by Susan Shay
“Well, it was beautiful. But now it’s time for you to celebrate. Why don’t you stay a few days with me? We’ll party hard. And I’ll reserve us a space at the Super Topper on Fat Tuesday.”
Super Topper—the celebration we’d started as freshmen at UT. “You’re still doing that?”
“Yeah, but it’s taken on a life of its own. Not only the Omegas anymore. Now the famous and infamous around Austin make an appearance.”
As soon as Bella and Spencer left in a shower of confetti, I found my parents and told them I’d be staying with Beck for a few days. They were more than happy for me to. And I hoped going to the Super Topper might take my mind off Doc and my dead heart for a while.
The trouble was the parties during Mardi Gras week were never as much fun as the memories. And the memories Bella, Beck and I’d made had been shining for a while now.
****
Fat Tuesday finally arrived. I was anxious for Super Topper to be over so I could go home. Get busy. Maybe if I tried hard enough, I could work Doc out of my mind. The way things were going, I’d never get rid of the pain trapped inside my wall with me. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, dreaming about him, wanting the physical part of him.
But I’d never again be able to love him.
Beck and I had great costumes planned for the party. She chose the Queen of Diamonds, and I the Queen of Hearts. With my mood the way it had been since the wedding, I didn’t dare choose the Queen of Clubs. It was too big a temptation.
After having our makeup professionally done, we went back to the apartment and got dressed. While still in my bedroom, I looked at myself in the mirror and almost threw up. I didn’t look like the Queen of Hearts; with my hair pulled back as it was, I looked like Alice in Wonderland.
Grabbing my makeup bag, I pulled out sparkling black eyeliner and dark shadow, which I applied liberally. Then I added a set of extra long lashes. With a Darker than Night lipstick, I was almost ready. Except for my hair.
I yanked off the crown, drew in the length and grabbed a tube of sparkling burgundy-colored gel akin to concrete. After applying it liberally and giving myself a few spikes, I replaced the crown with the tiara Beck had received for some honor or other in school.
I replaced the bell shaped skirt with a pencil slim one, slit high enough to make a nun sigh that I’d picked up when we were shopping, tugged the heart-shaped top low and belted it to keep it there. Then I stepped into a pair of nose bleed Monolos and once more looked in the mirror.
Alice doesn’t live here anymore. I stepped out of the bedroom, lifted my chin high enough to howl and shot Beck a grin.
“It’s good to be the queen,” she quipped as she grinned back.
But where’s my king? The question came to mind before I could stop it. My smile melted around the edges, but I forced it back into place before Beck could notice. Or comment.
“Jazzy. You look fabulous!” Beck circled me, her string of “diamonds” clacking as she moved. “That’s not the costume we rented is it?”
“Some of it is,” I answered. “But you know me. I like to be…different.”
“Different,” Beck said at the same time, her red curls bouncing. “With that makeup job, you won’t even need your mask.”
“I’ll take it anyway.” I glanced quickly at the small mask that curved over my eyes with puffy, sparkling hearts attached on the side like so many balloons. “The taxi should be here,” she said, glancing at the glass floor clock, standing in the corner.
Slipping my new spangled bag, that looked like a pair of joined hearts with an arrow piercing them, around my neck and over one shoulder, I tucked in plenty of cash, the key Beck had given me, my ID and my Darker than Night lipstick. If I needed anything else, I’d just have to come back for it.
Like that would happen.
We hurried to the taxi in a flurry, giggling as if we were still freshman. When we were securely inside, Beck opened her mouth to give the driver the address, but the clean cut young man spoke first. “I bet I can guess. It’s Super Topper tonight. Right girls?”
“Yes.” Beck’s voice took on a smoky quality, a sure sign it would be a long evening. Heaviness took some of the excitement from me as Doc’s image loomed again. Why couldn’t I get him out of my mind?
