by Alyse, Jade
“This is Natalie Greene. A friend of mine. Give her the best of your catch this morning, please.”
“Natalie, it’s nice to meet you. Come on back here and pick for yourself!”
She raised her hands and waved them in defeat. “Sir, I’m a Libra. Too many options and I go crazy.”
Jasper chortled. “Well, it sounds to me that you’re just like any other woman I’ve ever met. Bellamy, you come too and help her out.”
Jasper directed them to a small pail of crab clusters that had just been boiled in a local Indian Pale Ale and seasoned healthily with Old Bay.
Natalie sighed, gazing at Jasper for assistance. “They all look good to me. I don’t know which to choose.”
Jasper waved his hand dismissively. “I’m just a fisherman. Bellamy here is the chef. Let him choose.”
Bellamy pursed his lips. “I am no such thing.” Then, he leaned closer to her. Their shoulders touched. She inhaled protectively and cleared her throat. “Natalie, you want to pick the one that looks most appetizing to you. I am in no position to tell you which one to choose.”
She looked at him. Her eyes flickered to catch his pink lips quiver as he sank his teeth into the pulp of his bottom lip. He returned her stare. Her skin prickled. “And I’m telling you that I don’t know which one to choose.”
He blinked slowly. “Natalie, just pick one up,” he muttered. “I’ll go grab a couple of plates and the bread.”
It wasn’t until Bellamy walked away that she realized Jasper had left them alone minutes before. She shuddered at the fleeting passage of time.
Settling at a picnic table on a small knoll in beyond the vendors, he broke the legs of the crab off one by one, licking the excess juice off with his fingers. He then picked up a lemon wedge and squeezed it over the meal, tossing it into the grass once he was done. “There, have at it.”
“You lied to me.”
He looked up at her, baffled. “What the hell did I lie about?”
“When you said you hadn’t been here before.”
“Oh.” He picked up a leg and snapped it in half effortlessly. “I didn’t lie. I call that ‘strategic answering’.”
“Bullshit.”
His eyes fixated on hers then. “Why would I lie to you?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.”
“Hmm.” He slid the crabmeat out of the shell and popped it into his mouth.
She followed suit. “After I eat this, I will have no desire to go back to work.”
“So, why should you?”
“Because I enjoy getting paid.”
“No.” He picked up a napkin. “What you enjoy is pleasing other people, without carving out some time to please yourself.”
“So, playing hooky is your idea of pleasure?”
He arched an eyebrow. “Is that a serious question?”
“Whatever.”
“I bet you had perfect attendance all through high school, didn’t you?”
“You know, you’re just a wolf in sheep’s clothing. A real bastard in an Armani suit with a three hundred dollar haircut.”
“Versace.”
“What?”
“It’s a Versace suit. Armani is a little too narrow on my shoulders.”
“How much is a cab from here back to Portland?”
Regarding her shrewdly, he titled his head to one side and rolled his lips in.
She bounced her shoulders with indifference. “What? I just want to know...you know, just in case. Forget I said anything.”
“Already forgotten.”
She was just about to pull another crab leg from the basket when her cellular phone began to ring. A flash of heat ignited her cheeks when she spotted the name of her husband on the screen. Noting the time, she pressed the “talk” button and exhaled. “Hey.”
“Natalie, dear? It’s Martha, I hope I’m not catching you at a bad time.”
Her eyes flickered in Bellamy’s direction. “Uh, no, I’m fine, Martha. How are you? And why are you calling from my husband’s phone?”
The sharpness of her reply even struck her as odd. Still, her feelings toward Martha Greene and her barely veiled distaste for their marriage, lingered with an unexpected sting every now and again. Hell, how was she supposed to react? How was she supposed to feel? The mere thought of Harper landing in Martha’s clutches was enough to make her sick.
“He stepped away from the table to use the bathroom. We were just talking about you and I thought it a good idea to see how you were feeling.”
“I’m fine, Martha. Thank you for asking.”
“We’re making plans to come visit once the baby’s born. Did the doctor give you an idea of a due date?”
“Yes, April seventeenth.”
“Oh, how wonderful. A springtime baby. Think of the possibilities. I think it would be great if Jack and I scheduled a trip for the twentieth or so. What do you think?”
“I think that’s a good idea. I’ll make sure to see what my mother says...since you two get along so well...”
“Now, Natalie...”
“I’ve got to run, Martha. Please have your son call me as soon as he returns to the table.” She ended the call and stowed her phone.
Bellamy smiled. “That sounded like a pleasant conversation.”
She sighed. “Do you feel like driving a little further?”
“What did you have in mind?”
“I don’t care.”
Bellamy nodded slowly. “I see...so there is someone who upsets you?”
“Congratulations. You’ve discovered the Holy Grail.”
“I’m immediately fascinated.”
“Do you want to drive or can I?”
They both gathered to their feet. Bellamy reached into his pocket for his keys, handing them to her. “You can do whatever you want.”
“Thank you.”
“You do realize that I’ll need some sort of backstory?”
“Oh, you’re about to get an earful.” She jangled the keys in front of his face. “Let’s go.”
