Without You I Have Nothing

by J A Scooter

  “With practice you’ll be able to take over from Bob. He’s all start and stop. I'm forever fixing his clutch and brakes.”

  Peter didn’t consider Jennifer would be frightened when he returned from the motel office with only one key. She said nothing but was white faced when he carried their luggage into the one room. Blinded by his happiness he didn’t consider it strange she had not followed.

  Still Jennifer sat in the car, staring ahead, her knuckles white as she clenched the steering wheel.

  “Come on, Jennifer.”

  She didn’t move.

  “What’s wrong?” Peter dragged her into the room where she turned her back to stare at the floor, her hair falling over her face.

  “Peter, I believed in you and now...” She began to sob.

  “What do you mean?” Peter looked perplexed. His mind was confused. ‘Am I ever going to understand this woman?’

  “You said... You promised... Now I find what you had in mind,” slowly she turned her face, looking miserable with tears streaming down her cheeks. “You're just a man. I should have known better. I really believed you are different.”

  Straightening her back she threw her head up aggressively and hands on hips challenged Peter glaring defiantly. “I'm a virgin and I intend remaining that way until I'm married. The only person I’ll ever willingly give my body to will be my husband.”

  Peter’s arms encircled her as he sat on the bed with Jennifer sitting on his lap. Holding her as gently as he could, he tried to explain, “Jennifer, listen carefully.”

  She tried to stand but he wouldn’t allow her to move.

  “Please listen. Yes, I'm a man and proud of it. I'm no boy who would attack you, dragging you off to batter down your resistance. I'm a man. Hear me,” tenderly he lifted her face to kiss her eyes - first one eyelid then the other.

  “I didn’t lie to you. I can’t lie to you. You’ve jumped to a conclusion and you're wrong. This was the only room left and I intend sleeping in the car. My bag is here so I can have a shower that’s all.”

  Desperately Peter tried to prove she was safe with him as he continued, “You're a virgin ... so what?”

  Jennifer opened her eyes, the tears ceased.

  “You intend giving your husband a priceless gift.”

  Then it was all too much for Peter and grinning he added, “I can wait.” He stared into her eyes as if trying to mesmerize her, “It’ll be me sharing your marriage bed.”

  His kiss was passionate. He had warned her he intended being her husband. For the first time Peter’s love, the strength of which he had denied himself flowed through his body with all the urgency he had, all this time, held in check.

  Jennifer’s mouth opened to accept his tongue, which lashed her inner softness into submission.

  He bathed in the sweetness of her mouth and enjoyed the silken dueling with her tongue. Her breath held the promises of a summer ocean breeze but it only inflamed him even more and his arms tightened about her holding her tightly against his body.

  Then the kissing changed and Jennifer seemed to sag. Her lips were so soft, her mouth was open but Peter’s tongue didn’t attempt to explore. He kissed her with lustful words whispered onto her lips, which he sucked as Jennifer in turn kissed him. When their tongues finally did touch, it was outside their mouths, licking each other’s lips.

  Peter sucked Jennifer’s tongue into his mouth holding it there ever so briefly. Again, he was kissing her, their mouths open, exchanging lustful breaths back and forth.

  Their tongues met in a playful dance, equally penetrating each other’s mouth, not probing as a man’s tongue intent on seduction always seems to do.

  Jennifer’s body hung against Peter’s and her tongue tried to attack Peter’s mouth as if trying to suck him deep inside her. Her eyelids fluttered, her eyes widened before closing and her arms crawled around Peter’s neck. She answered Peter’s feelings with her body, which returned his passion tenfold.

  Peter was the first to break their embrace, “My God, Jennifer. Do that again and I’ll be a gibbering idiot. They’ll make me a doormat or something.”

  Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her against his body. Although his renewed eagerness stunned Jennifer, she reacted quickly when his lips brushed hers in a sweet kiss that melted her resistance.

  She tightened her arms around his neck and opened her mouth to accept his probing tongue. Peter deepened the kiss and her toes curled. She couldn’t breathe and didn’t want to. She only wanted to continue tasting his delicious kiss. Her body ground into his hardness and she melted completely.

