by Shuler, Tara
“If he wanted to find me, he could. You’d be surprised how resourceful my kind can be. We have our ways.”
“You know I don’t care, right? Before I met you, I had nothing to live for, anyway. I have no family, no friends. Nothing. You’ve given me something to hope for.”
“Oh, please stop saying things like that! You don’t know what you’re saying! You don’t know anything about me. The only thing you know is that I’m somewhat attractive, and I guess I’m intriguing in some way because I’m dangerous or strange. But whatever you think you feel for me – I assure you, you’re wrong.”
“How can you possibly know how I feel?” Richard demanded. “You’re in love with a man who you claim is just using you to wipe out all of humanity!”
Esla’s jaw dropped, and she shook her head. “I can’t believe you said that,” she muttered.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded,” Richard said at once.
“Oh, yes, you did. You meant it exactly the way it sounded. You’re saying I’m no judge of such things, because I’m in love with a man who doesn’t love me in return, right?”
“Well, okay, yes. That is what I meant. But…”
“Stop it, Richard,” she interrupted him. “This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have come here.”
Esla snatched up her cloak, fled from the house in a flash, and Richard hardly had time even to open his mouth before she was gone. The door swung lazily in the breeze, and Richard, dazed and heartbroken, stared out into the night.
She headed back to The Manor and lurked outside, waiting until Illyan and the others left to hunt. Then she crept inside and made her way to her chamber. She surveyed the room, and it appeared untouched. Esla rummaged through her closet and found some clothing and stuffed it quickly into a suitcase. She located a few books and treasured mementos and tossed those in, as well. Then she took some clothes into the bathroom and filled the tub.
Esla undressed and sank into the hot water. She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the water rushing into the tub, and she enjoyed the feeling of the heat soothing her cold flesh.
“Esla,” she heard a voice say.
Her eyes popped open, and Illyan stood in the doorway of the bathroom. His face was stoic, not angry.
“Illyan,” she said coldly.
“I saw the suitcase on your bed,” he told her. “Does this mean you are not intending to come home?”
“That’s exactly what it means.”
“Esla, I implore you to reconsider. Things aren’t the same around here without you.”
“You mean you aren’t able to use my visions to pursue your blood war,” she spat. “That’s all you care about.”
“That’s not true at all,” he argued. “I do miss your presence.”
“Mm-hmm. Sure you do.”
“Please listen to me, Esla. It’s true that I cannot have feelings for you the way you want me to, but do actually enjoy your company on occasion.”
Esla scoffed. “You ‘enjoy my company?’ And that’s supposed to be enough for me?”
“I don’t expect anything. I’m just telling you the truth about the situation. You can take it any way you wish.”
“Please, just leave me to take my bath in peace. I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t even want to look at you. The only reason I even came here tonight was because I thought you would be out hunting with the others.”
“I overslept.”
“I would imagine so, since you have the comfort of a nice clean bed to sleep in,” she muttered.
“I don’t know where you slept last night,” Illyan said. “But you’re welcome to sleep here anytime you wish.”
“No thanks. I don’t want the strings that go along with that offer.”
“No strings. I won’t bother you if you just want to come sleep and bathe. You have my word.”
Esla eyed him suspiciously. “You’ve never done anything selfless in your entire life, Illyan. Why would you start, now?”
“Let’s just call it a peace offering.”
“I wish I could trust you,” she said quietly, fiddling with a bar of soap.
“Just try it for one night,” he offered. “Stay here tonight. I won’t bother you. Tomorrow night, once you’ve had a good sleep in your own bed, you can decide what you’d like to do.”
The soap slipped out of Esla’s hands and dropped to the floor. It slid across the tile and skidded into Illyan’s boot. He bent down, scooped it up, and held it in his extended hand to Esla. As she took it, her hand brushed against his, and it made her heart flutter.
“I can’t,” she said.
“I’ll be out feeding. I won’t even be here to bother you.”
That wasn’t the issue that was bothering her. She longed to tell him that just being inside The Manor made her feel heartbroken and lost. Every wall, every floor, every window – they all reminded her of Illyan. Everywhere she looked was another painful reminder of him.
But she couldn’t tell him. Even if she could force herself to utter the words, she knew the contempt he would feel when she did. Her stomach twisted in knots, and she wanted to scream.
“Leave,” she told him.
“Yes, of course. But will you please consider my…”
“Leave!” she interrupted him.
Illyan sighed, but he complied. The door clicked, and she heard her own bedroom door close as he left. She sank back into the water and tried to relax. Her eyes closed, and she tried to push Illyan from her mind. It was impossible. When she closed her eyes, his face haunted her. When she opened them, everything reminded her of him.
She quickly finished her bath and washed her hair, and once she was dressed, she took her suitcase and left The Manor. It was unbearable to be there. She lugged her suitcase back to the warehouse.
“This is ridiculous,” she muttered, unzipping her suitcase. “He’s the bastard, and I’m the one living in a warehouse.”
