by Sara Orwig
They talked for another hour. He didn’t want to leave her, and he knew he wasn’t going to sleep, anyway.
Finally she stood. “I should go to bed and try to sleep for a few hours. You should, too.”
“I know how to solve that being unable to sleep.”
She arched a brow and she gave him a sly smile. “Do you really, now? What do you suggest?”
He stood, moving to her. On his way, he switched off a light, leaving only a dim glow from the hallway and the flickering light from the dying fire.
“I’m losing you. I never really had you, but our worlds are spinning apart now. Dammit.” He stepped back abruptly. “Good night, Laurie. Ivy. I guess I should call you Ivy, but all I know is Laurie.”
He turned and left the room swiftly, without looking back, and she felt as if she had just lost something important.
She had learned her identity tonight and been high on the discovery, and high from talking to her sister. Now she came crashing down, because Josh’s words hurt. He was right. They were worlds apart, but she was going to miss him when she left. She knew she taunted and flirted with him, sometimes goading him into kissing her, and she knew she should stop. But there was something irresistible about him and she couldn’t keep from trying to get past the barriers he put up. She couldn’t recall any man in her life who had kept up barriers around her.
She knew Josh wasn’t a man she should taunt. He was forceful, and if she ever completely broke through that reserve, she might regret it. She knew she was flirting with danger, tempting the man who could steal her heart as no one in her life had ever done. She suspected it would be incredibly easy to fall in love with Josh, and she knew she should be guarding her heart as much as he guarded his.
She went to the hall to switch out the only light left on, and returned to the window, raising one of the slats of a shutter and peering into the darkness. She shivered. Something out there had disturbed Josh, and she suspected that was a rare occurrence here on the ranch.
Then she became aware of the silent, dark house, how solitary she was in the family room with Josh gone. She felt chilled, frightened and alone. Frightening memories of Kansas City, and of being on the run, came back to her.
She turned to look at the darkened room. Josh could move through the dark like a cat, she knew. Laurie was tempted to call out to him, but that seemed ridiculous. She was safely locked in the house with him, she reminded herself. Covered with goose bumps, she moved across the room and switched on a light, looking around to reassure herself that everything was all right.
Her nerves were jittery. She went into the hall to switch on that light and returned to turn off the one in the family room, then rushed upstairs. Before she stepped into her room, she looked at Josh’s bedroom door, which was slightly ajar. All her fear evaporated, replaced by longing, and the hope that they catch her assailant soon.
She went to bed, aware of Josh so close, yet growing further away from her by the minute. Her lifestyle would separate them soon enough. Stay away from him, she told herself, yet she ached for his kisses, his loving. How easy it would be to cross the hall to his room. She knew he wouldn’t send her away.
It was another hour before she fell asleep, only to dream about Josh—a strange dream in which he kept slipping away from her.
Outside in the night, Finn shifted restlessly. Damned cowpoke. He’d thought the man was going to patrol the grounds all night long. Finn shifted the binoculars in his hand and looked at the house. The shutters were closed and she had gone inside. He had been tempted to take a shot when he had seen her come out on the porch, but then the cowboy had walked up, quiet as some damn cat creeping through the underbrush. The cowboy had been close enough to catch him if he had fired at her, so he’d lost that chance. The cowboy had been too damned close, period. Finn had held his breath, praying no insect or night critter would crawl over him, and that no animal would discover him. At least the man didn’t have his dogs with him, but the last time he had been there, he’d fed the dogs some steaks and dog treats. Now they no longer barked at him. They weren’t killer watchdogs, they were spoiled pets.
All Finn needed was a minute to take aim, make certain he had her in his sights and then squeeze off a shot, and she would be gone.
His problems would be ended and cold hard cash would await him. Only a few minutes with her in view. She had to come out of that house again at some point. He’d thought he had gotten her earlier, but then, as he watched the house, he had seen her move past the door.
The days had been growing warmer lately. She had to be getting tired of being shut in his house day after day. There was no way to keep her constantly hidden. She would come out of the house again, and when she did, he would be ready.
He climbed down and headed for his car. He would be back.
And if she didn’t come outside—then the house would have to go, be it with a fire or some other method. She should have used up her luck by now.
He felt his pager vibrating and picked it up. Only one person could be paging him.
Chapter 13
T he next morning Josh was working in the utility room when Laurie went down for breakfast. She followed the sounds of the hammer and found him repairing a shelf. He wore a T-shirt, faded, torn jeans and his scuffed black boots. The gunshot wound was healing, leaving a fresh scar on his muscular arm. He looked fit and sexy, full of animal magnetism that played havoc with her senses.
“Hi,” she said, leaning against the doorjamb.
He glanced over his shoulder, his gaze sweeping over her and she was aware of her cutoffs and T-shirt. Every nerve in her body tingled and her pulse jumped again when he smiled.
“Morning,” he said, and put down his hammer. “I’ve been waiting to eat breakfast with you.”
“And you’ve been up for how long?” she demanded.
“I’m accustomed to getting up about the time we went to bed last night, so I overslept. I slept until eight, which is a first. I can’t remember ever sleeping that late.”
