stand on her toes to reach it.
“Locate Doctor Chiang,” she ordered.
“Doctor Chiang is in his quarters,” the com unit replied.
Strange, she thought. If he was in his quarters, why wasn’t he answering?
Boca walked back to the rooms next to Medical. She was pondering what to do when Malachi spotted her.
“Knock and get it over with,” Malachi ordered with a grin. “Even I’m getting tired of your fighting. Bond with the Greggor so we can all have some peace this sleep cycle.”
“He is not answering my knock,” Boca complained, not allowing herself to be baited into confessing anything about her intentions.
“Doors are not an obstacle worthy of stopping a true warrior,” Malachi teased, shaking his head as he walked up to the com port. Once there he turned to look down and narrowed his gaze to Boca’s nervous face. “Look away, Boca dear. You don’t want to watch what I’m about to do.”
Boca dutifully turned. Moments later she heard the door lock click open. She turned back in surprise.
“Demon trick,” Malachi said with grin, “but if you tell on me, I’ll have to hurt you—and not in the good way.”
Boca rolled her eyes at his threat. “Thank you for your assistance. Now go away—please.”
“What is the matter with your energy? You’re not going to be sick in the hallway are you? I’m pulling a long shift this evening in Medical while Chiang rests. Don’t make me clean up the contents of your digestive system. All the junior medics are off duty.”
“I am not going to be sick,” Boca vowed. “I’m just—very nervous.”
Malachi was about the only creature on the ship she ever honored with full disclosure, mostly because he forced her to do so. Also, the demon read her energy accurately most of the time, whether she confessed to what he was seeing or not.
She took a deep breath as Malachi pushed on the door of Chiang’s quarters and held it open for her.
“Don’t worry, my sweet little Sumerian. The big, ugly Greggor is not going to eat you unless you ask him to nicely.”
Boca smacked Malachi in the chest as he laughed. “Cease your jesting. I will call for assistance if we need you.”
“Oh, goody, I might get invited to a bonding threesome later,” Malachi said gleefully.
Boca swore at him in Sumerian.
“I may not speak your language, but I can see all those violent images in your head. You won’t be winning any serene warrior awards from Ania with that temper of yours. Practice more self-control,” Malachi advised on a laugh, taking Boca’s tiny arm in one hand and shoving her across Chiang’s threshold before closing the door with a firm click behind her.
He smiled when he heard her hissing in consternation even through the strong metal.
“Raging fires of Helios, I’m turning into a freaking emissary for the Creators,” Malachi said to himself, walking slowly back to Medical. “All this being nice stuff had better count for something good one day.”
***
Inside Chiang’s quarters, Boca glanced around guiltily, too nervous at being in his private space uninvited to be properly angry at Malachi for forcing her to action before she had made up her own mind.
She smelled the remnants of cleansing solution and saw the door to the bathing area ajar. She looked in cautiously, but there was no one inside the cubicle. It was eerily quiet in the very large space, no sounds of movement or even loud breathing. She padded quietly to the tiny sleeping area, unable to avert her eyes from the completely naked male lying face-down in the middle of the tiny bed. Her eyes traveled from his family’s mark covering one massive shoulder down the path of too many muscles to count.
“Slaggika,” she murmured softly, closing her eyes and swallowing against the wave of lust that threatened to take her legs out from under her.
Unclothed, Chiang was more attractive than any male she had ever known. His physical form was impressively sleek, every muscle well-defined and begging to be stroked. He moved in his sleep as she watched, giving her a tiny glimpse of the front of him, which looked equally appealing. She couldn’t help wanting to see more.
Boca walked silently to the edge of his bed and perched on the side to more closely study the mark on his shoulder. All that would be needed for Chiang’s tracking mark would be to go over the center part of his existing design. Her fingers were reaching out to explore when Chiang moved in his sleep again.
His face twisted. “Boca,” he called.
Hearing her name spoken, Boca jumped from the edge of the bed, only to stand shaking beside it. Ever since she had shared the Sumerian first commitment with Chiang, she had grown more and more afraid to be in his presence.
Actually, it had started with the first kiss, when Chiang had professed to having trouble “letting” her go with the captain and Malachi. Recalling his words could still ignite her anger—and her anxiety.