I glanced out the window, watching as the driver took us to the Warehouse District, the part of Austin recently redone to look as it did over a hundred years ago—almost. Everything looked old, but was new. There was no moldy smell, no missing parts, no crumbling pieces.
It was as if that whole part of the city had come out to play dress up, just like the rest of us.
The party venue was one of the nicest hotels in the city. Entering, we were directed to the largest party room. The Stephen Austin Room. The “room” was arranged on two levels and had several “Bluebonnet Pockets,” small areas that opened off the main room for a little privacy. Very little.
The lavish decorations, in the Texas state of mind, were overdone with brightly colored hand-crafted tissue flowers with pearl centers, shellacked to give them stability and shine. The beach ball sized blossoms popped up everywhere there was space. Bouquets of them loomed in every corner. They lined walls, sprouted from spaces between exits and had been wrestled into tall center pieces on a few tables stationed on the far side near the stairway, leading to the upper party area. Under the stairway was a glass pond filled with water plants, floating star-shaped candles and graceful Koi.
Multi-sized star lights had been strung overhead—a mad cartoonist’s idea of the Texas night sky.
Beck soon handed me a flute of champagne and looked around, trying to guess who the other guests were. Quickly claimed for a dance, Beck swirled away in the arms of a man in a gorilla mask while I turned to walk off the floor.
Before I could find a place to sit, a man wearing a tuxedo stepped in front of me. His mask covered most of his face, except his chin, and looked made of gold. The shape vaguely resembled a wolf. He waited a long moment before he spoke, but unable to see his face, I had no idea why. “Dance with me.”
I tried to draw a breath, but suddenly my animal instincts turned on at maximum strength. Chills raced through me. I couldn’t find enough breath to answer, but I’m not certain I could have spoken in any case.
I morphed, but it wasn’t my body that changed. Rather than the burn of bristles breaking through or the ache of elongating bones, my mind alone became animal.
Then I focused on the man in front of me. Instinct, knowledge passed genetically through the ages, is a wonderful thing, even when the heart is dead.
****
Chase waited, enjoying the view as he did. She looked gorgeous tonight, but that wasn’t unusual. Whether skiing, making love or fighting virus infected werewolves, this woman was beautiful; a beauty of the heart.
Her mask did little to hide her identity. Her tilted green eyes and delicious mouth gave her away.
She moved slowly to him, settling in his arms as if she’d always been there. And would always remain. But he knew better.
At one time he could have made her his life mate. He’d had the ingrained knowledge and the yearning, but he’d let his damned goal—the fire in his gut—deflect him from what was truly right.
And that chance had fled.
But he couldn’t help loving her. He always would. Couldn’t help wanting to be with her one more time. Again, he always would.
The music had an underlying jungle beat or was that his heart thundering in his chest? What’s the difference? She moved against him, knowing his every step before he took it, following him as if they’d danced together forever.
Spying an opening, he slowly moved in the direction of the elevator until it was just to the left. And when the door opened to emit several laughing people, he whisked her inside, immediately pushing the button to close the doors.
As he reached for the button that would take them to his floor, she took off her mask. His heart stuttered.
She ge
ntly pulled off his mask. “Hello, Doc.”
When the elevator reached his floor, he led her to his suite and quickly unlocked the door.
“You found me.” Her normal verve was missing from her voice, but what could he expect?
Heaviness settled in his gut as hope faded. “I couldn’t stay away.” He tried to think how to explain, but his mind was a confusing whirl, moving too quickly to say only one thing.
“In this city of hundreds of thousands of people, you found me.”
He nodded. Swallowed.
“In that crush of masked people downstairs, you came directly to me.”
“I’ll never want anyone but you. No matter—”
Stepping near enough to feel her heat, she put her hand over his mouth to stop his words. “I told you, it’s too late. I performed the Tumuld Argamelino.” Her tone was amazingly cool, breaking only once as she spoke the terrible words.
