by Jill Shalvis
And because it was what she thought she wanted, she let him.
“Maybe we should get a drink tonight,” he said against her hair. “And toast tomorrow’s trip.”
She wanted to want what he was offering, but suddenly she realized she’d spent her energy on second- and third-guessing herself and her ability to handle this trip, to lead an expedition into the wilderness…not to mention the doubts over her long-term goals, oh, and her ability to support herself.
Or to have a relationship…
She had nothing left.
“I’m leaving tonight,” she said, a decision she knew Keith wouldn’t question because most of the guides, and probably many of their guests, left the night before as well, staying at inns or hotels closer to the trailhead, three and a half hours away.
He looked disappointed, but let her go, and by late afternoon, she was making the drive from the bay area to the Sierras. Highway 80 was wide open, the July foliage and growth in full bloom on the hills. As soon as she hit the grade, she flicked off the air conditioner and opened the windows, inhaling deeply to get the scent of the mountains: sage and pine and everything else that felt so much more like home than any city.
She was doing the right thing. It felt like the right thing. Already, smiles were coming faster and easier than they had in too long. She took another deep breath and felt some of the terrible tension that had been with her begin to dissipate.
Feeling like the little engine that could, she kept repeating to herself I can do this, I can do this…
She arrived at the B&B just after dark, and got a surprise in the form of a tall, lean and lanky man sitting sprawled in a recliner in the reception area, sipping a drink.
Short, almost buzzed hair. Casual but elegant clothes. Easy I’m-comfortable-in-my-own-skin stance.
Jared Skye.
At the sight of her, he rose, tugging out his perpetual earpieces. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out an iPod and thumbed a switch, slipping it back into his pocket.
So much for leaving the electronics at home.
“Hey,” he said warmly, and the most peculiar thing happened.
She found herself smiling at him.
He smiled back, his eyes heating. “You staying here tonight, too?”
“Yes.” Okay, this was bad. She’d wanted to be alone, the last time she would be for four days. “But…”
Looking into her face, Jared laughed softly. “Look at you, ever so thrilled to see me.”
“I’m sorry,” she managed to find enough grace to say. “It’s…nothing personal.”
For some reason, that had his grin spreading. “Oh yeah, it is. But that’s okay.” He flashed that smile again, the one that was slightly crooked, the one that made her feel inexplicably feminine, and for some reason, also made her want to take off her clothes.
“Why don’t you join me,” he said. “I’ll get you a drink.”
“Uh…”
“Come on,” he said. “I promise not to ask you if I can wear open-toed sandals on the trip.” He laughed at the look on her face. “Jack and Michelle told me. It’s going to be an interesting trip, huh?”
“Very.”
He steered her to the couch, and though he surely saw her limp, he didn’t say a word.
But she had to. “About that handicap sticker,” she said. “It’s old. I don’t use it.”
He was quiet a moment while he sat. “As one who’s had his own sticker, I get the whole love/hate thing over it.”
She looked at him in surprise. He seemed perfectly healthy. His gaze met hers, dark, still warm but now filled with a whole host of memories, some painful, and in that moment, something happened. Something not physical, and not quite describable.
She didn’t understand. He looked like a professor, sitting there with those glasses, the khaki trousers, the white button down shirt. A sexy professor, she’d give him that. He was studying her in that disconcerting way he had, seeing far more than she meant him to. “You’re good now?”
“Yes.”
She nodded. “Well, you’re going to want to leave those pretty-boy clothes at home.”
He looked down at himself, then arched a brow. “Pretty-boy clothes?”
She just arched a brow back.
His eyes lit with good humor. “Pretty-boy clothes. And here I thought I was so smooth. Go figure.”
Damn, he made her want to laugh, too. “Well, they’re fine, if you want to ruin your expensive things…”
“It’s just money.”
“Spoken by a man who’s probably never had to do without.”
“Ah, there you go again. Judging a book by its cover.”
She opened her mouth, then slowly shut it. “You know, I think I’m going to bed before I put my foot in my mouth again.”
“Wait,” he said when she stood up.
“I’m sorry. I’m…not really fit for company.”
His gaze ran down the length of her, then settled on her face. “You look plenty fit to me.”
“Yeah.” If he only knew. “I should—”
“One drink. If I annoy you before you finish it, you can leave.” He slid a hand on her arm. “What do you say?”
His touch electrified, and she stared down at his fingers. “Um…” Wow.
“Now that’s interesting,” he murmured.
He was close enough that she could feel his body heat seep into her bones, and though he was touching her nowhere other than his hand on her arm, she felt surrounded by him.
Not to mention his scent—that intangible, male scent that was…yum.
What was happening here?
Slowly he lifted his other hand, settled it on her arm, too, and gently pulled her a little closer. His expression mirrored some of her own discomfort. “This isn’t the light and fluffy sort of attraction I’d told myself it was.”
“It’s nothing.”
A ghost of a smile curved his lips. “You don’t feel it.” He shook his head, laughed at himself. “Right. I should have figured that part.”
Within sharing-air distance as they were, he was close enough that she could see gold specks dancing in those hazel eyes, filled with disappointment now.
