by Shuler, Tara
At first, he thought it would be a sign of weakness to talk to her about it. For a moment, he wanted to demand she leave. How dare she be so insolent as to ask him such a question? Still, he knew it needed to be said. If nothing else, she needed to understand the situation in order to use her gift more effectively.
“The man you saw… I believe it was Balthazar Solomon,” he answered.
Esla shuddered. She knew of the dark, evil man who ruled the largest human civilization in the United States. In fact, she knew more of him than she wanted to remember. Years ago, he had killed her human parents and her younger brother because her father was accused of poaching on Balthazar’s land.
She had never seen him, because she was delivering eggs to the merchant in town the day he came to their home and burned it to the ground with her family still inside. Her neighbors took pity on her and took her in as their own child, and it was through them that she came to learn what had happened.
This was something she had never shared with her beloved. In fact, he knew little of her life before she was turned. It had never occurred to him to ask – or even to care. And she had assumed it was something better left unsaid.
“Why would he do such a thing to you?” Esla asked.
“Why do you think?” Illyan returned. “Balthazar knows I am Chancellor, and he’s undoubtedly heard the rumors. I’m certain he knows about the coming war, so he wants to eliminate me.”
Her heart sank. She knew this coming war meant everything to him, but she could not bear the thought of losing him forever.
There was a time when she did not fear death. She’d been deeply religious before she was turned, and she believed she would go to Heaven when she died. She was certain she would have an eternal life there. She was so devoutly religious, that she’d been a virgin when she married Illyan – a fact that had not changed since their wedding – and a rarity in a world of turmoil and ever-waning faith.
Now that she was one of the forsaken ones, she did not know what would happen to her after she died. Would she ever see him again once they died, or did they lose their souls the moment they were turned? She could not bear to think of such things now.
She squeezed him tighter, never wanting the moment to end. She wanted to beg him not to go to war. She desperately wanted to keep him at The Manor with her forever, and to let the humans have the rest of the world. Deep down, though, she knew it would never happen. He wanted this war more than anything. In his mind, it must happen. It had already been written.
“I know what you are thinking,” he told her.
“Yes,” she said in agreement.
“You know that cannot happen,” he said.
“I know, but…” she stopped herself before she said too much.
“Perhaps your vision was in error,” he said, trying to comfort her.
“Perhaps…” she said.
But she wasn’t so sure. She had never seen Balthazar before. How could she have seen him so vividly? Maybe he was mistaken. Surely, he couldn’t be certain it was Balthazar she had seen in her vision. Could he?
“It’s late,” he said, referring to the time, which was nearly noon. “I must get some sleep.”
Her heart sank. She wanted desperately to spend more time with him, and she didn’t want to retire to her own chambers so far away from his.
“You may come with me if you wish,” he said, looking into her eyes for a brief moment before turning toward the stairs.
She sat motionless for a few moments, unsure what to do. He had never asked her to his chamber to sleep. Maybe she had misheard him.
“Are you coming?” he asked, pausing briefly on the stairs.
“Oh, yes!” she gasped breathlessly, jumping to her feet and bounding after him as he climbed the wooden staircase.
She followed him to his bedroom and he closed the door behind them. He slipped behind the changing screen and changed into his nightshirt before getting into bed. She slipped under the covers, still wearing her dress and cloak.
At first, she was afraid to touch him. Would he demand she leave if she showed him any affection? She had never been in bed with him before. It simply wasn’t done. Vampires, as a rule, prefer to sleep alone. But as she lied beside him watching his chest rise and fall with every cold, shallow breath, she could not resist.
Slowly, carefully, she reached over and placed one hand gingerly upon his chest. He did not stir. She slid very slowly toward him, and still he did not push her away. Carefully, she moved to rest her head on his chest, wrapping her arm around him and holding him tightly. To her surprise, he put his arm around her and fell asleep.
Chapter Three
It was dusk when Esla was awakened by Ayis’s shrill voice echoing through the corridor outside. She looked over, and he was gone.
“Then where is she?” Ayis demanded loudly. “If she isn’t off making plans to betray us to the humans, where else could she be?”
“Ayis, this is not your concern,” his voice responded.
“The hell it’s not!” Ayis shouted. “I’m not going to sit by while she’s off making plans to destroy us all!”
“Ayis, stop it!” he said, his voice growing more impatient.
“I won’t! I am your wife! She is nothing but a filthy human tramp!” screamed Ayis.
“You will stop this immediately, Ayis,” he said, the tone of his voice letting Ayis know he meant business.
“Fine, but if you think for one moment I’m going to let this go, you’re out of your mind!”
At that moment, she threw open the door to his chamber, intending to make his bed the way she did every morning. He was not able to stop her in time. In horror, she sat ogling at the sight of Esla in his bed, the covers pulled protectively up around her as if she were nude, though she still wore her clothing from earlier.
“What… is… this…” Ayis demanded, her eyes flashing stormily. She turned to him with fire still in her eyes, and she demanded, “What is she doing in here?”
