by Robert Gray
“Oh, yes, thank you. Of course, we will help in any way we can,” Dad said. He nudged Mom underneath the table.
“Thanks,” Mom grunted.
“And please, don’t blame yourselves,” McDougal continued. “Statistics show that most parents are not—oh, how should I say this?—capable of handling unruly children.”
The blissful blankness drained from Dad’s face as he processed what McDougal had said. “Are you saying we aren’t good parents?”
McDougal’s eyes grew wide, seeming to press through his tangled eyebrows like two fat maggots emerging from a dead rodent. “No, no, not at all, Mr. Hallows. I’m simply suggesting that we are more qualified to understand your child’s specific problems and deal with them.”
“Problems?” Dad asked. “Are you saying there’s something wrong with Eve because she got into a fight with …?”
“Stacey Maxwell,” I whispered.
“Stacey Maxwell?” Dad finished.
Mom’s eyes glowed deep orange behind her sunglasses, which made McDougal lose his train of thought, and he backed up in his chair a little.
“Well, Stacey is a model student. Her mother is the head of a prominent newspaper here in town, and they donate a lot of money to this school and—”
“The Source,” Dad grumbled.
“Yes, The Source newspaper. You know her then?”
Dad leaned forward onto McDougal’s desk. “So let me get this straight: There’s nothing wrong with Stacey Maxwell because her mother is important in this town, and since we aren’t, then my Eve is the one with the problem. You know what? It sounds to me like you’re treating this situation unfairly.”
“I am not!” McDougal stood. “I can see now that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Obviously there’s no getting through to you people. I believe this meeting is over.”
“No, it’s not!” Mom yelled. “I refuse to sit here and listen to you tell me what is wrong with my family. You’re what’s wrong with this family, you misguided little—”
“Mrs. Hallows, please calm yourself,” McDougal pleaded.
Mom’s eyes blazed like hellfire, and her scarf loosened, revealing the hissing and snapping snakes beneath. McDougal leaned back so far in his chair that it tipped over, sending his feet skyward. He scrambled to his feet and backed up to the window.
“And you don’t celebrate Halloween!” she screamed. As she stood, ready to verbally tear into McDougal some more, her sunglasses dropped to the floor.
Uh-oh, not good.
I ducked behind the desk and closed my eyes, hoping McDougal had enough sense to do the same.
Maybe there’s nothing to be worried about. Maybe—
But when I poked my head up from the desk, I saw a horrified expression stuck on McDougal’s gray and stony face. Mom had petrified Principal McDougal.
—Maybe we’re in big trouble.
“Oh dear,” Mom said, after realizing what she’d done. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”
“I don’t think McDougal can hear you,” I said, handing Mom back her glasses with my head safely turned away.
Dad examined the McDougal statue, rubbing at his chin and saying, “hmmm,” a bunch of times. Then he snapped his fingers. “Got it.”
His face got all mushy like soft clay. Little by little, facial features began to form: two eyes, a mouth. Then, a giant chin popped out.
When Dad finished his transformation, he said, “What do you think?” His voice, along with his appearance, was identical to Principal McDougal’s.
I tried to speak, but the muscles around my sagging mouth wouldn’t work. I flicked my eyes at Mom. She seemed as speechless as me.
Finally, I managed, “What do you think you’re doing?”
Dad adjusted his tie and smiled. “Meet your new principal. Same as your old principal.”
TWENTY
REUNIONS AND WRESTLING
The three of us lifted the McDougal statue and shoved it into the bathroom.
And then I thought of Warren. “He has a son. That means you’re going to have to go to his house, too.”
“Since McDougal is a suspect, it might not be such a bad idea to take on his role,” Dad said. His eyes dashed over to Mom, who didn’t seem too excited about the idea. “At least until we can find a way out of this mess,” he added.
“Fine,” Mom muttered. Her snakes, obviously wanting to avoid the mess they helped make, kept still and quiet. “But who’s going to watch over the pizza place? I can’t do it. Griff’s an invisible man. And Eve has to be at school during the day.”