  ‘Oh, God, I want you.’ Jennifer couldn’t control her soft whimpers of pleasure.

  Both bodies spoke and the conversation sent Peter’s senses reeling.

  Peter broke the embrace. “Now give me a pillow and I'm off.”

  “Off?” Jennifer seemed bewildered.

  “You didn’t hear what I said,” he patted her shoulder. “This was the only room they had so I’ll sleep in the car. Sleep tight.” Peter kissed her cheek and left.

  Hours later, a tap came at the frosty window. Peter’s body was stiff and he decided that he would never get comfortable sleeping in this car.

  “Come inside,” Jennifer seemed ill at ease yet demanded that he follow her. Bashfully she closed the door behind him, “I don’t want you to think the wrong thing but I couldn’t sleep knowing you were out there in the car. You're so big and the Mini is so small. No funny business and you can sleep on top of the bed.”

  “Oh?” Peter tried to look wistful and sad but Jennifer only began to laugh, “I thought...”

  “Go into the bathroom and change.” Jennifer was in charge.

  “I won’t lock the door if you promise not to peep.”

  The only reply was Jennifer’s giggle as she pushed him towards the door. The sexual tension between them was broken. She snuggled under the blankets while Peter lay on top in a sarong, cradling her head in his arms.

  Softly she whispered, “I think I'm insane. I know you're mad and I think that I’ve caught some of your madness.”

  Enjoying the feeling of being lovingly protected she relaxed. “You're really incredible, Peter, you say you love me, yet I do believe you’ve never once thought of seducing me.”

  Peter murmured into her hair, “How could I?” His arms tightened around her. “If I stripped, you would say 'Good God, what with?'“

  “I’ll bet,” a soft giggle answered. Then she paused adding, “You're so like my brother.”

  “Well, unless you have a magnifying glass and two tooth picks you can’t check.”

  Jennifer didn’t answer. She was asleep.

  It grew cold and Jennifer looked so inviting asleep under the blankets that Peter gave her a nudge. “Hey, move over,” and he gave her a push as he slipped under the bedclothes with her.

  “What do you think...?” Jennifer was instantly awake, “Get out, you big oaf.”

  “I'm freezing.” Peter pulled her down. “Please, Jennifer, I forgot my Teddy-Bear.”

  She groaned, “You fool,” allowing Peter to cuddle up as close as he could. They slept in each other’s arms.

  A nudge awoke Peter.

  Sunlight was streaming through the window, bathing the room in the eerie softness of a yellow dawn.

  “There are three of us in this bed and that third person is not ‘The Little One’.” A muted laugh came from Peter’s shoulder where Jennifer still lay.

  Peter froze. Jennifer was right. His body had responded to her warm, soft femininity even as he slept.

  “I'm sorry, Jennifer, I didn’t know.”

  “Nothing to be sorry about.” She leant on one elbow and looked down on him, “I’ve got a brother… I'm not that innocent.”

  Then shyly she added, “You’ve had me worried. I even thought you were gay. You’ve never...” She paused to kiss Peter wildly. “Actually I'm flattered. Now get out of here before I lose my resolve or worse.”

&n
bsp; Her push was enough to send him crashing to the floor.

  Realizing Jennifer was watching Peter raced for the bathroom trying to cover his embarrassment.

  A wild laugh followed him. “They say a cold shower does wonders.”

  Soon, hand-in-hand they were wandering down the main street. They were silent. The touch of each other’s hands was enough. Even breakfast at a truckers' stop was a quiet affair. Peter’s thoughts were full of Jennifer, her softness and the passion with which she had returned his kisses. If he had admitted he loved her before leaving Sydney, what was he to say now?

  In the car, conversation was easier. They toured Bathurst, visiting Charles Sturt University and the trucking yard where Peter was to deliver the trucks. Jennifer even rushed the Mini around the Mount Panorama Racing Circuit.

  Peter suggested a detour to the old gold mining ghost town of Hill End where there would be a woolshed barbeque and dance as it was Saturday night.