“You’re a workaholic, Josh. I’ve slept past eight plenty of times when I was up late. And it was wonderful to sleep in this morning,” she said.
His brow arched, and she studied him. “You’re giving me a peculiar look.” As he approached her, her pulse jumped again.
“I’m imagining you asleep.” He propped his hand over her head, leaning against the doorjamb only inches away from her, so close she was certain he could hear her pounding heart. “Now, there are some circumstances where I would be perfectly willing to sleep in,” he drawled.
“You flirt, Josh, but you just go so far and no further.”
“I told you, I’m ready, willing and able to go as far as you want to.”
“Your body might be, but your heart isn’t.”
“And yours is? I don’t think so. You flirt and tease, but you don’t want to give your heart any more than I do mine, so don’t make it sound like I’m so different from you. This is one place where we’re birds of a feather.”
“Au contraire. I can hope for a long-term relationship. I don’t lock away my heart like you do.”
“I like to date.”
“When this is over, we can see each other.”
“Hardly,” he drawled in a cynical voice, while his green eyes were devouring her. “I’m on the ranch. You’ll be in your big city. Our lifestyles aren’t compatible. You have a glamorous career. I don’t think a cowboy and a struggling ranch fit into that picture. If we were off-limits to each other before you knew your identity, now we’re really forbidden to each other. There’s no future between us at all.”
“Is that right? Then you’d better keep your distance.”
“Not necessarily. A few kisses fall under big-time fun, and there won’t be any hurt in that.”
“You sound so sure of yourself. Just kiss and forget, huh?”
“That’s not all bad.”
“Not to you, since it’s what you live by. Someday, cowboy, someone is going to kiss you, a
nd you won’t be able to forget her or walk away.”
“It hasn’t happened yet, Laurie. And it obviously hasn’t happened yet for you, so there you are—we’re two of a kind.”
She shook her head and smiled at him. “No. I’m not scared to live, like you are. You’re oh, so tough when it comes to chasing bad guys and getting shot at and dealing with wild bulls and horses, but you’re scared where your heart is concerned. You’re scared of me.”
“Yeah, right. I’ll show you how scared,” he said, and her heart thudded.
He slid an arm around her waist, yanked her against him and leaned forward to kiss her hard, opening her mouth, kissing her with a force and hunger that made her forget the discovery of her identity, made her forget the past and future, the plans she had just made, the excitement she felt. Everything vanished, consumed in a kiss that possessed and seduced, that shattered every thought in her head.
How could anyone want her this much? Her pulse galloped and she turned to mush, melting, changing, transforming into a woman in need. His kiss laid claim to her in a way none before had. It was the kiss of a fierce warrior returning from battle to his woman, the kiss of a hungry lover ready for seduction. It was the kiss of a lifetime, and she trembled, returning it avidly.
All her arguments were gone, but dimly, she knew she had been wrong. He wasn’t scared to kiss her at all.
Suddenly he released her and stepped away. His breathing was ragged and he looked torn and hurt, so much so that she was shocked. Yet she was still lost in that kiss, which had stunned her.
“Our lives are worlds apart,” he said roughly.
She touched her lips lightly with the tips of her fingers. “It’s your call,” she whispered, still thinking about his kiss and absorbed by her reaction to it.
He stroked her cheek. “You’ll have a good life to go back to,” he said, and then he was gone, and she heard the back door close.
She stepped into the kitchen and sat down abruptly, feeling weak-kneed. That kiss had taken her breath, and taken a little bit of herself that she didn’t think she was going to get back.
Whatever happened, if they never saw each other again after the next few days, she knew she would remember him and his kisses the rest of her life.
She would remember that kiss the rest of her life. Would anyone else ever kiss her like that? Would she ever want anyone to?
Josh was right, she began to realize. Their lifestyles weren’t in the least compatible, and their flirting was dangerous to both of them.
That knowledge hurt, and for the first time, she saw why he had been so grim. Even though they had told each other over and over that they should leave one another alone, she had always thought there would be a possibility of dating when she knew her real identity. But Josh had told the truth. They had entirely different lifestyles. She didn’t want to fall in love with a tough cowboy who kept a wall around his heart. A cowboy who would never leave his ranch.
She touched her lips again with her fingertips. She would be telling him goodbye so soon now. She sobered and glanced at the empty doorway, understanding his hurt, but feeling part of it was of his own choosing. He was the one who didn’t want a lasting relationship. He didn’t want any woman around long. He had told her that from the first.
“If that’s the way you want it,” she whispered.
Trying to get her mind on other things, she went to the kitchen to pour a glass of orange juice and fix some bacon and eggs. Yet she had lost her appetite, and it was impossible to think about breakfast or mundane things. Was she in love already, forever in love with a cowboy who wouldn’t love in return?
Laurie shook her head, knowing she had to get her mind off Josh. She moved around the kitchen, doing the same things twice, barely aware of her actions.
She stopped abruptly and looked down at herself. No wonder food tasted so good! And no wonder her clothes had gotten tighter. In her past, she probably had been very careful about what she ate, to keep her weight at a certain level for modeling. Since the wreck, she had let go and eaten whatever and whenever she wanted, relishing every meal and snack. Now she could guess why the food had seemed so wonderful. She had probably deprived herself for years.
