by Iris Morland
“I can take a wild guess what happened,” he said. “You got to know him, or whatever personality he decides to put on for peasants like you. And he was so handsome and dashing that you practically threw yourself into his arms.” He threw his arms out dramatically.
“Now you’re just being mean. We didn’t sleep together.”
At least not at the cabin…
“Are you in love with him?” Mittens asked bluntly.
Thea shook her head, but that just made her dizzy. “Of course not. That’s ridiculous. No, no. I know I said that I’d get dirt on him, but there wasn’t anything I could find. He doesn’t exactly share anything about himself.”
Although he’d shared what had happened with his ex-wife just a few days ago, hadn’t he? Her stomach twisted.
“Don’t look like that,” said Mittens in exasperation. “I’ll stop grilling you. I totally get wanting to bang somebody who’s hot but terrible. Been there, done that, wrote the blog posts. Fuck his brains out if you want, but don’t forget that if he had the chance to screw you over, he would. Especially if he found out what you did to his precious company.”
Thea didn’t need the reminder. No matter what she did, somebody would get hurt.
As the night wore on, she drank until her brain was so fuzzy that she could barely put two coherent sentences together. She hadn’t gotten seriously drunk in a long time. She wondered why, considering how nice it felt. Everything that had been weighing on her miraculously disappeared and floated away.
Actually, if anyone was going to float away right then, it was her.
Thea giggled. When Mittens raised an eyebrow, she just started laughing harder until tears sprang to her eyes. There was nothing inherently funny happening right then. It was just that she felt so delighted with everyone and everything.
Thea got up and slid into the chair right next to Mittens, leaning against him. He patted her on the shoulder.
“He’s not as bad as you think,” she mumbled.
Mittens voice was cool as he replied, “Who isn’t?”
“Anthony. He’s nice. He saved a rabbit.”
“One good deed doesn’t make all of his bad deeds go away.”
Thea groaned. She reached for a glass of water, but most of it sloshed onto the table.
“No, no, you don’t understand. He did it for me. He didn’t care about the rabbit. He wanted to help me.”
She needed to make Mittens understand. If he understood why she’d let herself get involved with Anthony, if he knew why Anthony was important to her, maybe he wouldn’t judge her. Her brain was too mushy, though, and she struggled to come up with the words that would convince Mittens.
She touched Mittens’s face. It was smooth. Damn him, but he had better skin than her. He basically had no pores at all. How did he manage that? She needed to ask him what he used. It wasn’t fair that a guy should be prettier than her. Was that sexist? She didn’t know up from down anymore.
“You’re a mess,” said Mittens kindly. He stroked her hair. “Should I call a cab to take you home?”
“No! Not yet.” At her exclamation, the rest of the table glanced at her. Thea blushed. “Anthony isn’t the guy you think he is,” she said in a low voice.
“You keep saying that.”
“Because it’s true. He puts on this…” Thea chewed on her lower lip. “Um, the thing that makes it so people don’t know who you are—”
“A mask?” interjected Mittens dryly.
“Yeah, that. A mask. Because he’s gotten hurt. But there’s more underneath. I saw it.”
“Oh, I bet you saw a lot of what’s underneath.”
Thea was too drunk to understand Mittens’s innuendo. She shook her head. “He told me what happened. Did you know that his wife cheated on him? And it was with his best friend. She cheated on him, and he found them in their bed.”
Mittens stilled next to her, although Thea was more concerned with finding a water glass that still had water in it. She was so thirsty that her tongue felt like it had dried up in her mouth.
“Who was his best friend?” said Mittens.
“Oh, some guy. Wait!” Thea found a water glass and drank half the glass in one gulp.
“He was his president. No, vice president. Board president? The president? I dunno. But he was pissed. I can’t believe she’d do that to him. Or his friend would do that to him. What kind of friend does that? I don’t get it. And then he paid them off. Crazy, right?”
