by Lucy Clark
He cut her off by holding up his hand for silence. She tried to read the look in his eyes but once more found his features masked.
‘I want to tell you about her, Julia, but right now…’ He shook his head, unable to complete the sentence. ‘It’s not the right time.’
Julia’s concern for him grew, along with her annoyance for his ex-wife. Why had they divorced if he still loved her so much? Obviously it had been his wife who’d wanted to end their marriage and Julia thought she must have been crazy. Who would want to end their marriage to a man like Zac? Apart from being the most handsome man she’d ever met, he was kind, caring and loving. What woman in her right mind would end all that willingly?
‘I think I’ll head up to bed,’ he said, but made no move.
Julia’s heart went out to him and she yearned to take him in her arms and kiss his hurt better—just like she did with Edward. Their gazes held and Julia edged a little closer. It had been a week since Zac had last kissed her and that fact alone had made the week feel as though it had dragged on for ever.
‘Zac?’ she whispered, and reached for his hand. He let her take it and entwined his fingers with hers. Her heart was pounding wildly against her ribs, her body was trembling slightly from an overpowering sense of love. She was glad to be sitting down because she was certain at that moment that her knees would have failed to support her.
Zac leaned forward and kissed her hand lightly before letting it go. ‘Goodnight, Julia,’ he whispered, and stood. She watched him go and not once did he look back. When he’d disappeared up the stairs, she stared out into the still room, her thoughts all jumbling over each other, while her brain tried to make sense of them.
The following morning, Julia was awoken by her disorientated alarm clock, who climbed into bed with her at six-thirty and actually snuggled down for a good ten minutes. She thought this was bliss and realised it was probably a record for him, but soon he was asking for a pillow fight.
There was a knock on her door and she made sure the covers were pulled high around her chest before she called, ‘Come in.’
Vanessa opened the door and stood in the doorway. ‘Good morning. Did you both sleep well?’
‘Yes.’ Julia smiled and yawned.
‘Edward?’ Vanessa’s voice and expression were filled with the promise of something good. ‘Travis has just gone downstairs to watch your favourite show on television.’ She pointed to the soft toy that was still in Edward’s bed, the one he’d been holding yesterday when he’d met her.
‘I go, too,’ he said, his entire body buzzing with excitement.
‘Give Mummy a kiss,’ Julia instructed, and Edward quickly obliged before scrambling off her bed. He ran to his own and grabbed his soft toy before running to the door.
‘Oh, the stairs,’ Julia mumbled, and started to get out of bed.
‘Don’t worry. Bobby’s coming,’ Vanessa said, looking off down the hallway. ‘Help Edward down the stairs, please, Bobby,’ she told her oldest son.
‘Uh, sure,’ he replied, and when Vanessa had watched them go down, she came into Julia’s room and shut the door behind her.
‘So…what time did you and Zac finish talking last night?’ She sat cross-legged at the end of Julia’s bed.
Julia smiled. It felt just like old times. ‘Not long after the two of you went to bed.’
Vanessa frowned. ‘Oh.’
‘Why? Were you and Mike trying to leave us alone?’
Vanessa nodded.
‘Well, you shouldn’t have bothered.’ Julia busied herself with straightening the covers.
‘What happened?’
‘I asked him to tell me about his ex-wife. He said he couldn’t and then he went to bed.’ She shrugged dejectedly. ‘I guess he needs more time.’
‘When did you find out about her?’
‘Yesterday. When we pulled into your driveway. He blurted out the fact that he’d been married and then walked off.’
Vanessa eyed her critically for a second before taking a deep breath.
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, say it,’ Julia prompted, knowing there was a burning question on Vanessa’s mind.
‘What are…? I mean…’ She cleared her throat and tried again. ‘How do you feel about Zac?’
Julia shrugged and looked at her friend. ‘I feel the same way I did yesterday, only more frustrated. I know it’s not easy for Zac to open up and talk about his feelings.’
‘It’s not easy for any man,’ Vanessa joked and then sobered as she looked closely at her friend. ‘You’re still in love with him.’ It was a statement, and Julia nodded.
