by K. F. Breene
Shanti sighed, dropping her sword. Cayan laughed and bent to hack off some of the hollow, thin trees that grew in this wood.
A flash of movement in her peripheral vision caught Shanti’s eye. A warning blared through her body as something lunged. A black body shot toward her. Great white teeth flashed in the firelight.
Shanti threw herself to the side. A claw scraped her shoulder, ripping through her coat to the skin underneath. She stabbed as the animal landed quietly and gracefully on padded feet beside her, ready to lunge again. Her blade sank into the flesh behind its shoulder. The animal screamed, a sound chillingly like a baby’s cry.
Before Shanti could stab it for a final kill, another flash of movement had her pulling back. Another body came at her, huge and robust, claws out wide in the leap. Cayan stepped in front of her, thrusting his sword forward. It pierced the animal’s middle. Cayan’s larger body barreled into it, knocking it out of the air. The black, furred animal tumbled into the dirt.
The one under Shanti tried to stand, but she didn’t hesitate in sticking it again in the side. And again, until it lay down and died with that terrible scream.
In thirty seconds, it was all over.
Shanti stared down at the large black cat. Crimson caught in the firelight, coating its side, and started to pool under the body. Standing, it would have reached her middle. Muscular but sleek, this was a predator of the darkness.
“That’s why we didn’t see them,” she said, placing a hand to her wildly beating heart. “Why does killing animals like this seem so much worse than killing Graygual?”
“This one is a female,” Cayan said, out of breath. He knelt by the animal he’d killed. “She’s had cubs… recently. There’s milk.”
He looked up. Firelight illuminated his eyes making the remorse plain in his features. A profound sorrow welled up out of nowhere, taking over his emotions, blasting out through his Gift, and overflowing into her.
A lump formed in her throat, reacting to his feelings. In a thick voice he said, “We had to kill her, but we can’t kill her babies. That’s just not right.”
Shanti sighed as she looked down on the great beast. “What are we going to do, Cayan? It’s pitch dark and these animals won’t leave much in the way of tracks in wood this thick with live vegetation.”
“It’ll be light tomorrow. We have to at least try. We can’t leave them to starve.”
“Can we leave your men to be killed by the Graygual?” she countered. It was nature, after all, and nature was brutal. If some other animal, higher up on the food chain than these great cats, had fought back and won, they wouldn’t go looking for the cubs. “And what are we going to do when we find the cubs? I’m not lactating.”
Cayan stared at her for a moment, pain bleeding through his expression. That heart-wrenching pain was so strong it consumed them both through the merge. He nodded, turning away. “You’re right.”
Like a child that had been whipped, he hunched as he gathered more wood and built up the fire.
Why do I suddenly feel like a monster?
Shanti threw up her hands. This was not logical. It was nature, for goodness sake; this stuff happened. But his reaction was beyond anything she could have expected. An old pain haunted him to the point of distraction, and the trigger had been those cubs left defenseless.
Her heart squeezed, responding in a very illogical way. “Fine. We’ll take a quick look. Quick. If it eats too much time, they’ll just have to figure it out on their own.”
“I’m not making any sense, I know,” Cayan said in a soft voice, placing a piece of wood on the fire. “I was twelve or so when my mother died. I’d just returned from hunting and had gotten my first big kill. A wild boar—a sow. I’d almost been gored trying to kill it. They’re vicious animals. So when I got home, I showed my dad what I had. The first thing he noticed was that it was female, and the second thing was that it was still nursing. Instead of the praise I was expecting, he chastised me. Said I was disrupting the food chain and killing off our food supply.
“My dad was always hard on me. I was the only son, I’d have to lead one day—nothing I did was ever good enough. So I figured this was another of those times. I tried to ignore him.”