When Chiang worried so much, it was like being with Rogan again. Rogan had demanded she cease her training, not because she lacked talent, but because his fear for her had been too great for him to master.
Boca turned to leave, planning to quietly exit, but instead she stumbled against the side of the too small sleeping area doorway in her haste. She called out as she caught herself.
“Slaggika,” she swore again, when Chiang raised his head and saw her.
“Boca? Is something wrong in Medical?” he asked tiredly.
“No,” Boca stated, her tone hoarse with humiliation as she looked away.
Chiang had turned in the bed enough to give her the clear full frontal view of him that she had been longing to see. Wanting to run exploring hands over him and his male assets made everything in her quiver with bonding need.
“That’s good,” Chiang said, laying his head back down. “I resorted to self-gratification during my cleansing, and then I took a sleep aide. I’m unable to perform any doctor duties. Let the blasted demon take care of things.”
Chiang’s sleepy complaining wasn’t really funny, but Boca found herself smiling and then laughing anyway. He obviously was too drugged to realize his unclothed condition might be a problem for her. Or maybe this was normal for him.
And evidently he had taken care of his more pressing needs without her assistance.
Her thoughts were a jumble in her busy brain as she stared at Chiang in lust. She had to clear her throat to speak. “Malachi likes his new duties and takes them very seriously,” she said softly.
Sighing, Chiang rolled to his side, looked at her, and then finally rolled to his back, deciding not to be overly concerned if his lack of clothing bothered Boca. They were both experienced medics. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen naked males before.
“Why are you here, Boca?” he asked, figuring it was best to get to the point so he could eventually go back to sleep.
“I don’t know exactly,” she said, cautiously debating what to reveal.
“Why are you standing in my private quarters lying to me? I can intuitively tell that’s not your truth” Chiang said coldly, turning his head and swearing in Greggor at her lack of trust in him.
Boca blew out a breath. He had a point. His intuition was undoubtedly picking up her anxiety. “It is not exactly an untruth. I do not know how to talk with you about my concerns.”
Chiang patted the edge of the bed. “For starters, come sit with me and relax. I’m too tired to keep chasing you around the ship. The sleep aide has had a bad effect on my energy, which is why I rarely take them.”
Boca put hands on her hips as she looked longingly at the Greggor’s naked body. “I fear sitting next to you or I would already have done so. And yes, I will admit it is not your intentions toward me that worry me most at the moment.”
Maybe that angry declaration shouldn’t thrill him as much as it did, Chiang decided, smiling at the ceiling instead of the tiny frustrated female in his sleeping chamber doorway. But Shades of Kellnor, he sure liked the idea that she was suffering now just as much as he had been doing for days.
“You think my need for you is a source of amusement?” she asked.
“Do I think it’s funny? No, I certainly don’t,” Chiang said, turning his attention to her again as he snickered over her angry admission of wanting him. “It’s okay, Boca. I am of no use to you right now, even if you are finally interested.”
“I assure you I am not interested,” Boca denied hotly. Then swearing softly, she smacked the doorway with her hand. “Shades of Kellnor, I am compelled, Chiang.”
“Compelled?” Chiang repeated, raising his muscled arms and crossing his hands under his head. “That’s an interesting choice of words to poetically cloak honest lust.”
“Yes, and that’s my point. It is lust, and I hate being controlled by my desire. I hate being controlled by anything,” Boca declared, waving a hand at his naked body.
“Well, we can agree on that sentiment,” Chiang said, stretching and trying to relax under her intense gaze. He turned his head back to center and closed his eyes. “Run away until you come to terms with your feelings for me. I am in no condition to pursue you this evening. I will seek you in the morning and we will resume our debate then.”
“You don’t understand—I can’t run anymore, Chiang. I’m failing,” Boca said quickly. “I’m failing in my training. My conflict with you stands in the way. It scatters my energy as I try to resist our fated bond. I don’t know how to fix myself. This is why I am here.”
Chiang was quiet for so long Boca thought he had fallen asleep again.
“I have never forced my attention on a female—never. So you may set aside your concern that I would do so with you. As for the other, I swear by the Creators that I have no wish for you to fail in your training,” he finally said, his tone firm and as sincere as he could make it. “What can I do to make sure that doesn’t happen?”