As she scrambled eggs, she heard the back door open and turned to see Josh.
“Sorry you kissed me?” she asked, unable to resist, and wondering what it was about him that brought out a devilish streak in her. Maybe it was that cool facade that was just too tempting to try to break through.
“Hell, no. Come here and I’ll do it again if you’d like,” he said lightly, and she knew he was back to the flirtation that meant so little to him. But when she looked into his eyes, her breath caught.
“Not until we have breakfast,” she said, trying to keep things as light as he was. “And call the sheriff.”
“I’m ahead of you there. I phoned him early, and he was going to call us. He spotted the missing-person report and intended to call your sister today. I told him you had your memory back.”
“Oh, Josh, it’s wonderful!” she said, throwing up her arms and sending a little fleck of scrambled egg flying through the air to land on the counter. “Whoops,” she said, laughing. “You can’t understand because you’ve got your life,” she said, wiping up the egg and turning to stir the pan again. She looked over her shoulder at him. “In spite of the danger, I’m deliriously happy. My life has been a black hole, but now light and answers are spilling into it. I remember my first grade teacher, my first kiss, my first dance. I remember my first modeling job—well, not really. I remember my family talking about it because I was one of those little kids that got to be in a commercial. I tutor kids—or I did until I left town.”
“You, a tutor?”
She arched her brows. “You think you’re the only one who can help people? Or don’t you think I know enough to tutor little kids?”
“No, I don’t think that. I’m just surprised. It doesn’t fit in with this model image of you.”
“It doesn’t fit your preconceived notions, you mean.”
“Don’t get so indignant. You couldn’t believe I hired kids who had been in trouble.”
“Okay, so we both have preconceived notions. Mine are just more justified.”
“Like hell.”
“I remember everything!” she exclaimed exuberantly, throwing up her arms. She looked at him. “I’m sorry if I’m acting goofy about it. I know for you life is just the same.”
“My life isn’t quite the same,” he said.
“Oh, yes, it is. You still have that wall around you.”
“Not this morning,” he said. “I seem to remember kissing you a few minutes ago.”
“That you did. Your eggs will be ready soon.”
“You must have known I was coming back.”
She looked over her shoulder at him and gave him a smug smile. “Maybe I’ll always get you back.”
“No, you won’t, Laurie. When you leave for Kansas City, you’ll tell me goodbye forever. I’m a cowboy rooted to this ranch like one of those big trees outside. And you know what happens if you uproot one of those trees.”
“You don’t look like a tree to me.”
“I’ll leave that one alone. I’ll wash up and take over cooking.” He left and was back in minutes to take the spatula from her.
“I can do this,” she said, laughing at him. “You think I can’t cook?”
“If your family has restaurants, I’m sure you can cook, but I’ll do it. Sit down and let me wait on you.”
“Thanks. Anyway, I can help.”
Too aware of him, she moved around the kitchen, putting things on the table, and soon she was seated across from him with their plates full. Yet her appetite fled and her pulse still skittered and she was too aware of his intense gaze focused on her.
“Do you have any pasta on the place?” she asked.
“Sure. I’ve got a well-stocked pantry.”
“Then let me cook dinner tonight. I have a penne spec
ialty.”
“Any specialty you have, I’ll be tickled pink to try,” he drawled.
“Well, you know the old saying, ‘The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.’”
“The way to my heart definitely involves a different part of my anatomy.”
“That’s pure lust.”
“There’s nothing pure about it.”
“Okay, dinner tonight. What time shall I plan to have it ready?”
“Seven.”
“Seven it is. So what’s the schedule today?”
She listened while he talked about things he would do around the house. Men were coming later to install an alarm system and outside lights, and she knew it was just as well they wouldn’t be alone, because neither one of them could resist flirting.
Josh helped her clean the kitchen, and she was intensely aware of every brush of their fingers, of him standing close. Then he left to go work on something in his bedroom, and she wondered if he had picked that spot to get away from her. She could hear him hammering while she called both her sisters again, talking for over an hour to each one. Then she went downstairs to plan dinner and see if he had everything in the pantry that she would need.
She didn’t see Josh again until noon. She went ahead and fixed sandwiches, knowing she would go get him when she had everything ready. Before she could, he strolled into the kitchen.
“You look good enough to eat,” he said easily.
“So do you,” she answered. “Tall and tasty.”
He inhaled swiftly. “You’re playing with fire again,” he said, crossing the room to her, and her pulse jumped.
“Maybe because I know I’m going to be leaving the blaze all too soon. Besides, you said someone will be here at noon to install an alarm. That’s going to force us to be good.”
“Good isn’t the right word. Circumspect maybe, but this is what’s good,” he said, putting his arm around her to kiss her.
She wrapped her arms around his narrow waist and kissed him in return, wanting more kisses like this morning, wanting Josh. The threat of goodbyes vanished as the need she felt escalated. Kisses weren’t enough, but they were better than the constant reminder that Josh and she would be parting before long.