Cayan absently stoked the fire, his eyes distant. “My mother had been sick, she took a turn for the worse that night. Her fever came back strong, and her strength… evaporated. I sat with her all night, holding her hand. I remember her last words to me. ‘Be good, Cayan. You have so many gifts. You must help those weaker than you. Stay true to your heart and watch out for those you love.’ She gave me a small smile before coughs racked her body. I felt her grip getting weaker. I heard the fluid in her lungs—the awful wheezing.”
Cayan shook his head. “She was always my biggest supporter. Always rooting for me. She was a sweet-natured woman, pliant and quick to smile, but when my dad took it too far she stepped in and showed her core of iron. When she was sticking up for a loved one, or something she cared about, the earth couldn’t move her. She’d step in front of an army and lift her chin, defiant to the last.”
Cayan broke off and swallowed, blinking quickly. He was trying not to cry. Men from his land could succumb to rage and fury, using their fists and killing at will, but they weren’t supposed to allow the “softer” emotions. Only women cried they said, and by this reasoning, that made women weak. Lesser. All for a natural emotion they held inside, bottled up, and that eventually fueled their destructive nature, needing release in some way.
Asinine behavior. Why express one emotion and not another? Why push back on one’s humanity? Shanti didn’t understand that part of their culture, but now wasn’t the time to question. Instead, she moved close to him and ran her hand up the center of his back, giving support.
“She died that night. Just smiled one last time, closed her eyes, and…” He shook his head again, willing strength. “Her death hit me really hard. Really, really hard. She was my favorite person in the world. And her last words stuck. I knew she’d be disappointed in me for killing a mother. Not angry, like my father, but disappointed. I’d left defenseless young animals to suffer. It wasn’t right. By the time I got there to right that wrong, they were gone. Some other predator had gotten to them. What was left was blood and gore. She’d just died, and already I felt like I had failed her.”
He blew out a breath, still willing control. Trying to force back the memories and emotion. He’d just lock them up, trapping them inside him. He needed to find release in order to heal.
So she initiated another outlet men reached for in times of vulnerability they didn’t want to face. She crawled into his lap and kissed him softly. He responded by crushing her to him, deepening the kiss until emotion overcame him. He tore at her clothes, letting passion overcome his sorrow. Letting love fill in the pain. She accepted him into her body, holding him tightly. Kissing the stray tear that escaped and meeting his ardent passion with her own.
In the aftermath Cayan held her firmly against him, near the fire. She rested her head on his shoulder and let him trail his fingertips up her back slowly, comforting her as a way to comfort himself.
“I’ve never told anyone that,” Cayan said softly, stroking her hair now. “It’s not really something you talk about. It’s just...”
“I get it,” Shanti said softly. “We’ll look. I have no idea what we’ll do if we find them, but we’ll look.”
“Thanks. I owe you an absurd request.”
“I’m repaying you, I think,” she scoffed. The man had pulled her from Death’s grip more times than was healthy. The least she could do was let him look for some wild animals to cure an old, aching wound. Nothing I do is ever normal it seems.
After a moment of listening to the crackling fire, she ventured, “Would it be obtuse of me to cut up some meat now? We really shouldn’t let the kills go to waste…”
“No. Let’s eat what we can now. We’ll need the protein.”
“Let’s hope there’s nothing th
at hunts these things close by. Or scavengers. It’s not exactly safe in the wild with food laying around.”
“They are over there, we are over here. We’ll take what we need, and hope any scavengers are happy with the easy meal and leave us alone.”
Shanti pulled on her pants. “Should be a restful night, then…”
* * *
Dawn came slowly. They’d taken turns keeping watch, and had the rare opportunity to see a wolf wandering into their camp to get at the leftover carcasses. It growled at her. She’d jumped up and yelled at it before adding wood to the fire. Cayan had bounded up a moment later, sword in hand.
The wolf, eyeing them with bared fangs, had stood its ground. It had friends hovering close by. Shanti and Cayan didn’t. So they sat next to their fire, built high and burning brightly, and watched as dangerous animals ate just a few paces away.