Damn. She’d have thought she’d feel this attraction for Keith, had meant to feel this for Keith, but the truth was, she hadn’t wanted to stare into Keith’s eyes, and she sure as hell hadn’t wanted to press her face to Keith’s throat and inhale deeply. Yeah, time to go. “Good night,” she said. “I’ll see you at the trailhead. In jeans, I hope.”
No smile tugged at his mouth this time. “’Night,” he said, and dropped his hands from her.
With a nod, she turned away and headed for the stairs, and then realized something. She’d come here to find herself, to find some semblance of the person she’d been.
But that person she’d once been would have never shied from anything. At that thought, she stopped. “Jared.”
“Yeah?”
“I…”
“You…”
“Feel it.” She shook her head. “I just don’t want to.”
“Huh. Have to admit, I’m not sorry.” His gaze lit with something that looked like both heat and laughter as he came toward her.
She stood her ground, her nose quivering because God, he smelled good, he smelled heavenly, and she was sniffing at him. “I really do have to go. I have to go to my room, I need to look over some maps and—” And think about you…
“I’m sure you’ve planned out this trip to the nth degree.” He snagged her hand. “You deserve a night to relax before four days of work.”
Relax? She’d been doing nothing but lying around healing for months, and if she hadn’t managed to relax by now, it wasn’t going to happen. In fact, if she stayed down here with him, with his hand downloading little electric currents of lust into hers, she knew she’d start sniffing him again, and then…who knew. “I really…” She trailed off when he waited patiently. “I really have to go.”
“Al
l work and no play.” He laughed softly when she frowned. “I wouldn’t have guessed that about you. Come on, Lily. What’s your poison?”
“Excuse me?”
“What would you like to drink?”
“You don’t have to serve me.”
“How about, I want to?” He was close again, and she looked away because, oh boy, just looking at him smile was like looking at an unopened bag of barbecue potato chips—both irresistible and extremely bad for her.
Very bad.
“Wine?” he asked, looking at ease, looking confident, looking so freaking sexy it took her breath. “Beer? Soda? Painkiller?”
“Um, what?”
“The limp. You must be in some pain.”
“Oh. That.” The reminder slammed home all of her fears about this trip. “It’s nothing. A beer, I’ll take a beer.” She took a step back, came up against the wall with a crash. “I’ll take it to go.”
“Lily—”
“No.” She looked into his disconcertingly gorgeous eyes, and took a big step back—thankfully missing the wall this time—and an even bigger mental step. “Really. I’m sorry, I need to…” Get my bearings. “Go.”
She accepted the beer he bought her, thanked him, and ran upstairs, where she put herself to bed.
Of course she dreamed of him again. That was getting extremely unsettling, she told herself at 3:00 a.m. after waking up sweaty, hot and bothered for the second night in a row. Why did her attraction to him bother her so much she wondered.
Because she’d expected it to be Keith?
Yeah, that. She punched her pillow, flopped over, and told herself to dream about something more worth her time—such as the fact she had four great days ahead of her.
Please God, let them be great.
She gave her pillow one more punch for emphasis, and then closed her eyes. Mountains, she told herself. Think of the mountains, the wild animals…
Only problem, her brain didn’t obey, not one little bit. This time she dreamed about not taking her beer to go, but sitting downstairs with Jared, then making her way to his room, and then…
Oh boy, and then.
She should have taken Keith up on his offer for a drink with whatever else that might have entailed. It would have been easy, familiar, fast…and done.
Certainly if she had, she’d at least be sated by now.
And not still thinking, wondering, yearning about Jared.
3
JUST PAST DAWN, Lily stood at the trailhead at the basin of Balsam Peak and stared up at the vista of glory around her.
Doubt was killing her but she tried to swallow it. She could do this.
She could.
The summer hadn’t been a particularly dry one, and as a result, the green mountains seemed to pulse with life. The Sierras didn’t have a fancy name, or a photogenic centerpiece like other mountain ranges did, but man oh man, it was, in her opinion, one of the most fascinating combinations of jaw-dropping beauty and unique geology on this side of the Great Divide.
Being here, breathing in the thin but crisp, clean air, she felt great, and even greater when she realized she was way ahead of schedule.
That was old habit, being prepared beyond any shadow of a doubt. She credited that slight anal tendency in an otherwise carefree, wanderlust existence to the two years she’d spent as a Girl Scout as a young girl, when she’d been directionless and desperate to please. Her mother had worked around the clock, her father had been living in Europe somewhere, which had left her alone much of the time.
Too much of the time.
But she’d grown up fine. Or so she told herself. She was her own woman who didn’t need approval from anyone. Knowing it, she opened the tailgate on her truck, and also the shell, and began checking through the supplies she’d brought, dividing it into piles that she could help her guests load into their packs as well as her own.
“Looks heavy.”
Craning her neck, her gaze collided with Jared’s. “Not too heavy.”
He’d lost the business wear but was no less put together in his expensive-looking jeans and polo shirt. He wore hiking boots, which she sincerely hoped weren’t new, even though they looked it. His designer sunglasses were firmly in place. “Need any help?” he asked.