“Does this someone get paid?” I asked.
Dad shrugged. “Sure, why not.”
I grinned. “Then I know just the human.”
Dad had arranged for a bus to pick me up, since we agreed it wouldn’t look good if someone saw me driving to school with the principal. I tried to act disappointed about the whole thing in front of Dad, but in truth, I could barely contain my happiness. I didn’t have to worry about being seen in that adorable pizza van.
The next morning, when I saw the yellow bus pull up to the curb, I felt things were finally starting to go my way around here. Then, the doors hissed opened—
“Oh, it’s you. Well, hurry up. Get on.”
—and I saw Hal the angry iGor, wearing a filthy ball cap that read HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR BUS DRIVER TODAY?
Was this some practical joke? I glanced back at my house, half-expecting to see my brother laughing hysterically from behind a window. No such luck.
“You’re a school bus driver?” I asked, taking a cautious step onto the bus.
“Yup. Took one of those aptitude tests when I was looking for a job. Turns out I’m good with children. Love the little booger pickers, in fact.”
“Who’d of thought,” I said with a shrug and gazed at the traumatized expressions on my traveling companions.
Before I had a chance to sit down, the bus took off—blasted off would be more accurate—and I pitched forward into, thankfully, an unoccupied seat.
On the bright side, we made it to school in record time, and except for a dozen or so near-death experiences, in one piece, too.
During school, I tried to talk to Carly Beth, but she made it a point in every class to stay as far away from me as possible. By the time lunch rolled around, I’d given up and decided to sit alone.
But then I saw Steve at our usual table, gobbling up a chocolate pudding. He still liked me, I knew. I could sit with him. So what if he happened to share a table with Carly Beth?
Steve gave me one of his Big Hugs and said, “Eve Hallows, back from the dead. How was your little vay-kay?”
“It … was … good,” I managed, woozy and out of breath from Steve’s crushing embrace.
Steve filled me in on the evil lunch lady’s plot to serve food as old and flavorless as dirt. I tried to pay attention as I searched the cafeteria for Carly Beth. No sign of her yet.
“I heard about Lucy,” I said, while Steve carefully removed the cheese from his sandwich, as if it contained some incurable disease. “What happened?”
“Oh, you should’ve been here. It was almost as cool as when you threw down with the Big S.”
“How’d it start?”
“Same way any good fight starts. Mom jokes. Stacey was picking on Carly Beth’s mom—how poor she is and how Stacey’s mom says that Carly Beth’s mom is so stupid and all that.” He paused to take in a heaping spoonful of pudding. “You know that Carly Beth’s mom works for Stacey’s mom, right?”
“Yeah,” I said. Information I could’ve used last week.
“Yeah, well, Stacey doesn’t let Carly Beth forget it, either. And Lucy’s been saying how she’s sick of the way Stacey treats Carly Beth. Guess she had enough that day, ‘cause she ran up to the Big S and grabbed two handfuls of hair and started thrashing her around. It was so intense! And then McDougal appeared—like out of nowhere!—and broke the fight up in typical McDougal-fu style.”
/> “That’s adorable,” I muttered.
“Adorable? It was horrible!”
“Horrible? Lucy got suspended. I thought you two liked each other?”
“I …” Steve sat there, blinking and thinking. “Oh, I get it. You say adorable when you mean horrible. Like how bad sometimes means good.”
How could bad also mean good, I wondered? But I didn’t want to keep this discussion going, so I said, “Where was Carly Beth when all this happened?”
“Same place I was when you and Stacey got into it. Sitting right here doing nothing,” Carly Beth said. She sank into her seat and began pushing around a pile of watery mashed potatoes with her fork.
I had enough of this bickering. It ended here and now. I wrapped my arms around Carly Beth. “I’m not letting go until you talk to me.” Okay, so it was a bit extreme, but I wanted my friend back. “Things are different now. You don’t have to worry about your mom’s old job … because I found her a new one.”
