by Natalie Ann
“What?”
“Sit down,” he said. “Let me try to work this out in my head.”
Jade put the test back in the bathroom and then went to sit on the bed, not liking the look on Brock’s face.
She went from being upset over his reaction if he’d found out she was pregnant, to upset she wasn’t, to now scared some bowling ball was going to fall on her head and knock her senseless. But now that she knew the crisis was somewhat over, she could think logically.
“You’re scaring me,” she said as he paced around his bedroom.
Brock wasn’t one to pace. He wasn’t one to get upset either.
As he’d said, he liked to have the facts before he reacted, yet he wasn’t acting that way now.
“You know about most of my injuries from the explosion. You can see them.”
“Yeah. We’ve talked about it before,” she said.
“You see all the scars around my hips and groin.”
“I don’t care about them. You look fine and it’s all in working order. Trust me, I know that easy enough.”
“Physically, yes. And that’s another thing. I had no idea how it’d be. You were the first person I was with after my injuries. Sure, I could get it up and take care of it on my own, but being with a woman? No clue. You have no idea what was going through my mind that first time.”
She didn’t know what to say. “Why didn’t you tell me that?”
“Why would I if it wouldn’t make a difference? I was hoping it wouldn’t come to that. A man has his pride. Especially when it comes to sexual performance.”
“You perform just fine,” she said, smiling. He was always reaching for her, wanting to go all night long. Now she wondered if some of that was to prove that he could.
No. That was wrong on her part to think that. Any man would probably think the same way.
“I do. I’m glad for that.”
“And if you had a problem we’d work it out,” she said. “That’s what people who love each other do.”
He stopped and just stared at her. “I’m not sure if I can have children.”
“What?” she asked. Why was he just saying this to her now? Her mind was racing and logic was fleeing out the window fast.
“I haven’t wanted to get tested. There hasn’t been a reason to. And how do you bring this up to someone you are dating? We’ve been together a few months and I know you want kids. I do too. I just don’t know if I can have them now. There was a lot of damage and shrapnel to my body. My lower body, my hips and groin.”
She wasn’t sure what to say to this. She wanted to be angry he didn’t tell her until now but then realized there might not have been a good time to bring it up either.
They weren’t anywhere close to marriage and kids. At least in his mind. In hers, she’d been thinking of it for over a month but keeping those thoughts to herself. Why scare him off?
When she saw the jewelry box at Christmas, though she knew it was too early to be a ring, there was a part of her that was hoping there was one.
“And so if I was pregnant you’d know you were fine?” she asked. “That’s why you had mixed feelings. So you wouldn’t have to tell me this?”
That was what ticked her off more than anything. The same with him not saying he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to complete sexual intercourse fully until he tried. He kept it to himself as a wait and see.
“When you say it like that, you are putting this all on me,” he said.
“It is on you right now,” she said. “That you didn’t feel you could tell me this. That you had to wait until it was the right time. What’s the matter, if months from now, years from now, you couldn’t, were you afraid I’d throw it in your face you had ample opportunity to tell me and didn’t?”
“Yes!” he yelled at her. “You have a right to know. No one knows what tomorrow will bring, but you have a right to know going in.”
“You know this for a fact. Or just what someone said you need to be aware of?”
“It’s a possibility.”
She was so confused and it was ruining why she was mad. She was pissed he felt he couldn’t come to her and wanted to get that point across more than anything. “I don’t like that you felt you couldn’t tell me this or come to me.”
“You’re one to talk. You hold everything in. Today is a good example. You waited to tell me this and I even had to push you. It can’t be both ways, Jade. If you want me to be honest and tell you what is going on in my mind, then you better damn well do the same thing.”
No one had ever thrown that in her face before. “I…” She started to stutter and stopped her argument. It would fall on deaf ears, so she just said, “What if I couldn’t have kids?”
He snorted. “With your family history?”
“That means nothing. I’m just more mad that you kept this to yourself. Did you think so little of me that if I knew it was a possibility I’d move on to someone else who might be able to give me a child?”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “That’s low.”
“Yes, it is,” she said, standing up. “It’s damn low you think so little of me. I’m kind of sick of being judged over petty shit like this. That’s exactly what you just did.”
“It’s not the same thing,” he argued.
“No, it really isn’t if you are trying to compare me holding back. I’m holding back emotions and feelings, not serious topics.”
“Being late,” he reminded her.
“I wasn’t that late and I just told you.”
“After I pushed the issue.” She started to walk away. “Where are you going?” he asked.
“Home,” she said. “I need some space. Maybe we both do.”
“You’re overreacting,” he said to her.
“I guess you’re right because you know me so well. So then I’m going home alone to pout and scream and cry and curse you because you obviously know I won’t do it in front of you. Isn’t that exactly what you’d expect me to do?”
She stormed out of his house, slamming the door just like he probably thought she’d do. By the time she got home she did cry. Big fat tears rolling down her eyes that once again the man she thought she was in love with didn’t really know her at all and she wondered why she couldn’t just let him see how badly she was hurting.