“I know.” He fought to stay on his feet as she nodded. If he followed his instincts, he’d be on his knees, wailing his loss of her. The death of her love. Heart breaking, he barely found the words, “But I need to know why.”
“Because I loved you too much, and you didn’t love me.” When he gasped a breath to argue, she closed her eyes. Shook her head. Now even her voice sounded dead. “Not enough. You put your research before me. Held back when we made love. You were in control every single minute.
“We were mismatched. Each time we made love, I had to fight to keep from losing it totally. Morphing. Howl at the moon, toss caution to the wind and changing into the woman-animal I am.
“But I couldn’t do that with you. You finished each time with barely a ripple on the smooth ocean of your control. Not a hair out of place or a drop of sweat on your brow.”
He gritted his teeth at the pain. “So you honestly did it.”
Her face haggard, she nodded. “I read about it in my grandmother’s journals. She fell in love with a man who said he loved her, gave her a gold coin set in a necklace to prove it then went away. She had to do it to remain sane. So did I.”
What he’d been taught from the cradle had rebounded to destroy his life. A lifetime of indoctrination echoed back to him. No one must know. The family secret is a royal one, but a secret all the same. Never, never, never let anyone find out. Even another werewolf. And because he’d learned his lesson so well, he’d lost the only woman he could ever love.
Anger flashed over him, and this time rather than hold back, he allowed himself to change. Why had she done this thing without talking to him? Giving him the chance to explain?
Now it was too late and neither one of them could ever have a happy life. With a howl of deep pain, he fell to his knees. His jaw elongated as his muscles filled with the power he’d so long held back.
Just as his brain slipped from human to wolf, a thought trickled in. He had the power. There in the connection between his human brain and powerful animal body, he knew there had to be a way.
His transformation back to human was like a cool mist on a hot summer day. The heat was fantastic, but the mist a welcome change.
“What happened? Just remaining in control?” She didn’t add, “as usual,” but the inference was there.
They could do this. He knew they could if he could just convince her to try. “I want to try…something. But not here. Will you come with me?”
She drew her brows together, and for the first time, he saw a sign of life in her gaze. “Where?”
“Will you come?”
As she nodded, he caught her hand and dragged her out of his suite, down the elevator and to his Hummer. Unable to concentrate on anything but what he hoped to do, he drove as fast as he could without endangering Jazzy’s life.
The drive took too long, but there was no place else he could think of that would suit. After a couple of hours of silence she cleared her throat. “We’re going to the farm, aren’t we?”
He nodded. “I hope it’s okay. I needed someplace where we could be alone, have room to try.”
Finally she glanced at him. Her gaze wasn’t warm, but even the chill was welcome. “It’s fine.”
As he pulled into the driveway, the sun edged over the horizon, coloring the skyline pink. After parking near the back porch, he killed the engine.
Thank goodness for the unseasonably warm weather. For what he had in mind, it would make everything more comfortable.
She leaned against the door and gave him her full scrutiny. “We’re here. Me in my gown and you in your tux. Nothing to change into. Now what?”
This had to work. He’d never survive the next sixty or eighty years without her by his side, loving him. He didn’t answer. Just went to the back of the Humvee, retrieved the blankets his family kept in every vehicle in case of emergency then helped her out. When she started toward the house, he gently tugged her in the other direction.
With a shrug, she went along. The going was slow because she wore a pair of ridiculous shoes with spiky heels that added about nine inches to her height, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except making this work.
Finally they reached the pond. He took her to the far side. Young growth next to the water gave them the illusion of privacy where he spread the blankets.
When their “nest” was made, he pulled her to him. “I can’t live without you, Jazzy Cannis. I won’t. Together, I think we’re stronger than any spell you can perform with fire and herbs.”
Doubt puckered her brow just above her cold eyes, but he couldn’t quit. He had to make this work.
“Will you let me—us—try to undo what you’ve done?”
After a long moment, she shrugged, then, finally, nodded.
