Alex laughed. "I'm excavating an archaeological site," he said. "We're an archaeological expedition, you know."
"And this excavation couldn't wait till morning?"
"I'm not in Jerith's good books right now," Alex said. "I broke something—something glass, I don't know what it was. It could have happened to anyone, but Jerith told me I wasn't careful enough to be an archaeologist." Alex plunged the shovel into the hole with all his strength. "So I decided to head out when no one was looking and find something so important Jerith would have to let me help again."
"Why here?" I asked, looking around. The top of the hill showed almost no signs of the war, except for a rain-filled bomb crater twenty meters away. The area had none of the markers Jerith usually set up at sites he planned to excavate. "Is there some reason to dig here, or did you just pick a place at random?"
Alex looked sly. "Can you keep a secret?" He picked up the knapsack that lay on the ground beside him. When he lifted the flap, I saw some kind of electronic apparatus topped by a cylindrical holo-tank. "Metal detector," Alex said in a stage whisper. "Absolute state of the art. I can afford it, Jerith can't." Immediately, he looked guilty. "I'm going to give it to Jerith before we go. As a token of appreciation for how he's helped us. But first, I'm going to find something important."
"Down this hole?"
"If I'm lucky. There's something big down here; and deep enough that Jerith's cheap detectors don't pick it up."
"Do you want help digging?" I asked.
"I only have the one shovel. But if you stick around, I may need a hand lifting out whatever I find."
I stuck around—found a stone that wasn't quite as damp as the ground and sat on it. Now and then, I offered to dig for a while to let Alex rest. He turned me down each time, and speared his shovel in harder to prove he wasn't tired. I just sat there and inhaled the damp smell of freshly turned soil.
Rather than mope in silence we told each other stories, the kind of stories that people in the industry share when they get together: disastrous concerts, botched bookings, fans from hell. Many, many stories. We laughed, we talked, I put my hand in my pocket.
"I wish she were wearing a tighter shirt," he said in his thoughts. "She's got such a body…Helena's crazy to say she's fat."
I didn't react. Well, yes, of course I reacted and the noise of my thoughts screaming, "I'll kill her!" drowned whatever Alex thought next. But outwardly I didn't move. I tried to force myself to calm down, but that just turned out to be my brain shrieking at my body, "Get calm! Relax! Loosen up, loosen up!"
Too bad I'd never studied meditation.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to relax for real instead of just going through the motions. It would have been easier if I could take my hand out of my pocket and shake myself loose; but that hand was staying put.
By the time my thoughts stilled enough to hear Alex again, he was fantasizing about kissing me. No technical details, not even a feeling of passion, just lips touching. In his mind my lips were very soft. And I responded, in my own imagination and in the dream Alex dreamed. My arousal doubled itself in a feedback loop, as I felt the desire, responded to the desire, felt my response echoing back and succumbed more deeply, desire feeding on its own echoes…
"What's this?" a voice whispered. A chill voice with a sharp edge that stabbed through all the fantasies.
Alex was still digging, glancing over at me from time to time. No one else was in sight.
"Have we got a visitor then?" the thready voice went on. "Someone peeking through the basement window?"
My own thoughts asked who is it, who? I could hear the chatter of my questions, even though other voices in my brain pleaded for silence, not to draw attention to myself.
"Ah, one of Alex's friends come to call," the voice whispered. "But he hasn't thought your name yet…."
Reflexively, I thought "Lyra." Horrified copies of my voice screamed, "No!"
"Lyra," whispered the voice. "I saw you this afternoon, milady. We sang together. Yes. Your beauty entices me. You have entered my heart, milady. Now I have entered your mind."
That's just a song, I thought wildly.
"There's no such thing as 'just a song,' milady. Song is a realm unto itself, separated from your world by the tiny thickness of an eighth note. Strange things live in this realm, milady. Wraiths. Ghosts with tattered hearts." The voice laughed, a laugh with claws of ice. "It's dangerous to enter this realm, milady. Once a song gets into your head, sometimes it's impossible to get out."