  The old pub was packed and Jennifer held Peter’s arm as she stopped him at the bar. “Please book separate rooms. Last night was wonderful but I couldn’t trust myself again,” perturbed by her own admission, she blushed and dropped her eyes.

  “Do you think you can trust me?” Peter spoke softly hoping she had confidence in him.

  “Yes,” she had to force the whisper out, “but can I trust myself?”

  “Then don’t worry. You're safe with me,” and he mumbled under his breath, hoping she didn’t hear, “very safe, my darling.”

  Peter soon returned from the office. “You’ll have a long drive tonight after the woolshed dance unless you want me to drive.”

  “Why?”

  The only room available has a double bed and...”

  “And what?” Jennifer closed the gap between them and placed her hands on Peter’s shoulders.

  “Well, last night you shared your bed because I had left my Teddy Bear at home and was frightened. Last night I shall never forget. A double bed...”

  Jennifer put her fingers to his lips cutting him off. “Last night you thought nothing of sharing my bed. Now you deny me comfort.” Her eyes twinkled merrily. “Provided you keep in mind what I said last night about remaining a...” She looked away.

  Shaking her head, she looked up at Peter once more, “A double bed it is.” Blushing, she giggled as she added, “But only the two of us. That third person is not welcome...” After a very long pause, she added, “Not yet.”

  “They’ll think I'm mad at the office.” Grumbling, Peter ambled off.

  They spent the afternoon wandering around the old gold diggings where Peter purchased a small gold nugget for her as a remembrance of the weekend. Jennifer watched Peter balancing the gold in his palm as if weighing it and then hefting it from palm to palm before he began haggling.

  The evening meal was an old-fashioned shearer’s meal and Jennifer seemed in her element. “I haven’t had one of these since I was a little girl. I used to sneak down to the shearer’s quarters and eat with them. It was such fun. The shearer’s cook always had something special for me.”

  Peter said nothing but stored the information for later reference. Jennifer was a farm girl.

  Dancing after dinner was all Peter’s heart desired. They moved as one. Her head on his chest, his face in her hair, drinking in her fragrance, wallowing in her softness and the light touch of her lips transformed him into Fred Astaire.

  Back in the room, Jennifer was mystified as Peter gathered all the spare pillows and cushions and placed them between the sheets down the center of the bed. “Which half do you want? Remember I am right-handed.” He roared with laughter at the look on Jennifer’s face.

  She didn’t answer, as she just didn’t understand at all.

  “Well,” Peter grinned cheekily as he cuddled her, “I don’t want to be attacked when I am half asleep and can’t protect myself. I'm not just a sex object - a toy boy that you’ve brought along so you can play with the goodies all night.”

  She roared and began punching Peter’s chest but later as he lay in bed, he almost said too much as she left the bathroom in her nightgown.

  “Don’t move, sweetheart. Stand still.”

  She froze silhouetted in the light streaming through the open door.

  “God, you're so beautiful. Your night dress is so sheer I can...”

  She flew across the room to ruffle his hair and playfully beat him across the chest, “You lecherous old bear. To think I once thought you were gay. I still think that I’ve taken leave of my senses and...” but Peter choked off the rest of her words as he wrestled her down to the bed where he splayed across her body, which lay open and inviting.

  With her arms pinned, she lay unresisting, staring up at him waiting while he kissed her.

  Every nerve ending seemed to focus on his lips until he began to tremble and shake.

  “That visitor has joined us,” she didn’t smile; she didn’t have to tell him - he knew. “Please... please...”

  “I know - another cold shower.” He tried to laugh as he stumbled off to the bathroom.

  “Thank you.” Her kiss was light as she snuggled as close as the intervening cushions would allow. “I wanted you - so much my body ached for you - yet part of my mind didn’t want.” She ran her fingers lightly across his lips, “You knew yet you didn’t. I think that I would have let you,” her eyes were wide with surprise at her own admission.

  “Jennifer, you're safe with me. When your body and mind and...” Peter lightly ran his finger around the fourth finger on her left hand, “all say ‘yes’ that will be the time. Not a second before. If I'm lucky, very lucky, the luckiest man in the world, I’ll be there putting that ring on your finger. I can wait.