‘Yes, but I think we need time to sort a few things out, as well as getting to know each other for who we are now, before we can build on the attraction which hasn’t diminished one iota over the past decade. After all, we’ve only been back in each other’s lives for two weeks, which isn’t long.’
‘Sometimes it’s long enough,’ Vanessa told her. ‘I knew the first time I met Mike that he was someone different, someone I could talk to. Within a week I was hopelessly in love with him, and after ten days he’d proposed and I’d accepted. We’ve been together ever since.’
Julia smiled. ‘It sounds so nice.’
‘It is. I know Zac has a lot of issues to work through, Julia, but you’re his soul-mate. I feel it deep down within my bones. Just be careful,’ Vanessa warned as she stood up. ‘I know Zac will tell you, sooner or later, about Cara, and when he does, he may try to push you away.’
‘Wouldn’t it bring us closer together?’
‘Not necessarily. Zac hasn’t dated in over three years. Very few people at GCH know about his past, and although there may have been a bit of gossip buzzing around from people who’ve either worked in Sydney or heard the story at second or third hand, it’s mostly old news now. Still, he keeps his professional distance from most of his colleagues, except for Jeffrey McArthur.’
‘It’s hard to keep your distance from Jeffrey,’ Julia said with a smile. ‘I have a lot of time for him. He and Mona are very special to me.’
‘He is lovely and I’m glad he pushed Zac into going on that blind date.’ Vanessa chuckled. ‘Who would have thought it would have been you? I almost choked when Zac told me the story.’ Vanessa laughed and shrugged. ‘Accept it, my friend. It’s fate.’
Julia showered and dressed in denim jeans and a white top, leaving her hair loose, before heading downstairs. The children were all watching television and she was pleased to see Edward having fun. She walked into the kitchen but stopped when she realised Vanessa and Zac were in the midst of another discussion. Another discussion which she was certain was about her. Zac looked great, dressed in black jeans and a white polo shirt. She licked her lips and looked away, trying to control the urge to walk across to him and claim his lips in a proper good morning kiss.
‘Cool it,’ she whispered, and as she wasn’t sure whether to walk away or announce herself, she was glad when the decision was taken out of her hands when Vanessa looked up and saw her standing there.
‘Hi, Julia. We were just talking about you,’ she confessed, and Julia watched the accusing look Zac sent his sister.
‘I see.’ Julia walked over to the bench, unable to meet Zac’s gaze directly.
‘Coffee? Toast?’ Vanessa asked, and Julia nodded. As Vanessa flitted around the kitchen, Zac came and sat next to Julia at the breakfast bar, a cup of coffee between his hands.
‘Sleep well?’ he asked, and for the first time that day she met his gorgeous blue eyes and was hard-pressed not to sigh with longing. She nodded, answering his question, but was too caught up in how gorgeous he looked to formulate a verbal reply. He was so handsome, so caring, so perfect for her that she just wanted to take his face between her hands and kiss him senseless. Couldn’t he see that she was in love with him?
He cleared his throat and forced a smile, and she realised that he had indeed seen the spark of passion in her gaze. He shifted a little uncomfortably and Julia
looked away, grateful when Vanessa placed a hot cup of coffee in front of her.
‘Toast shouldn’t be a minute,’ she told Julia.
The room was plunged into silence, except for the faint sounds of the television coming from the other room.
‘Zac just asked me to keep an eye on Edward,’ Vanessa said, obviously unable to bear the silence any longer. ‘He wants to show you something.’
Julia turned her head sharply and looked at him. ‘What?’ she asked, her voice husky and soft. She cleared her throat. ‘What?’ The question sounded more firm, more in control this time.
‘You’ll see,’ he said.
‘Here’s your toast,’ Vanessa said, and arranged an array of spreads in front of Julia. ‘Help yourself. Edward’s already had some cereal with Travis so don’t worry about him.’
‘Thank you,’ Julia said warmly.
‘Eat up,’ Zac said. ‘I’ll get your car keys and then we’ll go.’ With that he walked out of the room.