The thing's laugh gushed over me like glacier spill water. Blackness pooled in front of my eyes; the real world began to dissolve. Beneath the laughter, I could just make out a tiny voice, my own voice, murmuring, "Let go of the parrot, let go, let go." But my body was freezing up, heavy with ice. I couldn't remember what it felt like to move. Try to move, think of moving, focus on motion, any motion, the spasming dance I did for that cut on Trash and Thrash, sing the song: "Damn it, slam it, break it; don't give me your repercussions…"
Forcing myself against the stony cold, I moved my hand a hairsbreadth. I let go of the parrot.
My eyes snapped into focus: the hilltop, the stars, the silence. Shivering, shuddering, the memory of ice.
Then Alex touched my shoulder and pointed to the hole. "I've found something," he said.
I could barely keep my teeth from chattering. I wanted to scramble away screaming but could barely move—I felt divorced from my body, like waking up from a nightmare. Alex's grin melted to a frown. "Are you all right?"
"Uhh. Hmm." My mouth wouldn't work. "I just, uhh…I must have drifted off. Weird dream." I eyed Alex closely, searching for any sign of the Singer; but this was good old amiable Alex, sweet, even innocent. Maybe I had just been dreaming.
"Come see what I found," Alex said, holding out his hand. I took it without thinking. He pulled me up to my feet and didn't let go as he led me to the hole. I didn't let go either—I was grateful for human contact. I considered sliding closer to him and stealing a hug, but didn't know what he'd think of it. (I could use the parrot to find out…but no, I couldn't do that again. Never. Never. Not yet.)
At the bottom of the hole lay a rusty expanse of sheet metal, about a meter square. One edge showed a set of hinges and the opposite edge had a handle. "I think it's a lid," Alex said eagerly.
"I think so too." I leaned against him. His body was warm and solid.
"Can we open it?" he asked.
"We probably shouldn't," I told him. "Jerith would want to document everything first. The position of this thing in the hole, the depth, all that. And we don't want to damage whatever's inside. Didn't most of those Egyptian mummies crumble to dust when people opened the sarcophagus?"
Alex's face fell. "You mean I make a major discovery and I can't even see what it is?"
"It's up to you," I answered. "You wanted to impress Jerith, right? For that, you have to be meticulous." I squeezed his waist tightly. Very tightly. But I tried to make my voice sound playful. "If you open it, I won't tell anyone."
He whooped with elation and leapt, sliding down the loose dirt to the bottom of the hole. I knew Jerith would be appalled at what Alex was up to, but it certainly wouldn't be a serious blow to science. You couldn't walk thirty seconds in a straight line without tripping over debris from Caproche's war—the entire surface of the planet was heaped with the stuff. Given so much material to draw upon, Jerith's investigation would scarcely suffer if one artifact wasn't dug up with full pomp and circumstance. Besides, after my recent experience, my dream, whatever it was, I loved Alex's high spirits and didn't want to dampen them.
The box's handle was set too tightly against the lid, at least by human standards—it must have been built for an alien race with thinner hands, or tentacles—but Alex eventually wiggled his fingers under the bar. Down at the bottom of the hole, standing on loose dirt, he wasn't in a good position for lifting, so I got the shovel and slid down to help, jamming the shovel blade under the lip of th
e lid and levering upward. Together, we managed to break the grip of the rust holding the lid shut, and with protests from the hinges, the lid groaned open.
There was nothing inside: just an empty canister, divided into two compartments by a metal partition down the middle. Whatever the box once held, it was long gone.
I started to laugh—a bit too hysterically, but still, all that work for an empty box. Alex started to laugh too, and suddenly we were kissing, twining together. The kisses were hungry; I'd never felt so desperate. I'd been terrified by the Singer and now I was plunging for safety into the same arms…but they were Alex's arms, and Alex seemed like the only comfort on the planet.
Soon we were out on level ground again, stretched body to body beside the hole. For the flicker of an instant, I considered reaching for the parrot, to see what was going through Alex's mind. But I didn't want to let go of him; and I realized I didn't want to know what he was thinking. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to hold him. Everything else could wait.
