Back then, Cole had heard the bullies threatening Levi. He’d gotten tired of them always hounding the same weaker kids, so he’d punched Levi’s bullies, gotten into a fight, and Levi had pulled Cole and himself away before they’d gotten into more trouble.
They’d become friends after that. And then they’d become lovers, and Cole had told himself this was the only omega he’d ever wanted.
So much had happened since then. Things like the miscarriages. The graves. Cole remembered the names on the flat white stones, pulling Levi close. He’d meant to talk about that during the bath, instead of getting distracted.
Annoyed at himself, Cole said, “That bath was supposed to make you feel safe. I wanted you to know that you’re not alone. That you’re brave, and you deserve to be touched with love. Sorry it ended up being this... this thing.” He tugged at the damp sheets beneath them.
Levi stared, blinking hard. “You just said I deserve to be touched with... with...”
With love, Cole had said.
That had been a slip of the tongue.
His ears burning, Cole looked away. “I mean... you know what I mean.”
“I do,” Levi said, his cheeks pink.
“I did mean it when I said you’re brave. I don’t care how many firefighters I’m surrounded by, okay?” Cole frowned, tipping Levi’s chin to meet his gaze. “You’re a lot braver than you think.”
Ever so slowly, a smile crept onto Levi’s face. “Thank you.”
“Thank you,” Cole said. “For doing this thing with me. For just—just having me around.”
“It’s still not love,” Levi said firmly.
“No, it’s not,” Cole agreed. This was just some sort of crush. It wasn’t permanent.
Except this fluttering in his chest... he’d felt it before. Right before he’d fallen in love.
11
LEVI
“I’M SO SORRY ABOUT THIS,” Olivier said, handing Taylor to Levi. “I’ve packed all of Taylor and Jenn’s clothes in these bags, and their toys are in the blue canvas bag. If anything comes up, don’t hesitate to call us.”
“You could’ve just given us the cruise tickets, you know,” Cole said, elbowing Eric. Eric was his brother, and also Olivier’s alpha. “Two weeks’ vacation—I’m almost envious.”
“You just want two weeks with the kids,” Eric said, elbowing Cole back. “Don’t pretend you don’t. I know you.”
Cole rolled his eyes, but Levi knew he’d been excited about this. They both were. Cole had been teasing Levi about it from the moment Ollie asked the favor of them.
“Jenn and Taylor will be safe with us,” Levi said. “And the shop, too. Don’t worry!”
“I know they’re in good hands.” Olivier smiled, kissing his daughter, then his son. “Papa and Daddy will be back soon, okay? We’ll call when we can.”
“Go make another one,” Cole said, winking at his brothers. Olivier flushed; Eric punched Cole’s arm. But Eric pulled Ollie into his embrace, and Ollie smiled. They weren’t denying it.
It was no problem for them to conceive. A twinge of envy crept into Levi’s chest. He shoved it away, exchanging hugs with Ollie and Eric.
When the goodbyes were over and Eric and Ollie headed for their car, Taylor began to cry. Levi rocked the boy in his arms. “There, there. It’ll be fine. Your dads will be home soon enough.”
Taylor wailed, though. Jenn raced over, reaching out for him. “I hug!” she said, reaching up for her brother. “I hug Taylor!”
Levi couldn’t help smiling. He crouched, setting Taylor gently on the floor. “There, you can hold him, Jenn, but be gentle!”
Jenn plopped herself next to her brother, pulling him into her arms. Moments later, Taylor seemed to recognize his sister, quieting down—surprisingly quick for an eight-month-old.
Levi couldn’t help feeling proud. He’d watched both these children grow up, and they were near and dear to his heart—Jenn with her red hair and green eyes, Taylor with his dark hair and red-brown eyes.
The two looked nothing alike, but the way they behaved around each other... it was sweet to witness.
Cole shut the door, coming to crouch next to Levi. “So we’re pretending again, huh?”
Levi blinked. “What?”
“Pretending to be a family.” Cole smiled. “And it’s not even for the cameras.”
Well, he had a point. Levi blushed.
Two weeks with these children... Levi had been anticipating it. With Taylor’s tears drying, and Jenn chattering at her brother... it would be so easy to pretend they were his own.
