by Alyse, Jade
Everything he was, she owned.
“I’ve only known Natalie a few months and their relationship has trumped any other I’ve witnessed in quite some time. Kudos.”
Natalie reached up to fold a few strands of Brandon’s hair behind his ear. “I won’t take that blatant sarcasm personally.”
If all of her other love for him failed, she would always fall victim to his perfectly black, perfectly thick, undulating hair.
Zuly smiled facetiously. “You’re welcome.”
Bellamy lifted his glass of chardonnay to his lips. “Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”
Then, he drank. And Brandon cleared his throat. “Tell me, Bellamy. Are you seeing anyone?”
Natalie stood to her feet. “Dancing! Let’s go dancing!”
Scotty snorted. “Nat, I’ve heard of pregnancy hormones before…but damn.”
“No, I’m serious. I don’t think we’ve all danced together since the wedding.”
“Well…I don’t dance.” She chose to ignore Zuly’s sarcastic lilt.
“Well…you’re going to tonight. C’mon, guys. How often do we see each other anymore? Brandy, damn it, help me out.”
“Whatever the wife wants, the wife gets. Let’s pay so we can get the hell out of here.”
Bellamy reached into his back pocket. “I know this great little spot a couple of miles away. Everyone stow your wallets. Dinner’s on me.”
“BRANDON, WHY ARE YOU BEING SO SENSITIVE ABOUT THIS?”
She was in her husband’s truck. Scotty and Asha were in the backseat, listening silently.
“I just don’t understand guys like him, that’s all.”
“Just because he wanted to buy our dinner?”
“The bill had to be over three hundred dollars. We each had twenty-dollar entrees and countless cocktails.”
“So?”
“He sure was pretty.”
Brandon eyed Asha in the rearview mirror. “Ash, baby, you’re not helping.”
“Sorry. Just stating the obvious. Him and Zuly aren’t involved?”
Natalie shook her head. “No, Zuly’s very much so a lesbian. Just got out of a serious something with one of the nurses.”
“Intense,” Asha mused. “So he’s not seeing anyone?”
Natalie’s heart felt heavy. “Not that I’m aware. We don’t share those types of details. I only see him at the hospital. I’m closer to his father than I am to him.”
Brandon tightened his grip on the steering. “Seriously, who just drops a stack like that? In front of strangers? Pathetic.”
“Brandon, please.”
Her husband huffed. “Sorry, baby.” Then he reached for her hand. He squeezed it tightly. Her fingers grazed his crotch comfortingly. He readjusted his position in the seat and exhaled.
They met Bellamy and Zuly outside of Nola’s Room. Brandon stood in front of his wife protectively.
Natalie looked at Bellamy. “What is this place?”
“Well, do you remember that time you complained about Portland radio stations playing ‘black’ music that lacks variety?”
Natalie nodded.
“Well…this place takes care of that. With a live band. Asha, would you like to dance with me?”
Bellamy Lambert extended his hand. With an unanswered gaze of glee, Asha met his hand with hers and they walked in together.
Natalie stood by idly, fighting the well-hidden urge to murder Asha Castile.
The interior was lit organically by candlelight, and their collective scent filled the room. It couldn’t have been safe from a fire marshal’s perspective, but brought something for more natural to the scene. Small, tall round tables lined the parameter of the room, flanked with tiny floral centerpieces, better dressed than any wedding she’d ever attended. There was the sound of strayed fingers lingering over piano keys, unkempt harmonies and pensive droppings of notes here and there, as the band assembled in the furthest part of the room.
And for some reason this prompted Natalie to look in Bellamy’s direction. He was looking back. His thought process was unreadable. With furrowed brows and an irregular heartbeat, she turned away, reaching for her husband’s hand.
Again, Bellamy went for his wallet. “I’m heading to the bar. What can I get everyone? First round’s on me.”
Brandon dropped Natalie’s hand. “Hold up a second, I’ll join you. Natalie, you feel okay? Want a ginger ale or something?”
“No, baby, I’m fine.”
Then, the two of them shuffled through the crowd until they disappeared.
Asha instinctively reached for her, tugging her to the first available table. “Good, he’s finally gone. Let’s catch up.”
“He’ll be back in less than five minutes.”
“All the more reason why you shouldn’t waste my time.”
Zuly and Scotty followed Brandon and Bellamy to the bar.
“Don’t you want a drink?”
“Scotty knows what I like. So, how’s everything since he found out about the job?”
“Better.”
“The sex?”
“Asha!”
“Nat, please…spare me the innocence.”
Natalie rolled her eyes as though mimicking an indolent child. “He still has the sex drive of an eighteen-year-old boy, but the shocking wherewithal of a bachelor well into his thirties.”
Asha nodded contemplatively. “Well I guess he has to assert his manhood someway. You know…since you undercut it.”
Natalie grumbled, shuffling uncomfortably in her seat. “You don’t know the half of it. If you had seen the look on his face…”
“I didn’t need to. I heard his voice on the phone. For a split second, I seriously thought he was going to kill you.”