“I do not know,” Boca admitted finally, mentally and emotionally exhausted by having had to bring her problem to the source.
“Then we have to figure it out, Boca. I’m even sorrier now that I took the sleep aide. I never suspected you would need me and seek me out,” Chiang said. “I too feel compelled. I’m compelled to see you happy.”
He looked at her while he wondered what it was going to take to convince her.
“That’s precisely what I’ve been trying to track you down to tell you. I want to help you do what you feel you must. I’m compelled to do that for you as much as anything else.”
Boca wrapped her arms tightly around her own body and studied the floor, wanting more than anything for Chiang’s words to be a profound truth. Unfortunately, her instincts were never clear about the Greggor who wanted to bond with her. Yet it was obvious after today that keeping her distance was definitely not working either.
If she did not resolve her issues this evening, tomorrow she would be banned from the mission. The ultimatums of her trainers could not be set aside just because she was trying to avoid conflict with Chiang.
“Fine. If you truly want to help, I have a request. May I sleep beside you tonight?” she asked quietly. “I—it is the only thing I can think to do. I will not take advantage of your drugged condition.”
Chiang snorted with humor as he scooted to make room in the bed that was already too small for him, much less a second person. Fortunately, Boca was tiny. “You could never wrong me by being here or asking to be with me.”
Boca sighed and walked to the bed, this time with trepidation.
“Will you—” she stopped, bit her lip, and then lifted her chin. It was the only solution she could come up with, and she had to ask. “If you grant me permission, I can create a vibrational sharing experience for us. It will let our energies interweave themselves. Perhaps—perhaps it will change me in some way that will convince Commander Jet not to take the mission away from me.”
“You have my permission to do whatever you want with me that might help you,” Chiang said softly. “Also, it would be my pleasure to hold you in my arms while we sleep. I wish there could be more this sleep cycle. I long to show you pleasure in many forms.”
“You will not have to do anything. I am trained—never mind. Just know nothing is expected.” Boca reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. Then she unfastened her pants and let them fall to the floor. She walked to the bed in her hygiene straps with Chiang’s sleepy gaze never leaving her.
“You forgot something,” he said f
latly.
Boca stomach lurched. She had been hoping Chiang wouldn’t expect her to get completely undressed. The thought of that much intimacy with him still made her uncomfortable, but he was being supportive. Sharing skin to skin sensation was not an unusual, or unreasonable, request under the circumstances. Lifting her hand to obediently tear the strip off her shoulder, she was quickly stopped by Chiang’s disapproving growl which froze her hand in place. He swore in a language Boca assumed was Greggor, but it was so vicious she couldn’t be sure. She made a mental note to look up the basics of Greggor swearing so she could at least know what Chiang was saying when he was displeased with her.
“I was not talking about your hygiene straps. Leave them in place if you wish. I meant your hair. Let down your hair. Assuming you don’t sleep with it bound, I wish to see how long it is,” Chiang demanded.
Both hands went to her hair in surprise. “My hair? Oh. Yes—of course. I should let it down.” She was so relieved to be leaving her hygiene straps in place that she automatically started slipping pins from the twist on the back of her head. “It is so unruly at this length that I keep it up most of the time. Sometimes I sleep with it pinned because I simply forget. But I cannot bear to shorten it. It reminds me of my…I do not know how to explain this.”
Moments later, the pins were all in her hand and cascading dark waves fell to her waist.
Chiang groaned and closed his eyes. “Undone, you are even more alluring than I suspected. You may want to rethink crawling into my bed. The sleep aide’s effect is starting to wear off.”
“No, I wish to stay. You’re always telling me I should trust you. Will you give me your word to restrain yourself?”
“No,” Chiang said flatly. “Because it would be a lie. This is a risk for both of us. You’re going to have to accept that if you spend the night in my bed.”
Boca huffed out a shaky breath and climbed onto the sleeping platform despite the knot of tension in her belly. Lieutenant Zade was right about one thing. If she was afraid of Chiang’s desire for her, even when he was drugged and mostly incapable, how would she handle being wanted again by the kind of male she detested?
The Healer's Kiss: Book Four of the Forced To Serve Series Page 3