“Uncle Lewi,” Jenn said. “Where my planes?”
“I’ll get them,” Cole said, stroking Levi’s back. “You sit tight.”
Then he leaned in, pressed a kiss to the top of Levi’s head, and Levi’s heart fluttered.
Three weeks had passed since the visit to the graves. Since then, things between Levi and Cole had become... more natural.
It didn’t matter anymore that there were cameras in every room, because Cole gravitated toward Levi in the mansion, touching his back, sniffing at his hair, dropping surprise kisses on his lips.
Their bed smelled entirely like musk now. On the nights Cole wasn’t at the fire station, he spent hours pressing Levi into the mattress, kissing down his body, pleasuring Levi with his lips and fingers and tongue, until Levi writhed beneath him and begged to come.
Cole had been giving Levi these warm looks, too, and his gaze had been fond, admiring. Levi didn’t know what he’d done to deserve it. This all felt too good to be true.
Then the nausea in his stomach started up again.
Levi winced, regretting the amount of food he’d eaten for breakfast. He should’ve anticipated it. But Cole had made fluffy stacks of French toast without crusts, and each slice had been a delicious piece of heaven.
Jenn got to her feet when Taylor stopped crying. She ran around the foyer, her little shoes squeaking against the marble. Then she paused, pulled her shoes and socks off, and stretched her arms out. “I fly! Flyyyy!”
Paces away, Cole pulled a toy airplane out of the blue canvas bag. “Here, Jenn—You wanted this?”
Jenn perked up, racing over.
Cole held the airplane just out of her grasp, looking Jenn in the eye. “Now, you’ll be staying with Uncle Levi and me for the next two weeks, right?”
Jenn nodded, glancing at the airplane.
“So if anything is wrong, if you’re hungry or you’re hurting, you tell me or Uncle Levi. Okay?”
Jenn nodded again. “Kay.”
She reached for the airplane, but Cole kept it out of her reach, clicking his tongue. “Quiz time, Jenn. If you’re hungry, who do you tell?”
“You,” Jenn said, looking at Cole.
“And...?” Cole prompted. “Uncle...”
“Uncle Lewi!” Jenn beamed.
Cole grinned, handing the plane over. “Awesome.”
Levi couldn’t take his eyes away from Cole. It was such a joy, watching Cole with children. Cole loved Jenn and Taylor so much—it showed in his eyes, his smile.
Before Levi could say a word, his stomach heaved.
He gulped, whisking Taylor into his arms. Cole took Taylor from him. “What’s wrong?”
“Bathroom,” Levi said.
He shut himself into the hallway restroom and leaned over the toilet, heaving up all of his breakfast. Levi regretted every extra slice of toast. The vomit went up his nose, out his mouth, and the smell of it made him heave harder.
His eyes stung; his body felt weak with each heave. Levi trembled against the toilet, spitting the taste out of his mouth. When the door opened, Levi flushed the toilet, wiping his lips to get himself presentable.
“You okay?” Cole asked, his gaze sweeping shrewdly over Levi.
Levi shrugged. “Yeah.”
His stomach still roiled, and he didn’t feel so good right now.
Cole stepped into the bathroom, Taylor in his arms. Then he crouched
next to Levi, rubbing Levi’s back. Levi heaved again, turning away so Cole wouldn’t have to see him puking. But Cole reached up, brushing Levi’s hair away from his face, his hands gentle.
Levi spat, wincing. “You don’t have to do this.”
“Yes, I do.” Cole stood, grabbing a water glass. He filled it at the faucet, then handed it over.
These were all small gestures, but Levi couldn’t help feeling grateful for Cole’s presence.
He gurgled, washing the taste out of his mouth. Cole crouched by his side, rubbing his back. Levi couldn’t help leaning into him.
“I won’t be able to do this every day,” Cole said with a grimace. “Just the days I’m off-duty.”
Levi frowned. “You don’t have to.”
“I want to.” Cole’s gaze drifted to Levi’s abdomen, and Levi didn’t want to think about the pregnancy at all. But Cole reached out, rubbing his knuckles gently over Levi’s belly. “You haven’t talked about the baby.”