We agreed we shouldn't go back to camp together. Cool reason had replaced heat, and second thoughts were piling up in my mind. Helena. The complications of working side by side. Doubts and apprehension.
"You go on ahead," I told Alex. "I'll wait out here a while longer. Go on."
We kissed awkwardly. He gave me a smile, a sweet confused smile, and said good night. As he vanished down the side of the hill, he began whistling.
I laughed in disbelief. Was he happy, was he sad, was he just whistling because men get the urge to whistle? It was tempting to reach for the parrot. So I did.
"Do I confront her? Talk to her, woman to woman? Threaten her? Or just ignore everything?"
The voice I heard didn't belong to Alex. It was Helena, and she was close by. Close enough for her thoughts to drown out whatever Alex was thinking as he walked back to camp. Close enough that she must have seen whatever there'd been to see.
Shit. The whole damned planet was practically empty, and everyone wanted to crowd up on my little hill.
"I could fire her," Helena's thoughts went on. "Slit her throat. No, there isn't another decent backup singer within a dozen parsecs. Not with perfect tits. Damned perfect tits. Alex, there's more to life than tits, isn't there? After everything I've…but it isn't Alex's fault. He's just this big simple…" The next thought wasn't a single word, but a montage: man, child, baby, bumpkin, son, lover. And there were images too—Alex grinning, with spaghetti sauce dribbling down his chin; Alex looking up as Helena's hand brushed hair from his eyes, Alex's face looming close in a darkened room. Underneath was Helena's soft fear that she was losing him, that she couldn't compete with younger women, that she was growing old.
Suddenly, like Silk going
She'd taken a flashlight with her when she'd set out to look for Alex. Now she waited till the last moment to turn it on, hoping the sudden light would startle me. I stared up calmly as she shone it into my eyes.
"Hello, Lyra."
I nodded. "Helena."
"Doing some impromptu excavation?" she asked, making a show of looking at the freshly turned dirt.
"The search for knowledge never sleeps," I answered.
She shone the light into the hole. It lit the unearthed box more distinctly than the starlight. I could see that one of the compartments was completely lined with sticky white powder from exploding Silk. The other compartment wasn't as empty as I'd thought. Tiny bones littered the floor, with one skeleton intact enough to recognize as the remains of a Caprochian parrot.
"Looks like an important artifact," Helena said. "A trash bin."
"The search for knowledge sometimes craps out." I shrugged.
"What about you and Alex?" she asked. "Was that a search for knowledge too?"
She wanted me to be surprised by the question. Thanks to the parrot, I wasn't. "I don't know what it was with Alex," I answered honestly. "Just one of those things. I was feeling pretty needy at the time."
Her thoughts shouted, "Selfish bitch!" but aloud she said, "Your needs aren't Alex's needs."
"I didn't hear him protesting," I replied. But my background chorus told me I knew that was no excuse.
"Alex is a sixteen-year-old in a twenty-five-year-old's body," Helena said. "He's not going to fight off any woman. He may even initiate the…festivities. He may have initiated things with you, I don't know—the starlight wasn't quite bright enough for me to see."
"I don't know who initiated what," I told her.
"The point is, Alex is a little boy who never grew up." She faked a laugh. "Do you realize that he proposed to me after our first night together? He thought it was required, the only gentlemanly thing to do after ravishing me. He has this terribly constricted background…I bet he was too shy to take off his shirt, right?"
"True." And I was glad he didn't. If unbuttoning his shirt released the Singer…
"He's so unsophisticated," Helena said, nodding, "and that's why there's a problem. I'm a broad-minded woman, I don't own him…" Her thoughts yelled, "He's mine!" and added softly, "Why can't he just be mine?" She put on a brittle smile and said, "Alex can't handle the complications of dealing with both of us. Someone like Roland…" I picked up a snap memory of Helena in bed with Roland. Well, well. "Roland wouldn't get hung up about an idle one-night stand. He's not one to confuse sex with loyalty. But Alex…he confuses easily. You see?"
"See what?"