Shanti hadn’t slept much.
The next day, puffy-eyed and strung out, they trekked through the thick vegetation, trying to keep an eye on the map for their location as they sought out the creatures they had little hope of keeping alive. Their men could be fighting at that moment, but instead of rushing to join them Shanti and Cayan were looking for the product of nature’s brutality.
The Elders are laughing right now. I can feel it.
But Shanti had said she’d help, and Cayan needed to get his head in the right place. He was living in the past, and it would severely disrupt his ability to fight until he worked it out. So this was what they had to do.
“Here,” Cayan said, bending down to point at a deposit of scat. He then pointed at some fresh paw prints. So far, he’d only needed Shanti’s minimal help. It was obvious that he was a master huntsman. He might not have survived in the wild much, but for day-hunting trips, he’d had more than a little experience.
They were closing in on a large predator’s den.
“I can feel your crankiness,” Cayan said with humor coloring his voice. “Think of the story you’ll have to tell.”
“I’m tired. I’m never happy when I’m tired.”
“At least we’re still going the right way.”
Shanti grunted her assent to that statement. It was true. They were, in essence, cutting across the land at a diagonal to connect with another, wider path.
And it would only take an extra hour.
But still, it was a pain. Being tired wasn’t helping.
They stepped into an open field and felt glorious sun for the first time since they’d entered the suffocating wood. The warmth beat down on them, rising Shanti’s spirits. She took a deep breath and gave a small smile. “That helped.”
“Look!” Cayan pointed to a small rock outcropping at the other end of the clearing. Trees sheltered it from above. At the base was a small black hole.
They moved toward it swiftly, seeing more scat and plentiful tracks. Once there, Cayan got on his hands and knees and looked into the hole while Shanti shook her head and kept an eye on the surrounding area.
Cats weren’t normally pack animals, but this was a strange land. Anything was possible.
“Ow!”
Shanti snapped her attention back to Cayan as he pulled out a little fuzzy black ball. It was the size of a loaf of bread. Its eyes were opened, so not newborn, but not much older. He set it on the ground and reached back into the hole, pulling out another. And then one more. When he was done, he knelt by them and smiled down, resting his hands on his thighs in childlike delight.
Shanti blinked down at the fuzzy little things. They were definitely cute, but they’d grow up. The adult version was large, agile, and dangerous. “So… now what?”
He shrugged. “Take them to the Shadow people and see what can be done. They have monstrous beasts in their pens. I doubt these will be too much for them to handle.”
Shanti sighed as she squinted into the light of the clearing. “Fine. How do we get them there without killing them and making you jump off something high?”
His smile burned brighter. The dimples made deep indents in his face. He was a handsome bastard, that was for sure. A lot of trouble though.
“We carry them in our packs, and feed them… mush or something. I don’t know. We’ll figure it out. This is good, though. This feels right.”
Cayan scooped up one of the small animals and handed it to Shanti. She dropped her sword in surprise and cushioned the little thing against her chest, instantly responding to the warmth. It squirmed until it burrowed deeper into her jacket, curled up into a ball, and settled.
“That’s not fair,” she said in irritation, stroking the downy soft fur. “It’s playing on my heartstrings now.”
Cayan laughed and gently put two cubs into the middle of the extra garments in his pack before closing it up and slinging it over his back. He looked at her. “Ready?”
“Oh, now you’re in a hurry,” Shanti muttered, tucking her cub away. “Now we have places to be, with live cargo in our packs that will someday grow up and eat us.”
* * *
Cayan couldn’t help the laughter bubbling up as Shanti pet the cub one last time before closing up her pack. Her terrible mood was endearing in a way he couldn’t explain. She couldn’t be taken seriously when she was like this, and she seemed to know it. She thrived on it—it was probably why Rohnan laughed at her so often.
