by Xondra Day
Hearing Jace talk like that was enough to set Brandon into lust-ridden overdrive. Every word spurred him on. He wanted to make Jace come. He wanted to make him feel so damned good. This was their first time connecting in such an intimate way and he wanted this to be great for both of them and something to remember.
Jace was so tight and being inside him was unlike anything he’d ever experienced in his young life. Brandon leaned ahead and wrapped his arms around Jace, holding them together and as they moved in unison, he really did feel like they’d become one with each other. His heart thudded hard inside his chest and when he kissed the back of Jace’s neck, he’d never felt so happy.
“Oh, God,” said Jace, squirming under him. He was breathing heavy and when he looked back over his shoulder, he smiled. “You’re amazing.”
“You too, buddy.” Brandon meant it. He felt his balls clench and he bit down on his bottom lip as he felt his orgasm rapture through him. “I’m gonna come,” he announced as he plunged deeper into Jace’s tight ass.
Chapter Six
Jace was no longer a virgin. That one fact took a while before it settled into Jace’s mind as he lay there in Brandon’s arms, not sure what to say or do next.
“I could eat,” Brandon said, his words taking Jace by surprise.
“What?”
“I could eat. After that, I need food to help me recover.”
“Is that all you have to say?” Jace teased. In the back of his mind, he guessed he’d expected more. They’d had full on sex and this was a big deal for him. Perhaps all gay guys didn’t think like he did. Hell, even now just lying there next to Brandon, his heart still did flip flops thinking about them being together.
“What else do you want me to say?” Brandon asked. He moved to the edge of the bed and sat up. “Tell me and I’ll say it.”
“It’s just that.” Jace stopped before saying anything else, taking great care with his choice of words. “Never mind.”
“But now you’re pissed with me, right?”
He wasn’t. Disappointment wasn’t the same as being pissed. “I’m not. Don’t mind me. Sometimes I ramble and I don’t know what the fuck I’m saying.”
“Are you sure?” Brandon stepped into his jeans and pulled them up. “I think there’s a pizza in the freezer.”
“Sure, sounds good,” he lied.
****
“It’s not bad,” said Brandon, after he’d taken a bite of pizza. “It’s isn’t as good as the stuff I used to get in the city, but it’s okay.” He glanced at Jace, who looked like he was in a world of his own. Something was wrong. That was apparent. Somehow he’d managed to fuck up. This was still new to him and he was learning. It wasn’t as if he was experienced being with guys. “You’re quiet,” he said.
“I guess I am,” Jace replied. “It’s getting late and I should head home. My mom will worry. She’s still going through hard times and the least little thing sets her off.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. It must still be tough on her about your dad and all.” He tossed the crust left from his slice of pizza on his plate. “You don’t have to go. It’s still kinda early. We could watch TV or play a game.”
“Another time.”
“Then I’ll drive you home.”
“I’ll walk. It isn’t that far and I like the exercise.”
Brandon followed Jace to the door and grabbed him from the back, by the shoulder. “What did I do?”
“Nothing. I have to go. I’ll text you.”
This was fucked up. If this was what love, romance, and relationships were about, he wasn’t sure if he wanted any of it. “No, don’t. I mean, don’t go off like this. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Do you even know what you want?” asked Jace. “I’m fucking gay! There it is, I said it. I’m queer and that isn’t going to change. I knew it ever since I was a kid. It’s one part of who I am, but I’m not so sure about you.”
Brandon thought about what Jace had said. Jace was right. He wasn’t sure of that himself and he couldn’t pretend otherwise. “Okay, I admit it. I never thought much about guys before you came along. I can’t change that. I am what I am. Maybe I’m gay or maybe I’m bisexual. I don’t fucking know.” He couldn’t be more honest than that and he still didn’t know what Jace’s problem was.
“That’s exactly my point. I don’t know where I stand with you, Brandon. I think it’s best if we cool things for a bit.” Jace backed away from him. “It’s better for both of us.”
“And what if I don’t agree?” Brandon asked. “What if I don’t want to fucking cool it?”
Jace shrugged and started to walk down the street. Brandon didn’t follow. Enough was enough. If Jace wanted it this way, then so be it!
****
Jace felt heartsick as he walked away from Brandon. He fought the urge many times to turn and go back to him as he made his way down the street and out of sight. Sure he was new and inexperienced, and he didn’t quite know what love really was, but there was one thing he was certain of and that was that he wanted more from Brandon and the guy was unwilling to give that to him. Hiding what they had between them was getting old. In the beginning it was a little thrilling. They shared a secret and Brandon was so hot. It made Jace feel special that Brandon wanted him, yet, he’d just tossed Brandon to the wind without much thought.
A car pulled over to the side of the road once Jace rounded the corner. At first he didn’t notice anyone was there until a voice that was distinct and familiar called out to him. “Hey, would you like a ride?” It was Preston.
Did he want a ride? Hell, at this point Jace was sure about anything in life. “Sure,” he replied, and in a second was sitting next to Preston. “How are things?” He felt mildly uncomfortable given that since he’d gotten involved with Brandon he’d practically ignored Preston.
“Things are okay. What about you?” Preston asked.
