‘I’ll clean it and polish it myself rather than have it look like this,’ he vowed. ‘I used to be able to see my face in that floor. Everybody used to remark on it. This house was like a show place. A place to be proud of.’
‘I know, Melvin. I’ll do it tomorrow. Don’t worry. I just haven’t had time today. I’m sorry. You should have let me know you were coming. Fancy walking in like that!’
‘Well! Now that I’ve arrived, don’t just stand there!’
‘Oh, yes, you’ll be needing a cup of tea and something to eat.’
‘Sure. Sure. After!’
‘After?’
‘Come on. Come on. Get your knickers down!’
‘Melvin! Don’t be horrible!’
‘What do you mean, “don’t be horrible”? You’re my wife, aren’t you?’
‘There’s things to talk about.’
‘After. After.’
He moved towards her and she backed hastily away, stumbled and thumped down on to one of the chairs. Immediately his hand shot up her skirt to rub at her with iron fingers.
He looked an ugly stranger and she cringed underneath him and strained to lever his arm away.
His voice lowered with concentration.
‘Come on, darlin’. Down on the floor.’
‘There’s other people in the house.’
‘What do you mean?’ He stopped in surprise. ‘There’s people in my house?’
‘Your father’s in one of the bedrooms playing dominoes with old Angus from next door.’
‘Old Angus? Who the hell’s he?’
Taking advantage of his surprise, she tugged her skirts down and twisted them round her legs like a tourniquet.
‘Tam’s father. And then there’s Ruth.’
‘Ruth?’ He jerked to his feet. ‘Ruth?’
‘She sleeps on the bed settee in the sitting-room. But, oh, Melvin, please try to understand.’ Her voice gained speed. ‘She’s been such a comfort to me while you’ve been away and you’ve been away such a long time. She works downstairs, you see. We needed her in the shop. Everyone else went to munitions, you see.’
‘No, I don’t see.’
‘Well, she couldn’t go into munitions.’
‘Why couldn’t she? Has she got a crowd of weans through there messing up my good sitting-room?’
‘No, no. She hasn’t any family. It’s not that. She couldn’t go into munitions because her husband’s a conscientious objector.’
A broken roar exploded from him. ‘Jumpin’ Jesus! I’ve been fighting all this time in bloody France, and you’ve been keeping conchies in my house.’
‘No, no. Not her husband. He’s in Maryhill Barracks. Ruth’s the only one that’s here.’
Her heart changed its beat from a rapid pitter-pat to a big slow, regular drumming.
‘And, of course, your new wee son, Robert. I called him Robert after Daddy. Is that all right?’
‘Is …? Is …?’
Melvin opened and shut his mouth like a walrus.
‘Maybe you’d rather I’d called him Melvin. But Daddy always …’
‘Shut up! You weren’t pregnant when I went away.’
‘I was! I was!’
She lied so vehemently, so convincingly that she almost believed herself.
‘How can you say such a thing? Remember before you went away I wasn’t feeling well? Remember that first day you told me you were going to join up. That was the day Fergus bit Andrew and we got such a fright. I was sick that day, remember?’
Melvin’s rage was extinguished, leaving his eyes bleak and a nerve flickering around his face as if it were lost.
‘Why didn’t you write and tell me?’
‘I thought you’d enough to worry you. You went straight into the thick of things you said. Anyway, you never wrote much to me after you went overseas.’
He gave a bitter laugh.
‘No, I didn’t get much of a chance for letter writing.’
‘He’s such a good wee boy, Melvin. He never cries and he’s no bother at all. He’s so like you and he’s really terribly clever.’
He laughed again but this time he managed to sound pleased.
‘Well? Let’s see him, then!’
‘Oh, yes.’
Delight irradiated her features and she went flying to the bedroom, calling excitedly back over her shoulder.
‘You’ll love him, Melvin. You’ll just love him!’
She returned slowly, nursing the baby with great tenderness in her arms.
‘Isn’t he wonderful?’