"That someone is going to get hurt. Certainly Alex, and maybe you. Not me," she added airily. "I don't get hurt. I just have to pick up the pieces."
"Noble you."
"Noble me." Internally she debated whether to threaten me. She could fire me, and could probably arrange that the major recording labels wouldn't let me into their studios; but backing me into a corner held too many risks. Especially when she believed I could steal Alex with one nudge of my nipples. So keep it cool, keep it sophisticated, woman to woman, one tuck-and-tumble doesn't have to mean anything.
"If I were you," she said, "I'd tell him this was just a brief…weakness on your part. You could say you were under the influence of some fiendish psychological weapon still at work on the battlefield. A lust gun. Makes you rut like a mink in heat no matter how ridiculous you look. No matter how damaging it might be for your career. Lust grenades. Lust lasers. Alex would believe that."
"You don't give Alex enough credit."
"I give Alex all the credit," she replied. "I do the work, he gets the credit. If you want to start a tug-of-war, Lyra, you may pull Alex away from me. But without me, he's no star. He's just a not-too-bright guy with a so-so voice. Not a great catch, believe me."
"What about the Singer?" I asked.
Her thoughts shriveled. Fear. Cold fear so sharp and similar to mine I jerked my hand away from the parrot. "You can have the Singer," she said, her voice trembling slightly. "If you can catch the Singer, he's yours."
She turned abruptly away and started walking toward the edge of the hill. Without turning, she called back, "I'm sure you'll do the right thing, Lyra. The smart thing."
I watched till she was gone. At the last second, I brushed my finger across the parrot. On the surface, Helena fretted about me watching her walk away—she was sure I was laughing at her, at her hips and ass thickening with middle age. But deeper down ran a current of terror: wordless, imageless fear of the Singer.
Her thoughts echoed my own.
When she was gone, I made my way in the same direction, keeping my hands off the parrot. Even so, the parrot dominated my attention…like when you meet someone who's completely wrong for you and you know he'll screw up your life, but every minute of the day you find yourself thinking about him. Not love, not lust, and you know you're too sensible for obsession; but you still keep turning it over and over in your mind. I could laugh at how I was getting i
n so deep with the parrot, I could tell myself it would only take a tiny effort of will to set my parrot free…
But I didn't do it. Fixations can be sweet.
Following Helena's footsteps through the dew soon brought me back to camp. Music played in the main Quonset hut, the timeworn feel-good classic "Orange Puppy," recorded by "Vivaldi's Love-Child." That meant the hut had been taken over by roadies—only they were old enough to play such a rusty dusty nostalgia number. I could imagine them sitting around, wearing sloppy T-shirts from old groups like "Madrigal Canyon" or "Freckles on a Green-Eyed Girl," and saying spiteful things about the music scene today.
I considered joining them, but didn't think I'd be up to eavesdropping on a crowd. Besides, what could the parrot tell me that I couldn't guess myself? The roadies all said exactly what they thought the moment it crossed their minds…except for the wet-dream fantasies a few of the guys had when they looked in my direction, and who needed telepathy to pick up those?
Instead, I turned toward the huts that served as sleeping quarters. The nearest belonged to Alex and Helena, but I didn't want to see either of them again tonight. A few meters farther was the hut that songwriter Roland shared with our equipment manager. The equipment manager would surely be keeping company with the rest of the roadies, and Roland would be alone.
I knocked on the door.
"What?" The question sounded angry, but Roland always sounded angry.
"It's Lyra," I said. "Are you busy?"
"Yes." The door opened and there was Roland, a towel draped over one hand but still fully dressed in his usual black. "I was just going to take a shower." He snorted an unpleasant laugh. "Unless you'd care to join me?"
"I have a shower in my own hut," I answered.
"Once you've had the best, don't settle for the rest," he muttered.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I wanted to reach for my parrot, but he was staring at me so intently there was no way I could make the gesture look natural.
"Alex doesn't keep secrets," Roland said, still blocking the doorway. "Even if he doesn't blurt it right out, it's written all over his face. I guarantee Helena will know about you and Alex within the hour."
Gravity Wells (Short Stories Collection) Page 12