by Brinda Berry
I cannot take my eyes off Gunner. His crooked, jubilant smile feels like helium in my heart.
He could be the one, my forever.
We’ve both chosen to play a silly game of matchmaking for money or fame or whatever reason, and I don’t want to play anymore.
Because my heart can’t understand why he feels so right when others felt so wrong.
My previous vision of my future was clear.
My future husband woos me and knows I’m the only woman in the world for him. We talk until dawn because we have so much in common. He introduces me to his friends as the woman he knew he’d marry from the moment we met.
None of this fits Gunner.
Gunner scoffs at the institution of marriage and the idea of love.
I try to get out of the crazy thoughts in my head. The tears flow down my cheeks. I’m going to be a mess.
Someone hands me a tissue.
Gunner puts Veronica’s hand in her future husband’s. He nods at the man I know is Collin.
An empty chair waits for Gunner beside me. When he sits, he places a hand on his knee. He flips his hand up indicating he wants to hold mine. I thread my fingers through his, but return my attention to the couple reciting their vows.
“You may now kiss the bride,” the minister says.
As Collin kisses Veronica, a loud rock song from Jelly Bean Queen blasts from hidden speakers and Malerie hops up from her seat. She begins clapping and gives a few wolf whistles.
“Time for champagne!” she yells. She and her husband Ace wave us to follow them. I begin to stand, but Gunner pulls me to stay.
He leans forward and puts his lips to my ears. “I’d like to go.”
His hot breath tickles the shell of my ear. “Already?” I ask.
“Yes. I want to be alone with you. They won’t expect us to stay.” He strokes his thumb along my hand he still holds.
A thrill of anticipation dances in my belly. “OK.”
He’s still holding my hand as I use my free one to wave at Malerie. She seems to accept that we’re sneaking away. This is far from my normal concept of a wedding with mandatory congratulations and tradition.
What about the cake? And the first dance?
None of that matters. I catch a last glimpse of Veronica embracing her husband, kissing him as if there are no guests.
Gunner releases my hand, but flings his arm around me and hugs me to his side. “Trust me?”
“Scary things come after a phrase like that.”
“Everything worth something is scary. So, I’ll ask again. Trust me?”
“OK. I guess.”
He laughs. “You don’t trust me one bit, but I can deal with it.”
As we drive away, he reaches across to grab my hand again. He brings my knuckles to his lips and places a soft kiss on them.
“Are we still pretending?” I look out my window instead of at him. It’ll be dusk soon and time to head back to Nashville. It will be a long drive if he plays with my heart the entire way back.
“I think I’m getting better at it,” he says and leaves a kiss on the back of my hand. “Am I doing this in-love thing right? Guys aren’t born knowing the rules of romance.”
“Practice makes perfect,” I say under my breath as we pass a small-time carnival.
“I’m very competitive.”
“Stop,” I yell and point at a Ferris wheel, its festive lights glowing in the dimming evening.
“Lord, woman. What is it?”
“That!” I wrest my hand from his and point like a kid. “Please Gunner. I haven’t been on one in years. That’s romance.”
He squints at me and shakes his head. “OK. But it’s going to be tough to find someone who’ll ride it with you.”
I poke him hard in the ribs. “You owe me for this wedding.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Closeness
Current Day
Gunner
“Get me off this thing.” I close my eyes and hope I won’t vomit on the people below me. For some mechanical reason, we’ve been stuck at the top of the Ferris wheel o’ death for the past hour. It’s dark and Kiley insists on swinging her feet in a pendulum motion.
“Isn’t this great?” She sighs happily. “Look down there!”
I crack open one eye and regret it. She points below us at a tool belt-wearing guy who climbs several spokes of the wheel.
“Hey,” she says to me.
“What.”
“Put your arm around me. I’m cold,” she says around a smile.
“I can’t move.”
She snorts. “You should’ve told me you’re really scared of heights.”
“I told you I didn’t want to ride.”
“Not the same thing. I thought you didn’t feel like it. I thought you’d have fun once we were going.”
“Which part of this is fun? I completely missed whenever that happened.” I lift one finger at a time from the metal bar and attempt to lift my arm without causing us to move. I plan to put my arm slowly around her and everything will be good.
She immediately swings her feet and we rock back and forth.
“Kiley,” I warn.
“What? Scaredy,” she responds.
“Paybacks are—”
“Hell. I know, I know. You’ve said it plenty of times.” She laughs low and diabolically. The motion vibrates our seat.
“No laughing.” I inhale and open my eyes, looking straight ahead.
“Oh my God!” a voice below us squeals. “Did you see that guy almost fall?”
I fling my arm around Kiley and hold on for dear life. “I’m going to die. Right here on a metal paperclip four billion feet in the air.”
Kiley’s laughter distracts me. She wipes tears from her eyes. “It wouldn’t be so…” snort. “…funny,” another snort. “If you weren’t this big, fearless type.”
“Everyone’s afraid of something.”
She pulls in a huge gulp of air. “Yeah. But usually, it’s something actually scary.”
“Scary like what? What can I get revenge with?”
