by Hart, Randi
“Hi, it’s Alison. Sounds like you’re in a hurry, but I just wanted to be sure that everything is okay with you. I hope I didn’t bother you.”
“Ali, sorry, it’s just been nuts. All is well, had a good vacation with the family, kids are going back to school after this weekend. How about if I catch up with you then, okay?”
She took a deep breath.
“Of course, whenever you can. Take care.”
Alison hung up without waiting for an answer, trusting her intuition that something had changed. He now seemed remote, something she hadn’t yet experienced with him. But who was she kidding? How well did she really know him? All they did together was eat, drink, and screw. She’d known the man such a short time she didn’t have any frame of reference for what was normal behavior for him.
The feeling that something was wrong grew as the week progressed and finally ended with no further contact from him. All thoughts of moving to Boston ceased. She felt abandoned, and a bit foolish. It was over. Alison knew it in her gut and in her heart. She didn’t bother hanging around the house over the weekend waiting for the phone to ring. Instead, she went out and pretended to be a tourist, riding the cable cars and taking the ferry across to Sausalito, wandering about, trying to enjoy the time but knowing it was not how she wanted it to be. No matter how she played it in her head, she kept coming to the same conclusion. It was over. She was sure it had nothing to do with anything she had done, just that something happened family-wise with Rick to make her an outsider.
The weekend ended and the following week began. Days went by. He never called. He didn’t send a text message. There was no email. No letters by snail mail. No packages. No flower deliveries. The lack of communication was clearer than any sent message could have been. Alison knew where she stood. Now she had to cope the best she could. It all ended up being nothing more than a wonderful, vivid holiday-season dream. Why is it that one feels worse after a wonderful dream ends than one would feel if it never occurred at all?
Alison began habitually checking the Boston papers online, more out of morbid curiosity than anything else. You never know. There was nothing about Rick Waterman, of course. Nothing, that is, until one day at the end of January when a column in the society page of the Boston Globe caught her eye.
Henry and Marta Zeller announce the marriage of their daughter, Elizabeth Marta Zeller, to Rick Waterman, Sunday, January 25th. The couple became engaged in the spring of the previous year, but postponed their wedding due to Mr. Waterman’s trial schedule out of state. The new Mrs. Waterman is a nurse at Boston General, currently working in the orthopedic department. They make their home in Beacon Hill. The Zellers will hold a reception for the newlyweds in the coming weeks.
Alison ran to the bathroom and vomited, unable to keep herself from the raw emotions that spilled forth. She was shaking and knew she had to get out of the office. At that moment Sally, one of her subordinates, walked into the restroom and heard Alison retching. Sally asked if she needed help.
“Thanks, Sally. I’m obviously either sick or have food poisoning.”
Sally went to get Alison’s purse and jacket, but Alison followed her back into her office so she could close her web browser. Sally called a taxi for her and Alison was home within half an hour.
She was in shock, couldn’t stop shaking, and ate nothing more than chicken noodle soup that evening. When she could finally bring herself to look at it again, she called up the wedding announcement page on her laptop and sat and stared at it.
That rotten son of a bitch. It was the only thought her mind would play, over and over. He was engaged to another woman the whole time he was here, even when he told Alison he loved her. How could he? How was this even possible?
She showered to try and wash it all away, but it wasn’t that easy. Finally, knowing she would eventually have to deal with it, she phoned Brenda and told her what was going on.
“Oh, no. Ali, I’m stunned and so sorry. I really am. He seemed like a really nice guy. I had no idea. I’m sorry, Ali. God, when am I going to learn to stop setting people up? How are you handling it, seriously?”
“Not well. I’m sick, Brenda. Just sick. And I’m not sure if it’s because of discovering this today, or because he hasn’t phoned once, even if it was just to tell me to drop dead. Never during the time we were together did I have a clue another woman might be on his mind. We were with each other for hours and days on end, without him so much as sending a text message, unless he was doing it in the bathroom. It’s so confusing.”