36
So Scared
The next day Jade woke up and took the second pregnancy test to just double-check.
Once again it was negative too.
No chance of her being pregnant. No clue why she wasn’t getting her period, but it wasn’t because there was a bun in the oven.
Which meant tonight she had every intention of opening up a bottle of wine and having a few glasses.
Twenty minutes after she’d gotten home last night, Brock texted to see if she was there and safe. She’d replied back she was and then shut her phone off. She wasn’t in the mood to talk to him or anyone else.
She’d taken a hot bath using some of the bubbles he’d given her and shed even more tears when she was in bed. When she was alone…that was the only time she cried.
How was it possible that she thought she had it all and then wondered if she was wrong?
Why were her brothers all finding love and not having these issues?
Then she told herself to stop being naive. Drake and Kara had to deal with Kara’s father breaking into her place and ending up in jail.
Noah and Paige had to deal with Paige’s sister being in a mental institution and Sebastian’s biological father coming back into the picture and wanting custody.
Even Wyatt and Adriana had issues to deal with too. Her ex came to town almost stalking her. Wyatt had to prove he wasn’t the playboy and joker that he’d been labeled his whole life.
No one had an easy perfect relationship and she was no different. It took work and maybe she wasn’t working hard enough.
Or was she trying too hard? Was she just insecure and never wanted anyone to know that about her? If she re
ally loved Brock like she’d been saying and feeling then she needed to get over this fear of him seeing her completely emotional and putting it all out there.
She’d spent too much of her life in control and many expected it. It was just so hard to break that shield down.
There were no answers that were going to come to her right away and since she had to go to work today, that was what she did the next morning.
She wasn’t at her desk more than a few hours when she felt a pain in her left side. She must have overdone the workout this morning and opened up her desk to take a few Tylenol.
But an hour later the pain wasn’t getting better but much worse.
She stood up and grabbed her side. This wasn’t good. She was going to call Sam and see what his thoughts were but then decided that was nuts.
Maybe she could Google her symptoms. Which of course told her it could be anything from cramps, gas, her appendix, to cancer. All it did was scare her silly.
She got up to get some more water at the water cooler and passed by her father’s office, when she got another pain that had her doubling over and yelping, her water bottle dropping to the floor.
“Jade!” her father shouted and was at her side fast. “What is going on?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I’ve got this horrible pain and it won’t go away.”
He moved her into his office to sit. “When did it start?” he asked.
“About an hour ago,” she said and looked up to see Drake, Ryder, Kara, and her Uncle Grant standing there. They must have heard her father yell her name.
“Nonstop?” he asked.
“On and off,” she said doubling over. “It’s getting worse.”
“You’re going to the ER now,” he said. “Drake, help me with her.”
“I can walk,” she said. “Don’t even think of carrying me.”
“I will if I have to,” Drake said. “Kara, call Wyatt and let him know we are on the way.”
“I’m coming, but I’ll follow you guys there. I’ll call your mom too,” Kara said.
“Give me your phone,” her father said. “I’ll call Brock.”
She wanted to tell them not to bother but when another pain hit her, she thought she was going to throw up and stumbled going to the elevator.
“Maybe we should call an ambulance,” her father said.
“No,” she said. That would be too embarrassing. “Drake, just drive us there. You’ll get us there fast.”
When they got out of the elevator she had to hold onto the wall for a second to get her breath, but Drake was picking her up and carrying her to her father’s car and putting her in.
By the time they got to the hospital, Wyatt had been paged, along with Sam. Wyatt was in surgery, Sam not.
“This isn’t your specialty,” she told her cousin.
“It doesn’t mean I’m not going to be here until Wyatt can get over here or at least Adriana so that you’ve got a family member making sure all the right tests are being run.”
The nurse that was taking her vitals just looked up at Sam and smiled. “Your cousin is in good hands. Dr. Rocco will be in in a minute.”
By the time Wyatt came rushing over, she was being examined and sent for tests and Sam left for a scheduled surgery.
An ultrasound found right away what the problem was. “Looks like you’ve got a cyst that ruptured on your ovary. I’m going to call an OBGYN down here to look and determine if you need surgery or not.”
“Surgery?” she asked. “For a cyst?”
“You could sustain damage to your ovary. It might need to be removed. We won’t know until a specialist looks this over. Until then I’m going to give you some pain meds and go talk to your family if you want. Or would you prefer that you explain it?”
“No, you can tell them,” she said.
They’d kicked her family out to run the test with the portable ultrasound machine. She was just lying there trying to catch her breath knowing the pain meds would be kicking in soon.
Ten minutes later the curtain opened back up and her parents were there with Wyatt. She was guessing Drake and Kara were in the waiting room.
“So you know,” she said.
“Yes,” her mother said. “It’s going to be fine.”