“You did what?” Carly Beth tried to wrestle free from me. My Jack, this girl was strong. It was like trying to hold down a vampire at daybreak. I threw my entire weight on her shoulders.
“I got her … a job running … a pizza place,” I managed between heaving breaths.
“But—can you please let go of me!—my mom doesn’t know anything about—”
We both fell to the floor, and Steve jumped out of his seat. By the way he hopped around us, he didn’t seem to know whether he needed to break up a fight or call for the nurse.
I scrambled to my feet and hovered over Carly Beth. If she ran, I planned to pounce on her, simple as that. “It doesn’t matter,” I said. “My Dad knows nothing about managing a restaurant, and the place is still busy every day.”
She didn’t run. Instead, she erupted with laughter while rolling from side to side. I didn’t know what was so funny, but I began to laugh, too.
“Friends?” I asked and put out my hand.
“Friends,” she said and gave me her hand so I could help her up.
“How sweet, you two being all tight again.” Steve sniffed and wiped away an invisible tear. “It’s just so … horrible.” He squeezed us together in a big group hug. “Let’s never be apart again, okay?”
“You’re so stupid,” Carly Beth said.
“I know,” Steve agreed with a lopsided grin.
I broke away from my friends to use the bathroom out in the hallway. When I saw the girl symbol on the door, I almost laughed out loud. I was actually going to use the bathroom for its intended purpose and not as a hideout. What a concept.
Before I could enter, though, I heard, “Eve Hallows? I thought I’d never see you again.”
A flame of panic whirled through me when I realized the voice belonged to Warren. My mom had turned his dad into a statue, so yeah, I felt a little weirded out about seeing him.
“So … I heard your dad canceled the Halloween B-Bash,” I stuttered. What a stupid thing to say, but I had nothing else.
“Yeah.” Warren ran his fingers through his hair. “I tried talking him out of it, but he gave me that whole not-proper-conduct speech and said that the kids were apt to get unruly.”
“That’s so sad. Where I come from, Halloween is like Christmas.”
He leaned against the lockers and gave me his full attention. “Yeah? Where’s that?”
I crossed my arms and tapped my fingers nervously against my sides. “Graves—I mean …” I couldn’t remember my fake hometown! Think … Think. I fixed my eyes on the bathroom door. Oh, Jack, I had to pee.
“Wasn’t it North Carolina?”
“Yes! That’s it.” My head bobbled up and down as if connected to a spring. “We had the greatest Halloween parties in North Carolina.”
And that got me thinking …
“It’s just, you know, a shame that your dad doesn’t like Halloween. Maybe you could ask him again,” I suggested.
Warren dug his hands into his pockets and looked down. “Not gonna work, Eve. No means no with my dad.”
“I have a feeling he’ll see things differently this time.”
“No way. You don’t have to live with the guy. He’s impossible.”
“I’ll ask myself. He already doesn’t like me, so what could it hurt?”
“You are one crazy girl, you know that?” Warren stretched, and then pushed himself off the locker. As he strolled down the hall, he added, “Let me know what he says, after you come back from your second suspension.”
I flashed a triumphant smile at his back. Not this time, I thought. And then I shoved the bathroom door open.
TWENTY-ONE
GHOULICIOUS GETS A NEW MANAGER
When school ended, I rushed into McDougal’s—I mean Dad’s—office. Dad sat behind the giant desk, sharpening pencils and tossing them into the ceiling. He’d obviously been doing this for a while because I saw about twenty pencils stuck up there.
“I see you’re keeping yourself busy,” I said.
“This place pretty much runs itself. I don’t know what to do.”
“I got something you can do,” I said and leaned onto the desk. “As you know, McDougal—the Halloween hater that he is—canceled the school’s annual Bash—”
“I know where you’re going with this, Eve. And you know Halloween means everything to me, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to mess with the principal’s decision. People will get suspicious.”
“But, Dad, think about it. The Source hates monsters, so they must hate Halloween, too. If we have the Halloween Bash, The Source would want to be there to stop it.”
