She rolled onto her side and picked up the novel, turning to the inscription. Bodhi, I will never be able to thank you enough for everything you do for our country. Meeting you and knowing you enjoy my romances is truly an honor! Jen
She flipped through the pages, trying to imagine Bodhi reading the book, and she felt herself smiling. She wished she’d gotten a look at the titles on the table beside his couch. She eyed the walkie-talkie he’d given Louie and set the book down beside it. Louie had called him to say good night, and Bodhi had been sweet to him. She’d hoped he’d at least tell Louie to say hello to her, but no such luck. Good night, little dude. Feel better tomorrow, and remember to turn off the walkie-talkie so the batteries last. She looked at his phone number again, debating calling him.
Butterflies took flight in her stomach, and she chickened out. She went to check on Louie, hoping to distract herself from thoughts of Bodhi. Her boy was fast asleep, clutching the stuffed dog Bodhi had given him. He’d named it Jeter, after his favorite baseball player. His fever was down, but he still wasn’t himself. She tucked him in and went back to her room.
Unable to escape thoughts of Bodhi, she picked up the walkie-talkie, pressed the “Talk” button, and lay down on her bed, talking to dead air. “Listen here, Mr. Brooding Badass Booker. It’s not okay to make out with a woman and then walk away in a huff because she calls you on your own rules.” Feeling emboldened by getting this off her chest, she sprang off the bed and paced.
“And as for sugar? Well, I have something sweet for you, all right. You only got a taste of it last night. There’s a lot more where that came from. But you’re only here temporarily, and I have a little boy to protect, so there can’t be any more sugary goodness for you, Mr. Rule Maker.” She gazed out the window into the darkness and touched her forehead to the cool glass as the longing inside her expanded and her emotions continued to pour out. “Which is a shame, because it’s been a really long time since I’ve felt anything this big. This powerful and good. And I want to feel more of it. The worst part of all of this is that after five years without so much as a single butterfly in my stomach, you awakened a part of me that I wasn’t sure still existed. It’s like someone’s playing a horrible trick on me. ‘Here, you can love one man, and then I’m going to take him from you forever. But don’t worry, you’ll get a taste of another man who makes you feel alive again. And then I’ll take him away, too. Quicker this time, so you’ll never know what could have been.’”
She set the walkie-talkie on the bedside table and poured some of the jasmine massage oil her mother had given her into her hand, then lay on the bed as she rubbed it soothingly into her skin, willing the heartache away.
CHAPTER NINE
SUNDAY SWEPT THROUGH Sweetwater with clouds and sporadic rain. The perfect day for Bridgette and Louie to lie low while he recuperated. His fever hadn’t returned, and by midday he was back to his chatty self. Louie begged to go outside and play on the porch, but Bridgette knew that while her little boy thought he was ready to plow full speed ahead, he still needed to rest. But resting didn’t have to be boring.
Using the bookshelves, coffee table, and couch as anchors, she made a fort out of sheets in the living room, like she and her siblings used to do, and filled it with his favorite toys. They spent the afternoon playing games inside their hideout. Every time she went into the kitchen, she thought of Bodhi standing beside her when he borrowed sugar. Those thoughts led to the image of him stalking into her flower shop with a big bag of sugar and stalking right back out. He was about as easy to read as hieroglyphics.
It’s silly, she told Willow when she’d called earlier. I can’t miss someone I haven’t even dated. Willow had offered to come over, but Bridgette wanted to focus on Louie, and she knew if Willow was there, she’d talk about Bodhi every time he popped into her head. Which meant she’d never shut up.
After a dinner of chicken noodle soup, Bridgette set up Louie’s favorite movie, The Lion King. He was moving at half speed, and she knew he’d probably fall asleep while they were watching.
“Can I call Bodhi on the walkie-talkie to see if he wants to watch the movie with us?” he asked on the tail end of a long yawn.
Bodhi’s truck had been gone most of the day, but she’d heard him come home a little while ago. “He’s so busy fixing up the house for his mother, how about if you just call to say good night and we invite him over another time?”