“As I said, this is none of your concern,” he said. “Leave my room… now.”
She opened her mouth to protest, but the look on his face made her think better of it. She glared at him angrily and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
“I’m sorry,” said Esla. “I didn’t mean to cause a conflict.”
“Never mind,” he said in a surprisingly gentle tone.
“Shall I leave?” Esla asked, worried he would ask her to do so.
“No, I’d like you to stay,” he said.
For a moment, she felt a strange thrill. Perhaps he was developing feelings for her at long last! Her human heart skipped a beat as she thought about his strong arm around her as she slept, and she thought that maybe her dream was finally coming true. Maybe he was finally falling in love with her!
He continued, “We need to talk about your vision.”
Her heart sank. She had known it was too good to be true, but still she had held a faint hope that maybe…
“Yes, of course,” she said, disappointment washing across her face and invading her voice.
Her disappointment was lost on him. He hardly noticed. He sat down in the chair and watched her, waiting. Slowly, she slipped out of the bed and joined him in the other chair.
“Esla,” he began. “Last night in the cellar, I was thinking. I used to see your human emotions as a weakness. For most of us, it would be. But for you, I believe it is a gift. Perhaps it could be useful.”
“How so?” she asked, confused. “I thought it was why you always seemed to despise me so.”
“I never despised you, Esla,” he said abruptly. “I just don’t understand you.”
“But...” she started to say.
“Esla, you said you didn’t have any visions when I was away. Was that the truth?” he asked her.
“Yes,” she answered. “Not a single one.”
“I see,” he said. “I’ve noticed something over the years, and it never really sunk in until I wa
s alone in the cellar.”
“What is it?” she asked him.
“I’ve noticed that you only seem to have visions when you’re with me,” he replied.
Esla thought about what he had just said. She looked back as far as she could remember – all the way to her very first vision. He was right. Every vision she had ever had was when she was with him. In fact, it only seemed to happen when she was experiencing an emotional moment with him.
“Esla,” he continued. “I believe your human emotion is a unique gift. I believe it is why you can see these visions and others cannot. While it is a weakness in others of our kind, I believe it is your strength.”
Esla was awash in confusion. What was he trying to say? Was he glad she had these emotions? What did all of this mean?
“I’m not sure what you’re saying,” she finally said.
“All these years, I have pushed you away. I did not want to risk becoming tainted by emotions. I have seen it happen to my brethren, and it was always their undoing,” he said. “But I now know that I am immune to human emotion.”
Again, her heart sank. While she was happy to hear he finally had a new respect for her humanity, it crushed her spirit to hear him say he was immune. Did that mean he would never love her? That he could never love her? If so, what happened last night? She was so sure she felt something in his touch. Maybe it was just her imagination. Maybe she only thought she felt it, because she wanted it to be true so desperately.
“Because I now know it will not affect me,” he continued. “I will no longer resist your presence. From now on, whenever you wish to be near me, I will allow it.”
This should have been the happiest moment of her life, but Esla was heartbroken. Ever since she married him, all she had ever wanted was to spend every moment by his side. He was all she thought of, and all she dreamed of. Still, knowing he felt nothing for her was like a stake through her heart.
For the first time, she wanted to get away from him. His presence sickened her. It wasn’t that she didn’t love him, anymore. In fact, she loved him more than ever. But the pain she was feeling was making her physically ill, and she had to get away. Tears stung her eyes, and she stood up, slowly backing away from him.
“Esla, have I said something to upset you?” he asked, reaching his hand toward her.
Instead of taking his extended hand as he assumed she would, she jerked away from him. Overcome with emotion, she began to weep. With her face hidden in her hands in an attempt to hide the emotion, she stumbled toward the door. She threw it open and fled toward the safety of her own room.
Once inside, she slammed the door and locked it. She tore off her cloak and tossed it over a chair before throwing herself onto her bed and burying her face in her pillow, sobbing.
Moments later, she heard a knock at the door.
“Esla?” she heard him say.
Esla refused to answer.
“Esla, please let me in,” he said.
Still, she said nothing.
“Esla, let me in this minute!” he demanded.
Overcome with emotion, Esla picked up the vase from the table beside her bed and hurled it at the door. The sound of the shattering glass momentarily made her feel a little better.
She expected him to break down the door and shout at her. That was his way. Whenever he and Ayis had an argument, he would shout, swear, and kick down a door if she ever tried to get away – which was rare. Ayis always like a good fight.
But Esla was met with silence. Part of her was glad to be left alone. Another part of her desperately wanted him to break down the door and take her in his arms, professing his everlasting love for her. This, however, she was certain would never happen.
Esla tried to fall asleep. She wanted to forget. She wanted to dream of her prince as she imagined him, the two of them in love and happy together. But she had fallen asleep in the courtyard the night before, and she had slept in his chamber throughout the day. Now, she could not force herself to sleep no matter how she tried.