She swings her feet. I swear under my breath until she stops.
“Well,” she says. “Like stage fright.”
“I need to push you onto a stage? That’s all you’ve got?”
“No. I’m not really scared of the stage. I was when I first started the pageant circuit, but it passed. Let me see,” she says, tapping her lips.
“Snakes?” I offer.
“No. I don’t know. I guess I’m scared of people. People you love have the power to hurt you. They take away their love or they use it against you.”
Her confession makes my fear of heights seem ridiculous. Is she talking about her mom?
I hug her closer and gaze out at the multi-colored lights of the fairway. It’s actually beautiful up here. “I was scared of seeing Veronica today.”
Silence can be deafening, and this moment of honesty stops every carnival sound at once. We both freeze, her swaying feet stilled, my lungs no longer expanding and contracting.
“Why?” Her voice is serious, like mine.
“We were close and she left home. Disappeared for a while. I’d had a fight with her ex-boyfriend where I tried to take his head off. I thought she might not want to see me.”
Kiley doesn’t respond.
The guy below us yells for the carnival operator to hurry and get us down. The smell of funnel cakes drifts up from the fairway.
“I’m telling you because I don’t think I could’ve come alone. But I’m glad I did. It made her really happy.”
“Why were you so afraid?” Kiley whispers.
“You told me earlier that you’re afraid of people and the way their love can be gone. I guess I thought I’d lost her. She left home and moved on in her life.”
“She loves you,” Kiley says.
I sigh and look up at the stars, then back to her. “I know. Deep down I know that. I was used to taking care of her and then…”
/>
“Then what?”
I sit taller and shift in the metal paperclip of a seat. “It’s like she didn’t need me anymore.”
The admission sounds immature. I wish I could take it back.
Kiley runs fingers over the knuckles of my hands gripping the safety bar. “Veronica asked you to give her away because you’re really important to her.”
“She’s the only family I have. After Mom died, she kept me from folding in on myself. I wanted to shut everybody out and she refused to let me.” Time for a change of topic. I glance behind me and up to the other riders who don’t seem distressed over our predicament midair. “Do you think they could send some corn dogs up here to us? Maybe string up a—”
She leans forward so I’m forced to look at her. “Don’t change the subject. I know guys can’t talk about their feelings, but you asked me to come for a reason.”
“I asked you because I trust you.” I want to say that she makes me feel stronger. Surer. Sane.
Certain.
I can be certain of few things in my life. The sun will rise in the morning. My new horse, a Missouri Fox Trotter named Tilly, will only nuzzle my hand if I bring her a carrot. My best friend Aiden will razz me for missing workouts this week at the gym.
And Kiley Vanderbilt. She’s a woman I can trust.
I put my hand on her cheek and lean forward to kiss her. Before I can touch her lips with mine, a motor churns to life. The Ferris wheel lurches into movement.
The riders leave their seats, with me shakier than most. I’ve never told anyone what I’ve confessed to Kiley. She lets me take her hand as we walk down the midway.
We walk quickly to the field where I parked the Jeep. I start the engine and heater. A frost covers the windshield and we wait in silence for it to clear.
“It’s after eight.” She checks her cell phone.
“What would you think about getting a couple of hotel rooms? It’s late to drive back.”
“Oh. I…Yeah. It’s not a good idea.”
“Why not? Do you need to be back for something?”
“Yeah. I need to return to my sanity. I’m sure I left it back home.” She directs the vents toward her hands and rubs them together.
A corner of my mouth quirks. “I make you a little crazy?”
“A lot. But really, I don’t think we need to be seen together. It’ll only take one person with a phone camera to start up all the rumors again.”
I need more time with her. “I’ll go to a motel that has outside entry. I’ll pay for two rooms. You can stay in the Jeep until I get the keys.”
“I don’t know, Gunner. It’s risky.”
“I’ll be careful. We’ll drive out of the city and stop at one of those places along the road.”
“OK. Find us a place. But I’m telling you now. No monkey business.” She gives me a sidelong look accompanied by a grin.
“Yes, ma’am.”
* * *
The remote motel boasting ‘Vacancy’ and ‘Special Rate’ on their sign reminds me of a horror flick for some reason. I don’t mention this to Kiley since she already seems nervous, twisting her rings and staring out the passenger window.
I return with the keys—not keycards like you see in nicer places, but real keys they’ve probably used since before I was born. We don’t have bags, since we’d never discussed staying the night.
Kiley steps out of the Jeep and follows me.
“We’re all set.” I glance at her and hold up the keys. “Last two rooms.”
We walk toward the long building of ten rooms in a row. Only half of them have an outside light on. I spot numbers 9 and 10 at the end.
“I’ll look inside yours.” I insert the key and jiggle the sticky lock. “They need to invest in new locks.”
“They need a new motel,” she says under her breath.
“You want to go somewhere else?”
“No. It’s fine. Sorry. I’m not complaining.”
I forget sometimes that Kiley’s the sort who stays in the Ritz-Carlton. Not a girl who’d normally set foot in a place like this. I open the door and go in first, since I’m a little creeped out by the dark room.