  “I will never make love to you. Never! I will always make love with you.”

  Staring at him, slowly she began to comprehend his meaning.

  Carefully, so not to frighten her, Peter rolled her away until she was lying flat on her back then delicately kissed the ribbons from her shoulders giving her face, throat and shoulders the closest inspection with his lips, tongue and finger tips.

  “Peter, what are you doing?” she groaned but lay still, gratefully accepting his adoration.

  “Merely saying ‘Goodnight’ but if I don’t stop soon that unwelcome guest will be back and I hate cold showers,” laughing he pushed the ribbons into place and holding hands they slept.

  It was sometime during the night that Peter woke to the sensation of two warm hands on his chest. Not daring to breathe, he lay still, until Jennifer leant down to his ear and whispered, “I do love you.”

  He kept his eyes tightly closed feigning sleep as Jennifer lay down, to cuddle him.

  “Your hands wander while you're asleep, do they? Where have all the cushions gone? Where’s your sarong? Did it fall off while you were asleep eh? Or are you asleep?” A warm laughing voice sounded in Peter’s ear.

  Peter groaned, as he questioned himself. ‘Why am I awake? My dreams have been of softness, sweetness and warmth.’

  Slowly, he unwillingly dragged himself back to consciousness. ‘What... what have I done?’ His right hand had wandered while he slept and now he was lightly cuddling her bare breast while the nipple pushed hard into his hand.

  Only her shallow breathing as Jennifer lay still and her voice told him she was alive.

  Slowly he withdrew his hand. “I was asleep. I'm so glad you threw those silly cushions aside. Now I can cuddle you properly.” He knew as he rolled her to face him that he was naked. She would notice the throbbing message.

  Perhaps if he were careful she would be unaware of his longing. “Can you lie still? I think that damn visitor is back but it’s too cold for a shower.” He could feel her shoulder wriggle with gentle laughter. “Just cuddle me.”

  As the sun rose, Peter allowed his fingers to stroke her hair slowly as he kissed her shoulders.

  Enjoying her power to arouse him she neither moved nor spoke but merely bathed in the wealth of pleasure he e
voked.

  Lightly his fingers traced a web of gentle, pleasurable circles across her shoulder blades down her back to her hips. Frequently he paused, giving his mind time to control his own body. Mind and body fought until his body collapsed and his passions slept.

  Then his movements restarted and the web grew larger but Peter was in no hurry. His lips danced from her eyelids to her nose, from her mouth to her neck, from her ears to her wrists. Like a cat with a bowl of cream, Peter lapped at her skin until he began to feel her respond to his soft call.

  Slowly Jennifer’s skin changed texture as if an electric current were jumping from Peter’s fingertips to spark Jennifer to life. Like honey, she tasted sweeter and sweeter until her lips opened and Peter’s kisses swallowed her soft sighs.

  She rolled onto her back, trembling.

  Still his fingers and lips wove their magic tiptoeing from shoulder to neck.

  She opened her eyes wide and stared at Peter as if seeing him for the first time, “Peter, please.”

  Haltingly she breathed his name as her hands began to explore his naked chest, “Peter!” and her trembling became more pronounced. Jennifer’s body filled the air with her own honeyed essence and Peter breathed deeply sucking it deep into his lungs to burn her wanting into his soul.

  “Okay, smarty,” he threw the blankets back, “whose turn is it now for a cold shower? Thought you were smart, eh?”

  “Peter,” she breathed throwing her arms around his neck and clinging tightly.

  Up came the blankets and he lay cuddling her like a baby, giving her time to regain control. Slowly he calmed her, “Sorry, darling. That was a silly game. I was paying you back for all the fun you’ve had at the expense of my unwelcome visitor. Now you know what a tightrope we’ve been treading. Both of us have been playing with fire but luckily the fire did not consume us. Just relax and don’t get frightened.”

  Waiting for Jennifer to speak Peter lay quietly but she was silent. “Enjoy these precious minutes here because it will be the last time we share a bed.”

  Her body tensed and she tried to speak but Peter continued. “The next time we share a bed - if we ever share a bed again, will be when...”