“Yes, it must be. You poor thing! How could he have pulled this off? Especially since you said you two met every night after he was finished in court, and then stayed together until morning. What kind of an engagement is that, when they don’t even call each other at night?” The sound of Brenda lighting a cigarette came through the phone.
“Well,” Alison said, “we can second guess until we’re blue in the face and it doesn’t do any good. Fact is he’s married now, and for all intents and purposes was when he was here with me, too—or close enough, anyway. That’s it. He went away for the holidays with his family, I never heard from him again, and then he got married to the woman he’s been engaged to for almost a year. A flippin’ nurse. The woman he never mentioned, not once, not even as a friend.” Alison stopped, not wanting to fall off a cliff on an uncontrolled rant, and knowing she had already said all there was to say. A minute of silence passed before Brenda finally spoke again.
“Can I do anything for you? I love you girl, and am so, so sorry. You deserve the best, and I really thought he was up there in your class. I know I screwed up royally this time.”
“No, Bren, it’s not your fault. Not at all. And thank you, but there’s nothing you can do but continue to be my friend, okay? I need that now more than anything.”
“It’s yours without the asking. I’m here if you need anything. Let me know when you want to get together for dinner or anything, okay? Stay strong.”
“Thank you, Bren. I love you for caring. Thank you.”
A few days later, Alison suddenly knew she was pregnant.
She knew it without looking at the calendar. She was as regular as clockwork, but now found herself faced with a situation that never before entered her mind. She bought a home pregnancy test. It came up negative, but must have been wrong. All she could do was wait a few days and try again …but not too long.
At work two days later, Alison was suddenly struck with severe abdominal pains. They were so debilitating she was forced to crouch to the floor. Some of her staff was nearby and heard her moaning. They rushed to her assistance. She couldn’t stand up, so someone called 911. Before the paramedics took her to the hospital, Alison asked Sally to phone Brenda and tell her what had happened.
Alison had never been seriously ill before, and in spite of believing she was pregnant against the result of a home test, could not imagine what was happening to her. The staff in the emergency room asked a dozen questions, and then one doctor, a woman, pulled the curtain closed around them.
“Alison, I’m Dr. Kurtane, an internist. It seems you are in good shape, and obviously take care of yourself, so your complaint is concerning. The blood work will take a little while to come back, but I would like to ask you some questions in the meantime. Is it possible you could be pregnant?”
“Yes, I could be. I think I am, actually. I realized it just a couple of days ago, as my periods have always been regular and now I’m late. I took a home pregnancy test and it was negative, so I decided to just wait a few days and try again. Then this pain happened this morning and sent me to the floor. I’ve never felt anything like it. What could be wrong?” Alison began crying softly.
Dr. Kurtane reached out to touch her arm. Although Alison normally resisted when a stranger tried to touch her, she welcomed the doctor’s warm bedside manner now.
“I believe it may be an ectopic pregnancy,” Dr. Kurtane said, “which is why you were overcome with severe pain. We’ll
need to watch you for a bit and run some tests. I’d also like to confer with a gynecologist on staff, but that’s my initial suspicion.”
Alison cocked her head. “If I remember right from a lawsuit I once worked on, an ectopic pregnancy means that it’s in the fallopian tube? It has to be removed quickly, right? Otherwise there are serious health risks?”
“Yes, that’s correct. Do you have family here, or friends, someone who can help you?”
“No family. They’re in Phoenix. I would rather they don’t know, but I do have a good friend who is probably on her way over here right now. It occurred to me that I need to be sure someone has my power of attorney, just in case anything happens. I do have a living will. Thank you, Doctor, I appreciate your help.”
“You’re welcome, of course. Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of you, and you are going to be fine in all likelihood. If it is an ectopic pregnancy, the procedure is rather routine and not dangerous. But it’s good to always be prepared. Usually it’s we doctors and lawyers who find themselves without proper medical and legal papers in place.”