“Ash, please. I’m sure the thought never crossed his mind. Still…we both did some things that night that I care to never think about ever again.”
“Care to elaborate.”
“No, I don’t. I just pray that we never go through something like that again. I don’t know if we can recover as strongly the next time.”
“Yea right. Your love for each other metastasizes faster than a STD.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
Asha leaned into the table. “So…let’s be real for a second.”
“Ash, I don’t know anything about Bellamy’s love life, nor do I care to know.”
Asha clicked her teeth. “But you’re certain he’s neither gay nor is he married?”
“I’m certain that he’s neither of those.”
“Ever dabbled bisexually just because he was curious?”
“I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him?”
She hadn’t realized how close the boys were to the table before she’d made such a remark. Asha’s brown eyes lit up at the sight of them approaching, and such an alarming query simply fell off of her lips before she had a chance to stop them.
“So Bellamy, have you ever dabbled bisexually?”
The question didn’t make much sense in the stream of context, and the entire group stared at Asha.
Scotty raised his eyebrows as he took a seat at the table beside her. “Asha, what the hell is wrong with you?”
Natalie scrambled to make amends as Brandon took his place beside her. “Sorry about that. I guess that last mojito she had at the restaurant sent her over the edge. She’s not thinking clearly.”
Brandon laughed. “I don’t think any thought went into that question.”
But Bellamy was smiling, slicing through any particular awkwardness. The band struck its first chord. “Asha…would you like to dance now?”
The first song was strong, slow and familiar. Bellamy took Asha’s hand and led her to a small gathering of languid swayers in the center of the room.
And Natalie watched them.
Scotty shook his head. �
��Asha’s always been a sucker for a fat wallet…”
“I hate to break it to you,” Zuly replied. “But she seemed into him long before she caught wind of his wealth…”
“I agree,” Natalie replied.
“Well, what did she say about him?” Scotty pressed. “Couldn’t have been much. She only met the guy five minutes ago.”
“Calm down, Scott,” Natalie answered. “They’re just dancing. Would you like to dance with me?”
Natalie stood to her feet, prompting him. She reached for his hand, watching him soften beneath her touch.
“Fine,” he said, rising to his feet. “But just one song. Maybe two.”
Natalie turned to Brandon. “Be back, baby. Don’t miss me too much.”
“I’ll do my best,” he replied. “Zuly and I will just have more time to get to know each other.”
She led Scotty to an open area with enough distance from Bellamy and Asha. They were talking, staring at each other, and Bellamy was smiling. Natalie’s chest thumped.
It was the first time she’d seen him smile in weeks. The sight was startling. And she turned away again, as though it were an image she was not meant to see. The band started another song; Scotty and Natalie started to sway.
“You’re quiet tonight.”
She looked up at her friend. “Was it that obvious?”
“Want to talk about it?”
“I’m just tired.”
“Pregnant woman thing?”
She giggled. “If you want, Scotty.”
“You barely look pregnant. How far along are you now?”
“Six months.”
“Are you serious? Are you having half a baby?”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“You missed me, admit it.”
“I missed you a ridiculous amount. I just wish you would consider moving out here. There are so many opportunities for a guy like you.”
“And leave Ash behind? She would kill me.”
“What’s the deal with you two?”
“We had sex in the car on the way to the airport. And again while waiting for you to get off work. I petitioned for sex in the bathroom at the restaurant, but she refused. And now here we are.”
“A little too much information…”
“Oh, please. You and Brandon know our situation better than anyone.”
“Fair enough.”
“I mean, I’ve been having sex with her for almost eight years now and it’s still just as exciting as the time we did it by accident by the lake.”
“So it’s the sex that excites you.”
“Hell, I don’t know. That’s a huge generalization. I have this vision of my life in the future…and I never see myself not fitting Asha into the equation.”
“So…what are you saying?”
“I’m saying something you’ve known all along. I’ve been in love with Asha Castile since day one. And to see her dancing with that guy is killing me.”
“Well, I’ll tell you what you need to do. You go over to them, take Asha’s hand and you pull her into your arms. Girls want a man who fights for them. She’s just scared. What if I didn’t have Brandon fighting for us all of the time? Where would that lead me?”
“I hate it when you’re right.”
She leaned up to kiss the side of his face. “Do what I say.”
And he did. She watched as Asha initially attempted to protest. Scotty coddled her. Bellamy let her go willingly, and his smile faded. She thought to return to her husband, but through a break in the crowd, she could see he and Zuly laughing at something. She liked what she saw – she wouldn’t think of disturbing them.
She thought about getting some fresh air. She took a couple of steps.
“Dance with me.”
His voice. She closed her eyes. Where was his couth? Her husband was only feet away. Was his presence not enough of a hiccup?
She turned to face him. “No.”
He started toward her anyway.
“No. Don’t come.”
“Go to your husband, then.”
She didn’t move. His eyes.
He sauntered closer to her. She didn’t move an inch. Her heart pounded. The music did something to her. Her brain was screaming, pleading for relief. Impending plight, inexcusable submission was inevitable. His eyes.
