#20 MY WAY
The journey was long. It took them more than ten hours to drive the 500 km, because there are almost no highways on this route. That was the reason why the class was supposed to gather at a parking area near its school not later than at 9 p.m. where the coach was already waiting for them. Mia went there alone; she didn't want her old grandmother to walk home alone in the dark. Her grandmother said goodbye to her and wished her fun. That was the second surprise for Mia who wasn't used to such gestures from her grandmother. She wondered if there was something hidden behind these actions.
After everybody signed the ascendancy list, they could finally take their seats in the coach and Mia was sitting in the back of the bus. Her classmate Justyna was sitting next to her. Justyna apparently wanted to talk but Mia wasn't in the mood of leading a deep conversation, so she pretended to fall asleep. Indeed almost everybody was falling asleep soon, even if one or another had promised to stay awake for long.
Mia opened her eyes after she was sure that Justyna was asleep and looked out of the window. The clouds were looking very cosy, from some transparent parts up to parts darker than heaven itself. The moon was hiding behind some of them and didn't want to be interrupted. The consultation-hour should come later.
It was a kind of clear night and the landscape didn't change much for a while. She thought how often she was observing such games between nightly characters in the sky. She was a person who doesn't sleep much and well and when she was awake at night used to look up to the moon like she would be wishing for it to answer her or just to wish her a “good night”. Sometimes, she could sleep much better during rainy nights, because the raindrops were calming her down. Their constant rhythm was like a march melody for soldiers. Tonight it was one of these nights when she wouldn't sleep well, because there were too many empty rooms and too much light out there.
Mia travelled to Wroclaw a couple of times a year and knew already some parts of Poland. She tried to remember one particular night when her nightmare started. It was always the hardest part for her: how did it all begin? She didn't know. She could only remember parts, some pictures captured in her head and some feelings, which were frozen in her heart. She knew there was a table and a knife in the hand of her father. A man she didn't know was lying on the table. Her father was a doctor and apparently, he was performing some surgery on this man in their house. The sparkly knife caught her focus. The lights was playing with the shadows in the rest of the house. Darkness ruled everywhere except around the table and on the table. This light was very strong and she couldn't look into its direction like you cannot look directly into the sun.
That was the first picture. She heard her farther say: “I didn't give life, so I won’t take it.” Then there was her mother screaming and the strange man who was talking loudly. Actually they were almost fighting.
Maybe that is how it started? This strange man was apparently very tired, unfriendly and was giving orders, which her mother didn't want to follow. Then Mia remembered blood, everywhere was blood. Even her hands were red and it smelled like blood everywhere. This smell was even more horrible than all the blood she saw. The moon was hidden behind clouds, almost like tonight.
She shook her head and noticed her hands were trembling.
In this moment, the coach seemed to be a trap from where she had no way out. She wanted to breathe fresh air and see the morning light. She was tired and scared. She didn't want to be caught by her puzzled memories and she didn't know how to switch the pictures in her head. She suffered for a long while until she finally fell asleep exhausted by her recollections.
It wasn’t a good, relaxing sleep. It was more like staying awake while being asleep.
When she woke up her head was heavy and her mouth was very dry. The air wasn't fresh and some people were snoring. She drank some water and looked around. Almost everybody was sleeping. It was early in the morning and the scenery changed to a more familiar landscape. They were passing Jelenia Gora and there were just approximately 20 kilometres left to Karpacz. Jelenia Gora reminded her once again of the pictures she had in her head before she fell asleep and her mood didn't change to the better. She looked at snow lying lazy and sluggish everywhere and that picture was the first positive one during this trip. Sun rays broke through and the sky was almost without any clouds. It was just the perfect weather for winter sports.
Then Mia looked at the mountains at the horizon. She had always had the impression that mountains had been frozen one day and since then they were not able to move anymore. However, inside them she imagined a great power and there was life, but everything was caught up in the tough and inflexible shell. She could almost see the first breath of the mountains, their first move after thousands of years. She always had this feeling when she was looking at mountains.
Here and there, somebody woke up and started to talk to class mates who were already awake. The wonder of enjoying the silence disappeared between spoken words.
Lovefool (Introduction) Page 21