They both laughed.
“Why don’t you rest for a while? I’ll be back soon with test results.” The doctor left her alone.
But not for long. She returned in a short while with a positive diagnosis, and then left again to make arrangements for an immediate surgical procedure. Fortunately, this condition could be taken care of laparoscopically.
Alison was both relieved and stressed at the same time. She closed her eyes, realizing she was exhausted, fell asleep for a few minutes, and then awoke when she heard whispers in the room. When she looked up, Brenda was leaning over the bed.
“Hi honey, how you doing?” Brenda gave her a haphazard hug and Alison held on the best she could, not wanting to let go.
“Oh Bren, thank you so much for coming. I’m so wiped out I can barely lift my little finger. It’s an ectopic pregnancy. Can you believe it? All I’ve ever really wanted is to someday have a husband and a child, and now this.”
Brenda slowly shook her head. “Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. That means you’re not faced with any decision, because medically it’s been made for you. It would be awful if you had to go through that on top of everything else that happened with Rick. That effing son of a bitch, if I ever see him again, well, you know how I feel.”
“Yes, thank you. That ‘effing son of a bitch’ about says it all, doesn’t it? Just when the shock was beginning to wear off, this happens. And now it literally is the death of a relationship. Thank God I didn’t have to decide on the abortion issue. I just have to deal with it all, which I thought I was doing until I got the feeling I was pregnant. Too bad I can’t go after him for money for 18 years, though. Wouldn’t that just make his new wife crazy?” Alison actually chuckled for a moment.
Brenda smiled warmly. “Is there anything I can get for you from home? How long will you be here?”
Alison explained the doctor’s plan for laparoscopic surgery within the hour. She asked Brenda to get a couple of gowns plus a housecoat and slippers for her, to check on her apartment and be sure to put the alarm system back on.
“Also,” Alison said, “I need to do a general power of attorney quickly. I have a living will, but don’t have anything else. Would you be my designee, please? It won’t cost any money. I think they have a notary here in the building. I can write one very quickly and it’s done.”
Brenda looked confused for a moment, but then gradually nodded.
“Thanks, Bren. You don’t have to do anything but keep a copy of it with you just in case—just until I get through this.”
Alison put her head back on the pillow. She realized how tired she was, but was also momentarily happy she had it all under control—well, everything but her anger towards Rick. Brenda stayed a bit longer and then left to go to Alison’s house right as the doctor came back in.
An aide then arrived and helped her with the power of attorney form. As they wheeled her off to surgery, she thought she saw Rick standing in the corridor watching her pass.
* * *
Alison made a face when she saw the dinner tray of chicken broth, noodles, and Jell-O, the disgusting light diet that hospitals were famous for. She ate everything on the tray, however, and then turned on the television to watch the evening news. Within a few minutes she faded into a light sleep, only to awaken a short while later to a smell rather than a sound. It was the smell of aftershave!
She quickly looked up and there was her boss, kind of hovering, not wanting to disturb her, a smile lighting his face when he realized Alison recognized him.
“Mike! Oh, I’m so glad you came. Thank you. Hi. Miss me yet?” She reached out for a hug.
“Gee, whatever answer I give, I’m in trouble, I think. Hey, are you okay? Going to be okay, anyway? Someone said you had food poisoning. What the hell did you eat and where? I want to be sure to avoid that place.”
“No, the only food poisoning I’ve likely had was from the dinner they just served me here.”
“Well what happened, then? And what can I do? Do you need anything? Time? Money? You name it.”
“Probably just a little time. Certainly not money after that awesome Christmas bonus you gave me, but thanks. I’ll tell you the truth, Mike—but please don’t repeat it to anyone. I had an ectopic pregnancy.” Alison watched his face and realized he had no idea she’d even been in a relationship.