He stopped just before her, extending a hand, placing it on her arm gingerly.
“Bellamy…”
His name rolled off of her tongue easily. She closed her eyes again. She could smell him. His warmth was near. It was alien, and her insides turned into a pool of something, coagulating with fear.
Damn it.
He snaked his fingers down her arm, tickling the tips of his fingers into the bed of her palm. She wanted it to be over quickly, but it lingered, evilly so, shooting up her veins, through her body like a disease.
She welcomed the poison.
He secured her hand in his, pulling her closer.
His touch was soft and attentive, agile. His gaze was careful and focused. She strayed away from meeting them. They began to sway slowly, tilting from one side to the next. All she could hear was the trailing keys of a piano and she began to ascend out of her body. His way with rhythm was astounding. She feared the image of his rhythm in other areas in addition.
“Her name was Gabriella.”
She looked at him. “What? Who?”
“I was nineteen. I was at Stanford and I was bored. I wanted to leave school that semester. There was nothing more they could offer me that I didn’t already know. My father was just wasting his money. I woke up one morning, determined to do it. It was really early, barely a student on campus. I was distracted, irritated and jaded, and the sun was bright that day. I didn’t see her coming. And I bumped into her. I bumped into Gabriella Wolfe.”
“Why are you telling me this Bellamy?”
“I yelled at her. I yelled at her for not looking where she was going. Mind you, I was still hung-over from the night before and I was running on two hours of sleep. I said some things that I still regret to this day. But I yelled at her and she ran off screaming down the sidewalk. For some reason, I went after her. Something told me to. And when I reached her, she slapped me. She slapped me hard. It hurt like hell. But I started laughing. And I said, ‘My name’s Bellamy. And I’m sorry.’ She replied, ‘Gabby. And I don’t take bullshit from rich guys like you’. Then she walked off.”
“Sounds like my kind of girl.”
“I searched through every ‘Gabby’ in the student directory. I even went by her dorm. I’d never put that much effort into anything my entire life. But I had to find her.”
“Did you?”
“Yes. The girl just happened to live in the same dorm as me. Go figure. She had this mousey dark brown hair…but her eyes. I’d never seen eyes like hers. They were big and round, hooded, and brown. Rimmed with specks of green. I wanted to always look into those eyes. I knocked on her door and her roommate answered. I told the roommate my name. ‘Oh yea’, she says. ‘She told me about you. She told me to tell you to go to hell’. So, I left. And I’m walking back to my room. And I see her, walking down my hall. And I stop her. ‘Hey’, I say. She slapped me again.”
“Good.”
“But then something weird happened. I felt compelled to kiss her, so I did. She didn’t stop me. And I say, ‘I wanted to do that the first time I laid eyes on you’. She busted out laughing. And I kissed her again. We were together for four years. I never told her that she’d saved me from quitting my life. I never told her a lot of things. I bet she has no idea that she was my very first love…”
“They make cards to explain everything you just told me. I’m sure she’d understand.”
“My point is…I never apologize to anyone. My actions are my actions. But I was genuinely sorry with her. And I’m genuinely sorry with you.”
“Bellamy…don’t.”
“No…I misused your trust. And I’m sorry.”
She only st
ared at him. “Well…maybe you should tell Gabriella the same thing. I’m sure she would love to hear it.”
“I can’t. She’s dead.”
“Bellamy…”
“Car accident. She was rushing home to get changed for a dinner I invited her to. The cops said it was instant. She didn’t suffer. I’m glad. I haven’t said her name in over five years. Please accept my apology. I won’t stop until you do.”
TOUCH
“ONE OF US SHOULD WALK AWAY FROM THIS”.
She whispered it quietly, and Bellamy studied her lips. He didn’t speak.
She sighed. “Whenever you’re ready.”
“You first.”
“You asked me to dance.”
“That’s not very fair, now is it?”
“None of this is...”
He grumbled something that she couldn’t decipher as the song changed.
She gazed back at him with furrowed brows. “Stop staring at me.”
“I’m not...”
“Yes, you are. Stop it.”
He scoffed. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“No.”
“Damn it, Bellamy.”
“Natalie...if you knew what I was thinking. I mean, every sick morsel of my thoughts, you’d never want to speak to me again. And I can’t afford to let that happen.”
Something inside of her sank, deeply, weighing her, inevitably causing her to grapple him tighter.
She murmured his name in her head, but she kept it from fruition on her lips.
He still studied her lips.
She was a fool.
“Looks like a serious conversation going on over here.”
The sound of her husband’s voice caused her to blink and step away smartly. Bellamy was grinning. She could’ve vomited right then and there. And would it have been understood? Socially acceptable? Awkward?
Hell yes.
But it would have made her feel better -- it would have been a direct sign that she felt remotely guilty about how she’d just acted. It would have indicated a strong, unbending love for Brandon, in the cosmic sense.
Contrarily, she was fucked. Something had happened. Something had changed.