Melvin restlessly jingled coins in his pocket and stared at the doll-like infant in the long white gown as if it were about to blow up.
‘Everybody says he’s like me, do they?’
‘Yes, everybody! Can’t you see the resemblance yourself?’
He edged a little nearer.
‘Three sons now, eh? Some men try their damnedest all their lives and never manage to produce one.’
‘I know.’ Gently she kissed the sleeping child’s brow. ‘I feel so lucky.’
‘Well!’ Suddenly he exploded with impatience. ‘Don’t just stand there drooling over him. I’m here!’
Still nursing and cuddling the child close to her she went to replace him in his cot. All the time at the back of her mind, terror simmered. Melvin must never, never find out the truth. He had often threatened to take the children away from her and throw her out in the street for far less heinous crimes than adultery. She had no idea of the law but had never needed to look any further than her immediate surroundings in Clydend for examples to illustrate the Scottish tradition that the man was the boss, the proverbial ‘lord and master’, the privileged one, and a woman was merely part of his goods and chattels with which he was perfectly entitled to do whatever he liked.
Back to the kitchen she flew to try to keep Melvin in a good humour and in her rush she crashed the door open, sending it banging noisily against a chair.
Melvin’s reaction was unexpected and frightening. He spun round, crying out in rapid staccato bursts, eyes bulging, mouth jerking spasmodically under the grey wool.
‘I’m sorry, Melvin. I’m sorry!’ She stared at him in distress. ‘I didn’t mean to startle you.’
‘You fool! You’ve always been the same. You’ve always hared about like a hysterical idiot. You’ve never had any sense.’
‘What’s wrong? You look ill. What have they been doing to you?’
‘What do you mean, what have they been doing to me? Nobody does anything to me.’
He straightened and squared his shoulders and bulged his arms and tried to perform with all his old panache. And failed.
‘I showed them. I showed them what a Jock could do!’ His voice deflated. ‘You didn’t sleep with anybody else, did you?’
Impulsively she rushed to him and threw her arms around his neck.
‘No, dear, don’t be silly. You’re just overtired. Fancy thinking a thing like that.’
‘I was looking forward to coming home. It was meant to be a surprise. I thought you’d be pleased.’
‘So I am. I am! You know I am.’
‘It was a right rammy,’ he murmured, absently fondling her breasts. ‘The dirty Huns outnumbered us. We haven’t finished with them yet, though. Britain always loses every battle but the last. You like me doing that, don’t you?’ He chuckled. ‘You enjoy it. Open your dress and let’s see you.’
Clutching at the neck of her dress she looked miserably away.
‘Oh, Melvin.’
‘What do you mean “Oh, Melvin”?’
‘We’ll be going to bed soon. I’ll be getting undressed when I go through to the bedroom.’
‘I want you to get undressed now.’
‘Not here!’
‘Here!’
‘I was going to make you a cup of tea.’
‘A good idea.’ He laughed excitedly. ‘Parade around. Make the tea in the buff. Come on. Come on!’
Getting a grip o
f her dress he jerked it down to her waist. He twisted and tugged and wrenched at her clothes until she was naked.
‘Right. On you go!’
Her voice reached scream-height without getting any louder.
‘Somebody might see me! Ruth! Your father! Old Angus! The children! If somebody sees me, I’ll die!’
‘Serves you right for having so many folk in my house.’ In sudden irritation Melvin scratched violently at his moustache. ‘What’s that racket out there now?’
‘It’s old Angus going away.’ She grabbed her clothes and clutched them up in front of her. ‘What if your father decides to come through here?’ She began to sob and moan and weep without tears. ‘Oh, please, Melvin, hold the door, hold the door. Don’t let anyone see me. Don’t let anyone see me!’
‘Da’s bawling his head off.’
‘Old Angus is deaf.’
Shaking as if she had malaria Catriona struggled into her torn dress and with clumsy fumbling fingers buttoned it over her nakedness.