“I’m trying not to.”
“Have you... tried bonding with it?” Cole asked, a little more hesitantly.
Levi shook his head. He was afraid to. After losing all those other children...
“Can I?” Cole murmured.
“You’d only be setting yourself up for disappointment, you know,” Levi said. He didn’t want to put Cole through that pain, either.
For a moment, Cole bowed his head. “Yeah, I understand. But I don’t want this child hanging in there feeling unloved, you know? I figure... if it’s going to be there for however long, it should get some love, too. While it can.”
Levi’s throat grew tight. He was afraid of getting hurt again. But Cole’s words made sense, too.
With some effort, he got to his feet, peeling his shirt off his belly. “There. You can... do whatever you want.”
Cole met his eyes. “You don’t mind?”
“It’s your child, too,” Levi said. “And... and you’re probably right. Someone should talk to it.”
Levi felt like a coward, hiding from his own baby. But his heart could only be broken so many times. He didn’t want it to break again.
Slowly, Cole pressed his lips to Levi’s belly. Then he kissed it and murmured, “Hey. This is your dad here. The one who hasn’t been carrying you. I wanted you to know that we’re waiting for you to grow up strong and happy, okay? Hang in there. Show your other dad you’re fighting fit! He’s a little afraid to speak to you now, but I think he’ll come around.”
Cole ended his words with a soft kiss; Levi’s chest grew tight. He swallowed hard as Cole tugged the shirt back over his belly, rubbing it.
Cole was brave. And Levi’s heart yearned for him.
“Maybe that’s what’s missing,” Cole said. “Maybe all it needs is a bit of encouragement every day.”
Levi didn’t think so, but he wasn’t going to refuse it, either.
“You okay?” Cole asked, squeezing his hand.
Levi blew out a breath. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
And Cole grinned. “Sorry. I’m still secretly happy that we’re having a baby.”
Levi smiled crookedly. “It’s not a secret if you’re telling it to me.”
“You know what I mean.” With a bounce in his step, Cole led the way out of the bathroom, Levi and Taylor in tow. Then Cole paused, looking around. “Where’s Jenn? I told her to stay put.”
Levi frowned, peering past the bulk of Cole’s body.
Jenn’s shoes and socks lay abandoned on the floor. The toy bag was open, stuffed animals and puzzles scattered around. But the girl was nowhere to be found.
Over the past week, Cole and Levi had worked feverishly to baby-proof the mansion. Most of it involved closing doors, taping up electrical outlets, removing fragile things and weights on top of tablecloths.
But there was the rest of the house—things like bathrooms and stairs and who knew what else that they’d missed.
His heart pattering with unease, Levi hurried into the kitchen. The fridge door was open, with two eggs smashed on the floor. How had Jenn managed that? She was only two.
Levi shut the door. He found a couple of cookies on the floor, but nothing else.
In the hallway, Cole wore a perplexed frown. “The bath’s running. I found her clothes—they’re wet. But Jenn’s missing.”
Levi’s dread grew. Where was Jenn? Was she okay? “She’s not in the kitchen, either. But she got the fridge door open.”
They exchanged a worried look. Then something crashed downstairs.
Cole dashed for the stairs, Levi close behind. Cole was faster, though. At the bottom of the stairs, Cole handed Taylor to Levi, then scanned the rooms. Levi followed, straining his ears for the slightest sound.
To think that Ollie and Eric had left their children with Levi... How would they react if something happened to Jenn on their very first afternoon away?
The rooms downstairs were pristine—at least, those that were accessible to a child. They made their way down the long corridor, and for the first time, Levi wished the mansion wasn’t so big.
Cole slowed down near the den, where shards of ceramic had scattered across the room. Levi cringed. That had been an antique Asian vase just sitting on the floor, but it had been tall with a narrow base. In their rush to secure the mansion, they’d overlooked it.
“No blood,” Cole said, scanning the floor. He swept the shards away with his feet, glancing at Levi. “But be careful when you step through here.”
“I’m not a child.” Levi cracked a smile. Cole cared about him.
They picked their way across the carnage to the last room on this level—the laundry room. It was vast, the biggest space Levi had ever seen allocated to washing clothes.