“Okay.”
“But remember, honey, he might not always have his walkie-talkie on. Don’t be upset if he doesn’t answer.”
“He’ll answer,” Louie said as he turned it on. He cuddled up against her as he spoke into the gadget. “Hello? Bodhi, it’s Louie.” He yawned again. “Are you there?”
“Ten-four, little dude. How are you feeling?”
Bridgette’s pulse quickened.
“I’m better, but Mom wouldn’t let me go outside to play. We made a fort and we’re watching a movie. What did you do today?”
Bridgette winced. She felt like she was eavesdropping.
“I went to see my mother,” Bodhi said.
Louie’s eyes lit up. “Did you get the coin collection? Did your mom say I could see it?”
Coin collection?
Bodhi chuckled, and even through the static of the walkie-talkie it made Bridgette’s body tingle.
“As a matter of fact, I did. It’s okay on my end, but you’ll need to ask your mother, okay?”
“Mom? Can I show Bodhi my baseball cards and see his father’s coin collection? His dad’s dead, too.”
Bridgette’s stomach lurched at his bluntness. She’d have to talk with him about that at some point, but not tonight. She kissed the top of Louie’s head. “Sure, honey. We’ll figure out a time.”
“Tomorrow night? Please?” Louie begged.
“Honey, finish saying good night, and Bodhi and I will check our schedules and pick a time. Let’s let him get back to whatever he was doing.”
After reluctantly saying goodbye, Louie turned off the walkie-talkie, and they lay down to watch their movie. By seven o’clock he was fast asleep. Bridgette carried him upstairs and tucked him in, placing the walkie-talkie beside his bed so she wouldn’t be tempted to use it.
She was washing their dinner dishes and listening to music when a knock on the front door sent her pulse into a panic. Hoping it was Bodhi, she ran into the powder room and glanced in the mirror. Her hair was a tousled and tangled mess, her sweatshirt had water spots on it, and she wore no makeup. Ugh. She looked like a mother who had been home with her recuperating boy all day. Another knock sounded, and she went to answer the door. She drew in a calming breath and smiled as she pulled the door open.
“Hi. I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t call first.”
Disappointment swept through her, immediately followed by guilt. “Aurelia. Hi. Not at all. Come on in. Louie’s down for the count. I could use the company.”
“I can only stay a minute. I’m heading back to the city and wanted to say goodbye before I took off. My boss called, and two of my coworkers have the flu.” She stepped inside looking fresh and energetic, like she’d stepped out of an Old Navy commercial. “Wow, that’s an awesome fort.”
“Louie wanted to go outside, so I made inside more fun.” Bridgette filled her in on Louie’s recovery. “I hate that I didn’t get any time with you this trip. Maybe next time?”
“I’ll be back in two weeks for the Peach Festival. Your sisters are making bets about you and Bodhi. So? Dish, baby.”
Bridgette wrapped her arms around herself and shrugged. “I don’t really know what’s going on with us, but it’s not like you think. He’s only here temporarily, and I’ve got Louie. What about you and Ben?”
“You guys keep asking about us, and I can assure you, there’s nothing there besides friendship. But Bodhi . . . ?” Aurelia grinned. “I don’t know him all that well. I know he’s hot and he’s nice, but I swear he lives inside a brick silo. He’s not exact
ly warm and fuzzy.”
“Oh, he has a warm and fuzzy side.” Bridgette felt her cheeks heat, and her eyes snapped to Aurelia’s.
“I knew you two hooked up! He was staring at you like he wanted to throw you over his shoulder and carry you off to his dirty den.”
Bridgette laughed. “I wouldn’t have minded.”
“I can see that. You know, women check him out all the time at the bookstore, but he never seems to notice. Of course, what woman in her right mind wouldn’t look at a guy like him buying romance novels?”
“So, he does read them?” Pieces of Bodhi were falling into place. “I bought a romance book at the grocery store, and when he saw it, I swear he stopped short of saying he’d read it. And yesterday he dropped off the second book in the series, signed to him, by the author. I wondered if he’d read it, or if his mother had.”