Dad rubbed at his chin, realizing, perhaps for the first time, all the chin real estate he had to work with.
“So what do you think?”
“It’s not bad. Let me make a few calls.”
It was the best answer I could hope for.
“Oh, and I might’ve found a new manager for the pizza place,” I said and rushed out before Dad had a chance to argue with me. “Love you, bye.”
I spotted Carly Beth in the parking lot, leaning against a car. She waved me over and said, “Eve, over here, I want you to meet my mom. I was just telling her about the job offer. She wants to see the place. C’mon, we’ll drive you over.”
“Hi, Mrs. Reynolds,” I said, as Carly Beth and I hopped into the back of the car.
I had no sooner buckled my seatbelt when Carly Beth attacked me with questions: “What are the hours? Is it hourly or salary? Are there bonuses?”
“Don’t ask questions like that,” Mrs. Reynolds said. “It’s not polite.”
Carly Beth ignored her mother. “Are there medical benefits? What kind of dental plan are you offering? Because I am not letting two years of braces go to waste.”
I tilted my head and shrugged. “I probably should’ve asked my dad before he … um … went to the pizza convention in … um … Alaska.”
“A pizza convention in Alaska? How strange,” Mrs. Reynolds remarked.
“Yeah, pretty weird, huh? But I’ll be talking to my dad later … and I’ll ask him those questions … but I think he’s letting you decide your own pay and what benefits you want, and all that.”
Mrs. Reynolds almost choked on the water she’d been drinking. “I doubt he’ll be letting me decide my salary.”
I leaned next to Carly Beth’s ear and whispered, “Why not?”
She raised an eyebrow sarcastically and twirled a finger around her ear. “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I think her old job made her mental.”
We arrived at the pizza place, and I showed them around. Carly Beth kept saying that she didn’t need to know all this stuff because she wasn’t going to work here anyway, though, she admitted, she could use the money, so I offered her a job, too, which made her happy and renewed her attention in all things Ghoulicious.
Every once and a while, something would levitate, a lump of dough here, a sprinkle of flour there, and I had to distract Carly Beth and Mrs. Reynolds until Griff f
inished showing off. But it did bring about a bigger problem, though. Sooner or later they were going to figure out my secret, you know, that I didn’t come from North Carolina.
Could I trust them? I didn’t know. Maybe Carly Beth wouldn’t like me any more, or worse, maybe they would tell everyone, and my family and I would be chased out of town! I could just see the torches and pitchforks!
“And over here is the soda machine.” I was demonstrating how to put ice and soda in a cup when Carly Beth and Mrs. Reynolds caught sight of pizza dough floating in the air.
“Tell me you’re seeing that, too?” Carly Beth whispered, gripping her mom’s sleeve.
“Oh, that. That’s our invisible cook, Griff,” I replied, waving it off as if no big deal. “So … back to the soda machine. If you push the lever back—like this—the soda comes out. Pretty cool, huh?”
“Did you say invisible? As in not visible?” Mrs. Reynolds asked.
As soon as she mentioned the word invisible, the dough launched high into the air. Before it landed, every bit of color drained from Carly Beth and Mrs. Reynolds’s faces. I guess Griff’s whistling didn’t help, either.
“Now stop that, Griff. You’re gonna scare your new boss away.”
Griff’s whistling ended mid-tweet. “Sorry,” he said. “Just can’t help myself sometimes.”
“I bet.” Carly Beth said, looking totally and completely and absolutely amazed. “This is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen … didn’t see … whatever. I can’t wait to tell everyone at school. They’re not gonna believe this.”
“No!” I shouted. “I mean—” What did I mean? What did I expect her reaction to be? I should’ve known this would happen. “Please, you can’t.”
Carly Beth’s eyes drifted from me to the pizza dough as a confused and hurt expression bloomed on her face.
Mrs. Reynolds shook off her blank stare. “I think there’s something Eve isn’t telling us.”
I nodded, hoping that would say it all.
It didn’t.