‘I don’t care what he is. That’s bloody terrible, shouting and stomping about like that. All it needs now is the conchies to come out and join in the chorus. And I thought I was going to have a bit of peace and quiet in my own house.’
‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Oh, for goodness’ sake, let’s just go to bed.’
‘All right,’ he growled. ‘But it’s a disgrace. I might have known everything would be reduced to pigs and whistles when it was left to you. God knows what else you’ve been doing behind my back.’
‘Nothing, nothing. Let’s go through.’
It was only when she reached the bedroom that she remembered Andrew, who slept in the bed with her now since baby Robert had the cot. Andrew was still a baby himself. His hot pink cheek dented the pillow and his thumb, newly escaped from a moist mouth, lay ready to give comfort.
‘I’ll lift him out,’ she whispered shakily. I’ll put him with Robert. He’ll be all right at the bottom of the cot.’
‘He’s the conchies’ as well I suppose?’
‘What?’
Catriona’s voice squeaked incredulously and she twisted round with Andrew lolling soft and heavy in her arms.
‘His wife’s here. Don’t tell me he hasn’t been here.’
‘You mean Sammy? I’ve never set eyes on the man in my life. Melvin, I wish you wouldn’t talk like that. It doesn’t make sense. You’re frightening me.’
She arranged Andrew in the cot, making sure that his limp bandy legs did not spread over and brush Robert’s feet.
‘You know his name.’
‘Of course I know his name. I’ve heard Ruth say it dozens of times.’
‘Does she know that you know him?’
‘I don’t know him.’
‘Has he never been in my house?’
‘I’ve never seen the man I told you. Why are you nagging at me like this?’
‘She’s in my house.’
‘Because I know her doesn’t mean to say that I know him.’
‘He’s never been in my house?’
‘Of course not. But even if he had …’
‘Has there or has there not been a conchie in my house?’
‘Melvin!’
‘Has he, or hasn’t he?’
Harassment needled her.
‘I’m not going to listen to any more of your mad talk.’
At that moment, as if to add to her miseries, the sirens sounded and Melvin flung himself on to the floor halfway under the bed.
‘What on earth are you doing now?’
He got up slowly, fumblingly, keeping his back towards her.
‘I fell, you fool. I tripped and fell. This house is a bloody disgrace. Toys and rubbish lying everywhere.’
‘For pity’s sake, Melvin, I wish you’d just get into bed and try not to worry. Oh, dear, if it’s not one thing it’s another.’ She hesitated. ‘We always go down to the bakehouse lobby during an air-raid but I don’t think we’ll bother tonight. I’m tired as well. Anyway, nothing ever happens here. Although this is supposed to be a bull’s-eye area and they’re so fussy about the black-out. There’s always wardens or police or somebody shouting “Put that light out!” You can’t even shine a torch around here. It’s impossible to see where you’re going. It’s really dangerous.’
‘Dangerous.’ He laughed bitterly. ‘Dangerous! You don’t know what danger is, you fool.’
‘Oh, don’t I? You don’t know about the baffle wall in front of the close.’
‘What do you mean, I don’t know about the baffle wall? I nearly broke my nose finding out about it on the way in.’
‘You see! You see! The children are always banging against it and hurting themselves. It’s an absolute menace, that thing. I’d better go and tell Ruth that I’ve decided not to go down. I don’t suppose she’ll bother going either.’
‘I’ll see about this tomorrow, do you hear me? I’ll see about this.’
She turned at the door, her face creasing with exasperation.
‘See about what?’
‘Strangers and conchies in my house.’
His eyes bulged red-veined at her in the shadowy light from the bedside lamp.
‘You tell that woman I’ll be talking to her tomorrow.’
She escaped from the room to find Ruth in the hall wearing nothing but a clinging low-cut night-dress. She was stretching slowly, lazily.
‘This is getting monotonous, Catriona, isn’t it? And exhausting. I feel as if I haven’t had a decent sleep for years, don’t you?’
‘Let’s just go back to bed,’ Catriona suggested. ‘My husband Melvin’s home.’
‘Is he?’