Flicking the light switch, I squint at the glare of five naked light bulbs secured to the bottom of an old ceiling fan. “Home sweet home.”
She walks in behind me. “Wow.”
I follow her gaze. There’s actually a mounted deer head over the headboard of the bed. “That’s amazing. It’s a ten-point.” At her frown, I grin. “Joking. It’s not the usual decoration for a motel.”
Kiley takes a step back. “I’m not sure I can sleep underneath a dead animal.”
“Let’s find another place. We’ll find a nice hotel.”
“No, you’re tired. I’m tired. Maybe your room is better.”
“Let’s go see. I’ll take this one.” I guide her, my fingers barely brushing her back. I’ve tried to quit thinking about how nice it would be to draw her into my arms. How nice it’d be to forget everything but her naked body.
Walking around the corner, we stand in front of room number 10, the last one in the row of rooms. I insert the key, but don’t even turn it when the door swings open. I test the knob. It pivots around in a circle. “You’re not staying in this one. The knob is broken.”
I flick the light on. It’s a match for number 9, except for a black silk painting of Elvis Presley over the bed.
“You’re not sleeping here either. Are you kidding? Someone could come in and murder you in the middle of the night.”
“Elvis will protect me.” I smirk.
“No and hell no,” she mutters unhappily. “We’ll both stay in the taxidermy lounge.”
“It’s hardly a taxider…” I trail off at her murderous expression. “Yeah.”
“We can share the bed without you know…”
“Having sex.” I complete her sentence matter-of-factly. “Sure.”
I pull the door closed on number 10. The knob rotates loosely, and I know we’re both staring at it and reconsidering this stay.
“I hope you didn’t pay much for these rooms.” She steps hesitatingly to the previous door.
“Bargain basement prices.”
She snorts. “They should pay us to stay here.”
We walk inside the room and a Pine Sol scent hits me as I close the door behind me. “It smells clean. There’s that much.”
Kiley eyes the mounted head and walks to the bathroom to flick on the light. “Looks clean.”
“It’ll be OK for one night.” I stand behind her in the bathroom doorway.
“Do you think it’s safe?”
Safe? Do I really have to sleep next to her without touching her? “I’ll let you have the bathroom first.”
Kiley deposits her purse on the dresser top and glances around the room. “OK. Thanks. I’ll hurry. I think I’ll take a quick shower here at the Bates Motel.”
I chuckle at her horror movie reference. “Sure. Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.” I grab the remote control and find a station. “If I step out, I’ll be getting ice and drinks.”
Her eyes widen as if I’ve said I’m going to bury a dead body. “No. Wait. I’ll go with you.”
“Now who’s the scaredy cat?”
She purses her mouth. “Now is not the time for revenge. Got that, Parrish?”
I grin at her use of my last name and attempt to lighten the mood. “Paybacks are hell, remember? I thought it would be much tougher than this.”
“Not funny.” Her eyebrows rise. “Gunner. Really. Do. Not. Leave.”
I laugh. “I’m not leaving. I’m only teasing you.”
She steps forward and stares above my shoulder. I turn my head and see the deer head. I turn around and wink at her.
“Oh my God. You are so enjoying this.” She walks to close the distance between us. “You are a bad man.”
“And you’re too easy to tease.” I brush strands of dark hair from her eyes.
Her lashes
flutter for a second. She stands inches away from me. Her lips part into a smile. “You know this is a terrible position for us to be in.”
“We’re not in any position,” I say, my voice low and regretful.
“You’re on a reality show. I’m not supposed to engage in personal relationships with you while I’m trying to find someone for you to marry.”
“It’s not going to happen. I’ve told you. I don’t plan on marrying anyone.”
Her frown deepens, creating tiny little creases along her forehead. “I wish you believed that sometimes people find the person they should be with.”
“I want to believe. I do. Don’t get me wrong. Take Veronica for instance. I’m happy for her. She loves that guy, Collin, and it’s clear that he’s crazy about her.”
I sense her shallow breathing, her tensing muscles, and her sadness. She’s giving up on me.
I turn my back on her and walk to the heavy curtains covering the window, lifting the corner to peek out into the darkness rather than face her. “I’m not ready to make promises to you. I’m trying hard to be honest. You deserve that. I want you to know I haven’t felt this close to anyone in a long time. The things I’ve told you? No one else knows those things.”
I release the curtain and drop my head, rubbing my hand over the back of my neck. It’s not enough. Why can’t I let go of my fear that she’ll leave me like so many other people in my life? Am I a pansy-assed wimp? Emotionally stunted?
“I’ll be out in a minute,” she says to my back.
I rub my hand over the top of my head. I don’t want her to give up on me.
The shower starts and I pick up the phone book on the room’s nightstand. Maybe if I read the yellow pages, I won’t think about her in there, water coursing down her naked curves.
Soap bubbles sliding along her skin.
Her head thrown back, long, wet hair sticking to her back.
I groan and flip the yellow pages to the landscaping section. Work. Think about bushes and backhoes. Flowerbeds and fruit trees.
Soil. PHP levels. Irrigation—
“Gunner?” she calls.