“Things are pretty shitty, actually.” He could have easily lied, but what was the point?
“You were with that dude, Brandon.”
“Was is the key word with that,” Jace spat.
“You two seem pretty close these days.” Brandon pulled the car onto the street. “I wanted to see you again, but I didn’t want to mess anything up for you.”
“Why would you mess anything up?”
Preston shrugged. “I dunno. You two have something on the go with him, right?”
“Why would you think that?” Jace slumped a little in the seat and kept his eyes straight ahead on the road.
“It’s a vibe I get. Am I wrong?”
Jace went silent for a moment before answering. “No. You’re right. We had something, but it’s over now. You can’t tell anyone.”
“Of course not. Wow, you and Brandon.” Preston sounded dumbfounded. “Why did it end? If I’m asking too many questions, just tell me to shut up.”
“It’s fine. We’re not on the same wavelength. We want different things.” Jace decided to leave it at that. He wasn’t in the mood to get into the dirty details with Preston. “You can drop me off at home. That’s where I was headed.”
“Sure.”
When they pulled up in front of Jace’s house, he thanked Preston for the ride.
“We should hang out again,” Preston suggested.
“Maybe,” Jace replied. “Thanks again for the ride. I’ll see you around.” Hanging out meant fooling around. He wasn’t stupid and while that was fun, he wasn’t in the mood to even consider it at this time.
****
School only proved to be awkward. Brandon noticed straight off that Jace was ignoring him. Their first encounter happened when he passed Jace’s locker first thing that morning and when he glanced in Jace’s direction, Jace turned away and pretended Brandon didn’t exist. So much for maintaining any sort of friendship.
During lunch period, Brandon passed through the cafeteria to see Jace sitting with that snob, Preston. Just seeing them together was enough to piss him off for the res
t of the day. If this was Jace’s way of making him fucking jealous or getting back at him in some backward way, he wouldn’t give in. He still didn’t know what he’d done wrong to make Jace turn away from him. Everything about this situation was pointless. By the end of the day, Brandon was ready to lose it and seeing Jace get into Preston’s car in the parking lot sure as shit was the last straw.
“My parents are going away for the entire weekend, man.” Mike stood in front of Brandon looking excited. “I have the house to myself and you know what that means… par-TAY!”
“Huh?” Brandon’s eyes were still trained on Jace getting into that prick’s car. “What?” He didn’t hear one word Mike had said.
“Man, you were in Spaceville. I said I have the house to myself for the entire weekend. I’m gonna throw a party. It’ll rock.”
“Cool, I’m there.” He wasn’t really in the mood, but anything would be better than staying home alone.
Brandon wondered if Mike had caught on about him and Jace. Mike hadn’t said or done anything to make him think he’d had. They’d managed to keep everything low key, but still the thought was there.
****
“Jesus, what’s wrong with you?” Mike asked. That night around eight, he’d shown up at Jace’s house to hang out. “I’m not going to force you to go to that party. I was only asking.”
Jace had to admit that his initial reaction had been flippant especially when Mike told him that Brandon was going to be there. “I’ve not been myself. I shouldn’t have barked at you like that. My problems have nothing to do with you.”
“Then what is it, Jace? You’ve been acting strange lately. We used to be like best friends, but something’s changed.”
“It’s nothing. I’m just being weird. You know I’m not that social. I have a lot on my mind with finishing school and trying to get into a good college.” That was a partial lie. He had great grades and that wasn’t a worry. He wasn’t about to get into his sexuality with Mike. Mike was a cool guy, and happened to be family, but there was no way he’d understand what Jace was going through and his angst with Brandon.
“Well, I think you should go. I’m not going to hound you about it, all the same. The offer stands and you know my cell number. Anyway, let’s take a drive.” Mike held up his keys and grinned. “The fresh air will do you good.”
Mike was right. It was great to get out and Jace drank in the night air as they drove around town with the windows down. When Mike dropped him off at home an hour later, Jace felt much better.
“So, the party?” Mike asked. “It wouldn’t be the same without you being there. Plus, Brandon’s going to be there.”
Jace hesitated. “What does Brandon have to do with anything?”
“What’s with you two? I’ve been meaning to ask, but there never seemed to be a right time.” Mike smirked. “You two seem awfully close.”
“You introduced us and we have some things in common.” Jace fought not to sound annoyed with Mike’s question. “Anyway, we won’t be hanging out anymore.”
“Why not? Did he do something to piss you off? I can talk to him,” Mike offered.
“Leave it alone. I took care of it. I don’t need you to fight my battles.”
Mike looked a little hurt. “Okay… I won’t say a word.”
“I’m sorry, Mike. I didn’t mean anything by that. There’s so much shit going on in my mind, I don’t know where to start.”
“We’re family and more than that, we’re also friends. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Jace knew Mike was being genuine. Will all of his kidding around and stuff, Mike was a class act all the way.
If only it were that easy just to spit it out, to come out. Jace closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he went out on a limb. “I’m gay,” he said. Those two words were the hardest ones he’d ever had to say.
“I know.” Mike rolled his eyes and sat back in the seat. “I’ve known for some time.”