BELLAMY INSTRUCTED HER on how to adjust the driver’s seat, mirrors and such, then she started the engine, inhaling and closing her eyes momentarily.
“You know,” Bellamy began. “I can always drive.”
“I know.” She gripped the steering wheel. “But I need to drive. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Have at it. I’ve got great insurance.”
“Thank you.”
Backing out of the parking space, she exhaled. “I can’t believe her.”
“Martha, I presume.”
She nodded. “The nerve of her to actually pretend like she gives a damn.”
“It sounds like she was trying.”
“If you don’t know the story, you cannot speculate.”
He sighed. “Fine. I’m listening.”
“I’ll save you from a ridiculously long story and I’ll keep it short. At one point in time, my mother-in-law may or may not have offered my husband money in order for him to call off our wedding.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I have a sense of humor, yes, but not about things like this.”
“Well, what about his father?”
“Who, Jack? She tried to wrangle him in on it, but he refused. My father-in-law has shown me nothing but kindness since Brandon brought me home the first time. Any familial developments are announced to him and relayed to Martha. That’s a system that works for me and her.”
“Doesn’t sound like it works for her too well.”
“Well, she set the precedent. I’m just following suit.”
“I have a hard time believing that anyone would treat you that way.”
She glanced over at him, trying to catch a trace of mocking humor in his eyes; but she couldn’t find it. As a result, she tightened her grip on the steering wheel to steady herself, turning her eyes back to the road and increasing her speed.
“Brandon...my husband...fought for my place in his life and in his fam
ily. I owe him everything.”
“You ‘owe’ him. Well, that’s not what great love stories are made of...”
Shaking her head, she sighed. “You just don’t get it.”
“I’m still listening...”
She parted her lips, but her cell phone rang again. Gleeful that she’d dodged out of something she wasn’t ready to explain, she quickly grabbed it out of her purse. “Hello?”
“I was instructed to call you. What’s up?”
“You know what’s up.” The volume in her voice was much louder than she intended it to be. Backtracking, she pursed her lips and inhaled deeply. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, Tallie. I understand. She’s just trying to...well...”
“I’m not ready for that. I’m just not. And I’m certainly not ready for her to come over here three days after the baby’s born. Call me childish, but...”
“You are being childish. Fuck, baby.” She could hear the restraint in his voice, like a thin web of threads pulled far too tightly. “What about me in this? They’re my fucking parents, and whether you like it or not they’re going to be the baby’s grandparents. I’m sick and tired of-”
“Wait a minute, are we fighting? Are you try to fight with me right now?”
“I only have to fight with you because commonplace logic doesn’t seem to resonate with you. Let me remind you of the bullshit I put up with whenever Helen comes around.”
“My mother apologized for her behavior. I have yet to...you know what? I’m not doing this right now. I refuse to do this with you right now.”
“Natalie Savannah, if you hang up that phone, I’ll get on the first flight back. Don’t fuck with me.”
“And jeopardize your blooming career? I think not.”
“Natalie...” She quickly ended the call.
Trolling onto a shoulder, she parked the car, staring straight ahead of her, breathing heavily. She could feel Bellamy’s eyes on her. “I’m embarrassed.”
“No.” He readjusted himself in the passenger seat, then cleared his throat. Then he leaned across the dash toward her. Without warning or hesitancy, he pinched the bulb of her chin between his fingers, tilting her face upward, forcing her to gaze upon him.
Her breathing slowed and her eyelids grew heavy. “What?”
“You’re just so...profoundly sad.”
HER HUSBAND CALLED A NUMBER OF TIMES, BUT SHE CHOSE NOT TO ANSWER. She imagined him teeming with poorly hidden anger, at his desk, drumming his fingers with erratic rhythm. She didn’t care. Instead, she relinquished her spot behind the wheel, and instructed Bellamy to drive back toward Portland why she recollected herself.
“You’re upset, still,” he observed.
She breathed deeply. “Rattled, is more like it.”
“Perhaps you should call your husband back.”
“I will when I feel like it.”
“That’s mature.”
“Why can’t it be because I’m in the current pursuit of peace and tranquility?”
“You won’t find that if you go back to the hospital.”
“What do you suggest? A spa? Meditation? Yoga?”
“No.” He reaffixed the sunglasses on his face. “Just sit back. I’ll promise not to take you back to the hotel today if you promise to call your husband back.”
“I’m not sure I agree with this deal.”
“Natalie,” he began. “Call him.”
The assured, tempered lilt in his soft-spoken voice prompted her to reach for her phone without even thinking. She dialed the numbers and set the phone to her ear, taking a deep breath. She expected an distasteful parade of reprimanding words to come flooding into her ears, mitigated by the sound of her husband’s familiar, comforting voice. She closed her eyes as the line connected on the other end, waiting for her with bated breath.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hello.”
“Can you talk?”
“Can you?”
“You’re mad at me.”
“Tallie, you haven’t the slightest idea.”