He stepped close enough to feel her body warmth then slid his fingers in her hair. With his palms skimming lightly, he eased his hands to her face, wanting to touch every pore, every particle of her. Like a blind man, he used his fingers to memorize the shape of her nose, her brows, her chin.
His heart thudded hard as he glided his fingers from her jaw to the length of her neck. With each beat, I love you, Jazzy Cannis. I love you drummed in his mind.
He removed her belt and slid his hand to her back to slowly unzip her blouse. When the zipper reached the bottom of its run, he eased it from her shoulders and let the top slide to the ground, then took off her skirt, leaving her with nothing on but a scrap of a panty, practically not there.
She kicked the skirt out of the away as her nipples puckered. At her slight shiver, he took off his jacket, put it over her shoulders but didn’t close it, unable to hide her beauty.
He skimmed his hands to her breasts, and as he ran his thumbs over them, savoring the texture, she closed her eyes, her head tipping back. She gasped for breath.
Inching his palms down her sides, he caught her scrap of panty and shoved it down, past her knees. Kneeling, he ran his hand over first one calf and then the other as he took it off.
Unable to stand it another minute, he stood and yanked open his shirt so he could feel her, chest to breast. Belly to belly. Mouth to mouth. Heart to heart.
After way too long, he kissed her. Fitting his leg between hers, he stepped nearer and the kiss morphed into a firestorm. His mind all but blanked out as he held her.
Her hands worked at his trousers, loosening them. He didn’t waste any time. He kicked off his shoes, everything else he had on and dragged her to the blankets with him.
Slow down, slow down, his brain pounded. This could be the last time. The only time. Savor it.
He tried to draw a breath, but the air was filled with the wild scent that belonged to her accented by the moisture coming from the pond. His heartbeat kicked higher, his emotions denser.
Loving her as he did, he couldn’t hold back, but he must. The lesson ingrained since childhood had been control.
But how could control rule him when all he wanted, all he’d ever want, was within his grasp?
He raised his head, hoping to find a breath to steady himself, but she followed.
Lifting her arms to encircle his neck, she bit him hard on the shoulder, and lapped the pain into extreme pleasure.
She slipped from under him, straddled his waist and eased herself over him. Closing his eyes, he suffered the torturous delight she inflicted. Bristles stung as they tried to charge through, his bones fought to change, but gritting his teeth, he held himself firm.
She gasped as, with a quick movement, he switched places with her. Now he was in charge—but he couldn’t dominate her. She moved wildly beneath him, her breaths coming in gasps and snarls.
This woman who lived all out, holding back nothing, made him wish he hadn’t learned his family’s lessons so well. She’d put herself in danger for those around her. She didn’t care who knew what she was, didn’t bother holding back if she deemed the reason worthwhile.
In fact, she was proud of being a werewolf. Ready to tell the world.
She was all he ever wanted—and all he could ever want.
He couldn’t hold back. With a burning breath, he pressed his arms into the blankets and pushing high, he tipped back his head high.
He howled.
And with that howl, he released himself to the passion. The stimulation of morphing as he made love was more than he could have imagined. In those moments, his senses heightened to a level beyond imagination.
His heart detonated, the bristles charged and he let them erupt. His elongating jaw changed his kiss, but he barely noticed as her scent became part of the world around them, visible yet transparent. The sparkle, which he could now see gave her the glow that made her so beautiful, was like mini electrical jolts under his fingers, which quickly transformed into paws.
The feel of her beneath him drove him beyond understanding as she, in perfect sync, began changing.
He was lost.
Chapter Seventeen
I dropped on the blanket, exhaustion nearly killing me when I’d changed back to human form. I hadn’t known it could be like that. I’d imagined, but I hadn’t actually known.
With a sigh of happiness, I looked into his eyes.
And in that instant with my heart thudding and his nearness sending a warm buzz throughout my body, I realized I loved him.