In the far reaches of Thea’s mind, a tiny voice reminded her that she was saying things she’d promised never to divulge. But then that voice disappeared again, like it had never existed. She was just trying to get Mittens to understand, that was all. She wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.
“Huh, well, that’s certainly interesting. I wondered if something happened. He filed those divorce papers pretty damn quick,” said Mittens.
“He said I shouldn’t tell anyone, but I knew I could tell you.” Thea tugged on Mittens’s arm, a plaintive note in her voice. “So you get why I couldn’t help you. I’m sorry. I’m all mixed up.”
Mittens took her empty water glass from her and handed her another full one. “Drink up. I’m taking you home.”
Thea protested; she didn’t want to go home yet. But Mittens helped her up even as she batted his hands away. Once outside, she vaguely heard Mittens calling a cab when, to her immense humiliation, Ash and Violet exited a bar across the street. When Ash spotted Thea, who was now trying to skip but was mostly weaving around in random circles, he came over to her. He grabbed her by her elbow when she almost fell over.
“Thea? Are you drunk?” said Ash.
Thea laughed, then careened into her brother as she tried to twist from his grasp. “Duh,” she said with another laugh.
Violet came up beside Ash. She touched Thea’s forehead. “I think the term is ‘shit-faced’ drunk. We should get you home.”
Mittens said something, Ash said something else, Violet said something to Thea. Thea ignored it all, concentrating on the streetlamp only a few feet away, its bulb flickering intermittently. She wondered why it hadn’t been replaced yet. Weren’t there bulb people to change them? How did you get that job? she wondered before yawning loudly. Lord, she was tired.
Soon Thea was being guided into the backseat of Ash’s car. Violet had to help her put on her seat belt because her own hands were too clumsy.
Thea was drawing hearts in the condensation on the windows as Ash drove her home. Silence filled the car. Thea hardly noticed it. Ash could’ve been driving her to Antarctica for all she cared.
“What was that all about back there?” asked Ash. He was currently at a stoplight, and he looked back at Thea for a second. “I haven’t seen you this drunk in years.”
Thea shrugged. “I wanted to stop thinking.”
“About what?”
“Ash…” said Violet quietly. The car began to move again.
“I wanted to stop thinking because I’m tired of thinking,” explained Thea, annoyed that her brother didn’t understand, and neither had Mittens. Why were the men in her life so dense? “Because I couldn’t stop thinking about Anthony and I didn’t like it. That’s all.”
“Anthony?” There was an edge to Ash’s voice now.
“I hated him at first. Did you know that? He was an asshole. He’s still an asshole, but then he was different. He wasn’t who I thought he was. And then he shows up at my apartment—”
“He did what?” said Ash.
“Thea, you don’t have to tell us this. It’s your business,” said Violet.
Thea, however, felt the words coming out of her without a second thought. What did it matter, anyway? Her life was a mess no matter what happened.
“He wasn’t the same man I thought he was. He showed up here because he couldn’t stop thinking about me, either. I think I like him now. I think I might love him. Isn’t that weird? Can you love somebody you thought you hated?”
Silence once again filled the car. Thea h
ummed under her breath as she continued to draw hearts on the window. Then she drew her initials and Anthony’s inside the hearts. TY + AB, she wrote over and over, like she could bring him back with each letter she drew.
Ash helped her upstairs to her apartment. She barely remembered him helping her take off her shoes before he tucked her into bed like she was a little girl. She giggled, because Ash was her younger brother, and she’d been the one to tuck him in when they were kids.
“Ash,” she said, reaching out for him.
His expression was shuttered, but he sat down on the edge of the bed anyway. “Yeah?”
“How did you know? With Violet?”
He inhaled, looking away. “Thea, I don’t think—”
“No, I want to know. Tell me.”
Ash mumbled something to the effect of “when you know you know” before adding, “You don’t really even know this guy. What you’ve told me already doesn’t sound great. He seems selfish. You deserve better, Thea.”
Thea yawned. Her eyelids were so heavy. She needed to sleep.