She pictured how they would have handled this if he were standing right in front of her. She would’ve caved almost instantly, crawling into his arms, feeling him squeeze around her with all of the love he had stored up inside of him. Then, she would’ve laid on his chest for hours, feeling him inhale and exhale, and voicelessly remind herself of his purpose in her life.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
She heard him sigh heavily on the other end. “I know.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m sitting here in front of my laptop, with the airline’s website on the screen, and I’m on the checkout page.”
“Brandon, you don’t have to come back here early. I’m fine.”
“Are you? I just got a call from the doctor, asking me where we were because you hadn’t shown up for your appointment yet. And you’re not answering your phone. What the hell am I supposed to do, Tallie?”
He sounded weakened in some way, and she blamed herself. He didn’t have much fight in him left.
“I honestly don’t know, Brandon. I’m sorry.”
“Do I need to come home? Is that it?”
Heedlessly, she looked in Bellamy’s direction. Baffling as it was, he was grinning, inducing her to furrow her brows at him. What exactly was he thinking?
“No,” she sighed. “I don’t. I promise.”
“Well, I appreciate you calling me back, at least.”
“Don’t thank me for that, Brandon. You knew that I was. Just not in the timespan that you wanted me to.”
“Very well.”
“Can you stow your laptop and go enjoy New York?”
“I can’t do that if you’re skipping doctor’s appointments, picking fights and screening my phone calls. I went ahead and rescheduled for you. And sent an email reminder.”
“Thank you.”
“Where are you?”
“I left work early.” She cleared her throat. “I wasn’t feeling well.” It was the first time that she’d ever deliberately lied to Brandon Greene.
“That explains everything. Go home and get some rest. I’ll call you later, okay?”
Taking a cue from his tone, she exhaled. “Brandon, you’re still mad.”
“Yes, I am. But I’ll get over it. Mark and Joanna still in town. I’m going to see if they want to grab a beer or two. I’ll talk to you later.”
He ended the call. She tossed her phone down. “Shit.”
Bellamy coursed down a winding, narrow street with tall evergreens on either side, dampened and glistening by the morning rain. A splash of sunlight streamed through an opening in a patch of gray clouds above, dotting the asphalt in a myriad of colors. Natalie gazed out of the window and took a deep breath. He remained silent.
“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” she said. “It’s always so stupid.”
“You love him. I can tell.”
“I do.” Then, her thoughts drifted elsewhere, up toward the sky maybe, far away from the image of her husband and his disapproving face and tenor. She missed him, yes. That was obvious. But up ahead, she could see a bleak light, quavering restlessly in front of her, darkly pointing her in a different direction. Away from him.
“We’re almost there,” Bellamy remarked quietly.
“Where?”
“You’ll see.” He was still grinning.
ZEN
SOON, SHE WAS IN THE COMPANY OF JAPANESE RED MAPLES, BAMBOO FENCES AND PANELS, SERPENTINE THOROUGHFARE OF SLICK, GRAY STONE, AND THE COOL SHALLOW CURRENTS OF IRIDESCENT KOI PONDS, SURROUNDING TEA HOUSES IN THE CENTER.
Quiet. She felt nothing but quiet. And the distance she craved. But Bellamy was near her, trailing behind her beneath pagoda lanterns and a whispering breeze. Finding it difficult to admit her shortcomings, she simply ambled along ahead of him in silence, piecing together her thoughts as easily and as effectively as she could. But something inside of her felt sparse, or misplaced, an
d the desperation to scramble afoot to regain consistency grew tireless.
Then, she stopped. Turning to find Bellamy behind her, she inhaled deeply and stared into him. “Thank you,” she murmured.
He nodded. “I come here sometimes to clear my head. You know, when a long drive won’t do. Sometimes, it’s more than necessary to get lost.”
Lost. She tried the word in her head. Tilting her face at an angle, she ruminated over it, desiring it in far more than the idyllic sense. I want to get lost.
“How often do you come here?”
“As often as I need to. And as often as you need to.”
“Ah.”
“So, is it working?”
She smiled. “It’s doing something.”
“Good.”
Sauntering closer to him slowly, she refused to let her eyes tarry from his face.
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his slacks. “Why are you staring at me like that?”
“I don’t want to go back to the hospital.”
“Taken care of.”
“What?”
“While you were ogling those koi fish, I made a phone call. Head Nurse Wendy is livid, but she’ll live.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“You’re right, I didn’t.” His face was unreadable. She thought of the number of girls who, too, had difficulty scrutinizing him to success. He was mere inches away, of course; she even allowed herself to inhale him, and study the reflection of her silhouette in his eyes. But the distance was much further, like the sun; relentlessly bright and ever present, but enigmatic, lofty and scalding. An itching desire to draw nearer had engulfed her lately - but she didn’t think to let it show.
Then, she scoffed, overwhelmed by the sense of something. “This is funny.”
His brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“Do you ever wonder how things might’ve been different?” His eyes lowered to the surface of her lips, then matched her gaze again. “I think about how differently things would’ve been had I met you two years ago. If we’d locked eyes across a crowded room, or we’d share a class somewhere. I often wonder how I would be if I didn’t have...never mind. I’m talking too much.”
Clenching his jaw, he remained deadly silent, curling around her with his unrelenting glare.