The others would soon be heading out to feed. Esla still typically resisted feasting on human blood. Occasionally, she would consume a bit from the victims Illyan would bring home to her. However, most of the time she still ate human food. It was a habit Illyan and the others found horrifying.
Her stomach grumbled. At least maybe she could eat in peace since the others would all soon be out feeding. She dried her eyes and made her way down to the cellar. It was the only place in the house where human food was kept – mostly to feed the captives whenever they brought some home to feast on later.
She located a loaf of bread and broke off a small piece. She nibbled at it briefly, before tossing it in a corner. She was hungry, but she was too heartbroken to eat.
She collapsed onto a bed of hay in a corner and began to cry again. She was beginning to hate this wretched human emotion, but it was the only thing that kept her connected so strongly to her beloved Illyan.
Just then, she heard a voice from behind the wooden door that lead to the dungeon in the cellar. This was where they kept the captives. Usually, they were very quiet. They were all terrified to speak, lest they call attention to themselves and become dinner.
She slowly walked down the long hallway. Most of the cells were empty tonight, but at the very end of the hall, a young man was lying on the bed of straw in the corner of his cell moaning for water.
It was Ayis’s job to feed the captives, but since Illyan had come home, she must have forgotten about them. She peered through the small opening in the wooden door and watched him for a few moments. He seemed delirious. She could hardly see him in the darkness, but she watched him writhing in pain.
She took the keys from the wall at the end of the hall and unlocked his cell. She hesitated for a moment, but then she walked inside.
“Hello?” she said cautiously.
“Who’s there!” the man whispered hoarsely.
“My name is Esla,” she said gently. “How long have you been here?”
“I don’t know,” he asked, sounding confused. “Where am I?”
He tried to sit up weakly, and then collapsed back into the straw.
Esla didn’t know how to answer him. Instead, she picked up the tin cup from the floor nearby him, took it to the water trough outside the cells, and filled it. She brought it to him and held it to his lips as he drank.
Her eyes were slowly adjusting, and she could see him a little better. He appeared to be about twenty-five, the age she was when she was turned. He was rather handsome, with thick, dark hair and dark eyes,
“Where am I?” he repeated. “And why is it so dark? I can’t see anything.”
“What is your name?” Esla asked, changing the subject.
“Richard,” he answered.
“Are you hungry?” she asked him.
“Yes, I haven’t eaten in so long I can’t remember when it was. It must be days,” he answered her.
“What? Days? Have you had no food or water at all?” she asked, completely aghast.
“No, nothing. I haven’t even heard another human voice in what must be days. But it’s so dark here, I can’t tell when one day ends and another begins.”
Esla was absolutely livid. She despised her desire to feed on human blood, and she tried to resist as much as she could. Still, she did feed from time to time. When she didn’t, she grew weak. But to keep a creature of any kind captive without food or water was cruel beyond anything she had ever heard.
“I will be right back,” she said, standing to find him some food.
“No!” he said weakly, grabbing the bottom of her skirt. “Please don’t leave me.”
“I will be right back, I promise,” she told him, and he reluctantly released his grip on her skirt.
She found some bread and cheese in the cellar and brought it to Richard’s cell. She sat on the floor beside him and placed the food in his hands. She watched as he consumed it quickly, with an animalistic hunger.
“I’
m sorry you haven’t had anything to eat or drink,” she told him. “That was never supposed to happen.”
“What do you mean? Where am I? What’s going on?” he asked.
“You don’t remember?” she asked him.
“No,” he replied. “The last thing I remember was going out late one night to check on the horses. Everything went black. When I woke up, I was here in the dark. I shouted and shouted, but no one came.”
Esla felt terrible for this man. She wondered if he had a family. She wondered if maybe his wife and children were worried about him, and depending on him to come home and take care of them. For a moment, she thought of letting him go.
Quickly, Esla stood up and left the cell. When the heavy wooden door clanked shut, he immediately realized she had left him. Terrified, he called out to her.
“Wait! Don’t leave me alone here! Please come back! Please!” he screamed in the dark.
The terror in his voice, and the loneliness she knew he felt weighed heavily on her heart. But she knew she could not release him. Illyan would be furious with her if she did. She started to head down the hallway, his voice still echoing in her head as he shouted down the corridor. Suddenly, she turned and walked back toward the cell. Richard was still begging her to come back. She rattled he keys in the door and opened the cell door.
“Come with me,” she said, taking his hand.
Through the dark, she led Richard. He stumbled and hesitated in the darkness, but he clung tightly to her hand. She led him up the stairs and once they reached the top, she listened quietly. No one was around. She led him down the hallway and out the door to the rear exit of The Manor.
Once outside, Richard recognized where he was. In the moonlight, the outline of The Manor was clear. He looked at Esla for the first time, and he saw her green eyes glittering when the moonbeams landed on them. He backed away from her. Part of him wanted to run in terror, but somehow he realized he had no need to.
“Thank you,” he said to her.
“You’re welcome, Richard. Now, get away from here. Take your family and go far, far away,” she advised him.