Cole stepped inside, frowning. Curious, Levi followed him... and found zero two-year-olds prancing around.
“Where’d she go?” he asked, peering around the washer, just in case Jenn had somehow squeezed herself back there.
But she’d been here—the laundry basket lay on its side, a pile of dirty clothes right next to it.
“I don’t know.” Cole glanced out the back door, perplexed.
Then the pile of laundry moved, and the wave of relief that washed through Levi had his knees growing weak. “Oh, Jenn.”
As though she’d heard her name, the pile of clothes shot upward in a tiny explosion. “Boo-ly da!”
Jenn waved her arms, shaking the dirty laundry off her body. And there she was, butt-naked save for Cole’s grimy socks on her arms, and a pair of briefs slung across her head.
“Oh, no,” Levi said, cringing.
Cole snorted. Then his laughter bellowed through the laundry room, echoing off the tiled walls. “Jenn, you little...”
Cole swept her up into his arms, swinging her high above his head. Jenn shrieked. When Cole swung her back down, she wriggled in his grip. “Again! Again!”
So Cole hefted her back into the air. This time, Jenn cheered. “Fly! Fly, fly, fly!”
Cole flew her around the laundry room with a wide grin. Levi watched them, a tight, aching feeling in his chest. This was what it would be like, wasn’t it, if he and Cole had children? Cole swinging their daughter through the air, taking the children out on picnics.
For a moment, Levi pretended that Jenn was theirs, that he and Cole and Jenn and Taylor were all a family, living together under the same roof. Cole would take the children out to play, and his eyes would be even brighter when they were his very own children.
Jenn squealed. Cole brought her back down, shaking his head. “I’ve babysat her a number of times, but I wasn’t prepared for this. She’s a bit of a rascal.”
But he was smiling, his gaze warm.
“Imagine if she were yours,” Levi said, more as a joke.
Cole chuckled. “Well, my brothers would want her back.”
“But she’s ours these two weeks.”
Cole met Levi’s eyes, and Levi realized he hadn’t seen Cole truly happy of late, until now. His breath
caught. This was what would delight Cole—children of his own. Levi didn’t think he could provide that.
He wet his lips, nervous all of a sudden. It wasn’t as though this... thing between them was permanent. But Levi had been getting comfortable with snuggling against Cole, he’d been getting used to seeing Cole across the dinner table.
I’ll take the baby, especially if it’s mine, Cole had said a month ago.
“What’re you thinking about?” Cole rumbled, stepping over with Jenn in his arms.
Levi gulped, a question on the tip of his tongue. He knew he shouldn’t ask it—not someone like him. But he blurted anyway, “Do you think you’ll ever get married?”
And then it was out in the open, and his heart did somersaults in his chest.
Cole stared. His eyes sharpened. “Why’re you asking that?”
Because I like the thought of spending the rest of my life with you.
Levi looked away, his heart pounding. “I-I just—I was curious.”
Jenn kicked in Cole’s arms. Taylor babbled at his sister, drool dripping down his chin. Levi held the boy, forgetting to breathe when Cole stepped closer, his gaze fixed on Levi.
“I don’t know if I can,” Cole murmured.
Levi’s heart sank.
“But it’s because of the things I’ve done,” Cole continued. “I still remember the scars I’ve caused Micah. I can’t be his alpha, but... I’ve ruined his life, Levi. Some days, I don’t know if I’ve paid my penance.”
There was that, too. Levi bit his lip. “What if you talk to him? I don’t think he holds a grudge against you. It’s been years.”
Cole sighed. “I hold that grudge against myself. I dream about it some nights, you know. The fire, the burns.”
Cole sometimes snarled and thrashed in his sleep, but Levi hadn’t thought it was still because of that accident.
“Oh,” Levi said softly. “But you deserve happiness, too.”
Cole gave a crooked smile. “You think so?”
Levi nodded. “Yeah.”
Cole closed the distance between them, catching Levi’s chin between his fingers. Then he tipped Levi’s face up, and pressed a lingering kiss to his lips.
The Pretense (Men of Meadowfall Book 7) Page 10