Ruth woke with interest.
‘Good night, Ruth.’
Catriona edged back into the bedroom and closed the door. The bedside lamp had been put out and for a moment she felt alone in the darkness with the thrum-thrum of the planes passing overhead.
She did not usually pay much attention to them. They came with the darkness every night and filled the sky like a pregnancy, a menace she knew was there but just had to live with and accept.
She slipped out of her clothes and groped for her nightdress.
‘Maybe they’re ours,’ she said, just to make conversation. ‘Probably it’s the RAF.’
‘Don’t ever mention the bloody RAF to me!’ Melvin burst out with unexpected loudness and venom.
Catriona hastily hushed him and scrambled into bed.
‘For goodness’ sake, what are you shouting like that for? You’ll waken the children.’ Then her own voice rose with surprise. ‘You’ve still got your clothes on. Have you a chill or ’flu or something? You’re shivering!’
‘There’s nothing wrong with me. If I want to sleep with my clothes on, I’ll sleep with my clothes on.’
‘Oh, dear, maybe I should get the doctor!’
‘Jumpin’ Jesus, I’ll take them off if it’ll please you.’
Melvin tugged at his battledress under the blankets, writhing and bumping about.
‘There’s nothing wrong with me now, I keep telling you.’
‘Now?’ She caught anxiously at the word. ‘What was wrong with you before?’
‘Nothing, you fool! Everybody went to transit camps and rest centres. I was rested and fêted and treated like a lord for God knows how long. I’ll soon show you if there’s anything wrong with me or not.’
He bunched up her night-dress with his big fists and jerked her against him.
She wanted to plead with him to be gentle, because she was still tender from Robert’s birth, but she was afraid to remind him of the baby.
She squeezed her hands down to act as a buffer and shut her eyes and tightened her muscles for the terrible invasion of pain.
Instead something small and soft kept bumping futilely against her. Then after a long time, Melvin said:
‘I’ve gone right off you. You’re no use. I’ve gone right off you, do you hear?’
She did not answer and they
both lay very still in the darkness and listened to the planes.
Chapter 24
To learn that Melvin despised her came as no surprise to Catriona. What puzzled her was that he had ever wanted her in the first place.
But her husband’s rejection of her brought a shame more acute than she had ever experienced before, and her inability to cope with the changes in his behaviour made her feel insecure and confused.
He nagged at her in unexpected bursts and spasms. At other times he shot out sudden crazy accusations.
He could hardly bear to stay under the same roof as her any more, and for the whole of his leave he padded about, high-shouldered and long-armed like a gorilla behind bars.
The continuous movement of him nearly drove Catriona to distraction. Round and round the house from one room to another he prowled, with a cigarette in one hand and the other hand busy jingling coins in his pocket. He sucked in smoke as if it were nectar and blew it out fast. He tried his pipe now and again but mostly it was a continuous chain of cigarettes.
‘There won’t be any cigarettes left for the customers if you go on smoking like that,’ she told him eventually. ‘They have to take some Pasha in their ration as it is.’
‘Pasha. My God!’ He tossed away a half-smoked cigarette and lit another. ‘Somebody lit up one of them in the shop the other day. It stank the place to high heavens. What are they made of - camel’s shit?’
A couple of times he helped her down to the close with the pram and then he brightened when Tam and Baldy and Sandy praised ‘the new edition to the family’.
Tam had punched him enthusiastically.
‘You’re a lucky man, eh? Three braw sons. Are you aiming to build up your own football team, eh?’
Melvin had laughed with pride and pleasure then.
‘Aye, my Robert’s the best behaved infant in Glasgow. I’ve three sons to be proud of. They’re all grand lads.’
But mostly he just laughed with Ruth.
When Catriona introduced him to Ruth, he was obviously impressed, and now in his restlessness to escape from the house he often went down to the bakehouse or the shop and did not come back up again until closing time. Then he and Ruth would return together, their laughter spinning round and round the spiral stairs.
The Breadmakers Saga Page 34