“Not yet, thanks.”
“How did I know you’d say that?” He gestured to the goods. “Looks like a lot of stuff to carry.”
“If you’re not up for it, you could always try a different type of vacation. Say a dude ranch.”
Uninsulted, he let out a soft laugh, then shoved his sunglasses to the top of his head, revealing that mesmerizing hazel gaze as he slid his hands in his pocket. He pulled out a folded piece of paper, stared down at it, then slid it back into his pocket.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“A list.”
She waited for more, but he offered nothing. “A reminder to pick up your dry-cleaning?”
He smiled. “No.”
“Ah. A reminder to have your housekeeper pick up your dry-cleaning.”
His smile spread. “You think I’m going to be a PITA.”
“PITA?”
“Pain in the ass. Your ass.”
Not exactly. She thought he was going to be a distraction. A sexy one. “Caught me.” She went back to separating the supplies into piles, but he didn’t take the hint and leave.
“It bugs you,” he said. “Our attraction.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
He just smiled a little knowingly, and she let out a sound that she hoped managed to convey her annoyance as she went back to her work.
Okay, so despite his pretty-boy appearance, he wasn’t prissy, or afraid of confrontation. Damn it. It didn’t help that he was right.
Their attraction bugged the hell out of her.
Fine. She’d get her revenge soon enough, when she planned to see him plenty rumpled, wrinkled and pushed outside his comfort zone. “One thing’s for sure,” she said. “You’re going to get those boots dirty.”
He looked down. “I’m not going to melt with a little dirt.”
“Okay.”
He lifted his head, his eyes locked on hers. Normally she appreciated direct eye contact, but with him, the look went deeper than casual, and pushed her from her comfort zone.
“You don’t believe me,” he said.
She lifted a shoulder, and looked away because she had the uncomfortable feeling he saw far more than she allowed anyone to see. “It’s your job to have a good time,” she said. “It’s my job to make sure you get that good time. I’ll do my job.”
“And I’ll do mine,” he promised. “I signed up for this trip willingly, Lily.” He gestured with his chin toward the mountains. “I want to do this.”
“Well, then let’s get the show on the road. Oh, and though there’s no rain or snow in the forecast—”
“Snow? In July?”
“It happens. Just make sure you packed everything on the list. Including raingear.”
“Got it.”
“And spray yourself with insect repellent. You got stuff with deet?”
“Yes, ma’am, just like the list said.”
She ignored the gentle sarcasm. “It should be plenty dry, but the mosquitoes don’t seem to care one way or another. They’re vicious. Trust me, you’ll get bites everywhere.”
“Everywhere?” He asked this evenly but the humor was still swimming in his gaze, and also that unsettling heat.
Damn, he had quite the sense of humor. She loved a sense of humor. “Bites in certain places aren’t funny,” she said in the uppiest voice she could muster.
He stopped fighting his grin and let it fly.
Ah, man, he was something to look at, but she rolled her eyes and turned back to the truck. “Fine. But when you’re walking bowlegged because your bites are chafing, I’ll be getting the last laugh.”
“I’ll remember that,” he promised.
“Good.” She put her potion of the supplies
into her pack, and it was a moment before she looked up again. When she did, Jared had moved back to his shiny, pretty car and was messing with something in his pack.
She let out a breath and told herself to concentrate on her fears and doubts. That should keep her nicely occupied.
But she took another peek. He was still fiddling with his stuff, and definitely not taking peeks at her. Good. Great. She went back to work, tossing the marshmallows into the pile. Which reminded her she needed to check the chocolate stash. If there was ever a trip that required extra loads of chocolate, this was it.
A truck with the Outdoor Adventures logo on the sides pulled into the dirt lot. The window went down. “Hey, gorgeous.”
In shock, she stared, waiting for the burst of happy excitement. “Keith?”
He hopped out of the truck and spread his arms wide, looking tanned, fit and mischievous. “In the flesh.”
“What are you doing here?”
He wore cargo shorts and a T-shirt with the logo on a pec, and he looked ready to guide. “You know I like to see a trip off.”
She took in his rugged features, his slight smile, his heated eyes, and knew he wasn’t here just for that. Once upon a time her sun had risen and set on him, a man ten years her senior and a hundred years older in so many other ways. He’d been the first strong male influence in her life, and for that alone, her heart warmed. “You were checking on me.”
He shifted closer and put his hand on her shoulder as he peered past her to the food and supplies she was dividing up. “Just making sure you’re okay. Should be a fairly easy trip.” He gently squeezed. “You sure you’re up for it?”
Why oh why wasn’t she getting wobbly knees? Why weren’t her nipples going happy? “I’m sure.” Liar, liar, pants on fire.
“So tough, like old times.”
She wished.
He touched her cheek and grinned, and she was reminded, vividly, of how, in the past, that grin would have melted her clothes right off. As if he was remembering the same thing, he shifted even closer. “Feels like old times.” Nudging her body with his, he moved her around the side of his truck, where they were now out of view of anyone driving into the parking lot. They were also out of view of the only other car, Jared’s Lexus.