“That man is as addicted to romance as I am.” Aurelia laughed. “He came into the store a few years ago all stone-faced. He said he had a stressful job and needed a book as an escape. I gave him all the typical guy books—military, horror, thrillers—but he wanted nothing to do with anything that dealt with dark topics. I jokingly handed him a romance, and he devoured it. He came back later in the week and bought the others in the series. You know,” she said with a glimmer of mischief in her eyes, “that could actually work to your benefit. Romance authors know their sexy scenes. Hopefully he’s studied them like how-to books.”
“Trust me, Bodhi does not need help in that department.” Her body heated with memories of his rough hands and talented mouth all over her.
“Then you need to take advantage of the time he’s here and get your groove on, because not only was he looking at you like you were dinner, but you definitely had that look in your eyes like he was dessert.” She hugged Bridgette. “I have to go before it gets too late. I’ll see you in two weeks, and you can fill me in on just how good of a neighbor he really is.”
Bridgette walked her out and waved from the porch as she drove away. It had stopped raining, but the air felt damp and heavy. She leaned against the railing, thinking about Louie and his friendship with Bodhi. She had to tread carefully there. Louie was too little to remember losing his father, and he’d had no exposure to anyone in his life leaving for good. Bodhi’s leaving wasn’t a question. It was a given.
She looked down the road at the familiar lights of the town, warmed by a sense of comfort and security. Movement caught her eye, and she saw a broad-shouldered figure running up the hill. Bodhi. Her pulse quickened as he slowed to a walk, pushing a hand through his short-cropped hair. He passed beneath the golden spray of the streetlight, his body glistening with sweat, or maybe the misty rain that had started up again. His gaze found hers, and she waved, glad to see a smile softening his features as he headed up the walkway. She stepped off the porch to greet him.
“I hear it’s dangerous to be out alone after dark,” she said, hoping to break the ice. He stepped so close she could smell his ruggedness. Even after a long run he smelled delicious.
“Hi, beautiful.” He wiped his brow with his forearm, and she realized he was holding the walkie-talkie.
“You ran with the walkie-talkie?”
His lips quirked up in a small smile. “I leave it on all the time in case Louie wants to talk.” He hooked it to the waist of his shorts.
Her mind raced back to last night. “Did you . . . ? Um. Did you run with it last night?”
“No.”
She exhaled with relief.
“I didn’t run last night.” He held her gaze, stepping closer. “I was replacing the flooring in the bathroom.”
She focused on the rising and falling of his chest, hoping he hadn’t heard her confess to what she’d thought was dead air. “Oh.”
He slid a finger beneath her chin, tipping her face up. The emotions warring in his eyes mimicked her own.
MUSIC PLAYED SOFTLY from inside the house. A dim melody serenading what felt like their most critical moment. Bodhi was forced to make split-second, life-and-death decisions on every mission. Decisions that impacted the men on his team, the people they were sent to rescue, and like a domino effect, their family members back home. He was used to carrying that weight on his shoulders, and he was mindful of the responsibilities that came with every decision. What he did, or said, in the next sixty seconds carried the same weight. He knew what he should do—tell Bridgette the walkie-talkie hadn’t been on last night, wish her and Louie well, and walk away.
But this wasn’t war, and this wasn’t a mission. This was even more complicated. He’d spent the last twenty-four hours thinking about every word Bridgette had said when they were together, and what she’d said when she didn’t know he could hear her through the walkie-talkie. As he gazed into her eyes, he didn’t want to cause her any more pain, but walking away would surely hurt both of them. Unsure which was the lesser of two evils—getting closer or breaking it off before either one of them had a chance to get in too deep—he erred on the side of honesty.
“You were right,” he said. “It wasn’t okay for me to walk away the other night the way I did, and I’m sorry.”
“You heard everything I said.” She swallowed hard. “I didn’t think you’d have it on.”