“Okay,” she continued. “Here’s the Reader’s Digest version. I met someone around Thanksgiving, introduced by a friend. He was in town for the month of December and we had a fling. He said he loved me and I fell in love with him, too. It was …nice. He left to spend the holidays with his family and I never heard from him again. Then a few days ago, I learned he just got married to a woman he’s been engaged to for almost a year. Not a word from him. At the same time, I began to suspect I was pregnant. Then the episode at the office happened, when I crumpled to the floor in pain, and now I’m here. It saved me from having to decide about an abortion. That’s the story, Mike, and I would prefer that everyone else at the office keep thinking it was food poisoning or something.”
He reached down and gave her another big hug, which she loved and held on to him as if he were a life preserver.
“Well, you’ll probably love what I brought you.” He reached into the white bag he had with him and pulled out a chicken salad sandwich on dark rye, a container of small coleslaw, and a gorgeous piece of white cheesecake. Alison was overjoyed. She could feel her face light up like a kid at Christmas and had tears in her eyes when she hugged him again and said thank you.
“I’d better hide this stuff,” she said. “It’s got to be a highly valuable commodity around here. You made my day, Boss. I’m so grateful! But, can I have a couple weeks off?” Then she started to laugh, and became a bit hysterical, probably affected by the pain medication mixed with her rampant emotions.
“You can have as much time as you need. It’s not an issue. Do you want to use my mountain cabin? Oh, maybe you can’t drive. Whatever you need, just say the word, okay? And your secret is safe with me. I’m so sorry, Alison. I really am. Are you okay with all the insurance paperwork and stuff?”
Alison assured him she was and he soon left—which was good, because she couldn’t wait to dig into the food he brought her. The sandwich was fantastic. She saved the cheesecake for later and tucked it into the drawer of the nightstand next to her bed. It would have to be over her dead body before anyone could get to that. At the last bite of coleslaw, she rolled the bag and wrappers into a tight ball and dropped it into the wastebasket, glad she’d gotten through the meal without someone coming in.
Alison slept intermittently, awakened by nurses doing nurse things frequently. Hospitals were not the place to get any kind of rest, but she did manage several hours of straight sleep until she woke up very early in the morning remembering the cheesecake in the nightstand. Down the gullet it went.
As the day progressed
, doctors and nurses came and went, and at one point the gynecologist conferred with her. During the quiet moments she thought about calling her parents, but couldn’t decide what to tell them. Maybe it was better they didn’t know anything about this.
Brenda came by with everything Ali asked for and spent a couple hours. They talked about Mike’s visit last night and his genuine concern for her and the wonderful deli food he brought. Alison now knew what to bring people who were in the hospital. Mike must have had a stay in one himself at some time or another.
That evening’s dinner was a little better, as it is hard to screw up meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and green beans. But the pain medication made her sleepy and she drifted in and out while trying to watch bad network television shows.
Rick. She kept seeing him in her mind. Shouldn’t he be here? Sometimes she would see him in the room and reach out to try and touch him, to talk to him, to exchange words and feelings and touches that would make everything okay—but then she always woke up. Alison really thought he was there in the room several times—she could smell him and hear his voice. And then she could feel him inside of her and it made her angry. No man would ever get to her like this again. Not like this. Not in these deep places.
Children. Those were her other dreams. It was too late for them now. She had been fooling around far too long, had wasted too much time. Did it matter? There could no longer be a man out there who she would want to father a child to her. Not now. Not anymore.
Alison finally asked for something to help her sleep and drifted off to uninterrupted slumber until almost seven the following morning. After breakfast, Brenda came by again.
“Hey girl, how are you feeling today?”
“Hi! I’m better. Just glad it’s over. It was real surgery, you know. Not that I want anyone but you and Mike to know about it.”
Brenda chuckled. “Don’t worry. You’ll be out of here soon and nobody needs to know anything. If anyone finds out you were here, we can just say you had your appendix out.”