She flipped open the top of the suitcase, and she noticed a plain envelope sitting on top of her belongings. She picked it up and ran her finger over it, and then she opened it and removed the note inside. It read:
Dear Esla,
I know you think ill of me, and I don’t blame you. I finally understand what your human emotions mean, and I don’t begrudge you them. Although I can’t feel what you want me to, I promise to try to be more mindful of your feelings. I need you, Esla. We all do. You know what this war means to our race. Your gift is the only thing that can help us win it. Please reconsider.
Illyan
“It doesn’t change anything,” she mumbled.
She started to crumple the note and toss it aside, but she could not. The refolded it, placed it gently back in its envelope, and tucked it away inside her suitcase.
“Esla?” Richard’s voice called.
“Richard?” Esla called back, standing and peeking around the partition.
Richard stood in the doorway of the warehouse, and he strained to see her in the darkness. The cool night air swept in around him, and goose bumps rose on his arms.
“Where are you?” he called to her.
Esla crossed the huge empty space between them, and the streetlights outside illuminated her as she neared the door.
“What are you doing here?” she asked him. “How did you find me?”
“I only knew of a few places you might be,” he answered truthfully. “I knew you didn’t have access to water to clean up, so that narrowed down the options considerably.”
“What do you want?”
“I came to ask you to reconsider staying at my place tonight,” he told her. “I can’t stand the thought of you sleeping on a cold, hard floor with no water, no light. Please, Esla. Won’t you consider it?”
“I can’t, Richard.”
“Why not? Haven’t I been a gentleman? Have I ever tried to force you to do anything you didn’t want to do?”
“Of course you’ve been a gentleman. But that’s not the
issue.”
“Then what is?”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Richard,” she said. “I don’t trust me.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t trust myself to be around you. I know you don’t understand. I don’t even understand it, myself. But I do love my husband. I love him more than anything. And I can’t risk losing control of myself around you.”
“What has he done for you? Hmm? He’s used you. He’s hurt you. He’s treated you terribly. And yet you’re completely loyal to him. I, on the other hand, have given you nothing but kindness and respect, and you won’t give me the time of day!”
“Look. I know you think you have some kind of feelings for me. But you don’t! You might have some kind of attraction or a crush, but that’s all it is. So you have to stop this!”
“I’m not claiming to be in love with you, Esla. I just want to know you. Is that so wrong?”
“No, of course not,” she said. “It’s just…”
She froze, unable to continue, unsure what to say. She bit her lip and turned away so he wouldn’t see the blurry haze that stretched across her field of vision. She felt his hand close over her bicep.
“Just what?” he asked gently.
Her near-dead heart thumped in her chest. It was rare that she could feel it still struggling to live, still beating now and then, signaling that she was still clinging to her humanity. Now, it felt as though it might leap from her chest.
“Please,” she croaked, her voice breaking. “I can’t do this.”
Richard tightened his grip on her arm, determined not to let her slip away again, but her strength was too much for him. She simply shrugged his hand off and disappeared in a flash.
With tears streaming down her cheeks, and knowing she’d left her suitcase behind, she fled for the only place she knew to go – the burned out remains of Abe Alver’s home. She burst through the door and slammed it behind her, leaning against it and sobbing woefully.
She made her way to the back of the room, ashes and burned refuse crunching under her feet. She curled up in a ball on the floor behind the charred rubble of his bed and fell asleep.
Chapter Twelve
Esla was awakened at some point in the morning by the sound of a large group of people outside. Before she had time to react, the door was broken down, and the angry mob spilled into the room.
“There she is!” one of the men shouted.
Nearly a dozen men carrying stakes were advancing toward her, and there was nowhere to go. She backed into the corner, looking frantically for an escape route. She was trapped. She had little hope of defeating such a large group, despite her superior strength and speed, especially in the face of the intense sunlight which might weaken her.
Suddenly, a gunshot rang through the air. The men turned to see Richard standing in the doorway with a rifle.
“Put the stakes down, now!” Richard commanded.
“What in tarnation are you doing, man?” one of the men asked, shocked. “Don’t you know this here’s a vampire?”
“I said put the stakes down right now!” Richard ordered, cocking the gun.
The men slowly placed the stakes down on the floor and put their hands into the air.
“You’re making a big mistake, boy,” growled a balding older man.
“Esla, come on. I’m taking you out of here,” Richard said.
Anxiously, she made her way through the crowd of leering men. She didn’t breathe until she was safely out the door, and she and Richard backed slowly toward his waiting wagon. She climbed in while he kept the gun pointed toward the mob. The sun was extremely uncomfortable on her flesh, but she had no choice. She could not stay inside with that mob.
He jumped into the seat beside her, picked up the reins, and slapped he horses into action. The angry mob took off after them as the horses sped away. The mob could not keep up, and soon they disappeared in the distance.
“Are you okay?” Richard asked her when they were safely away from town.
“I… I think so,” she said, trembling. “The sunlight is really uncomfortable.”
“I thought sunlight could kill a vampire,” he commented.
“I’m still a young vampire,” she explained. “I still have some human blood, so things don’t affect me as much. It still makes me weak, though.”