“If they need to operate I’ll be in there with you,” Wyatt said. “It’s simple enough. Laparoscopic, in and out. No big deal and a tiny scar.”
“I don’t care about scars,” she said, sniffling. “What if I lose an ovary? It will be harder to get pregnant.”
“Stop,” her mother said. “Don’t think of that. You’re jumping the gun. One minute at a time.”
“Dr. Ackley is the best there is. He’s on his way down. Let him examine you,” her twin said. “I can leave if you want.”
“If he’s doing an internal exam you are all leaving,” she said, mortified.
“Of course we are,” her mother said.
The curtain moved again and Brock stood there. “How did you get back here?” she asked. “You aren’t family.”
Wyatt started to laugh. “It’s the drugs hitting her making her ask that. Jade, he’s got more security clearance than anyone at Duke. He can come and go where he wants.”
“Oh,” she said, feeling woozy.
“Wyatt, you better stay here. What did they give her?” her mother said.
“She’ll be fine,” Wyatt said, but she didn’t care because she was shutting her eyes.
Brock had never been so scared in his life.
Not when he was lying broken and bleeding on a dirt road thinking he was going to die there.
Not when he thought he was going to lose his leg.
Or when he heard all of his injuries.
None of that would compare to hearing that they brought Jade to the ER doubled over in pain.
He’d been stuck in a meeting and had silenced his phone so he’d gotten the message late and rushed over the minute he’d heard it.
Running through the door and into the ER, only to pull the curtain back and find out that Jade was falling asleep hadn’t helped him any.
“Tell me what is going on?” he asked Wyatt, knowing he’d get the calmest best explanation from Jade’s twin.
“She had a cyst rupture on her ovary. A specialist will be down shortly to find out if she needs surgery to remove the remains of it or her ovary. I’ll be in there either way if it comes to that.”
He nodded his head, not knowing what else to say at this point.
He sure the hell wasn’t going to tell her family that just yesterday they’d thought she was pregnant and now Jade was faced with the possibility of losing an ovary.
Talk about a kick in the pants for the woman that couldn’t wait to have kids.
First she finds out her boyfriend might not be able to have them and now she might struggle herself.
When the curtain moved back again, another doctor came in. “Boy, there is one crowd in here.”
“Thanks for coming down, Dr. Ackley,” Wyatt said. “This is my sister, Jade.”
“Well, I’m going to need you all to leave so that I can talk with her and do an exam,” Dr. Ackley said.
“We’ll get out of the way,” Carolyn and Garrett said.
“I’m staying until you need to do an internal exam,” Wyatt said.
“I’m staying even if you do have to,” Brock said not caring for the look in Wyatt’s eye. “Don’t fight me on this. You’d do the same for Adriana.”
“And you are?” Dr. Ackley asked, then noticed the badge on his shirt. “I wasn’t aware security would need to be here for this?”
“Brock is Jade’s boyfriend,” Wyatt said.
“He can stay,” Jade said, opening her eyes.
“I’m going to do another ultrasound right now. A trans-vaginal one. Are you sure you want your brother here?”
“I’d prefer he wasn’t but understand it might be best if he is and can explain things better. But he’s going to stand up here by my hea
d.”
“I’ll be right up there too,” Brock said. Talk about an uncomfortable situation but it was family and Wyatt was a doctor.
When the exam was done, Dr. Ackley said, “I’m going to have to go in and remove the remains of the cyst. Whether or not I remove your ovary will be determined once I get a better look inside to see if there is any damage. It’s a fast procedure, but you will have to be under for it.”
Brock looked over to see the tears in Jade’s eyes. Tears she never shed in front of others. She was always so in control and that was gone, showing a vulnerable side that was eating him up. But it also let him see the real her. The woman he loved that wasn’t always in control and wasn’t fighting it. “Okay.”
He reached his hand for hers and held it, then leaned down to kiss her forehead. “It’s going to be fine. Remember what I told you the other day? No reason to do anything without the facts.”
She nodded her head. “I know. It’s okay. Wyatt will make sure nothing happens to me even if I’m scared.”
“I’m not sure it’s smart to have you in there,” Dr. Ackley said to Wyatt, “but this isn’t life or death and I don’t have an issue with it if your family wants you there.”
“Jade isn’t just my sister, she’s my twin. I wouldn’t want her in anyone else’s hands but mine.”
“Then let’s go get everything ready,” Dr. Ackley said.
“I’ll go let your parents know what is going on.” Brock kissed her on the forehead again. “I love you. You’re going to be fine. You know it. You’re tough and you’re mine. I’ll be here when you wake up.” And then he left, knowing that whatever the outcome, he was going to be right there holding her hand when her eyes opened.
37
A Lot of Music
Jade started to lift her eyes open even though it was hard. She barely remembered talking to the doctor in recovery, then Wyatt checking in on her.
“Wake up,” she heard and then turned her head again. Brock was standing there and she was in a different room, the one she was wheeled into after surgery.