“Thanks, Ash,” she said between yawns. “You can go now.”
He squeezed her fingers. By the time he’d left, Thea had already fallen fast asleep.
19
When Thea woke up the following morning, she was fairly certain she was dying. Her mouth was like cotton, her head pounded, and her stomach roiled. She stumbled to the bathroom and threw up the entire contents of her stomach, wishing like hell that she hadn’t been such an idiot last night.
Oh God, last night. What had even happened? She remembered Mittens trying to get her to talk about Anthony, and she remembered drinking that third—or fourth?—shot. How had she gotten home? Mittens must’ve taken her home, although she didn’t remember it at all.
After a shower and some toast and weak coffee, Thea lay down on her couch with a cold cloth on her forehead. She hadn’t gotten that drunk in a long time. She frowned, trying to remember the gaps in her memory. Something kept niggling at her, something that she’d said or someone else had said. But then the thought fluttered away and she couldn’t grasp it.
Afternoon sunshine poured through her apartment window when someone knocked. Thea groaned, deciding to ignore the knock. The person just knocked a second time.
Thea staggered to the door, only to find Violet there. She had two cups of coffee, one of which she put in Thea’s hand. “I would’ve texted, but I had a feeling you would’ve told me to stay home.”
Thea sighed. “You’re right. Come in, I guess.” She returned to the couch, hoping that Violet didn’t need anything urgent. Thea wasn’t particularly useful at the moment.
Violet didn’t sit, though. She set her own cup of coffee down and began to pace. The movement made Thea’s head swirl.
“Violet, either sit down or leave. You’re making me want to puke again,” she complained.
Violet finally sat down. “Sorry. How’s your head? Wait, don’t answer that. I can guess.” She rubbed her palms against her jeans before she said, “Do you remember what you told us last night?”
“Us?”
“Ash and me”
Thea’s eyebrows rose to her hairline. “Did I see you guys last night?”
“You don’t remember? Oh, I was afraid of that. Ash and I drove you home. On the way here, you said some things.”
Thea grimaced. “God, don’t tell me. Whatever it was, I’m sorry. I should never have drunk that much. I’ll be nursing this hangover for weeks, I swear.”
Violet nibbled on her bottom lip. With her blond hair and creamy skin, Violet looked like a model most days. It didn’t help that she was tall and always well-dressed. Today she wore simple silver hoop earrings that Thea was sure Violet had made herself. Violet ran her own jewelry business, making every piece herself by hand, and had within the last year caught the notice of some major designers.
Thea had wanted to dislike her for simply being pretty and put-together, but it was difficult to dislike someone as warm and kind as Violet. Ash had made the perfect choice in falling in love with her.
“You said a lot of things last night,” repeated Violet, her forehead crinkling. “You don’t remember anything?”
“The last thing I remember is that last shot I drank. Whenever that was.” She rubbed her aching temples.
Violet sighed. “Okay, then I should tell you what you said. The only reason I came over today instead of waiting is because Ash was about to break down your door, and then shoot Anthony in the face.”
Thea groaned. Now her head really hurt. “Oh my God, I don’t want to know.”
“You said you slept together.”
Thea groaned again.
“And that you might’ve fallen in love with him.”
Thea swore and buried her face in a throw pillow.
“Those two things alone were, um, probably enough, but when we were helping you out of the car to get you into your apartment, you said something about helping hurt Anthony’s company. That you were guilty and you needed to tell him what you did.”
Thea didn’t make a noise at that revelation. Her stomach dropped into her toes, and when she peeled the pillow away from her face, she saw concern on Violet’s face. That only made it worse.
“I thought you were just talking nonsense,” said Violet, “but Ash seemed to think differently. There’s been a lot of controversy around Anthony’s company.”
Thea opened her mouth to explain, but Violet held up a hand. “You don’t have to confess, because it’s none of my business. Not really. Although I guess I made it my business, didn’t I?” She sighed. “I just wanted to say that if you’ve had this weighing on you along with your feelings for Anthony, then you need to be honest with him. Keeping things from the person you love never ends well. Believe me.”