Feeling lighter for finding the cubs, feeling as if his mother was smiling down on him, he consulted the map and found their route. As they left the clearing, the trees once again crowded in, reaching overhead and blocking out the sun. Shanti grumbled behind him.
They cut through the undergrowth, excellent at navigating the catching vegetation now. In less than an hour they pushed through a wall of green, and ended up on a rocky path winding away through the trees.
That’s when Cayan saw the lights. Blue and orange and sparkling, they sang to him in a way he could describe as heavenly. The sweet music filled his ears and drowned out his thoughts. His limbs became weightless. His power surged and rolled within him, spreading out, spiraling up, and joining with whatever power beckoned him closer.
It was so beautiful.
He followed in a daze. A smile plastering his face, his eyes hooded, he let his body lead. Something pulled at him, hindering his progress. He ripped away. He heard a voice next, but he couldn’t focus. He couldn’t quite hear it.
Pressure erupted in his side. He hardly felt it.
He continued to walk. Something brushed his face and his feet caught something every few strides His eyes remained focused on those glowing lights. On the hypnotic singing, so beautiful. A splash of violet infused the colors, singing in his heart.
Deep in his mind, something awoke with the thought of violet. Like a cancer the thought spread, eating away at that sound. Dripping through the euphoria like acid.
Shanti.
The name repeated in his mind. Slowly, like awaking from a sleep, he connected the name to the person. He connected the person to a deeper feeling, residing in the middle of him. With that feeling came reality. And the memory of her touch, so real. So heavenly.
This was wrong. These lights were wrong. This euphoria was not as pleasant as her soft body moving against him, or the delicate moans he could coax out of her.
The lights!
Warning blasted through him. He wrestled for control, understanding what was happening now and fighting it. He crawled out of his stupor to find himself pushing through a shrub to the top of a high precipice. A sheer rock face led down into a ravine far below.
He felt the tug before he toppled over backward and landed on Shanti.
“You are a God-damned strong bastard, you know that?” Shanti seethed, crawling out from under him.
Her intense presence left his mind in an instant. In its wake he felt strangely hollow. He realized that he’d connected with her through the lights because she was making her presence in his head stronger. She had used her Gift to try and knock him out of his daze.
“What did you plan to
do?” he asked, breathing hard.
Shanti stared into his eyes for a moment, probably making sure he was lucid, before straightening up and wiping the hair and sweat from her face. “I tried pleasure, but that made it worse. I tried pain, but you didn’t even recognize it. I kicked you in the kidney; nothing. I couldn’t get to your balls because you were heading right for the cliff. I was about to suck all the energy out of you when you stopped.”
Cayan dusted off his pants and got up. His knees felt weak and his side ached from where she’d kicked him. Straight ahead stood a few low bushes, and then nothing but sky. He had almost walked off a cliff to his death.
“And that is what those lights do.”
“I took your pack off you,” Shanti said as he reached around for it, “I figured if you survived, and killed the cubs in the process, I’d never hear the end of it.”
“You’re so charming when you’re in this kind of mood,” he said, willing his heart to stop pounding. He couldn’t stop from looking out at that patch of sky. Feeling the light rain drifting onto his face.
It had been close.
“C’mon, let’s go,” Shanti said, walking back the way they came. “I can’t wait to see what else this place has in store for us.”
Chapter Sixteen
Portolmous stood in the Shadow Lord’s office, staring out the window overlooking the square with growing unease. Graygual had gathered in the square. Squads of them, standing in organized groups, monitoring the gate, looming over Portolmous’ guards, and securing the area.
Portolmous turned at the heavy footsteps racing up the hall. His head guard Shom stepped in, an aging man with an eye for tactics. “Sir,” Shom said, offering a slight bow. His chest heaved. “Sir, we’ve verified the rumors Denessa brought back last night. Those who hadn’t already left the Trespasser Village have been killed and dumped into the Trial Bay. Every last man who couldn’t fight.”