Julia looked worriedly at Vanessa. ‘What’s going on?’ she asked.
‘Eat up and go with the man before he changes his mind,’ Vanessa urged.
Julia buttered one slice of toast and added some jam. She ate and chewed so fast, she knew indigestion would probably be the result. Adding more milk to her coffee so it cooled faster, she drank most of it down before Vanessa said, ‘Leave the rest and go!’
Julia smiled at her friend as she grabbed the piece of toast and stood up. ‘Thanks for keeping an eye on Edward. I appreciate it.’
Vanessa simply shrugged. ‘One more doesn’t make much difference. Get going,’ she urged, and Julia did as she suggested. She quickly explained to Edward that she was going out with Zac and gave him a goodbye kiss. She was pleased to see he wasn’t worried as he and Travis played cars together.
She found Zac outside, talking to Mike as they both leaned against her car. ‘Ready?’ he asked when he spied her.
She nodded, her mouth still full. Going around to the passenger seat, Julia climbed in and did up her seat belt. She felt intrigued and apprehensive at the same time. After Zac was settled and had his seat belt on, she glanced at him, hoping for some clue or simply reassurance as to what was going on.
‘Zac?’ she asked quietly as they pulled out of the driveway and drove down the quiet backstreet Vanessa lived on.
‘Hmm?’ He looked across at her, his face an unreadable mask.
‘Where are we going?’
Zac didn’t answer her as he focused on the traffic. She looked out the window at the overcast sky above and then back to the way they were headed. Outside her window, she recognised a group of shops and a school, and she smiled.
‘I went to school there.’ She pointed and looked at Zac. His jaw was clenched and his hands were gripping the wheel. Something was really worrying him and she had no idea what.
‘Please, Zac,’ she implored. ‘Tell me what’s wrong. Where are we going?’
He gently braked at a red light and turned to look at her.
‘I’m taking you to meet my wife.’
CHAPTER NINE
‘WHAT?’ Julia was shocked and stunned. ‘Zac, I don’t want to meet your wife.’
The light turned green but Zac didn’t move. ‘You don’t understand, Julia. I need you to meet my wife.’
The car behind them honked its horn and Zac slowly started driving. Julia was speechless, her mind in utter turmoil. Why did Zac need her to meet his ex-wife? Was it so she could see the type of woman who had induced him to matrimony? Obviously Vanessa knew about this and had actually approved.
Her stomach churned as it tied itself into nervous knots and her mouth went dry. She was unable to speak, even if she’d wanted to. Julia shook her head as she gazed out of the window. She frowned. They were pulling into the cemetery.
A dawning realisation hit her with force. Not once had Zac referred to Cara as his ex-wife but always as his wife.
‘I didn’t divorce my wife, Julia,’ he said softly, as though he could read her thoughts. He parked the car but remained seated, not turning to look at her. ‘She died. Just over three years ago.’
Julia clamped a hand over her mouth as she gasped in shock. ‘Oh, Zachary. Oh, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.’ She shook her head in disbelief at her honest mistake. Just because she was divorced, she’d jumped to the conclusion that Zac had suffered the same fate.
‘How could you?’ He turned and looked at her, his blue eyes filled with regret. ‘Let’s go.’
They climbed out of the car, locked it and started walking. Zac took Julia’s hand in his, leading the way to a large brick wall that was covered with brass name-plaques. He stopped and raised his hand to one of them, running his fingertips gently across it, as though he was saying hello. Then he stepped back to allow her to read it.
“‘Cara Segmüller Carmichael”,’ she softly read to herself. “‘Died on the fourth of November”…’ She stopped and looked across at Zac. He was standing with his hands deep in his jeans pockets, his head low as he looked at the ground.
‘Zac, we don’t have to do this if it causes you too much pain,’ she said as she crossed to his side. Julia gently placed her hand on his arm and waited for him to look at her.
He nodded. ‘Thanks, Jules, but you, of all people, need to know what happened.’
Julia looked around them and spied a bench beneath a shady tree. ‘Why don’t we go over there and talk?’