Thea wrapped her arms around her knees, sighing deeply. She could barely get her thoughts in order. “I’m a mess,” she whispered finally.
Violet hugged her, which only made Thea want to cry. Except that crying right now would make her headache even worse. Sniffling, she just shook her head.
“I don’t know what to do. If I tell him the truth, he’ll never want to see me again.”
Violet squeezed Thea’s fingers. “If he cares about you, he’ll find a way to forgive you. Or you can make amends. But keeping this a secret will only get worse each day you wait.”
Thea didn’t say much after that. There wasn’t much to say. Mostly she felt embarrassed for blabbing her secrets like that, and she hated that she’d gotten her brother and his girlfriend involved in her life drama. She wondered if she’d said anything to Mittens. Her heart froze in her chest at the thought, but she would remember that. Right?
“I know you’ll do the right thing,” said Violet. “Drink your coffee, and I’ll call you later.”
“Can you keep Ash from banging down my door? And he won’t tell Trent, right?”
“I’ll try. I might have to tie him down, though.” Violet smiled. “That won’t be difficult to manage, actually.”
Thea threw a pillow at Violet, not needing to hear about her brother’s love life. Violet left, and Thea sat and thought.
She knew what she needed to do. She’d known for weeks. Now she just needed to gather enough courage to see it through.
Anthony poured himself a rather large glass of whiskey and collapsed into his favorite chair in his office. When he’d bought this penthouse apartment six years ago, he’d thought he and Elise would eventually buy or build a house of their own. Maybe in Seattle, or maybe outside the city if they wanted more space.
He hadn’t planned to still be living here after his divorce. After he’d found Elise cheating on him, he’d not only served her with divorce papers, but he’d purged the entire place of her very presence: from the pictures she’d hung on the walls to the random accouterments in her bedside drawer, to the array of soaps, lotions, and perfumes scattered across the master bathroom counter. Elise had taken a lot of her things. Anything
she’d left behind Anthony had had his housekeeper toss into a dumpster so he’d never be reminded of her again.
He’d realized later that he could throw away every material possession that linked him to his ex-wife, but it wouldn’t eradicate the memories. The only way he could get her out of his brain was to toss his own damn mind into the garbage, something he’d wished he could do on more than once occasion.
Now, Anthony sat in front of a roaring fire that only reminded him of Thea. He stared into the depths of his whiskey, watching the play of colors in the liquid. He tried to avoid thinking about Thea, but he couldn’t purge her from his brain no matter how hard he tried.
He dreamed of her at night; he thought of her during the day. He saw her in everything. It was, to be honest, perfectly obnoxious.
After he’d driven up to Fair Haven and they’d had their spat, Anthony had returned to Seattle, pissed and wanting to fight. It had helped that the following morning, he’d had a meeting with his board, including his best buddy, Bruce. Bruce had left that meeting bruised and bloody—metaphorically speaking, of course. Anthony wasn’t completely lost to sense.
But more and more, Anthony felt like his company was slipping from his fingers. He’d registered the looks of dismay on many of the board members’ faces. He’d seen the smug smile on Bruce’s when Anthony had let his temper show.
The thought of losing Bertram, Sons, and Co. would’ve terrified him once. Now, it just made him feel empty. Empty and directionless, like a ship without a sail.
Why had he told Thea about Elise and Ryan? He clenched his fist, wishing he’d kept his damn mouth shut. He hadn’t told anyone that, and yet with Thea, he’d basically confessed everything. Why her? And why now?
Anthony finished his glass of whiskey and was about to pour himself another when the call button for his penthouse buzzed. He glanced at the time, frowning.
“Mr. Bertram, your visitor is here,” said Alex, the doorman for the entire building.
Anthony pressed the call button, the speaker near the doorway of his office. “I’m not expecting anyone. Send them away,” he said irritably.