Richard put one arm around her shoulders, and within moments she calmed down and stopped shaking. She felt safe with his arm around her. Richard reached into the wagon box behind him and picked up a blanket. Using his free hand, he started to spread it over her to block the sunlight. Soon she was safe under a blanket of darkness.
“How did you find me?” Esla asked him.
“This morning I went to town, and I heard them talking about you. They said someone saw a woman with a cloak and red hair walking with Abe Alver the night he died, and someone else claimed to have seen a woman who looked just like that walking home with Billy Kinsey the night he died,” Richard said.
“Billy Kinsey?” she asked, thinking. “Oh, he must have been the drunk.”
“That sounds like Billy, alright,” Richard agreed.
“You know I killed them, right?” Esla asked, her voice laced with remorse.
“Yeah, I know,” Richard said. “But I’m sure you had a good reason to. Neither one of them was worth the air they breathe.”
“That’s true,” Esla said. “But how do you know I won’t do the same to you?”
“I don’t,” Richard said honestly. “But I can’t stand to be away from you.”
“Thank you for rescuing me,” Esla told him. “I didn’t think I was going to make it out of there alive.”
“I couldn’t just let them kill you. And I’m sorry I don’t have a car,” Richard said. “We could get away faster if I did.”
“I don’t think anyone in town has one, do they?” Esla asked. “I haven’t seen a car since a few weeks after the bombs fell.”
“No, I don’t think anyone in this town owns a car,” Richard agreed. “I haven’t seen one in ages. It’s too hard to come by fuel, so no one even bothers with them, anymore. Except rich folks, and there aren’t really any of those around here. At least they won’t be able to catch up with us.”
She felt his strong arm around her again, and she felt completely safe and comfortable under her dark blanket, with Richard’s embrace protecting her.
They continued riding for hours. Richard was afraid to stop, for fear they might still be followed by the mob. After dark, he was pretty sure they wouldn’t dare continue. Even those men weren’t stupid enough to try to hunt a vampire at night. Everyone knew vampires were weaker during the day, but at night, they could tear a man apart in seconds.
He stopped to make camp, pulling safely off the road and into the forest just in case. Esla felt the chilly evening breeze on her face, and she felt better. After such an ordeal, it was nice to be away from town – away from the humans who hated her. The night air invigorated her, and the moonlight gave her strength.
“How are you going to eat tonight?” he asked her.
“Huh?” she asked, confused for a moment. “Oh, I usually eat regular human food.”
“Really? But what about Abe and Billy?”
“It’s kind of hard to explain,” she said. “Abe was payback for someone, and Billy… well he was a horrible person and just deserved to die.”
“I see. I didn’t think vampires could eat human food,” Richard said. “Well, anyway, I have some cornbread in the wagon box. Will that be okay for tonight?”
“That will be fine,” she said with a smile.
Richard made a campfire, and the two of them sat together and ate cornbread. She’d never tasted cornbread before, and it was nice. It was slightly sweet, and it crumbled delightfully in her mouth. After they ate, Esla leaned against him. He put his arm around her, and she sighed with happiness.
It felt so nice to be with someone who truly wanted her around. Illyan had bare
ly tolerated her presence, but Richard had risked his life to save her because he couldn’t stand the thought of never seeing her again. He’d put his own life on the line for her, and he’d proven that he cared more about her than Illyan ever had.
Richard placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head. She looked deep into his eyes, and she could really see how much he cared for her. There was a depth in his eyes that she never saw in Illyan’s.
He lowered his head and his lips touched hers. That familiar tingle spread through her body, this time more intense than it had ever been before. She turned her body around to face him, and they embraced – their kiss becoming more passionate. Esla could literally feel the affection in his kiss. This wasn’t like the sloppy, heated kisses of Abe and Billy. Richard’s kiss had feeling, emotion. It was unbelievable.
She got up on her knees and pushed her body against his. Her breasts pressed against his chest, and she could feel his breath growing ragged and fierce. She pushed him away and loosed the ties on the bodice of her dress, exposing her breasts. She wanted to feel his skin against hers. She tore his shirt off, and his bare chest was beautiful and strong. She pressed her breasts against his chest again, and the feeling of his warm skin against her cold flesh was thrilling.
His kiss was magic. It was like nothing she had ever felt before. There was so much passion in that kiss that she thought it might swallow her up forever. He pulled her into his lap, and she could feel his manhood hard and ready inside his pants. It pressed against her bottom with an urgency she never dreamed could exist.
His kisses grew more demanding. She had forgotten everything and everyone but this moment and this man. Nothing else existed. She wanted him. The two of them tore at each other’s clothing like wild animals, and soon they were both naked in the moonlight. Richard spread a blanket on the ground by the fire, and the two of them lay down together. Their bodies pressed together, and the fit was perfect. It was like their bodies were meant to fit together, like two puzzle pieces snapping into place.
Esla found herself on top of him. She bent down and kissed him, enjoying the feel of his tongue exploring her mouth, and the sensation of her breasts against his flesh. She felt him pressing between her legs, and she wanted nothing more than to feel him inside her. Slowly, she positioned herself to allow him to penetrate her.