Zac nodded and, without touching, they walked across. Julia wasn’t about to push him to start and waited patiently for a few minutes before he spoke.
‘Ever since Cara’s death, Vanessa has accused me of being more withdrawn, especially during the first year, but that’s usually to be expected. I’ve been trying to break out of that and that’s one of the reasons why I let Jeffrey pressure me into that blind date with you.’ He smiled for the first time that day. ‘I still can’t believe it was you.’
‘What was she like?’ Julia forced herself to ask the question, working hard to keep her tone light and friendly.
Zac smiled. ‘Cara had short blonde hair and green eyes. She was a general surgeon and we met while we were both overseas, working in one of the emergency hospitals there. She was from Switzerland and right away we hit it off.’
Julia felt her insides twist but forced herself to smile. It was as though she wanted to know but didn’t want to know at the same time. She wanted to be there for Zac to help him move on, but they had to talk about his past first before they could go forward.
‘A month after we’d been working together, the revolutionaries started bombing the city where we worked and lived. Things became very intense. The casualties were horrific, the conditions appalling, and my sole motivation when I woke up every morning was to make it through yet another day.
‘Cara was the only bright spot in my life, and together we worked and patched people up, long after many of the other staff had returned to their native lands. Then one day Cara was accidentally shot.’
Julia gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.
‘She was all right,’ he hurried on. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. The bullet had gone into her back, missing every vital organ. I was able to operate and remove it. The whole ordeal, though, started Cara thinking about everything she’d planned to do with her life, and one of them was to be married. She hadn’t expected to die a single woman. She wasn’t in any danger of dying from her injury but neither of us knew what tomorrow held. So I decided to surprise her by filing for a special marriage licence. When it came through, we had the local minister to do the honours and we were married.’ Zac smiled sadly and gently shook his head.
‘We were married for fifteen months when she died—in childbirth.’ The last two words were said softly and Julia took a moment to register what he was saying. Zac had a child? This was more than she could fathom. Perhaps she didn’t know him that well after all. The man who’d decided never to marry and have a family had done just that.
The only problem was, though—where was his child? Julia struggled to find the right words to ask the question, but as she saw Zac’s frown deepen she realised he was struggling with his emotions.
She reached out and placed her hand on his. ‘Zachary, you don’t have to go on. I can see how hard this is for you. Really, let’s just leave it—’
‘No. I want to tell you. To get it all out in the open.’ Zac stood and led her back to the plaques and pointed to the one next to Cara’s. ‘My daughter’s name was Zoe. She was premature and was born at twenty-six weeks.’ Julia quickly read the plaque next to Cara’s.
‘The whole unplanned pregnancy was filled with complications and the labour was no different. Scar tissue from her gunshot wound was the main problem and when that ruptured, she started bleeding badly. Another doctor and I operated on Cara to try and stop the bleeding but we could only do it once Zoe had been born. There were two nurses. One stayed to help us and the other took Zoe.’ He shook his head, a tear running silently down his cheek. Julia squeezed his hand with empathy. ‘Once Cara was gone, I knew I had to get out of there to at least give Zoe a chance at life. There were no Humidicribs, no specialised equipment to deal with a prem baby, and we simply had to make do with what we had. Somehow, she battled on until we arrived back in Sydney. She was two days old then.
‘Even when she was hooked up to all the machines available to help her, the paediatricians didn’t give her much hope. When she was ten weeks old, she contracted pneumonia. She never fully recovered. She died at thirteen weeks.’
‘Oh, Zac.’ Julia closed her eyes for a second and the tears fell over her lashes to trail silently down her cheek.
When he touched her face to brush them away, Julia opened her eyes. ‘Oh, Zac,’ she said again as the tears started to fall more frequently. When he sniffed, it was her undoing.
She tugged him closer and wrapped her arms about him, laying her head against his chest. He enveloped her tightly and together they cried for the past. If only she’d stayed with him all those years ago. If only she’d been able to talk him around to marriage, perhaps all of this hurt and pain during the past decade could have been avoided.