“What? How did you know?” Jace was dumbfounded by Mike’s lacklustre response.
“Let’s see.” Mike paused. “You’re eighteen and you’ve never had a girlfriend. That’s not strange. A lot of guys are late bloomers, but you’ve never shown any interest in girls, period. I don’t know how to explain it. It doesn’t bother me. You are who you are and I totally respect that.”
Jace sucked in a deep breath. “There’s more. I’ve been seeing Brandon.”
“And he fucked you over…That bastard!”
“No, it isn’t like that,” Jace protested. “Some issues came up between us and we couldn’t agree how to sort them out.” That was somewhat correct.
“Brandon can be an ass at times. I don’t think he’s had an easy life. He isn’t the most tactful at the best of times, and I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.”
Jace nodded. Everything Mike said was true.
Chapter Seven
In the end, Jace decided to go to the party and standing up with his back against the wall in the kitchen, he tried his best not to be noticed by anyone.
“You’re not having a good time.” Mike stood next to Jace and casually sipped his beer. “Brandon’s in the living room. Why don’t you go talk to him? Dude’s practically sulking and I can’t say anything because he doesn’t know that I know about you and him.”
It had been days since the blow-up with Brandon. Hell, he missed him. Even if he wanted to, Jace didn’t know how he’d be able to approach him. It wasn’t as if he could just go up to the guy and tell him he missed him. That worked in the movies and sappy novels, but not in real life. “Leave it alone. I shouldn’t have come here. I’m heading home. The last thing I need is some scene here.”
“Stay a while longer. The night’s still young.” Mike playfully punched him in the shoulder. “Maybe there’s another guy here that you can…flirt with or something.”
Jace’s eyes went big. “Will you keep your voice down? And it isn’t that easy.” If it was, life would be a whole lot simpler.
“Statistics-wise, there has to be at least another guy or two here that’s gay. I looked it up. I can’t remember exactly what the numbers are, but that sounds about right.”
“You actually looked that up?” Jace was impressed that Mike would go to the trouble to do that.
“I did.” Mike looked and sounded quite proud of his endeavor. “It wasn’t hard to find the information. The ‘Net is a wonderful invention.”
“I’m not sure how well statistics translate over into real life.”
“Good point,” Mike said. “This party sucks anyway. It isn’t anything near what I thought it was going to be.”
“I second that,” Jace chimed.
Brandon appeared around the corner of the door leading into the kitchen. He nodded to Jace. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Jace replied. He kept his head down. There was no way he could meet Brandon’s gaze.
“Well, I’m going to snag another beer,” Mike said. “Jace, if you need me just holler.”
“Sure.” Jace glanced up for a moment to see Mike flash him a wary look before walking away.
“We need to talk,” Brandon said, his voice low.
“There isn’t much to talk about.” Jace was angry, but he didn’t see the point of rehashing stuff they’d already discussed before. It was pointless.
“There is. Give me a chance?” Brandon asked. “Go outside with me?”
****
Stubborn could have easily been Jace’s middle name.
Together they walked to the edge of the back yard and stood near the fence that separated the property from the next. It was out of view from the house and there was no way that anyone would see them out there or hear what was about to be said.
Jace faced away from him and when he started to speak, Brandon didn’t know what to say at first, yet he knew what had to be said. “I’m an ass.” It was a start.
“Yes, you are.” Jace turned to him slowly. “I could have told you that.�
�
“I deserve everything you say, but I want you to know how I really feel. Being without you made me realize that I want you more than ever.”
“Why? We’re nothing alike. It would never work. You and I would never work.” Jace pointed at him. “We’re too different and you don’t want what I want in a relationship.”
“Tell me, what do you want?” Brandon pleaded.
Jace shook his head. “I want someone who will love me for who I am. I want a guy who won’t be afraid to show his love to me. I don’t want to fucking hide any longer. And I know it’s not easy to come out. I haven’t done it yet.” Jace stopped. “Well, that’s not entirely true. I told Mike.”
“You told him? Did you tell him about us?” The alarm in Brandon’s voice was undeniable.
“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Yes, I told him about us. Does that make you feel uncomfortable? Does that scare you and piss you off?”
Brandon wasn’t pissed off, but he was taken aback. “Fuck… No, I’m not pissed off. This isn’t easy for me.” Suddenly he felt sick. “I wish I were like you.”
“I’m nothing special.”
“You’re brave and that’s something special.” Brandon sank to the grass and lay back as he looked up at the starry night sky. When Jace sat next to him, he swallowed hard. But no matter what, he wouldn’t cry. “I feel so fucked up inside.”
“Join the club.”
“I know one thing for sure, I like you a lot, Jace. I like you more than anyone else in this whole entire fucked-up world. When we first met and we did what we did, I was freaked out. But I don’t regret it at all. I can’t get you outta my head no matter how hard I try.”
Brandon heard Jace laugh. “Same here. I liked you from the first time I laid eyes on you. It’s like that connection was already there.”
“Weird.” Brandon felt Jace’s hand on his shoulder and then the other on his opposite. When Jace’s lips touched his, Brandon pulled Jace down further until they were chest to chest.