“I’m glad I did. At least I know I’m not in this alone.” He paused, taking a pulse on the magnetic draw between them. Powerless to resist her, he took her hand in his. “I don’t know how to do this, Bridgette. I can disarm a bomb, face down the enemy under the most extreme circumstances, and do a hundred other things most guys can’t. But seeing you without wanting to take you in my arms?” He shook his head, grasping for the right words. “I don’t think that’s possible.”
“I know the feeling.” She stepped closer.
That simple movement told him she was standing on this jagged edge with him. He leaned down and brushed his lips over her cheek. “Is Louie awake?”
“He’s sleeping.” She leaned her head to the side, allowing him to place a kiss on the base of her neck, where he knew she loved them. Her fingers moved over his. “Your hand feels soft.”
“Your mother gave me lotion.”
Her eyes widened.
“Something wrong with using her lotions?”
She shook her head with a sweet smile that brought a rush of emotions.
“Should we go inside in case Louie wakes up?”
“Sure.”
He placed his hand on the small of her back as they made their way up the porch steps.
“You’re acting very boyfriendish,” she teased.
“I told you it was hard not to touch you. Maybe you should scowl instead of smile.”
She smiled even wider. “Maybe you should start wearing more clothes.”
She stepped onto the porch, and he remained on a lower step, turning her in his arms and bringing them almost eye to eye. “A few weeks ago I didn’t even know you existed. Now I can’t go five minutes without thinking of you, or wondering how Louie is.”
“He’s sleeping with Jeter, the adorable stuffed dog you bought him.”
Jeter. That boy . . .
“You know what I mean.” He gathered her in his arms. “Talk to me, Bridge. I need to know what you want. The other night I thought we were on the same page, going into this with our eyes open. That we both agreed we could be the here and now for each other, and not anything more.”
“We did.”
“Then maybe I misread you. I’m not very good at this kind of thing, but it seemed like you were upset with me when I offered to cover for you at the flower shop. I wasn’t trying to take over or push my way into your life. I just wanted to help so you could be with Louie. I was raised by a single mother, and I know how much you’re balancing. I also know you don’t need my help, but that doesn’t change the fact that I wanted to give you the chance to be with Louie when he was sick. I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds.”
She put her arms around him, and she felt so good, the line between right a
nd wrong blurred even more.
“I was upset,” she admitted.
Hating that he’d upset her, he loosened his hold, and she tightened hers.
“I didn’t think you were trying to take over.” She touched her lips to his, and he wanted to disappear into her. “I was upset with myself.”
“Yourself? Bridge—”
“Hear me out,” she said softly. “I feel the connection and all the same worries that you do. The difference is, I’ve felt this way before, and I know what it means for me. If I had let you help me with the shop, then it would be even easier to open the next door, and the next.”
He brushed his cheek over hers, breathing her in. “You and Louie are my biggest concern. I can’t be close to you and not want more, but I’m having a hell of a time staying away.”
“Aren’t you worried about getting hurt?”
“Every time I go out in the field, I’m at risk of being killed. Maybe I’m numb to my own pain. I don’t know. But the thought of you and Louie getting hurt scares the hell out of me.” He drew back and gazed into her eyes. “I’m being selfish, Bridgette, because I want to spend whatever amount of time I have here with you. I want to take you on dates, with and without Louie. I want to hear you laugh, and hang out with you and your friends and family, and see you blush when they give you a hard time about us. I want to put the freaking peephole in your door and fix Louie’s playset and—”
“And be our here and now?” She held him like she didn’t want to let go.
He shifted his eyes away, but there was no looking away from the truth. “Selfishly, yes.” He met her gaze. “I know it’s not fair.”
He brushed his mouth over hers. “Tell me to go home, Bridgette. Tell me to leave, because I’m not strong enough to walk away.”
“No,” she said emphatically, but it was the slight pout on her lips that snapped his control.
He pushed his hands into her hair, and their eyes met for half a second before his mouth descended upon hers, devouring her with the force of a starving man.
Only for You (Sugar Lake Book 2) Page 10